Guest guest Posted April 25, 2003 Report Share Posted April 25, 2003 You're right on the money. You change from the surgery. Ypu're different on the inside. You have to learn how to deal with it. . > Tigger: > > Man, oh man. I could've written that myself. I lost about 70 lbs when I was > in my 20's and spent a lot of time being angry, because some of the men I had > worked with for years were starting to pay a different kind of attention to > me. I decided that this time, I was just going to dump the anger and get on > with it. > > I met a man a few months ago, who I can be very honest with. I told him about > the surgery. He said something like: " well at least you're still the same > inside " . I said, " No, I'm not the same inside! I have probably changed more > on the inside than on the outside. " He was surprised by this comment. > > What you said about being the best " me " I can be rings so true for me. Losing > the weight was a start. Now that I can't blame all my problems on being fat, > I can get on with my life and deal with internal issues as well. > > BarbaraJean > distal 1994 > from 300 to 128 > > Re: WLS and Singlehood > > > Boy, do I know that feeling. When I was 22 I lost 96 pounds by > starving myself (not recommended) and suddenly I got tons of > attention from men. Don't get me wrong even when I was fat, I had > dates, and tons of male friends, but these guys were looking at me > differently. I couldn't handle it. I felt like screaming, " YOU > WOULDN'T EVEN LOOK AT ME WHEN I WAS FAT!!! " I ended up gaining that > 96 pounds back and more. For me I think I felt " safer " that way. Now, > at 46 (did I really say that?), I tend to look at things differently. > In reality in losing this weight (70 pounds) I am NOT the same person > I was 15 months ago. I have changed internally as well as externally. > I like myself more. It hasn't become a mission to get to a size, it's > become a mission to be the best " me " I can. I got scared by it once, > not again! I'm enjoying the attention, but it's not my main focus > right now. I, too, have never been married, but that's o.k. I'm > finally getting comfortable with me. So many people don't realize > that this journey is not just one of the physical being, but also one > of many internal changes and adjustments as well. > Tigger > > >> Dear Group, >> Not sure if there are many of you that will identify w/ this for > two reasons, >> 1) it seems like most people are married, and 2) I think I may > simply be >> losing my mind. I am now 18mths post op and down 120lbs, from a > 24/26 to a >> 12 and feeling pretty good about life and things. I am 32 and have > never >> been married. Now that I am " normal sized " I am getting more > attention from >> men, which is a great thing, but I am having trouble always > wondering " Would >> this guy be paying me any attention if he knew me before? " as well > as still >> feeling like a MO person who should be THRILLED that someone/anyone > would >> notice her, and therefore being nice to people who I'm not really > attracted >> to for reasons having NOTHING to do w/ their appearance simply > because they >> are attracted to me???!!! I guess I thought that once I > was 'normal' all >> these issues of 'attractiveness' would go away and prince charming > was going >> to rush in on his white horse and life would be 'perfect'. Since > of course >> it was my 'fat and ugly' appearance that was the reason I wasn't > married.... >> not ever crossing my mind that it was because I am a bit > sarcastic I >> guess I'm just very frustrated w/ all the changes, not that they > aren't good >> just that it seems to be having a domino effect on everything. > Feeling like >> I don't know how to act, how to reject people 'nicely', or how to > allow >> myself to trust that someone could like me. Perhaps I am just > going a bit >> crazy or something. Is there anyone else w/ these same issues? >> >> I know the " right " answer is that God will bring your mate into > your life >> when you're ready, when you've stopped looking for him/her, when > youleast >> expect it, etc etc. And I know that one must accept themselves and > be HAPPY >> w/ who they are before you can be connected w/ someone else. I > just feel >> like screaming " I'm really a MO person, get to KNOW me!!! " >> >> Not to even begin to mention trying to 'explain' old 'saggy and > baggy' that >> used to be my chest Lots of drama it seems on every side. >> >> Thanks for letting me vent, it seems no one else can understand why > I feel >> like Sondra the body snatcher!!! >> >> Always >> Sondra >> ~Atlanta >> RNY 10/01 >> 289/169 >> >> >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 25, 2003 Report Share Posted April 25, 2003 You're right on the money. You change from the surgery. Ypu're different on the inside. You have to learn how to deal with it. . > Tigger: > > Man, oh man. I could've written that myself. I lost about 70 lbs when I was > in my 20's and spent a lot of time being angry, because some of the men I had > worked with for years were starting to pay a different kind of attention to > me. I decided that this time, I was just going to dump the anger and get on > with it. > > I met a man a few months ago, who I can be very honest with. I told him about > the surgery. He said something like: " well at least you're still the same > inside " . I said, " No, I'm not the same inside! I have probably changed more > on the inside than on the outside. " He was surprised by this comment. > > What you said about being the best " me " I can be rings so true for me. Losing > the weight was a start. Now that I can't blame all my problems on being fat, > I can get on with my life and deal with internal issues as well. > > BarbaraJean > distal 1994 > from 300 to 128 > > Re: WLS and Singlehood > > > Boy, do I know that feeling. When I was 22 I lost 96 pounds by > starving myself (not recommended) and suddenly I got tons of > attention from men. Don't get me wrong even when I was fat, I had > dates, and tons of male friends, but these guys were looking at me > differently. I couldn't handle it. I felt like screaming, " YOU > WOULDN'T EVEN LOOK AT ME WHEN I WAS FAT!!! " I ended up gaining that > 96 pounds back and more. For me I think I felt " safer " that way. Now, > at 46 (did I really say that?), I tend to look at things differently. > In reality in losing this weight (70 pounds) I am NOT the same person > I was 15 months ago. I have changed internally as well as externally. > I like myself more. It hasn't become a mission to get to a size, it's > become a mission to be the best " me " I can. I got scared by it once, > not again! I'm enjoying the attention, but it's not my main focus > right now. I, too, have never been married, but that's o.k. I'm > finally getting comfortable with me. So many people don't realize > that this journey is not just one of the physical being, but also one > of many internal changes and adjustments as well. > Tigger > > >> Dear Group, >> Not sure if there are many of you that will identify w/ this for > two reasons, >> 1) it seems like most people are married, and 2) I think I may > simply be >> losing my mind. I am now 18mths post op and down 120lbs, from a > 24/26 to a >> 12 and feeling pretty good about life and things. I am 32 and have > never >> been married. Now that I am " normal sized " I am getting more > attention from >> men, which is a great thing, but I am having trouble always > wondering " Would >> this guy be paying me any attention if he knew me before? " as well > as still >> feeling like a MO person who should be THRILLED that someone/anyone > would >> notice her, and therefore being nice to people who I'm not really > attracted >> to for reasons having NOTHING to do w/ their appearance simply > because they >> are attracted to me???!!! I guess I thought that once I > was 'normal' all >> these issues of 'attractiveness' would go away and prince charming > was going >> to rush in on his white horse and life would be 'perfect'. Since > of course >> it was my 'fat and ugly' appearance that was the reason I wasn't > married.... >> not ever crossing my mind that it was because I am a bit > sarcastic I >> guess I'm just very frustrated w/ all the changes, not that they > aren't good >> just that it seems to be having a domino effect on everything. > Feeling like >> I don't know how to act, how to reject people 'nicely', or how to > allow >> myself to trust that someone could like me. Perhaps I am just > going a bit >> crazy or something. Is there anyone else w/ these same issues? >> >> I know the " right " answer is that God will bring your mate into > your life >> when you're ready, when you've stopped looking for him/her, when > youleast >> expect it, etc etc. And I know that one must accept themselves and > be HAPPY >> w/ who they are before you can be connected w/ someone else. I > just feel >> like screaming " I'm really a MO person, get to KNOW me!!! " >> >> Not to even begin to mention trying to 'explain' old 'saggy and > baggy' that >> used to be my chest Lots of drama it seems on every side. >> >> Thanks for letting me vent, it seems no one else can understand why > I feel >> like Sondra the body snatcher!!! >> >> Always >> Sondra >> ~Atlanta >> RNY 10/01 >> 289/169 >> >> >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 25, 2003 Report Share Posted April 25, 2003 This is a wonderful topic and one that I have a lot of trouble with. I was married for 20 years to a man that hated my weight and was very cruel and verbally abusive. I left him the month before my RNY in Sept 2000. I lost 100 pds and now weight 150 pds. The problem I am experiencing with this new body is I am unable to commit to a realationship. I have met two very special men in the last two years who I have ended the relationship with because I need more attention than one man can provide. When I go out with my friends to dance the men stand in line to dance with me. Will I ever get over this need for attention and eventually commit to one person. I know this might not sound like a problem but it is. I am worried I will never be able to commit. Anyone who had been through this I would appreciate your comments. Thanks, Sandy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 25, 2003 Report Share Posted April 25, 2003 This is a wonderful topic and one that I have a lot of trouble with. I was married for 20 years to a man that hated my weight and was very cruel and verbally abusive. I left him the month before my RNY in Sept 2000. I lost 100 pds and now weight 150 pds. The problem I am experiencing with this new body is I am unable to commit to a realationship. I have met two very special men in the last two years who I have ended the relationship with because I need more attention than one man can provide. When I go out with my friends to dance the men stand in line to dance with me. Will I ever get over this need for attention and eventually commit to one person. I know this might not sound like a problem but it is. I am worried I will never be able to commit. Anyone who had been through this I would appreciate your comments. Thanks, Sandy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 25, 2003 Report Share Posted April 25, 2003 Oh Bobbie, you're so right! Hugs, in NJ ************************** >> > Dear -- > > Boy, can I relate. Bravo to you for such a stellar attitude. I must say, however, that it's my observation that you've not " wasted " anything. I think we would not be where we are today without the knowledge of all those " wasted " years. > > My best to you. > > Bobbie > Anchorage > Open Proximal RNY 5-11-01 > Panniculectomy 2-14-03 > Then: 314 > Now: 185.5 > > > In a message dated 4/25/03 5:43:58 AM, Graduate- OSSG writes: > > << I, too, never married, partly because I wasted my younger years, when > there were more single men around, on bums, but that's OK. >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 25, 2003 Report Share Posted April 25, 2003 Oh Bobbie, you're so right! Hugs, in NJ ************************** >> > Dear -- > > Boy, can I relate. Bravo to you for such a stellar attitude. I must say, however, that it's my observation that you've not " wasted " anything. I think we would not be where we are today without the knowledge of all those " wasted " years. > > My best to you. > > Bobbie > Anchorage > Open Proximal RNY 5-11-01 > Panniculectomy 2-14-03 > Then: 314 > Now: 185.5 > > > In a message dated 4/25/03 5:43:58 AM, Graduate- OSSG writes: > > << I, too, never married, partly because I wasted my younger years, when > there were more single men around, on bums, but that's OK. >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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