Guest guest Posted April 24, 2003 Report Share Posted April 24, 2003 Dear Group, Not sure if there are many of you that will identify w/ this for two reasons, 1) it seems like most people are married, and 2) I think I may simply be losing my mind. I am now 18mths post op and down 120lbs, from a 24/26 to a 12 and feeling pretty good about life and things. I am 32 and have never been married. Now that I am " normal sized " I am getting more attention from men, which is a great thing, but I am having trouble always wondering " Would this guy be paying me any attention if he knew me before? " as well as still feeling like a MO person who should be THRILLED that someone/anyone would notice her, and therefore being nice to people who I'm not really attracted to for reasons having NOTHING to do w/ their appearance simply because they are attracted to me???!!! I guess I thought that once I was 'normal' all these issues of 'attractiveness' would go away and prince charming was going to rush in on his white horse and life would be 'perfect'. Since of course it was my 'fat and ugly' appearance that was the reason I wasn't married.... not ever crossing my mind that it was because I am a bit sarcastic I guess I'm just very frustrated w/ all the changes, not that they aren't good just that it seems to be having a domino effect on everything. Feeling like I don't know how to act, how to reject people 'nicely', or how to allow myself to trust that someone could like me. Perhaps I am just going a bit crazy or something. Is there anyone else w/ these same issues? I know the " right " answer is that God will bring your mate into your life when you're ready, when you've stopped looking for him/her, when youleast expect it, etc etc. And I know that one must accept themselves and be HAPPY w/ who they are before you can be connected w/ someone else. I just feel like screaming " I'm really a MO person, get to KNOW me!!! " Not to even begin to mention trying to 'explain' old 'saggy and baggy' that used to be my chest Lots of drama it seems on every side. Thanks for letting me vent, it seems no one else can understand why I feel like Sondra the body snatcher!!! Always Sondra ~Atlanta RNY 10/01 289/169 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 24, 2003 Report Share Posted April 24, 2003 Dear Group, Not sure if there are many of you that will identify w/ this for two reasons, 1) it seems like most people are married, and 2) I think I may simply be losing my mind. I am now 18mths post op and down 120lbs, from a 24/26 to a 12 and feeling pretty good about life and things. I am 32 and have never been married. Now that I am " normal sized " I am getting more attention from men, which is a great thing, but I am having trouble always wondering " Would this guy be paying me any attention if he knew me before? " as well as still feeling like a MO person who should be THRILLED that someone/anyone would notice her, and therefore being nice to people who I'm not really attracted to for reasons having NOTHING to do w/ their appearance simply because they are attracted to me???!!! I guess I thought that once I was 'normal' all these issues of 'attractiveness' would go away and prince charming was going to rush in on his white horse and life would be 'perfect'. Since of course it was my 'fat and ugly' appearance that was the reason I wasn't married.... not ever crossing my mind that it was because I am a bit sarcastic I guess I'm just very frustrated w/ all the changes, not that they aren't good just that it seems to be having a domino effect on everything. Feeling like I don't know how to act, how to reject people 'nicely', or how to allow myself to trust that someone could like me. Perhaps I am just going a bit crazy or something. Is there anyone else w/ these same issues? I know the " right " answer is that God will bring your mate into your life when you're ready, when you've stopped looking for him/her, when youleast expect it, etc etc. And I know that one must accept themselves and be HAPPY w/ who they are before you can be connected w/ someone else. I just feel like screaming " I'm really a MO person, get to KNOW me!!! " Not to even begin to mention trying to 'explain' old 'saggy and baggy' that used to be my chest Lots of drama it seems on every side. Thanks for letting me vent, it seems no one else can understand why I feel like Sondra the body snatcher!!! Always Sondra ~Atlanta RNY 10/01 289/169 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 24, 2003 Report Share Posted April 24, 2003 In a message dated 4/24/2003 10:05:53 PM Eastern Standard Time, sondrahrn@... writes: > Feeling like > I don't know how to act, how to reject people 'nicely,' or how to allow > myself to trust that someone could like me. Perhaps I am just going a bit > crazy or something. Is there anyone else w/ these same issues? > I am just an old married lady but I sure do remember being young and single. No matter what my size, I always felt this way. In fact, so many of my friends felt this way, I wonder if you are just being NORMAL. Fay Bayuk **300/173 10/23/01 Dr. Open RNY 150 cm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 24, 2003 Report Share Posted April 24, 2003 In a message dated 4/24/2003 10:05:53 PM Eastern Standard Time, sondrahrn@... writes: > Feeling like > I don't know how to act, how to reject people 'nicely,' or how to allow > myself to trust that someone could like me. Perhaps I am just going a bit > crazy or something. Is there anyone else w/ these same issues? > I am just an old married lady but I sure do remember being young and single. No matter what my size, I always felt this way. In fact, so many of my friends felt this way, I wonder if you are just being NORMAL. Fay Bayuk **300/173 10/23/01 Dr. Open RNY 150 cm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 24, 2003 Report Share Posted April 24, 2003 You know, I have to say it, you and I are living the exact same set of problems! I too am going through what is possibly the hardest phase of my life. I feel like the most socially inept person around, like a teenager again. I don't know what my own body looks like because I still see fat, and I am trying so hard to get used to being looked at and admired. Believe me, I relish the attention to some extent, but I also am flooded with doubts and can't help but always wonder if my years of saying I was " too picky " was for real or if I was just making excuses. I have no more excuses now because I am no longer fat and I am scared to death. I am relearning everything. How to flirt, carry myself and how to imagine myself as a sexy woman. Like I said, this is sooo hard, but I know I am worth the work so I am not giving up on me. For now, I worry about not just getting to know guys, but dealing with the intimacy issues as well. Dealing with learning to love my body and all the stretch marks, sags and bags is going to be tough. I think that is why I am not letting myself go for it with a guy I work with. He and I have tons in common, get along well and can talk about anything. I have only known him a couple of weeks but the spark is there. But, I pull out my laundry list of excuses, which some are pretty good: 1) he is 9 yrs younger than me; 2) he just broke up with someone he was with for 4 years. Just to name a few that sent up red flags for me. This is tough, like I said. This much I know, I had better have a huge set of character muscles built up after going through this!! Anyway, I wanted to let you now you are not alone in this. M > Dear Group, > Not sure if there are many of you that will identify w/ this for two reasons, > 1) it seems like most people are married, and 2) I think I may simply be > losing my mind. I am now 18mths post op and down 120lbs, from a 24/26 to a > 12 and feeling pretty good about life and things. I am 32 and have never > been married. Now that I am " normal sized " I am getting more attention from > men, which is a great thing, but I am having trouble always wondering " Would > this guy be paying me any attention if he knew me before? " as well as still > feeling like a MO person who should be THRILLED that someone/anyone would > notice her, and therefore being nice to people who I'm not really attracted > to for reasons having NOTHING to do w/ their appearance simply because they > are attracted to me???!!! I guess I thought that once I was 'normal' all > these issues of 'attractiveness' would go away and prince charming was going > to rush in on his white horse and life would be 'perfect'. Since of course > it was my 'fat and ugly' appearance that was the reason I wasn't married.... > not ever crossing my mind that it was because I am a bit sarcastic I > guess I'm just very frustrated w/ all the changes, not that they aren't good > just that it seems to be having a domino effect on everything. Feeling like > I don't know how to act, how to reject people 'nicely', or how to allow > myself to trust that someone could like me. Perhaps I am just going a bit > crazy or something. Is there anyone else w/ these same issues? > > I know the " right " answer is that God will bring your mate into your life > when you're ready, when you've stopped looking for him/her, when youleast > expect it, etc etc. And I know that one must accept themselves and be HAPPY > w/ who they are before you can be connected w/ someone else. I just feel > like screaming " I'm really a MO person, get to KNOW me!!! " > > Not to even begin to mention trying to 'explain' old 'saggy and baggy' that > used to be my chest Lots of drama it seems on every side. > > Thanks for letting me vent, it seems no one else can understand why I feel > like Sondra the body snatcher!!! > > Always > Sondra > ~Atlanta > RNY 10/01 > 289/169 > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 24, 2003 Report Share Posted April 24, 2003 You know, I have to say it, you and I are living the exact same set of problems! I too am going through what is possibly the hardest phase of my life. I feel like the most socially inept person around, like a teenager again. I don't know what my own body looks like because I still see fat, and I am trying so hard to get used to being looked at and admired. Believe me, I relish the attention to some extent, but I also am flooded with doubts and can't help but always wonder if my years of saying I was " too picky " was for real or if I was just making excuses. I have no more excuses now because I am no longer fat and I am scared to death. I am relearning everything. How to flirt, carry myself and how to imagine myself as a sexy woman. Like I said, this is sooo hard, but I know I am worth the work so I am not giving up on me. For now, I worry about not just getting to know guys, but dealing with the intimacy issues as well. Dealing with learning to love my body and all the stretch marks, sags and bags is going to be tough. I think that is why I am not letting myself go for it with a guy I work with. He and I have tons in common, get along well and can talk about anything. I have only known him a couple of weeks but the spark is there. But, I pull out my laundry list of excuses, which some are pretty good: 1) he is 9 yrs younger than me; 2) he just broke up with someone he was with for 4 years. Just to name a few that sent up red flags for me. This is tough, like I said. This much I know, I had better have a huge set of character muscles built up after going through this!! Anyway, I wanted to let you now you are not alone in this. M > Dear Group, > Not sure if there are many of you that will identify w/ this for two reasons, > 1) it seems like most people are married, and 2) I think I may simply be > losing my mind. I am now 18mths post op and down 120lbs, from a 24/26 to a > 12 and feeling pretty good about life and things. I am 32 and have never > been married. Now that I am " normal sized " I am getting more attention from > men, which is a great thing, but I am having trouble always wondering " Would > this guy be paying me any attention if he knew me before? " as well as still > feeling like a MO person who should be THRILLED that someone/anyone would > notice her, and therefore being nice to people who I'm not really attracted > to for reasons having NOTHING to do w/ their appearance simply because they > are attracted to me???!!! I guess I thought that once I was 'normal' all > these issues of 'attractiveness' would go away and prince charming was going > to rush in on his white horse and life would be 'perfect'. Since of course > it was my 'fat and ugly' appearance that was the reason I wasn't married.... > not ever crossing my mind that it was because I am a bit sarcastic I > guess I'm just very frustrated w/ all the changes, not that they aren't good > just that it seems to be having a domino effect on everything. Feeling like > I don't know how to act, how to reject people 'nicely', or how to allow > myself to trust that someone could like me. Perhaps I am just going a bit > crazy or something. Is there anyone else w/ these same issues? > > I know the " right " answer is that God will bring your mate into your life > when you're ready, when you've stopped looking for him/her, when youleast > expect it, etc etc. And I know that one must accept themselves and be HAPPY > w/ who they are before you can be connected w/ someone else. I just feel > like screaming " I'm really a MO person, get to KNOW me!!! " > > Not to even begin to mention trying to 'explain' old 'saggy and baggy' that > used to be my chest Lots of drama it seems on every side. > > Thanks for letting me vent, it seems no one else can understand why I feel > like Sondra the body snatcher!!! > > Always > Sondra > ~Atlanta > RNY 10/01 > 289/169 > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 25, 2003 Report Share Posted April 25, 2003 How about being 49, happily married & suddenly become " cute " , by he world's stds when you are usta being hidden under a bag? EGAD. I don't know if they're being NICE, making a pass, or just passing the time of day. I feel so IGNORANT in these things. My girlfriend says to me, " You don't even notice all the men staring, do you? " WHAT?!?! I slump my shoulder fwd & whisper, " What men? " I'm totally broken! I just want my love muffin. No mixed messages there! LOL! Thanks, Vitalady, Inc. T www.vitalady.com If you are interested in PayPal, please click here: https://www.paypal.com/affil/pal=orders%40vitalady.com Re: WLS and Singlehood > In a message dated 4/24/2003 10:05:53 PM Eastern Standard Time, > sondrahrn@... writes: > > > Feeling like > > I don't know how to act, how to reject people 'nicely,' or how to allow > > myself to trust that someone could like me. Perhaps I am just going a bit > > crazy or something. Is there anyone else w/ these same issues? > > > > I am just an old married lady but I sure do remember being young and single. > No matter what my size, I always felt this way. In fact, so many of my > friends felt this way, I wonder if you are just being NORMAL. > > > Fay Bayuk > **300/173 > 10/23/01 > Dr. > Open RNY 150 cm > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 25, 2003 Report Share Posted April 25, 2003 How about being 49, happily married & suddenly become " cute " , by he world's stds when you are usta being hidden under a bag? EGAD. I don't know if they're being NICE, making a pass, or just passing the time of day. I feel so IGNORANT in these things. My girlfriend says to me, " You don't even notice all the men staring, do you? " WHAT?!?! I slump my shoulder fwd & whisper, " What men? " I'm totally broken! I just want my love muffin. No mixed messages there! LOL! Thanks, Vitalady, Inc. T www.vitalady.com If you are interested in PayPal, please click here: https://www.paypal.com/affil/pal=orders%40vitalady.com Re: WLS and Singlehood > In a message dated 4/24/2003 10:05:53 PM Eastern Standard Time, > sondrahrn@... writes: > > > Feeling like > > I don't know how to act, how to reject people 'nicely,' or how to allow > > myself to trust that someone could like me. Perhaps I am just going a bit > > crazy or something. Is there anyone else w/ these same issues? > > > > I am just an old married lady but I sure do remember being young and single. > No matter what my size, I always felt this way. In fact, so many of my > friends felt this way, I wonder if you are just being NORMAL. > > > Fay Bayuk > **300/173 > 10/23/01 > Dr. > Open RNY 150 cm > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 25, 2003 Report Share Posted April 25, 2003 Boy, do I know that feeling. When I was 22 I lost 96 pounds by starving myself (not recommended) and suddenly I got tons of attention from men. Don't get me wrong even when I was fat, I had dates, and tons of male friends, but these guys were looking at me differently. I couldn't handle it. I felt like screaming, " YOU WOULDN'T EVEN LOOK AT ME WHEN I WAS FAT!!! " I ended up gaining that 96 pounds back and more. For me I think I felt " safer " that way. Now, at 46 (did I really say that?), I tend to look at things differently. In reality in losing this weight (70 pounds) I am NOT the same person I was 15 months ago. I have changed internally as well as externally. I like myself more. It hasn't become a mission to get to a size, it's become a mission to be the best " me " I can. I got scared by it once, not again! I'm enjoying the attention, but it's not my main focus right now. I, too, have never been married, but that's o.k. I'm finally getting comfortable with me. So many people don't realize that this journey is not just one of the physical being, but also one of many internal changes and adjustments as well. Tigger > Dear Group, > Not sure if there are many of you that will identify w/ this for two reasons, > 1) it seems like most people are married, and 2) I think I may simply be > losing my mind. I am now 18mths post op and down 120lbs, from a 24/26 to a > 12 and feeling pretty good about life and things. I am 32 and have never > been married. Now that I am " normal sized " I am getting more attention from > men, which is a great thing, but I am having trouble always wondering " Would > this guy be paying me any attention if he knew me before? " as well as still > feeling like a MO person who should be THRILLED that someone/anyone would > notice her, and therefore being nice to people who I'm not really attracted > to for reasons having NOTHING to do w/ their appearance simply because they > are attracted to me???!!! I guess I thought that once I was 'normal' all > these issues of 'attractiveness' would go away and prince charming was going > to rush in on his white horse and life would be 'perfect'. Since of course > it was my 'fat and ugly' appearance that was the reason I wasn't married.... > not ever crossing my mind that it was because I am a bit sarcastic I > guess I'm just very frustrated w/ all the changes, not that they aren't good > just that it seems to be having a domino effect on everything. Feeling like > I don't know how to act, how to reject people 'nicely', or how to allow > myself to trust that someone could like me. Perhaps I am just going a bit > crazy or something. Is there anyone else w/ these same issues? > > I know the " right " answer is that God will bring your mate into your life > when you're ready, when you've stopped looking for him/her, when youleast > expect it, etc etc. And I know that one must accept themselves and be HAPPY > w/ who they are before you can be connected w/ someone else. I just feel > like screaming " I'm really a MO person, get to KNOW me!!! " > > Not to even begin to mention trying to 'explain' old 'saggy and baggy' that > used to be my chest Lots of drama it seems on every side. > > Thanks for letting me vent, it seems no one else can understand why I feel > like Sondra the body snatcher!!! > > Always > Sondra > ~Atlanta > RNY 10/01 > 289/169 > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 25, 2003 Report Share Posted April 25, 2003 Boy, do I know that feeling. When I was 22 I lost 96 pounds by starving myself (not recommended) and suddenly I got tons of attention from men. Don't get me wrong even when I was fat, I had dates, and tons of male friends, but these guys were looking at me differently. I couldn't handle it. I felt like screaming, " YOU WOULDN'T EVEN LOOK AT ME WHEN I WAS FAT!!! " I ended up gaining that 96 pounds back and more. For me I think I felt " safer " that way. Now, at 46 (did I really say that?), I tend to look at things differently. In reality in losing this weight (70 pounds) I am NOT the same person I was 15 months ago. I have changed internally as well as externally. I like myself more. It hasn't become a mission to get to a size, it's become a mission to be the best " me " I can. I got scared by it once, not again! I'm enjoying the attention, but it's not my main focus right now. I, too, have never been married, but that's o.k. I'm finally getting comfortable with me. So many people don't realize that this journey is not just one of the physical being, but also one of many internal changes and adjustments as well. Tigger > Dear Group, > Not sure if there are many of you that will identify w/ this for two reasons, > 1) it seems like most people are married, and 2) I think I may simply be > losing my mind. I am now 18mths post op and down 120lbs, from a 24/26 to a > 12 and feeling pretty good about life and things. I am 32 and have never > been married. Now that I am " normal sized " I am getting more attention from > men, which is a great thing, but I am having trouble always wondering " Would > this guy be paying me any attention if he knew me before? " as well as still > feeling like a MO person who should be THRILLED that someone/anyone would > notice her, and therefore being nice to people who I'm not really attracted > to for reasons having NOTHING to do w/ their appearance simply because they > are attracted to me???!!! I guess I thought that once I was 'normal' all > these issues of 'attractiveness' would go away and prince charming was going > to rush in on his white horse and life would be 'perfect'. Since of course > it was my 'fat and ugly' appearance that was the reason I wasn't married.... > not ever crossing my mind that it was because I am a bit sarcastic I > guess I'm just very frustrated w/ all the changes, not that they aren't good > just that it seems to be having a domino effect on everything. Feeling like > I don't know how to act, how to reject people 'nicely', or how to allow > myself to trust that someone could like me. Perhaps I am just going a bit > crazy or something. Is there anyone else w/ these same issues? > > I know the " right " answer is that God will bring your mate into your life > when you're ready, when you've stopped looking for him/her, when youleast > expect it, etc etc. And I know that one must accept themselves and be HAPPY > w/ who they are before you can be connected w/ someone else. I just feel > like screaming " I'm really a MO person, get to KNOW me!!! " > > Not to even begin to mention trying to 'explain' old 'saggy and baggy' that > used to be my chest Lots of drama it seems on every side. > > Thanks for letting me vent, it seems no one else can understand why I feel > like Sondra the body snatcher!!! > > Always > Sondra > ~Atlanta > RNY 10/01 > 289/169 > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.