Guest guest Posted November 23, 2004 Report Share Posted November 23, 2004 I think -- heck, I know, the hard way -- that it's just hard to watch someone you love when he/she is in distress. Multiply that by one or two children and one or two in-laws/parents on the scene, and you can have big-time stress going on, no matter how kindly/needy/supportive anyone may be. And it hits everybody, and multiplies itself geometrically. I have been so impressed, to reduce all this to a trivial level, with a tee-vee program I saw, called Nanny 911. Caretakers who are experienced in helping children and families find their paths through chaotic situations all of them are creating, can work wonders. I believe so much that it can be important, if you can manage it, to find a congenial caretaker -- whether a nurse, nanny, housekeeper beloved parent, sibling or in-law, or beloved friend -- who can smoothe out some of these rough edges. Whatever you pay, if that's the way to do it, is well invested. Not everybody needs such help, especially if there's a devoted, understanding and skilled spouse in the house. I'm thinking here of (everybody probly knows) unowho. Who was especially kind, protective, skilled and caring. If you can manage it, try not to get sulky and punitive, and think, " OK. I'm gonna do it all by myself. " (Not that it's wrong, either, to manage things by yourself.) But that's not what it's about. It's about your frustration and his/her frustration and just supporting each other in this tough -- for you both -- time. And you'll get through it better together than separately. Suggestions: Even a baby-sitter, even a sibling for the little ones, can help relieve the stress -- and I would urge anyone who contemplates such stress to take advantage of all the available help -- church circles, siblings, friends, paid caretakers, whoever - - and plan to reward them with fine love, friendship and reciprocation, later. You will have an opportunity, I would wager. And that will probably make you feel good! My poor husband was much frustrated -- after all my beforehand fear - - that he had few tasks, and I did pretty much just my sleepy old fine way without his ministrations. He WANTED to know what to do to help. He WANTED to go fix omelettes and cocoa. But all I needed, really, was sleep. (How awful for him!) I had an easy go of it, though, and any of you anticipating greater changes may need more assistance. As Seinfeld and company said, " Nothing wrong with that. " C. > > Hi Ladies, > > Just thought I'd add a comment that I got from my beloved husband > postop. Please read to the bottom. > > Keep in mind that I had my mother here to care for me and my mother- > in-law here to look after my toddler son, my husband didn't have a > whole heck of a lot extra to deal with, other than to watch me > suffer and feel helpless. He was ok the first couple weeks postop. > I was one with a pretty difficult recovery for the first couple > weeks. Week 3 I started feeling like venturing around and was able > to get more nutrition, etc. About 80% of my swelling was down and > my mother had gone home the week before. For those who have been > through this, you know that once you are able to get up and about, > you still tire easily. Your face may be looking better but you > still have a lot of healing to do. Week 3 as my face started > looking normal again, the first week we're " back to normal " with no > extra help around the house, by 5:00 pm I was exhausted, to say the > least. Loving husband looks at me and says, " Don't you think you > should be feeling better right about now? " Kinda in that tone > like, " OK, I've had about enough of this, back to normal now. " And > I thought like you guys did ... geez, you could have been on this > end of the surgery, pal! I thought he was pretty insensitive. > > Having the benefit of hindsight I truly realize that our spouses > (not just husbands, wives too) do indeed feel helpless when we are > recovering. They know we've been through alot and they crave the > time when we are at peace, not suffering and the normalcy of > everyday. I truly know ~now~ that it was less about my being a > nuisance than it was that this was something my husband couldn't > just " fix " . True, they can be short-tempered because they are > required to do more (and they will truly appreciate what they have > now!) but it doesn't mean that they don't care about you. They just > realize they can't do it all, which becomes frustrating. And let's > face it, some spouses just aren't as nurturing ... they have > difficulty sitting bedside and chatting with a sick patient. At the > time, I felt my husband's comment was pretty insensitive, but now we > can look back and laugh. He realized just how much value I have in > this home (now if only he could remember it from time to time > Some don't appreciate it until it's gone. I also felt that I spent > too much time alone, and didn't get much pampering from my husband, > but looking back it was a blessing just to have my little boy kept > busy. I don't know where I'd have gotten the energy to heal as well > as keeping a 2-year-old happy. Hang in there ... it does get > easier. > > Irish! > Coming up on 2 years postop > Upper, Lower, Genio > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 23, 2004 Report Share Posted November 23, 2004 I think -- heck, I know, the hard way -- that it's just hard to watch someone you love when he/she is in distress. Multiply that by one or two children and one or two in-laws/parents on the scene, and you can have big-time stress going on, no matter how kindly/needy/supportive anyone may be. And it hits everybody, and multiplies itself geometrically. I have been so impressed, to reduce all this to a trivial level, with a tee-vee program I saw, called Nanny 911. Caretakers who are experienced in helping children and families find their paths through chaotic situations all of them are creating, can work wonders. I believe so much that it can be important, if you can manage it, to find a congenial caretaker -- whether a nurse, nanny, housekeeper beloved parent, sibling or in-law, or beloved friend -- who can smoothe out some of these rough edges. Whatever you pay, if that's the way to do it, is well invested. Not everybody needs such help, especially if there's a devoted, understanding and skilled spouse in the house. I'm thinking here of (everybody probly knows) unowho. Who was especially kind, protective, skilled and caring. If you can manage it, try not to get sulky and punitive, and think, " OK. I'm gonna do it all by myself. " (Not that it's wrong, either, to manage things by yourself.) But that's not what it's about. It's about your frustration and his/her frustration and just supporting each other in this tough -- for you both -- time. And you'll get through it better together than separately. Suggestions: Even a baby-sitter, even a sibling for the little ones, can help relieve the stress -- and I would urge anyone who contemplates such stress to take advantage of all the available help -- church circles, siblings, friends, paid caretakers, whoever - - and plan to reward them with fine love, friendship and reciprocation, later. You will have an opportunity, I would wager. And that will probably make you feel good! My poor husband was much frustrated -- after all my beforehand fear - - that he had few tasks, and I did pretty much just my sleepy old fine way without his ministrations. He WANTED to know what to do to help. He WANTED to go fix omelettes and cocoa. But all I needed, really, was sleep. (How awful for him!) I had an easy go of it, though, and any of you anticipating greater changes may need more assistance. As Seinfeld and company said, " Nothing wrong with that. " C. > > Hi Ladies, > > Just thought I'd add a comment that I got from my beloved husband > postop. Please read to the bottom. > > Keep in mind that I had my mother here to care for me and my mother- > in-law here to look after my toddler son, my husband didn't have a > whole heck of a lot extra to deal with, other than to watch me > suffer and feel helpless. He was ok the first couple weeks postop. > I was one with a pretty difficult recovery for the first couple > weeks. Week 3 I started feeling like venturing around and was able > to get more nutrition, etc. About 80% of my swelling was down and > my mother had gone home the week before. For those who have been > through this, you know that once you are able to get up and about, > you still tire easily. Your face may be looking better but you > still have a lot of healing to do. Week 3 as my face started > looking normal again, the first week we're " back to normal " with no > extra help around the house, by 5:00 pm I was exhausted, to say the > least. Loving husband looks at me and says, " Don't you think you > should be feeling better right about now? " Kinda in that tone > like, " OK, I've had about enough of this, back to normal now. " And > I thought like you guys did ... geez, you could have been on this > end of the surgery, pal! I thought he was pretty insensitive. > > Having the benefit of hindsight I truly realize that our spouses > (not just husbands, wives too) do indeed feel helpless when we are > recovering. They know we've been through alot and they crave the > time when we are at peace, not suffering and the normalcy of > everyday. I truly know ~now~ that it was less about my being a > nuisance than it was that this was something my husband couldn't > just " fix " . True, they can be short-tempered because they are > required to do more (and they will truly appreciate what they have > now!) but it doesn't mean that they don't care about you. They just > realize they can't do it all, which becomes frustrating. And let's > face it, some spouses just aren't as nurturing ... they have > difficulty sitting bedside and chatting with a sick patient. At the > time, I felt my husband's comment was pretty insensitive, but now we > can look back and laugh. He realized just how much value I have in > this home (now if only he could remember it from time to time > Some don't appreciate it until it's gone. I also felt that I spent > too much time alone, and didn't get much pampering from my husband, > but looking back it was a blessing just to have my little boy kept > busy. I don't know where I'd have gotten the energy to heal as well > as keeping a 2-year-old happy. Hang in there ... it does get > easier. > > Irish! > Coming up on 2 years postop > Upper, Lower, Genio > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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