RE: Thanks for the responses...

February 12, 2003

Oh Sharon. I must admit I had to laugh while reading this. How totally

different from the post yesterday. Of course, it may just be my

perspective. I just want to know if you have been reading my mail and my

journal. I swear I could have written this one today. Forgive me if

anything I said yesterday may have been off base. Sometimes it is so

hard (especially for the little social worker in me) to read a post

without having the benefit of the tone of voice and body language. I so

much relate to having to write things down when trying to process

something. What I have written down doesn't seem to be what is really

going on but it helps me get there. And I have one philosophy that I

have had to remind myself of on these sites - take what ya like and

leave the rest (or if you prefer delete the rest.) Just keep coming

back.

Lori Owen - Denton, Texas

CHF 4/14/01 479 lbs.

SRVG 7/16/01 401 lbs.

Current Weight 339.5 lbs. and loosing again

Dr. Ritter/Dr. Bryce

On Wed, 12 Feb 2003 23:11:00 -0000 " Sharon "

writes:

> I really want to thank everyone who posted helpful responses to my

> intro post the other day, either on the list or in email. It was

> especially nice to see that some of you got exactly what I was

> talking about! and /Vitalady, in particular--you both

>

> said things that could have come right out of my own mouth. )

>

> Unfortunately, some people seemed to think that the point of the

> post

> was to whine about not losing enough and/or obsess about not getting

>

> to a perfect weight. I really do appreciate people trying to help,

> but I honestly felt like some of the responses I got were not even

> ABOUT my post, lol. But that's okay, because the way I look at it

> is,

> we are ALL learning ALL the time, and we are all in different places

>

> in the process, so we're just not all going to understand each other

>

> perfectly 100% of the time. C'est la vie. )

>

> Just to clarify, though, NO WAY was I complaining about the amount I

>

> have lost. Nothing could be farther from the truth. I swear!

>

> The main thing was that a few people really did understand what I

> was

> talking about, and that was really a relief! The psychological

> process involved with this journey is really something, isn't it? I

>

> never get tired of talking and thinking about it, because it totally

>

> fascinates me. All the body image issues and SELF image issues (not

>

> necessarily the same thing, although they're closely related) that

> we

> grapple with are really intriguing to me. Both the emotional aspects

>

> and the aspect that is purely perceptual--the part that involves the

>

> brain trying to process the physical changes that have taken place

> and construct a new image of ourselves as we are NOW rather than as

>

> we were before the weight loss. That's really what that whole post

> was about.

>

> As far as being obsessed with getting to a specific goal, that's not

>

> my issue at all. I do seem to have a desire to quantify things--that

>

> just happens to be the kind of mind I have--and it was bothering me

>

> that I didn't have a goal that I could use to quantify what I have

> accomplished. You know how people talk about being " at goal " or X

> no.

> of pounds away from that, or whatever--well, I've never been able to

>

> do that, and when it was time to introduce myself to a new group of

>

> people and describe where I am now, I couldn't figure out what to

> say

> since I couldn't say whether I had reached " goal " or not. Sounds

> kind

> of silly in a way, but that was a real quandary in my mind at the

> time I wrote that post. Writing all that helped me process some

> things a little more, though, and I realize now that even though I

> do

> still feel a bit odd not being able to make a statement about where

> I

> am in realation to " goal, " it really is NOT all that important in

> the

> grand scheme of things. I think I already knew that on some level,

> but I know it a little better now.

>

> I'm still having a lot of trouble figuring out what I actually look

>

> like. There's a full-length mirror in the ladies room where I work,

>

> and every time I go in there, I usually take a look at myself. (It's

>

> kind of hard to avoid, because it's right across from the sinks,

> lol.) Sometimes I feel really good about what I see (especially if I

>

> happen to be wearing an outfit that I feel particularly good

> in...something that fits and/or hangs particularly well). But other

>

> times, I get really down in the dumps about the way my skin looks.

> I'm VERY happy to no longer have the fat, but there's no getting

> around the fact that the extra skin is physically uncomfortable as

> well as unattractive. I feel good because I'm thinner and healthier,

>

> but a lot of the time I don't feel particularly attractive. (I know

>

> healthier is more important, but what's wrong with wanting both,

> goshdarn it? ;oÞ) The way I feel about it fluctuates a lot--I have

> moments when I feel rather good about how I look and other moments

> when I feel freakish and grotesque. Do I actually LOOK freakish and

>

> grotesque? Geez, I don't know, lol--like I said before, I really

> don't know what I look like for sure. I just know I have issues

> about

> the skin and about my appearance in general that I still have to

> work

> through. If there's a chance this stuff may eventually tighten up on

>

> its own just a little bit, I'm glad to know it--but at almost 53,

> I'm

> wondering if that actually applies to me or not. It is a brutal fact

>

> that when you're over 50, your skin does NOT have the elasticity

> that

> a younger person's does. Only time will tell, of course. But in

> time,

> I imagine I'll probably become more comfortable with the situation,

>

> one way or the other. The whole thing is still so new right now--

> which is something I need to keep reminding myself of.

>

> I'm also trying to adjust to the whole idea of staying at roughly

> the

> same weight from here on out. The phase when you're actively losing

>

> weight is so different--the highs are amazing. All the milestones

> going by, all the drama of the physical changes, constantly shopping

>

> for smaller clothes, watching the numbers on the scale go down, etc.

>

> etc. Then, all of a sudden, that part is over...which you always

> knew

> it would be, of course, but experiencing it is something else. Did

> anyone else experience kind of an empty feeling when that phase was

>

> over?

>

> Of course we KNOW all along that we will eventually stop losing.

> That's a given. But now that I'm here, it feels like alien

> territory.

> (I know it's possible that I might still drop a few more, but let's

>

> face it, it ain't gonna be anything dramatic at this point. *grin*

> And I'll still have to adjust to the maintenance phase at some point

>

> in the very near future.) I've never maintained at a healthy weight

>

> for any length of time before, and I have no confidence yet in my

> ability to do so. Only time and experience will show me that I can

> do

> it. (There we are back to " time " being the solution to something

> again, lol.) I wish I could have prepared myself for this

> better--but

> I had any idea how to go about that--nor did I realize it was going

>

> to be such a tough adjustment.

>

> Anyhow...I have just rambled on for a long time, so I think it's

> time

> to cut this short. Thanks again!

>

> Sharon

February 12, 2003