Re: Fighting with your spouce, Looking forcomments or suggestions

[Guest guest]

,

My husband and I had a really hard time the first year....especially when I

got down to my smallest. I was more active and doing things with support

group people all the time. He became very jealous and didn't want to share

me with others....wanted me all to himself. If I said I would be home at a

certain time and I was late he would be very upset. I finally sat him down

and we had a heart to heart. I am a little over 3 years post-op and he has

adjusted and everything is fine now. When we have this surgery the whole

family is effected. They see our joy and confidence see us becoming more

active and see other people noticing us more too. We had a strong marraige

to begin with....just hit a few bumps in the road.

Karla Hook

Dr. Provost (Dallas)

4/7/00

Re: Fighting with your spouce, Looking forcomments

or suggestions

> My wife had never had the weight problem. The surgery has put a strain on

> our marriage and we are still working on recovering from it (there is a

> chance it won't work out). Just like a debilitating disease puts a strain

> on a relationship, recovering from a disease seems to have a similar

effect.

> Have others faced this situation? How have you managed it?

>

> Palmer

>

>

>

> > In a message dated 4/17/2003 12:35:06 AM Eastern Standard Time,

> > brzezinski4@... writes:

> >

> >> But is seems while we do love each

> >> other we have less and less in common with each other now

> >

> > My 2 cents, in a mature marriage, people are not necessarily glued

together.

> > There are married people that do everything together but many are

marriages

> > are between people with different interests. However, the basics are

> > necessary. My spouse has so many more interests than me. No way would

I be

> > a part of his gun club, cigar buddies etc. He definitely hates shopping

with

> > the girls. Different political parties.

> >

> > But we are both good, kind, decent people. Our family comes first in

our

> > life. He loves my family and I love his. Neither of us is religious.

> >

> > We fight constantly about money. He thinks we still have it and tries

to

> > spend like we do. I know we don't.

> >

> > What I am saying is if you love each other and share basic values, you

can

> > enjoy your own interests separately.

> >

> > One other thing we do share is this surgery. We had the same surgeon,

> > hospital room, easy recovery. Now he eats nasty stuff and sometimes I

do

> > butt in on his choices which cause another fight and him to go to

comfort

> > food.

> >

> >

> > Fay Bayuk

> > **300/173

> > 10/23/01

> > Dr.

> > Open RNY 150 cm

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

,

My husband and I had a really hard time the first year....especially when I

got down to my smallest. I was more active and doing things with support

group people all the time. He became very jealous and didn't want to share

me with others....wanted me all to himself. If I said I would be home at a

certain time and I was late he would be very upset. I finally sat him down

and we had a heart to heart. I am a little over 3 years post-op and he has

adjusted and everything is fine now. When we have this surgery the whole

family is effected. They see our joy and confidence see us becoming more

active and see other people noticing us more too. We had a strong marraige

to begin with....just hit a few bumps in the road.

Karla Hook

Dr. Provost (Dallas)

4/7/00

Re: Fighting with your spouce, Looking forcomments

or suggestions

> My wife had never had the weight problem. The surgery has put a strain on

> our marriage and we are still working on recovering from it (there is a

> chance it won't work out). Just like a debilitating disease puts a strain

> on a relationship, recovering from a disease seems to have a similar

effect.

> Have others faced this situation? How have you managed it?

>

> Palmer

>

>

>

> > In a message dated 4/17/2003 12:35:06 AM Eastern Standard Time,

> > brzezinski4@... writes:

> >

> >> But is seems while we do love each

> >> other we have less and less in common with each other now

> >

> > My 2 cents, in a mature marriage, people are not necessarily glued

together.

> > There are married people that do everything together but many are

marriages

> > are between people with different interests. However, the basics are

> > necessary. My spouse has so many more interests than me. No way would

I be

> > a part of his gun club, cigar buddies etc. He definitely hates shopping

with

> > the girls. Different political parties.

> >

> > But we are both good, kind, decent people. Our family comes first in

our

> > life. He loves my family and I love his. Neither of us is religious.

> >

> > We fight constantly about money. He thinks we still have it and tries

to

> > spend like we do. I know we don't.

> >

> > What I am saying is if you love each other and share basic values, you

can

> > enjoy your own interests separately.

> >

> > One other thing we do share is this surgery. We had the same surgeon,

> > hospital room, easy recovery. Now he eats nasty stuff and sometimes I

do

> > butt in on his choices which cause another fight and him to go to

comfort

> > food.

> >

> >

> > Fay Bayuk

> > **300/173

> > 10/23/01

> > Dr.

> > Open RNY 150 cm

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Well .......my marriage has been on seriously rocky territory

lately.......nothing new.......just has reached new lows. I suspect that a

lot of it probably has to do with " results " of the surgery. Whether it is

because I have new found respect and confidence in myself.........or due to

the fact that I have been an absolute living breathing bi---!! I was

diagnosed this A.M with an eating disorder......can't wait to find out

exactly what that means. My guess would be because I " obsess " morning, noon

and night about weight and food issues.........this can't be healthy for the

person that has to live with me either. It would be my guess that going

thru what we have gone thru in the last couple of years would stress any

marriage................... P.

Re: Fighting with your spouce, Looking forcomments

or suggestions

> My wife had never had the weight problem. The surgery has put a strain on

> our marriage and we are still working on recovering from it (there is a

> chance it won't work out). Just like a debilitating disease puts a strain

> on a relationship, recovering from a disease seems to have a similar

effect.

> Have others faced this situation? How have you managed it?

>

> Palmer

>

>

>

> > In a message dated 4/17/2003 12:35:06 AM Eastern Standard Time,

> > brzezinski4@... writes:

> >

> >> But is seems while we do love each

> >> other we have less and less in common with each other now

> >

> > My 2 cents, in a mature marriage, people are not necessarily glued

together.

> > There are married people that do everything together but many are

marriages

> > are between people with different interests. However, the basics are

> > necessary. My spouse has so many more interests than me. No way would

I be

> > a part of his gun club, cigar buddies etc. He definitely hates shopping

with

> > the girls. Different political parties.

> >

> > But we are both good, kind, decent people. Our family comes first in

our

> > life. He loves my family and I love his. Neither of us is religious.

> >

> > We fight constantly about money. He thinks we still have it and tries

to

> > spend like we do. I know we don't.

> >

> > What I am saying is if you love each other and share basic values, you

can

> > enjoy your own interests separately.

> >

> > One other thing we do share is this surgery. We had the same surgeon,

> > hospital room, easy recovery. Now he eats nasty stuff and sometimes I

do

> > butt in on his choices which cause another fight and him to go to

comfort

> > food.

> >

> >

> > Fay Bayuk

> > **300/173

> > 10/23/01

> > Dr.

> > Open RNY 150 cm

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Well .......my marriage has been on seriously rocky territory

lately.......nothing new.......just has reached new lows. I suspect that a

lot of it probably has to do with " results " of the surgery. Whether it is

because I have new found respect and confidence in myself.........or due to

the fact that I have been an absolute living breathing bi---!! I was

diagnosed this A.M with an eating disorder......can't wait to find out

exactly what that means. My guess would be because I " obsess " morning, noon

and night about weight and food issues.........this can't be healthy for the

person that has to live with me either. It would be my guess that going

thru what we have gone thru in the last couple of years would stress any

marriage................... P.

Re: Fighting with your spouce, Looking forcomments

or suggestions

> My wife had never had the weight problem. The surgery has put a strain on

> our marriage and we are still working on recovering from it (there is a

> chance it won't work out). Just like a debilitating disease puts a strain

> on a relationship, recovering from a disease seems to have a similar

effect.

> Have others faced this situation? How have you managed it?

>

> Palmer

>

>

>

> > In a message dated 4/17/2003 12:35:06 AM Eastern Standard Time,

> > brzezinski4@... writes:

> >

> >> But is seems while we do love each

> >> other we have less and less in common with each other now

> >

> > My 2 cents, in a mature marriage, people are not necessarily glued

together.

> > There are married people that do everything together but many are

marriages

> > are between people with different interests. However, the basics are

> > necessary. My spouse has so many more interests than me. No way would

I be

> > a part of his gun club, cigar buddies etc. He definitely hates shopping

with

> > the girls. Different political parties.

> >

> > But we are both good, kind, decent people. Our family comes first in

our

> > life. He loves my family and I love his. Neither of us is religious.

> >

> > We fight constantly about money. He thinks we still have it and tries

to

> > spend like we do. I know we don't.

> >

> > What I am saying is if you love each other and share basic values, you

can

> > enjoy your own interests separately.

> >

> > One other thing we do share is this surgery. We had the same surgeon,

> > hospital room, easy recovery. Now he eats nasty stuff and sometimes I

do

> > butt in on his choices which cause another fight and him to go to

comfort

> > food.

> >

> >

> > Fay Bayuk

> > **300/173

> > 10/23/01

> > Dr.

> > Open RNY 150 cm

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Lots and lots of couples therapy...

To me the basic necessity for " working it out " is a willingness on the

part of both parties, then, damn near anything can be done or at least

an understanding can be reached. Either by both of you, or by yourself

so that you know the best course of action to take.

My husband and I have been through the wringer the last year or so. As

I lost weight, I began to have to face all the things I used to cram my

head full of food running away from, etc, and was able to ask him for

the things I wanted as well as work on my own personal " stuff "

A good therapist is worth their weight in gold. Our showed us the dance

we'd been doing for the last 10 years that wasn't working anymore and

how to work on some new steps

http://www.eradain.com/apoplexy

Re: Fighting with your spouce, Looking

forcomments or suggestions

My wife had never had the weight problem. The surgery has put a strain

on

our marriage and we are still working on recovering from it (there is a

chance it won't work out). Just like a debilitating disease puts a

strain

on a relationship, recovering from a disease seems to have a similar

effect.

Have others faced this situation? How have you managed it?

Palmer

[Guest guest]

Lots and lots of couples therapy...

To me the basic necessity for " working it out " is a willingness on the

part of both parties, then, damn near anything can be done or at least

an understanding can be reached. Either by both of you, or by yourself

so that you know the best course of action to take.

My husband and I have been through the wringer the last year or so. As

I lost weight, I began to have to face all the things I used to cram my

head full of food running away from, etc, and was able to ask him for

the things I wanted as well as work on my own personal " stuff "

A good therapist is worth their weight in gold. Our showed us the dance

we'd been doing for the last 10 years that wasn't working anymore and

how to work on some new steps

http://www.eradain.com/apoplexy

Re: Fighting with your spouce, Looking

forcomments or suggestions

My wife had never had the weight problem. The surgery has put a strain

on

our marriage and we are still working on recovering from it (there is a

chance it won't work out). Just like a debilitating disease puts a

strain

on a relationship, recovering from a disease seems to have a similar

effect.

Have others faced this situation? How have you managed it?

Palmer