Guest guest Posted April 24, 2003 Report Share Posted April 24, 2003 Thanks for letting me vent, it seems no one else can understand why I feel > like Sondra the body snatcher!!! Oh Sondra........I think that you will find that their are a LOT of " body snatchers " here Many of us relate to what you are saying........Even though I am married (18 years) I still have those kind of thoughts.......I'll be waiting in line at the grocer and some guy will start to talk (flirt) with me and I'll be snickering under my breath " ha, if you only knew that you were REALLY talking to a fat girl you would be soooo upset with yourself!! " " aren't I twisted?? I feel like I am playing some sneaky little game on them!! P. P. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 24, 2003 Report Share Posted April 24, 2003 Thanks for letting me vent, it seems no one else can understand why I feel > like Sondra the body snatcher!!! Oh Sondra........I think that you will find that their are a LOT of " body snatchers " here Many of us relate to what you are saying........Even though I am married (18 years) I still have those kind of thoughts.......I'll be waiting in line at the grocer and some guy will start to talk (flirt) with me and I'll be snickering under my breath " ha, if you only knew that you were REALLY talking to a fat girl you would be soooo upset with yourself!! " " aren't I twisted?? I feel like I am playing some sneaky little game on them!! P. P. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 25, 2003 Report Share Posted April 25, 2003 oh my this topic really hit home, i know that when i was MO i would be lucky to get help pushing a broken down car off to the side of the road, and now that i have lost the weight the same people, (very small town, so very same people) now seem to think i lost brain cells along with pounds!!!! doors open, people smile more and find that they just need to talk to me, as before i must have been INVISIBLE, as they weren't rude, just did not see me, so it seems, ....odd, i was the invisible 300 LB woman. and now it really pisses me off, which is something i will have to deal with, cause i dont want to be pissed off all the time, but i sure dont want to spend my time with a good ol boy hypocrite!!! (can ya have good ol boys in the north east?) for now i am content to enjoy getting to know me, again, enjoy riding a bike for a first time in decades, getting my nails done, shopping in resale shops for cute things at silly prices, (they did not carry any large size in these previously used clothing shops) and i still have to get used to being this size, cause in my head, i am still MO. i was married three times while MO and i think that gave them the idea that they could treat me poorly, and i should be grateful for the attention, but they were promptly relieved of that idea when served with divorce papers. single is good for me, i take better care of me, not gauging my moods to coincide with the man. i like single, and now i like me. thanks for letting me share cathi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 25, 2003 Report Share Posted April 25, 2003 oh my this topic really hit home, i know that when i was MO i would be lucky to get help pushing a broken down car off to the side of the road, and now that i have lost the weight the same people, (very small town, so very same people) now seem to think i lost brain cells along with pounds!!!! doors open, people smile more and find that they just need to talk to me, as before i must have been INVISIBLE, as they weren't rude, just did not see me, so it seems, ....odd, i was the invisible 300 LB woman. and now it really pisses me off, which is something i will have to deal with, cause i dont want to be pissed off all the time, but i sure dont want to spend my time with a good ol boy hypocrite!!! (can ya have good ol boys in the north east?) for now i am content to enjoy getting to know me, again, enjoy riding a bike for a first time in decades, getting my nails done, shopping in resale shops for cute things at silly prices, (they did not carry any large size in these previously used clothing shops) and i still have to get used to being this size, cause in my head, i am still MO. i was married three times while MO and i think that gave them the idea that they could treat me poorly, and i should be grateful for the attention, but they were promptly relieved of that idea when served with divorce papers. single is good for me, i take better care of me, not gauging my moods to coincide with the man. i like single, and now i like me. thanks for letting me share cathi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 25, 2003 Report Share Posted April 25, 2003 This is great advice -- almost 300lbs later -- 300lbs less -- boy has this been issue. Not so much that people treat me different -- that I get more attention - -but how I react to it. I just believe you are still you! Just in a new package. That package may be a little looser -- less firm -- but for me its a better package and I have a hard time dealing with it sometimes. In the end though - it still holds true -- the package does not matter -- but what's inside. Keep working on that and it all falls into place. In a message dated 4/25/03 5:51:29 AM Pacific Daylight Time, dickp@... writes: > Subj:Re: WLS and Singlehood > Date:4/25/03 5:51:29 AM Pacific Daylight Time > From:<A HREF= " mailto:dickp@... " >dickp@...</A> > To:<A HREF= " mailto:sondrahrn@... " >sondrahrn@...</A>, <A HREF= " mailto:graduate-ossg " >graduate-ossg </A> > Sent from the Internet > > > > Hi , > > Join the club. Even old married people have similar feelings as yours. > Even men have similar feelings as yours. I think that it is a hard > complicated problem to work out for yourself. > > Here are the principles that I believe are true from some thinking about > it. > > Appearances are important. The fact that people are more attracted to the > " new you " than to the " old you " is a reality. It is a reasonable response > for them to have. You had the surgery to be healthier and happier and more > active and people are going to be attracted to those things. All that this > is saying is that you have made a good decision. > > It's nice to have people attracted to you and you should like it. It > proves > you are human and you have a very normal response to a good thing. > > You should give yourself time to learn to live in this new milieu. Once > you > get into it, you will feel like a kid in a candy store (don't eat too much > and get sick). > > Don't try to hide the fact of your surgery. That is part of you too. > Beside the physical issues, it says a lot about how you make decisions > about > your life and people that get close to you should be able to understand and > admire you for doing a smart, hard, risky thing. > > I am still trying to decide how I want to deal with the loose skin issue > for > myself. How do other people's " significant others " deal with the loose > skin > issue? I for one, am bothered by even my minimal amount: even though the > skin is not very evident when I am standing, sitting, lying down on my > back, > or swimming (all is vanity...). > > Palmer > > 1.5 years, 140 lbs loss, 6'2'' 175 lbs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 25, 2003 Report Share Posted April 25, 2003 This is great advice -- almost 300lbs later -- 300lbs less -- boy has this been issue. Not so much that people treat me different -- that I get more attention - -but how I react to it. I just believe you are still you! Just in a new package. That package may be a little looser -- less firm -- but for me its a better package and I have a hard time dealing with it sometimes. In the end though - it still holds true -- the package does not matter -- but what's inside. Keep working on that and it all falls into place. In a message dated 4/25/03 5:51:29 AM Pacific Daylight Time, dickp@... writes: > Subj:Re: WLS and Singlehood > Date:4/25/03 5:51:29 AM Pacific Daylight Time > From:<A HREF= " mailto:dickp@... " >dickp@...</A> > To:<A HREF= " mailto:sondrahrn@... " >sondrahrn@...</A>, <A HREF= " mailto:graduate-ossg " >graduate-ossg </A> > Sent from the Internet > > > > Hi , > > Join the club. Even old married people have similar feelings as yours. > Even men have similar feelings as yours. I think that it is a hard > complicated problem to work out for yourself. > > Here are the principles that I believe are true from some thinking about > it. > > Appearances are important. The fact that people are more attracted to the > " new you " than to the " old you " is a reality. It is a reasonable response > for them to have. You had the surgery to be healthier and happier and more > active and people are going to be attracted to those things. All that this > is saying is that you have made a good decision. > > It's nice to have people attracted to you and you should like it. It > proves > you are human and you have a very normal response to a good thing. > > You should give yourself time to learn to live in this new milieu. Once > you > get into it, you will feel like a kid in a candy store (don't eat too much > and get sick). > > Don't try to hide the fact of your surgery. That is part of you too. > Beside the physical issues, it says a lot about how you make decisions > about > your life and people that get close to you should be able to understand and > admire you for doing a smart, hard, risky thing. > > I am still trying to decide how I want to deal with the loose skin issue > for > myself. How do other people's " significant others " deal with the loose > skin > issue? I for one, am bothered by even my minimal amount: even though the > skin is not very evident when I am standing, sitting, lying down on my > back, > or swimming (all is vanity...). > > Palmer > > 1.5 years, 140 lbs loss, 6'2'' 175 lbs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 25, 2003 Report Share Posted April 25, 2003 I am 31 and have been married for 12 years. I am going through similar emotions and challanges. Even though I am married, I still have to deal with more attention from men, men opening doors, touching me..like one man ran into me at a restaraunt and he stopped and put his hand on my shoulder and apologized. I seem to fall alot now because I put 400 lbs of force behind a 190 lb body. Men help me up and fuss over me. I used to be clumsy at 400 lbs too and men would look at me with disgust. Once, at my sisters reception, I dislocated my knee and could not walk or get up. My brother who has always bee disgusted by me had to help me alone, because no one else was interested in throwing their back out and so basically since he is 175 lbs and 6 foot 4, It was humiliating for him to drag me to a sofa. I had to scoot on my butt down the hill to the road to my car where my husband came to pick me up( he was not there) he then gently helped me in the car. My own dad looked at me with disgust while this was going on. OK I know you are all dying to know how I dislocated my knee...I was doing the limbo...NOT a good idea at 400 lbs...but I SO wanted my sister to remember having a great time with me at her wedding. I was already not able to stand up with her in the wedding because I could not get a decent dress that I could afford and so I wore black and sang behind the piano and I was listed in the program as matron of honor. In fact, at her wedding people from my dad's work found out I was his daughter and said " OH I thought he only had two kids " ( my bro and sis) NOW, my family adores me <cough cough> they say it is because I am more pleasant and happy to be around, and I know this is partly true. but it's not the WHOLE truth. I refuse to be mad though, because I had this surgery for a better life...even if the old life was not fair. As far as all the extra skin, I have a gem of a hubby and he does not care, so I figure why risk more surgery when I have had 6 surgeries and 6 sets of complications. (((HUGS)))) to all! RNY 3/6/02 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 25, 2003 Report Share Posted April 25, 2003 I am 31 and have been married for 12 years. I am going through similar emotions and challanges. Even though I am married, I still have to deal with more attention from men, men opening doors, touching me..like one man ran into me at a restaraunt and he stopped and put his hand on my shoulder and apologized. I seem to fall alot now because I put 400 lbs of force behind a 190 lb body. Men help me up and fuss over me. I used to be clumsy at 400 lbs too and men would look at me with disgust. Once, at my sisters reception, I dislocated my knee and could not walk or get up. My brother who has always bee disgusted by me had to help me alone, because no one else was interested in throwing their back out and so basically since he is 175 lbs and 6 foot 4, It was humiliating for him to drag me to a sofa. I had to scoot on my butt down the hill to the road to my car where my husband came to pick me up( he was not there) he then gently helped me in the car. My own dad looked at me with disgust while this was going on. OK I know you are all dying to know how I dislocated my knee...I was doing the limbo...NOT a good idea at 400 lbs...but I SO wanted my sister to remember having a great time with me at her wedding. I was already not able to stand up with her in the wedding because I could not get a decent dress that I could afford and so I wore black and sang behind the piano and I was listed in the program as matron of honor. In fact, at her wedding people from my dad's work found out I was his daughter and said " OH I thought he only had two kids " ( my bro and sis) NOW, my family adores me <cough cough> they say it is because I am more pleasant and happy to be around, and I know this is partly true. but it's not the WHOLE truth. I refuse to be mad though, because I had this surgery for a better life...even if the old life was not fair. As far as all the extra skin, I have a gem of a hubby and he does not care, so I figure why risk more surgery when I have had 6 surgeries and 6 sets of complications. (((HUGS)))) to all! RNY 3/6/02 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 25, 2003 Report Share Posted April 25, 2003 Sondra, I understand every bit of your post. I have to tell you that psychological changes continue to take place for me at 5 years, and I'm very grateful for it. We've talked on here about people's reactions to us before and after in a lot of different ways. I don't understand all of it, but I have accepted myself more and more, little by little. Also, I feel I learned a lot of psychological coping skills while I was obese and it's difficult and rewarding to unlearn them. I think asking the questions is a " normal " part of this whole process and I think continuing to look for answers is very healthy and admirable of you. Good luck! in Austin RNY April 1998 WLS and Singlehood > Dear Group, > Not sure if there are many of you that will identify w/ this for two reasons, > 1) it seems like most people are married, and 2) I think I may simply be > losing my mind. I am now 18mths post op and down 120lbs, from a 24/26 to a > 12 and feeling pretty good about life and things. I am 32 and have never > been married. Now that I am " normal sized " I am getting more attention from > men, which is a great thing, but I am having trouble always wondering " Would > this guy be paying me any attention if he knew me before? " as well as still > feeling like a MO person who should be THRILLED that someone/anyone would > notice her, and therefore being nice to people who I'm not really attracted > to for reasons having NOTHING to do w/ their appearance simply because they > are attracted to me???!!! I guess I thought that once I was 'normal' all > these issues of 'attractiveness' would go away and prince charming was going > to rush in on his white horse and life would be 'perfect'. Since of course > it was my 'fat and ugly' appearance that was the reason I wasn't married.... > not ever crossing my mind that it was because I am a bit sarcastic I > guess I'm just very frustrated w/ all the changes, not that they aren't good > just that it seems to be having a domino effect on everything. Feeling like > I don't know how to act, how to reject people 'nicely', or how to allow > myself to trust that someone could like me. Perhaps I am just going a bit > crazy or something. Is there anyone else w/ these same issues? > > I know the " right " answer is that God will bring your mate into your life > when you're ready, when you've stopped looking for him/her, when youleast > expect it, etc etc. And I know that one must accept themselves and be HAPPY > w/ who they are before you can be connected w/ someone else. I just feel > like screaming " I'm really a MO person, get to KNOW me!!! " > > Not to even begin to mention trying to 'explain' old 'saggy and baggy' that > used to be my chest Lots of drama it seems on every side. > > Thanks for letting me vent, it seems no one else can understand why I feel > like Sondra the body snatcher!!! > > Always > Sondra > ~Atlanta > RNY 10/01 > 289/169 > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 25, 2003 Report Share Posted April 25, 2003 Sondra, I understand every bit of your post. I have to tell you that psychological changes continue to take place for me at 5 years, and I'm very grateful for it. We've talked on here about people's reactions to us before and after in a lot of different ways. I don't understand all of it, but I have accepted myself more and more, little by little. Also, I feel I learned a lot of psychological coping skills while I was obese and it's difficult and rewarding to unlearn them. I think asking the questions is a " normal " part of this whole process and I think continuing to look for answers is very healthy and admirable of you. Good luck! in Austin RNY April 1998 WLS and Singlehood > Dear Group, > Not sure if there are many of you that will identify w/ this for two reasons, > 1) it seems like most people are married, and 2) I think I may simply be > losing my mind. I am now 18mths post op and down 120lbs, from a 24/26 to a > 12 and feeling pretty good about life and things. I am 32 and have never > been married. Now that I am " normal sized " I am getting more attention from > men, which is a great thing, but I am having trouble always wondering " Would > this guy be paying me any attention if he knew me before? " as well as still > feeling like a MO person who should be THRILLED that someone/anyone would > notice her, and therefore being nice to people who I'm not really attracted > to for reasons having NOTHING to do w/ their appearance simply because they > are attracted to me???!!! I guess I thought that once I was 'normal' all > these issues of 'attractiveness' would go away and prince charming was going > to rush in on his white horse and life would be 'perfect'. Since of course > it was my 'fat and ugly' appearance that was the reason I wasn't married.... > not ever crossing my mind that it was because I am a bit sarcastic I > guess I'm just very frustrated w/ all the changes, not that they aren't good > just that it seems to be having a domino effect on everything. Feeling like > I don't know how to act, how to reject people 'nicely', or how to allow > myself to trust that someone could like me. Perhaps I am just going a bit > crazy or something. Is there anyone else w/ these same issues? > > I know the " right " answer is that God will bring your mate into your life > when you're ready, when you've stopped looking for him/her, when youleast > expect it, etc etc. And I know that one must accept themselves and be HAPPY > w/ who they are before you can be connected w/ someone else. I just feel > like screaming " I'm really a MO person, get to KNOW me!!! " > > Not to even begin to mention trying to 'explain' old 'saggy and baggy' that > used to be my chest Lots of drama it seems on every side. > > Thanks for letting me vent, it seems no one else can understand why I feel > like Sondra the body snatcher!!! > > Always > Sondra > ~Atlanta > RNY 10/01 > 289/169 > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 25, 2003 Report Share Posted April 25, 2003 Hi , Join the club. Even old married people have similar feelings as yours. Even men have similar feelings as yours. I think that it is a hard complicated problem to work out for yourself. Here are the principles that I believe are true from some thinking about it. Appearances are important. The fact that people are more attracted to the " new you " than to the " old you " is a reality. It is a reasonable response for them to have. You had the surgery to be healthier and happier and more active and people are going to be attracted to those things. All that this is saying is that you have made a good decision. It's nice to have people attracted to you and you should like it. It proves you are human and you have a very normal response to a good thing. You should give yourself time to learn to live in this new milieu. Once you get into it, you will feel like a kid in a candy store (don't eat too much and get sick). Don't try to hide the fact of your surgery. That is part of you too. Beside the physical issues, it says a lot about how you make decisions about your life and people that get close to you should be able to understand and admire you for doing a smart, hard, risky thing. I am still trying to decide how I want to deal with the loose skin issue for myself. How do other people's " significant others " deal with the loose skin issue? I for one, am bothered by even my minimal amount: even though the skin is not very evident when I am standing, sitting, lying down on my back, or swimming (all is vanity...). Palmer 1.5 years, 140 lbs loss, 6'2'' 175 lbs > Dear Group, > Not sure if there are many of you that will identify w/ this for two reasons, > 1) it seems like most people are married, and 2) I think I may simply be > losing my mind. I am now 18mths post op and down 120lbs, from a 24/26 to a > 12 and feeling pretty good about life and things. I am 32 and have never > been married. Now that I am " normal sized " I am getting more attention from > men, which is a great thing, but I am having trouble always wondering " Would > this guy be paying me any attention if he knew me before? " as well as still > feeling like a MO person who should be THRILLED that someone/anyone would > notice her, and therefore being nice to people who I'm not really attracted > to for reasons having NOTHING to do w/ their appearance simply because they > are attracted to me???!!! I guess I thought that once I was 'normal' all > these issues of 'attractiveness' would go away and prince charming was going > to rush in on his white horse and life would be 'perfect'. Since of course > it was my 'fat and ugly' appearance that was the reason I wasn't married.... > not ever crossing my mind that it was because I am a bit sarcastic I > guess I'm just very frustrated w/ all the changes, not that they aren't good > just that it seems to be having a domino effect on everything. Feeling like > I don't know how to act, how to reject people 'nicely', or how to allow > myself to trust that someone could like me. Perhaps I am just going a bit > crazy or something. Is there anyone else w/ these same issues? > > I know the " right " answer is that God will bring your mate into your life > when you're ready, when you've stopped looking for him/her, when youleast > expect it, etc etc. And I know that one must accept themselves and be HAPPY > w/ who they are before you can be connected w/ someone else. I just feel > like screaming " I'm really a MO person, get to KNOW me!!! " > > Not to even begin to mention trying to 'explain' old 'saggy and baggy' that > used to be my chest Lots of drama it seems on every side. > > Thanks for letting me vent, it seems no one else can understand why I feel > like Sondra the body snatcher!!! > > Always > Sondra > ~Atlanta > RNY 10/01 > 289/169 > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 25, 2003 Report Share Posted April 25, 2003 Hi , Join the club. Even old married people have similar feelings as yours. Even men have similar feelings as yours. I think that it is a hard complicated problem to work out for yourself. Here are the principles that I believe are true from some thinking about it. Appearances are important. The fact that people are more attracted to the " new you " than to the " old you " is a reality. It is a reasonable response for them to have. You had the surgery to be healthier and happier and more active and people are going to be attracted to those things. All that this is saying is that you have made a good decision. It's nice to have people attracted to you and you should like it. It proves you are human and you have a very normal response to a good thing. You should give yourself time to learn to live in this new milieu. Once you get into it, you will feel like a kid in a candy store (don't eat too much and get sick). Don't try to hide the fact of your surgery. That is part of you too. Beside the physical issues, it says a lot about how you make decisions about your life and people that get close to you should be able to understand and admire you for doing a smart, hard, risky thing. I am still trying to decide how I want to deal with the loose skin issue for myself. How do other people's " significant others " deal with the loose skin issue? I for one, am bothered by even my minimal amount: even though the skin is not very evident when I am standing, sitting, lying down on my back, or swimming (all is vanity...). Palmer 1.5 years, 140 lbs loss, 6'2'' 175 lbs > Dear Group, > Not sure if there are many of you that will identify w/ this for two reasons, > 1) it seems like most people are married, and 2) I think I may simply be > losing my mind. I am now 18mths post op and down 120lbs, from a 24/26 to a > 12 and feeling pretty good about life and things. I am 32 and have never > been married. Now that I am " normal sized " I am getting more attention from > men, which is a great thing, but I am having trouble always wondering " Would > this guy be paying me any attention if he knew me before? " as well as still > feeling like a MO person who should be THRILLED that someone/anyone would > notice her, and therefore being nice to people who I'm not really attracted > to for reasons having NOTHING to do w/ their appearance simply because they > are attracted to me???!!! I guess I thought that once I was 'normal' all > these issues of 'attractiveness' would go away and prince charming was going > to rush in on his white horse and life would be 'perfect'. Since of course > it was my 'fat and ugly' appearance that was the reason I wasn't married.... > not ever crossing my mind that it was because I am a bit sarcastic I > guess I'm just very frustrated w/ all the changes, not that they aren't good > just that it seems to be having a domino effect on everything. Feeling like > I don't know how to act, how to reject people 'nicely', or how to allow > myself to trust that someone could like me. Perhaps I am just going a bit > crazy or something. Is there anyone else w/ these same issues? > > I know the " right " answer is that God will bring your mate into your life > when you're ready, when you've stopped looking for him/her, when youleast > expect it, etc etc. And I know that one must accept themselves and be HAPPY > w/ who they are before you can be connected w/ someone else. I just feel > like screaming " I'm really a MO person, get to KNOW me!!! " > > Not to even begin to mention trying to 'explain' old 'saggy and baggy' that > used to be my chest Lots of drama it seems on every side. > > Thanks for letting me vent, it seems no one else can understand why I feel > like Sondra the body snatcher!!! > > Always > Sondra > ~Atlanta > RNY 10/01 > 289/169 > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 25, 2003 Report Share Posted April 25, 2003 Oh, I, too, can really relate. 25 years ago (when I was 25), I lost 75 pounds on the original liquid protein diet. I got down to about 143 pounds, I'm 5'6 " , so I looked pretty darn good. I got a bartending job, which is really being on stage, so to speak. Having been fat all my life until then, the attention from men was overwhelming. ly, it was sometimes terrifying, but I managed to hide it pretty well on the outside. My choices in men were terrible, bad boys, ya know? Actually, I went kind of wild in those days...the worst sexually transmitted diseases back then were all easily treatable. It wasn't until many years later that I realized it was because of my fear of committment, maybe my fear of really letting go and being hurt or rejected like in the past? Anyway, I maintained the weight for a couple of years, and then the gradual gain began. Now, pushing 51, I finally have that self-esteem that I lacked then, and know that I am beautiful inside and out, and deserving of the best. I, too, never married, partly because I wasted my younger years, when there were more single men around, on bums, but that's OK. It's all a learning experience, and if it took this long to be comfortable in my own skin, so be it. I'm still a very lucky woman. Hugs, in NJ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 25, 2003 Report Share Posted April 25, 2003 Oh, I, too, can really relate. 25 years ago (when I was 25), I lost 75 pounds on the original liquid protein diet. I got down to about 143 pounds, I'm 5'6 " , so I looked pretty darn good. I got a bartending job, which is really being on stage, so to speak. Having been fat all my life until then, the attention from men was overwhelming. ly, it was sometimes terrifying, but I managed to hide it pretty well on the outside. My choices in men were terrible, bad boys, ya know? Actually, I went kind of wild in those days...the worst sexually transmitted diseases back then were all easily treatable. It wasn't until many years later that I realized it was because of my fear of committment, maybe my fear of really letting go and being hurt or rejected like in the past? Anyway, I maintained the weight for a couple of years, and then the gradual gain began. Now, pushing 51, I finally have that self-esteem that I lacked then, and know that I am beautiful inside and out, and deserving of the best. I, too, never married, partly because I wasted my younger years, when there were more single men around, on bums, but that's OK. It's all a learning experience, and if it took this long to be comfortable in my own skin, so be it. I'm still a very lucky woman. Hugs, in NJ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 25, 2003 Report Share Posted April 25, 2003 I was 26 and single when I had WLS. I had never had a date. I went to an all women university to avoid rejection (no one can *NOT* ask you for a date if there is no one there to not ask you). After WLS, and losing the majority of my weight, I went crazy. I had more dates than I could handle. Sometimes more than one accepted for the same night. I acted like I didn't have good sense (well, I guess I didn't!), and I was the cutest thing, if not on the planet, at least in my little corner of the world. I thought I had to make up for every minute I had lost in my teens. But, there was still that inner fear that one day I would wake up, and find out that all my cuteness and appeal had been just a dream. I got married to the first guy that asked me. I was terribly afraid I was going to be an old maid, if I didn't. WHAT A HUGE MISTAKE! I said, " I do, " and immediately regretted it. He was a very nice man, and treated me well, but I wasn't in love with him. So, a few days after the wedding, I sat him down and told him this. And I got out of that marriage, before I managed to destroy two lives. I began to behave more responsibly, and didn't even consider marriage again for 5 years. I realized that I needed time to " grow up " to fit my new body. I had to learn acceptable social behavior as a thin person. That is why I think post op psychological care is just as important as any other part of our post op care. Just my $.02. Jac Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic http://members.cox.net/xxxfarmpaints http://www.pictureitdigitaldesigns.com/ mailto:jholdaway@... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 25, 2003 Report Share Posted April 25, 2003 I was 26 and single when I had WLS. I had never had a date. I went to an all women university to avoid rejection (no one can *NOT* ask you for a date if there is no one there to not ask you). After WLS, and losing the majority of my weight, I went crazy. I had more dates than I could handle. Sometimes more than one accepted for the same night. I acted like I didn't have good sense (well, I guess I didn't!), and I was the cutest thing, if not on the planet, at least in my little corner of the world. I thought I had to make up for every minute I had lost in my teens. But, there was still that inner fear that one day I would wake up, and find out that all my cuteness and appeal had been just a dream. I got married to the first guy that asked me. I was terribly afraid I was going to be an old maid, if I didn't. WHAT A HUGE MISTAKE! I said, " I do, " and immediately regretted it. He was a very nice man, and treated me well, but I wasn't in love with him. So, a few days after the wedding, I sat him down and told him this. And I got out of that marriage, before I managed to destroy two lives. I began to behave more responsibly, and didn't even consider marriage again for 5 years. I realized that I needed time to " grow up " to fit my new body. I had to learn acceptable social behavior as a thin person. That is why I think post op psychological care is just as important as any other part of our post op care. Just my $.02. Jac Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic http://members.cox.net/xxxfarmpaints http://www.pictureitdigitaldesigns.com/ mailto:jholdaway@... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 25, 2003 Report Share Posted April 25, 2003 Oh how funny Jacque. I did the same thing. Unfortunately, I was asked out more then once. Nothing I was interested in doing. Oh well. Lori Owen On Fri, 25 Apr 2003 08:08:22 -0500 " Jacque Holdaway " writes: > I was 26 and single when I had WLS. I had never had a date. I went to > an all > women university to avoid rejection (no one can *NOT* ask you for a > date if > there is no one there to not ask you). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 25, 2003 Report Share Posted April 25, 2003 Oh how funny Jacque. I did the same thing. Unfortunately, I was asked out more then once. Nothing I was interested in doing. Oh well. Lori Owen On Fri, 25 Apr 2003 08:08:22 -0500 " Jacque Holdaway " writes: > I was 26 and single when I had WLS. I had never had a date. I went to > an all > women university to avoid rejection (no one can *NOT* ask you for a > date if > there is no one there to not ask you). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 25, 2003 Report Share Posted April 25, 2003 Tigger: Man, oh man. I could've written that myself. I lost about 70 lbs when I was in my 20's and spent a lot of time being angry, because some of the men I had worked with for years were starting to pay a different kind of attention to me. I decided that this time, I was just going to dump the anger and get on with it. I met a man a few months ago, who I can be very honest with. I told him about the surgery. He said something like: " well at least you're still the same inside " . I said, " No, I'm not the same inside! I have probably changed more on the inside than on the outside. " He was surprised by this comment. What you said about being the best " me " I can be rings so true for me. Losing the weight was a start. Now that I can't blame all my problems on being fat, I can get on with my life and deal with internal issues as well. BarbaraJean distal 1994 from 300 to 128 Re: WLS and Singlehood Boy, do I know that feeling. When I was 22 I lost 96 pounds by starving myself (not recommended) and suddenly I got tons of attention from men. Don't get me wrong even when I was fat, I had dates, and tons of male friends, but these guys were looking at me differently. I couldn't handle it. I felt like screaming, " YOU WOULDN'T EVEN LOOK AT ME WHEN I WAS FAT!!! " I ended up gaining that 96 pounds back and more. For me I think I felt " safer " that way. Now, at 46 (did I really say that?), I tend to look at things differently. In reality in losing this weight (70 pounds) I am NOT the same person I was 15 months ago. I have changed internally as well as externally. I like myself more. It hasn't become a mission to get to a size, it's become a mission to be the best " me " I can. I got scared by it once, not again! I'm enjoying the attention, but it's not my main focus right now. I, too, have never been married, but that's o.k. I'm finally getting comfortable with me. So many people don't realize that this journey is not just one of the physical being, but also one of many internal changes and adjustments as well. Tigger > Dear Group, > Not sure if there are many of you that will identify w/ this for two reasons, > 1) it seems like most people are married, and 2) I think I may simply be > losing my mind. I am now 18mths post op and down 120lbs, from a 24/26 to a > 12 and feeling pretty good about life and things. I am 32 and have never > been married. Now that I am " normal sized " I am getting more attention from > men, which is a great thing, but I am having trouble always wondering " Would > this guy be paying me any attention if he knew me before? " as well as still > feeling like a MO person who should be THRILLED that someone/anyone would > notice her, and therefore being nice to people who I'm not really attracted > to for reasons having NOTHING to do w/ their appearance simply because they > are attracted to me???!!! I guess I thought that once I was 'normal' all > these issues of 'attractiveness' would go away and prince charming was going > to rush in on his white horse and life would be 'perfect'. Since of course > it was my 'fat and ugly' appearance that was the reason I wasn't married.... > not ever crossing my mind that it was because I am a bit sarcastic I > guess I'm just very frustrated w/ all the changes, not that they aren't good > just that it seems to be having a domino effect on everything. Feeling like > I don't know how to act, how to reject people 'nicely', or how to allow > myself to trust that someone could like me. Perhaps I am just going a bit > crazy or something. Is there anyone else w/ these same issues? > > I know the " right " answer is that God will bring your mate into your life > when you're ready, when you've stopped looking for him/her, when youleast > expect it, etc etc. And I know that one must accept themselves and be HAPPY > w/ who they are before you can be connected w/ someone else. I just feel > like screaming " I'm really a MO person, get to KNOW me!!! " > > Not to even begin to mention trying to 'explain' old 'saggy and baggy' that > used to be my chest Lots of drama it seems on every side. > > Thanks for letting me vent, it seems no one else can understand why I feel > like Sondra the body snatcher!!! > > Always > Sondra > ~Atlanta > RNY 10/01 > 289/169 > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 25, 2003 Report Share Posted April 25, 2003 Tigger: Man, oh man. I could've written that myself. I lost about 70 lbs when I was in my 20's and spent a lot of time being angry, because some of the men I had worked with for years were starting to pay a different kind of attention to me. I decided that this time, I was just going to dump the anger and get on with it. I met a man a few months ago, who I can be very honest with. I told him about the surgery. He said something like: " well at least you're still the same inside " . I said, " No, I'm not the same inside! I have probably changed more on the inside than on the outside. " He was surprised by this comment. What you said about being the best " me " I can be rings so true for me. Losing the weight was a start. Now that I can't blame all my problems on being fat, I can get on with my life and deal with internal issues as well. BarbaraJean distal 1994 from 300 to 128 Re: WLS and Singlehood Boy, do I know that feeling. When I was 22 I lost 96 pounds by starving myself (not recommended) and suddenly I got tons of attention from men. Don't get me wrong even when I was fat, I had dates, and tons of male friends, but these guys were looking at me differently. I couldn't handle it. I felt like screaming, " YOU WOULDN'T EVEN LOOK AT ME WHEN I WAS FAT!!! " I ended up gaining that 96 pounds back and more. For me I think I felt " safer " that way. Now, at 46 (did I really say that?), I tend to look at things differently. In reality in losing this weight (70 pounds) I am NOT the same person I was 15 months ago. I have changed internally as well as externally. I like myself more. It hasn't become a mission to get to a size, it's become a mission to be the best " me " I can. I got scared by it once, not again! I'm enjoying the attention, but it's not my main focus right now. I, too, have never been married, but that's o.k. I'm finally getting comfortable with me. So many people don't realize that this journey is not just one of the physical being, but also one of many internal changes and adjustments as well. Tigger > Dear Group, > Not sure if there are many of you that will identify w/ this for two reasons, > 1) it seems like most people are married, and 2) I think I may simply be > losing my mind. I am now 18mths post op and down 120lbs, from a 24/26 to a > 12 and feeling pretty good about life and things. I am 32 and have never > been married. Now that I am " normal sized " I am getting more attention from > men, which is a great thing, but I am having trouble always wondering " Would > this guy be paying me any attention if he knew me before? " as well as still > feeling like a MO person who should be THRILLED that someone/anyone would > notice her, and therefore being nice to people who I'm not really attracted > to for reasons having NOTHING to do w/ their appearance simply because they > are attracted to me???!!! I guess I thought that once I was 'normal' all > these issues of 'attractiveness' would go away and prince charming was going > to rush in on his white horse and life would be 'perfect'. Since of course > it was my 'fat and ugly' appearance that was the reason I wasn't married.... > not ever crossing my mind that it was because I am a bit sarcastic I > guess I'm just very frustrated w/ all the changes, not that they aren't good > just that it seems to be having a domino effect on everything. Feeling like > I don't know how to act, how to reject people 'nicely', or how to allow > myself to trust that someone could like me. Perhaps I am just going a bit > crazy or something. Is there anyone else w/ these same issues? > > I know the " right " answer is that God will bring your mate into your life > when you're ready, when you've stopped looking for him/her, when youleast > expect it, etc etc. And I know that one must accept themselves and be HAPPY > w/ who they are before you can be connected w/ someone else. I just feel > like screaming " I'm really a MO person, get to KNOW me!!! " > > Not to even begin to mention trying to 'explain' old 'saggy and baggy' that > used to be my chest Lots of drama it seems on every side. > > Thanks for letting me vent, it seems no one else can understand why I feel > like Sondra the body snatcher!!! > > Always > Sondra > ~Atlanta > RNY 10/01 > 289/169 > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 25, 2003 Report Share Posted April 25, 2003 Sondra: Thank you so much for bringing up this topic. I have needed to talk about this for some time, but did not know how to bring it up. Thank you so much for being brave enough to do it. I am also single and have had many issues like yours. You started a great discussion. Thanks. BarbaraJean distal 1994 from 300 to 128 > Dear Group, > Not sure if there are many of you that will identify w/ this for two reasons, > 1) it seems like most people are married, and 2) I think I may simply be > losing my mind. I am now 18mths post op and down 120lbs, from a 24/26 to a > 12 and feeling pretty good about life and things. I am 32 and have never > been married. Now that I am " normal sized " I am getting more attention from > men, which is a great thing, but I am having trouble always wondering " Would > this guy be paying me any attention if he knew me before? " as well as still > feeling like a MO person who should be THRILLED that someone/anyone would > notice her, and therefore being nice to people who I'm not really attracted > to for reasons having NOTHING to do w/ their appearance simply because they > are attracted to me???!!! I guess I thought that once I was 'normal' all > these issues of 'attractiveness' would go away and prince charming was going > to rush in on his white horse and life would be 'perfect'. Since of course > it was my 'fat and ugly' appearance that was the reason I wasn't married.... > not ever crossing my mind that it was because I am a bit sarcastic I > guess I'm just very frustrated w/ all the changes, not that they aren't good > just that it seems to be having a domino effect on everything. Feeling like > I don't know how to act, how to reject people 'nicely', or how to allow > myself to trust that someone could like me. Perhaps I am just going a bit > crazy or something. Is there anyone else w/ these same issues? > > I know the " right " answer is that God will bring your mate into your life > when you're ready, when you've stopped looking for him/her, when youleast > expect it, etc etc. And I know that one must accept themselves and be HAPPY > w/ who they are before you can be connected w/ someone else. I just feel > like screaming " I'm really a MO person, get to KNOW me!!! " > > Not to even begin to mention trying to 'explain' old 'saggy and baggy' that > used to be my chest Lots of drama it seems on every side. > > Thanks for letting me vent, it seems no one else can understand why I feel > like Sondra the body snatcher!!! > > Always > Sondra > ~Atlanta > RNY 10/01 > 289/169 > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 25, 2003 Report Share Posted April 25, 2003 Sondra: Thank you so much for bringing up this topic. I have needed to talk about this for some time, but did not know how to bring it up. Thank you so much for being brave enough to do it. I am also single and have had many issues like yours. You started a great discussion. Thanks. BarbaraJean distal 1994 from 300 to 128 > Dear Group, > Not sure if there are many of you that will identify w/ this for two reasons, > 1) it seems like most people are married, and 2) I think I may simply be > losing my mind. I am now 18mths post op and down 120lbs, from a 24/26 to a > 12 and feeling pretty good about life and things. I am 32 and have never > been married. Now that I am " normal sized " I am getting more attention from > men, which is a great thing, but I am having trouble always wondering " Would > this guy be paying me any attention if he knew me before? " as well as still > feeling like a MO person who should be THRILLED that someone/anyone would > notice her, and therefore being nice to people who I'm not really attracted > to for reasons having NOTHING to do w/ their appearance simply because they > are attracted to me???!!! I guess I thought that once I was 'normal' all > these issues of 'attractiveness' would go away and prince charming was going > to rush in on his white horse and life would be 'perfect'. Since of course > it was my 'fat and ugly' appearance that was the reason I wasn't married.... > not ever crossing my mind that it was because I am a bit sarcastic I > guess I'm just very frustrated w/ all the changes, not that they aren't good > just that it seems to be having a domino effect on everything. Feeling like > I don't know how to act, how to reject people 'nicely', or how to allow > myself to trust that someone could like me. Perhaps I am just going a bit > crazy or something. Is there anyone else w/ these same issues? > > I know the " right " answer is that God will bring your mate into your life > when you're ready, when you've stopped looking for him/her, when youleast > expect it, etc etc. And I know that one must accept themselves and be HAPPY > w/ who they are before you can be connected w/ someone else. I just feel > like screaming " I'm really a MO person, get to KNOW me!!! " > > Not to even begin to mention trying to 'explain' old 'saggy and baggy' that > used to be my chest Lots of drama it seems on every side. > > Thanks for letting me vent, it seems no one else can understand why I feel > like Sondra the body snatcher!!! > > Always > Sondra > ~Atlanta > RNY 10/01 > 289/169 > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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