Guest guest Posted February 19, 2003 Report Share Posted February 19, 2003 I wanted to thank everyone for their responses, both privately and to the list. You grads really are a wealth of information and experience, and I'm grateful for all of you. =) A couple of things that said really hit home, too... I've made some comments with ####'s after snipping hers below... -----Original Message----- From: ~denise <snip> ***Seems to me that when we live daily with abuse as children/teens and even adults we never learn the skills that others learn -- the simple stuff of how to cope with daily issues --living life daily is just totally foreign... other things that people seem to do so easily, paying bills, cleaning house or laundry or #######This is SO true. Instead of learning the normal coping skills for everyday life, we're generally learning how to survive in an abusive atmosphere....basically, just trying to make it through the day... That's another thing that I always thought was " weird " about me: that I'm not a terribly organized person, and it gets worse and worse...couple that with perfectionism (it sounds like an oxymoron, but it's possible), and you get disaster! If things can't be perfect (perfectly clean house, perfectly organized financial records....)....well..there's no point in doing it at all! So...it's either perfection or total chaos. What a choice. Are there others here who are so black and white? There aren't too many gray areas in my life. ****It is only " terrible " because it keeps you from fully enjoying your own life now -- in a way, even when the abusers are dead or gone the abuse keeps going... #######Again, sooo true, . My adoptive father's been dead since I was 15 (I'm almost 38 now), and I still feel his presence so profoundly. He was a total control freak: he controlled every aspect of my life, being, and existence. It was at the same time a relief and a tragedy to lose him....a relief, because THAT abuse stopped (there was still my adoptive mother to contend with, but that's another story)....a tragedy, because I was suddenly alone and scared and had no skills whatsoever insofar as directing my life. I'm learning these skills as I go along in life (though I'm sure this is true of all of us, abused or not LoL ;-) also seems like when we loose those layers of protection we become a lot more vulnerable again (in feeling..) so a lot of the past comes back to haunt yet again -- for those of us like us (~smile~ make sense?) we will go forward and heal or we will turn to an alternative like drugs or alcohol, self mutilation or our own worst fears of turning back to food... #######Are you inside my head?? LoL! Yes, I understand... I always SWORE that I'd never abuse alcohol, but now that I don't have food as comfort, I really watch the cocktails. It would be far too easy to substitute one addiction for another. I still find that I *try* to turn to food for all my emotions, happiness, sadness....everything. The only thing that holds me back is the restrictive nature of the RNY. Fortunately, I haven't been able to graze myself into a coma yet (though I've had a small bounce back [10 lbs..could be the monthly gainage....I can never tell 'til it goes away] since I haven't been exercising regularly and have been grazing too much...I wish I wanted to use exercise for stress instead of food! ;-) I actually had a physician once who was quite nice and was doing his best to help me.... He comforted me by saying that we all have addictions...I asked him what his was....he said sheepishly, " exercise. " *pow* right in the kisser LoL ;-) So, I do think it is important to begin the healing process and to keep moving forward (no matter how slowly it seems...) ########amen amen amen, sistah. , thank you again for taking so much time to respond, and thanks to everyone else, too. Ceep, would you please come to California and bring a team of shrinks (two dozen, at least) to work on my mind? We could get a huge grant from the gov't? I could come to you, too! ;-) Mom could come with you and feed me the iron I've been struggling with, and you could work on my head, and I could become perfect in..say...126 years????? ;-) Staci =) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 19, 2003 Report Share Posted February 19, 2003 I wanted to thank everyone for their responses, both privately and to the list. You grads really are a wealth of information and experience, and I'm grateful for all of you. =) A couple of things that said really hit home, too... I've made some comments with ####'s after snipping hers below... -----Original Message----- From: ~denise <snip> ***Seems to me that when we live daily with abuse as children/teens and even adults we never learn the skills that others learn -- the simple stuff of how to cope with daily issues --living life daily is just totally foreign... other things that people seem to do so easily, paying bills, cleaning house or laundry or #######This is SO true. Instead of learning the normal coping skills for everyday life, we're generally learning how to survive in an abusive atmosphere....basically, just trying to make it through the day... That's another thing that I always thought was " weird " about me: that I'm not a terribly organized person, and it gets worse and worse...couple that with perfectionism (it sounds like an oxymoron, but it's possible), and you get disaster! If things can't be perfect (perfectly clean house, perfectly organized financial records....)....well..there's no point in doing it at all! So...it's either perfection or total chaos. What a choice. Are there others here who are so black and white? There aren't too many gray areas in my life. ****It is only " terrible " because it keeps you from fully enjoying your own life now -- in a way, even when the abusers are dead or gone the abuse keeps going... #######Again, sooo true, . My adoptive father's been dead since I was 15 (I'm almost 38 now), and I still feel his presence so profoundly. He was a total control freak: he controlled every aspect of my life, being, and existence. It was at the same time a relief and a tragedy to lose him....a relief, because THAT abuse stopped (there was still my adoptive mother to contend with, but that's another story)....a tragedy, because I was suddenly alone and scared and had no skills whatsoever insofar as directing my life. I'm learning these skills as I go along in life (though I'm sure this is true of all of us, abused or not LoL ;-) also seems like when we loose those layers of protection we become a lot more vulnerable again (in feeling..) so a lot of the past comes back to haunt yet again -- for those of us like us (~smile~ make sense?) we will go forward and heal or we will turn to an alternative like drugs or alcohol, self mutilation or our own worst fears of turning back to food... #######Are you inside my head?? LoL! Yes, I understand... I always SWORE that I'd never abuse alcohol, but now that I don't have food as comfort, I really watch the cocktails. It would be far too easy to substitute one addiction for another. I still find that I *try* to turn to food for all my emotions, happiness, sadness....everything. The only thing that holds me back is the restrictive nature of the RNY. Fortunately, I haven't been able to graze myself into a coma yet (though I've had a small bounce back [10 lbs..could be the monthly gainage....I can never tell 'til it goes away] since I haven't been exercising regularly and have been grazing too much...I wish I wanted to use exercise for stress instead of food! ;-) I actually had a physician once who was quite nice and was doing his best to help me.... He comforted me by saying that we all have addictions...I asked him what his was....he said sheepishly, " exercise. " *pow* right in the kisser LoL ;-) So, I do think it is important to begin the healing process and to keep moving forward (no matter how slowly it seems...) ########amen amen amen, sistah. , thank you again for taking so much time to respond, and thanks to everyone else, too. Ceep, would you please come to California and bring a team of shrinks (two dozen, at least) to work on my mind? We could get a huge grant from the gov't? I could come to you, too! ;-) Mom could come with you and feed me the iron I've been struggling with, and you could work on my head, and I could become perfect in..say...126 years????? ;-) Staci =) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 19, 2003 Report Share Posted February 19, 2003 In a message dated 2/19/2003 10:33:34 AM Central Standard Time, inocent1@... writes: > far too easy to substitute one addiction for another. > --------------------------- > > Oh, ayup to that. My newest one is buying clothes. Don't even have room in > the closet for more, but I still shop. > > Carol A Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 19, 2003 Report Share Posted February 19, 2003 In a message dated 2/19/2003 10:33:34 AM Central Standard Time, inocent1@... writes: > far too easy to substitute one addiction for another. > --------------------------- > > Oh, ayup to that. My newest one is buying clothes. Don't even have room in > the closet for more, but I still shop. > > Carol A Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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