wls and singlehood

April 25, 2003

Wow, I know exactly how you feel. I thought so many of my problems were due

to my obesity, when in reality, my obesity was just a symptom of other

problems in my life... my insecurity, my self image, history, etc. I've now

stopped trying to figure out if someone would have been interested in me when

I was MO, because to be honest, I'm not the same person now I was then... in

any way. I feel more outgoing, and more like I fit in, besides feeling

pretty darn cute (in spite of saggy and baggy). In my MO days, I frequently

avoided people because I was convinced that no one would like me anyway...

and so I was beating them to the punchline, and theres no way to make friends

or start relationships that way. I was married when I had my WLS, and

separated about 1 year after I lost my weight. Again, another story of wls

and divorce... I'm SO much happier being single than I ever was married... or

ever was, period. I don't really know what I'm trying to say, other than I

know what you're going thru, and I'm in my own journey of self-discovery.

For the first time in my life, I DONT want a relationship. I want friends,

and dates. I'm truly not interested in finding Mr. Right, and that is a new

concept for me. Anyway, there's my perspective.

s

minneapolis

278/254/158

size 26 to 10!

Dear Group,

Not sure if there are many of you that will identify w/ this for two reasons,

1) it seems like most people are married, and 2) I think I may simply be

losing my mind. I am now 18mths post op and down 120lbs, from a 24/26 to a

12 and feeling pretty good about life and things. I am 32 and have never

been married. Now that I am " normal sized " I am getting more attention from

men, which is a great thing, but I am having trouble always wondering " Would

this guy be paying me any attention if he knew me before? " as well as still

feeling like a MO person who should be THRILLED that someone/anyone would

notice her, and therefore being nice to people who I'm not really attracted

to for reasons having NOTHING to do w/ their appearance simply because they

are attracted to me???!!! I guess I thought that once I was 'normal' all

these issues of 'attractiveness' would go away and prince charming was going

to rush in on his white horse and life would be 'perfect'. Since of course

it was my 'fat and ugly' appearance that was the reason I wasn't married....

not ever crossing my mind that it was because I am a bit sarcastic I

guess I'm just very frustrated w/ all the changes, not that they aren't good

just that it seems to be having a domino effect on everything. Feeling like

I don't know how to act, how to reject people 'nicely', or how to allow

myself to trust that someone could like me. Perhaps I am just going a bit

crazy or something. Is there anyone else w/ these same issues?

I know the " right " answer is that God will bring your mate into your life

when you're ready, when you've stopped looking for him/her, when youleast

expect it, etc etc. And I know that one must accept themselves and be HAPPY

w/ who they are before you can be connected w/ someone else. I just feel

like screaming " I'm really a MO person, get to KNOW me!!! "

Not to even begin to mention trying to 'explain' old 'saggy and baggy' that

used to be my chest Lots of drama it seems on every side.

Thanks for letting me vent, it seems no one else can understand why I feel

like Sondra the body snatcher!!!

Always

Sondra

~Atlanta

RNY 10/01

289/169

April 25, 2003