Fighting with your spouse, Looking for comments or sugges...

[Guest guest]

When I first joined OSSG there were lots of posts about having a spouse who

wasn't for the surgery (besides the obvious...you could die) But we were

encouraged to tell them we could die FROM the physical ailments if we DIDN'T

have the surgery.

Then there were the spouses or significant others who ridiculed,sabatoged,

or just made life miserable for the members....everyone who had this problem

had to look at their relationship....what were they getting out of it? Were

the comments deserved? were they better off with/without that person?

Some of the members realized they started these relationships when they

were heavy and thought I'd better grab this one..even if he/she is mean as a

snake and says terrible things to me...no one else wants me...I deserve

him/her.

I have been married for almost 38 years and my husband went around asking

me when was I going to leave him? New Body..New Husband.. He is stuck with

me...but he heard about someone who had the surgery and dumped their spouse

and he was sure that I was going to do the same. I keep telling him of all my

husbands he is my favorite...so far...

It has been said before...If you have a good marriage before surgery

chances are you will have a good marriage after surgery....not to say there

haven't been some bumps along the way...such as speaking up for myself.

But I am still a work in progress..Take care,

[Guest guest]

When I first joined OSSG there were lots of posts about having a spouse who

wasn't for the surgery (besides the obvious...you could die) But we were

encouraged to tell them we could die FROM the physical ailments if we DIDN'T

have the surgery.

Then there were the spouses or significant others who ridiculed,sabatoged,

or just made life miserable for the members....everyone who had this problem

had to look at their relationship....what were they getting out of it? Were

the comments deserved? were they better off with/without that person?

Some of the members realized they started these relationships when they

were heavy and thought I'd better grab this one..even if he/she is mean as a

snake and says terrible things to me...no one else wants me...I deserve

him/her.

I have been married for almost 38 years and my husband went around asking

me when was I going to leave him? New Body..New Husband.. He is stuck with

me...but he heard about someone who had the surgery and dumped their spouse

and he was sure that I was going to do the same. I keep telling him of all my

husbands he is my favorite...so far...

It has been said before...If you have a good marriage before surgery

chances are you will have a good marriage after surgery....not to say there

haven't been some bumps along the way...such as speaking up for myself.

But I am still a work in progress..Take care,

[Guest guest]

,

These situations are not uncommon. It is, of course, his insecurity,

brought on by the changes you made in you and the inevitable changes

in the relationship as a result. One person in a relationship cannot

change without the relationship between two persons changing as well,

and that applies to offspring and parents as well as spouses. And,

is appears that you are doing all that you can do to reassure hubby

and to give him space to get used to the new you and the changes that

come with your transformation. CONGRATULATIONS!

As for spouse dumping, I also know of a case of a husband who could

not adjust to no longer being a care giver to a shrinking vine of a

fat wife once she had emerged from her cocoon of fat and had become

an outwardly beautiful and self-assured butterfly. He left HER!

(And, she's so much the better for it, by the way. Early 30's; no

kids, and her whole life ahead of her.)

--Steve

(whose spouse shows no signs of being threatened by his weight

loss--but I keep my antennas up, just in case)

At 5:59 PM -0400 4/17/03, NewBodyNewMe@... wrote:

> I have been married for almost 38 years and my husband went around asking

>me when was I going to leave him? New Body..New Husband.. He is stuck with

>me...but he heard about someone who had the surgery and dumped their spouse

>and he was sure that I was going to do the same. I keep telling him of all my

>husbands he is my favorite...so far...

[Guest guest]

,

These situations are not uncommon. It is, of course, his insecurity,

brought on by the changes you made in you and the inevitable changes

in the relationship as a result. One person in a relationship cannot

change without the relationship between two persons changing as well,

and that applies to offspring and parents as well as spouses. And,

is appears that you are doing all that you can do to reassure hubby

and to give him space to get used to the new you and the changes that

come with your transformation. CONGRATULATIONS!

As for spouse dumping, I also know of a case of a husband who could

not adjust to no longer being a care giver to a shrinking vine of a

fat wife once she had emerged from her cocoon of fat and had become

an outwardly beautiful and self-assured butterfly. He left HER!

(And, she's so much the better for it, by the way. Early 30's; no

kids, and her whole life ahead of her.)

--Steve

(whose spouse shows no signs of being threatened by his weight

loss--but I keep my antennas up, just in case)

At 5:59 PM -0400 4/17/03, NewBodyNewMe@... wrote:

> I have been married for almost 38 years and my husband went around asking

>me when was I going to leave him? New Body..New Husband.. He is stuck with

>me...but he heard about someone who had the surgery and dumped their spouse

>and he was sure that I was going to do the same. I keep telling him of all my

>husbands he is my favorite...so far...