Re: Be happy for me, not jealous!

[Guest guest]

Wow, you certainly have a lot going on. I have experienced this

with my family at times. Interestingly, not about the surgery, but

about other things where I chose to take care of myself. I think it

upsets the family " apple-cart " as it were. I mean you are

challenging the status quo. I would really, really, really,

encourange you to just take care of yourself and try to ignore the

rest. It would be great if everyone else could support you, but

sometimes they truly can't. Not because they don't love you, it's

just that they are afraid of losing the person they know to someone

they think they won't know. As for your sister, why not be a role

model for her. I have a similar situation with my big sister. I

love her so much, but it's I know she has her own feelings about her

weight, etc. Even if I decided not to have the surgery, I can't

protect her from her own feelings.

I'm glad your husband is supportive. What I try to remember is that

it's MY job to stand up for myself and do what is right for me. No

one else can do that for me. Look for support where you know you

will find it. Here on the boards, maybe at your surgeon's support

group if they have one. I have also sought out counseling to help

with family situations.

My very best wishes to you. Your post touched my heart

tremendously. Be courageous and move forward!

> Okay, I am so glad I found this group, I have so many things to

ask.

> Did any of you get resistance from your friends and family.

>

> The only person that is " supportive " for me is my husband, and he

is

> worried about the surgery. My closest friend told me not to do

it,

> she said I shouldn't because it is elective. Well, if you mean by

> electing to live, I guess you could call it whatever you want. So

I

> can't and won't talk to her. As far as she knows, I was declined

> because of my insurance. I did not tell her that I will appeal.

She

> is about 40lbs over wt and I am scared to think that she may just

be

> jealous that I will one day be thinner that her. I think that is

> kinda funny because I am more than 100lbs heavier than her now!

>

> The hardest part is my family. I thought when I told my mom that

I

> was going to pursue this, she would be happy for me. Instead she

was

> upset. She doesn't want me to have it because of my younger

sister.

> She is afraid that I would hurt her feelings! I guess she assumes

I

> should sacrafice my health. I don't know, but it really hurt.

>

> My younger sister, I love her so much. If I had to choose between

me

> and her I would choose her, not because she needs it anymore than

me,

> but because I love her sooo much. I just feel guilty when I talk

to

> her, because I know I have a better shot at WLS than her and I

know

> how badly she wants it. I really want it for my health. She is a

> little more vain and I know she probably is most interested in

being

> thin. Not that I think that is bad. I mean I will be able to

breath

> and walk without difficulty (among other things). She will be

able

> to look in the mirror and smile. I don't know which one is

better?

> If I acutally get my appeal, I don't know how to tell her... I

wish

> I could just hide the wt loss Or find a way for her to get it

too.

>

> anyone with similar situations?

[Guest guest]

Wow, you certainly have a lot going on. I have experienced this

with my family at times. Interestingly, not about the surgery, but

about other things where I chose to take care of myself. I think it

upsets the family " apple-cart " as it were. I mean you are

challenging the status quo. I would really, really, really,

encourange you to just take care of yourself and try to ignore the

rest. It would be great if everyone else could support you, but

sometimes they truly can't. Not because they don't love you, it's

just that they are afraid of losing the person they know to someone

they think they won't know. As for your sister, why not be a role

model for her. I have a similar situation with my big sister. I

love her so much, but it's I know she has her own feelings about her

weight, etc. Even if I decided not to have the surgery, I can't

protect her from her own feelings.

I'm glad your husband is supportive. What I try to remember is that

it's MY job to stand up for myself and do what is right for me. No

one else can do that for me. Look for support where you know you

will find it. Here on the boards, maybe at your surgeon's support

group if they have one. I have also sought out counseling to help

with family situations.

My very best wishes to you. Your post touched my heart

tremendously. Be courageous and move forward!

> Okay, I am so glad I found this group, I have so many things to

ask.

> Did any of you get resistance from your friends and family.

>

> The only person that is " supportive " for me is my husband, and he

is

> worried about the surgery. My closest friend told me not to do

it,

> she said I shouldn't because it is elective. Well, if you mean by

> electing to live, I guess you could call it whatever you want. So

I

> can't and won't talk to her. As far as she knows, I was declined

> because of my insurance. I did not tell her that I will appeal.

She

> is about 40lbs over wt and I am scared to think that she may just

be

> jealous that I will one day be thinner that her. I think that is

> kinda funny because I am more than 100lbs heavier than her now!

>

> The hardest part is my family. I thought when I told my mom that

I

> was going to pursue this, she would be happy for me. Instead she

was

> upset. She doesn't want me to have it because of my younger

sister.

> She is afraid that I would hurt her feelings! I guess she assumes

I

> should sacrafice my health. I don't know, but it really hurt.

>

> My younger sister, I love her so much. If I had to choose between

me

> and her I would choose her, not because she needs it anymore than

me,

> but because I love her sooo much. I just feel guilty when I talk

to

> her, because I know I have a better shot at WLS than her and I

know

> how badly she wants it. I really want it for my health. She is a

> little more vain and I know she probably is most interested in

being

> thin. Not that I think that is bad. I mean I will be able to

breath

> and walk without difficulty (among other things). She will be

able

> to look in the mirror and smile. I don't know which one is

better?

> If I acutally get my appeal, I don't know how to tell her... I

wish

> I could just hide the wt loss Or find a way for her to get it

too.

>

> anyone with similar situations?

[Guest guest]

I had a similar situation, not too many were supportive of my

decision to have " elective " surgery. My hubby's mom was very

supportive, as she had it two year before. I thought that people would

be happy that I had made a healthy decision for once.

Friends of mine all thought it would change me and I think my mom was

upset because she had wanted to have it about 6 years before. I

remember she had asked my opinion of it at the time and i told her i

thought it was risky, that not enough was known about it. Needless to

say she did not do it(for other reasons), and she never fails to bring

up my past thoughts on it when i told her that i was going to have it.

Well, I did it, almost four months ago and my mom was right by my side

as they wheeled me in, she now has tremndous respect for my dr. and

she has an appt with him soon.

My brother was also a non-supporter, but he is glad that i did, b/c

he sees my success. I think my hubby has adapted to it, mostly. he is

a little more jealous than he used to be, but that is okay with me.

The funny thing is that i was the most beautiful woman in the world to

him and he always thought that everyone else thought that too...84

pounds lighter, he realizes that men are paying more attention to me.

Let's just say he likes to go to the grocery store with me now!

hehehehe...

In the end you will find it is a very personal and soul searching

decision and journey and if you are well educated about the surgery

and everything that your body will go thru you will find that you are

doing the right thing whether people agree or not. Just let your

family know how much you love them and respect there input, but that

you feel you are making the right decision for you. Good Luck!

Hannah

> Okay, I am so glad I found this group, I have so many things to ask.

> Did any of you get resistance from your friends and family.

>

> The only person that is " supportive " for me is my husband, and he is

> worried about the surgery. My closest friend told me not to do it,

> she said I shouldn't because it is elective. Well, if you mean by

> electing to live, I guess you could call it whatever you want. So I

> can't and won't talk to her. As far as she knows, I was declined

> because of my insurance. I did not tell her that I will appeal.

She

> is about 40lbs over wt and I am scared to think that she may just be

> jealous that I will one day be thinner that her. I think that is

> kinda funny because I am more than 100lbs heavier than her now!

>

> The hardest part is my family. I thought when I told my mom that I

> was going to pursue this, she would be happy for me. Instead she

was

> upset. She doesn't want me to have it because of my younger sister.

> She is afraid that I would hurt her feelings! I guess she assumes I

> should sacrafice my health. I don't know, but it really hurt.

>

> My younger sister, I love her so much. If I had to choose between

me

> and her I would choose her, not because she needs it anymore than

me,

> but because I love her sooo much. I just feel guilty when I talk to

> her, because I know I have a better shot at WLS than her and I know

> how badly she wants it. I really want it for my health. She is a

> little more vain and I know she probably is most interested in being

> thin. Not that I think that is bad. I mean I will be able to

breath

> and walk without difficulty (among other things). She will be able

> to look in the mirror and smile. I don't know which one is better?

> If I acutally get my appeal, I don't know how to tell her... I wish

> I could just hide the wt loss Or find a way for her to get it

too.

>

> anyone with similar situations?

[Guest guest]

I had a similar situation, not too many were supportive of my

decision to have " elective " surgery. My hubby's mom was very

supportive, as she had it two year before. I thought that people would

be happy that I had made a healthy decision for once.

Friends of mine all thought it would change me and I think my mom was

upset because she had wanted to have it about 6 years before. I

remember she had asked my opinion of it at the time and i told her i

thought it was risky, that not enough was known about it. Needless to

say she did not do it(for other reasons), and she never fails to bring

up my past thoughts on it when i told her that i was going to have it.

Well, I did it, almost four months ago and my mom was right by my side

as they wheeled me in, she now has tremndous respect for my dr. and

she has an appt with him soon.

My brother was also a non-supporter, but he is glad that i did, b/c

he sees my success. I think my hubby has adapted to it, mostly. he is

a little more jealous than he used to be, but that is okay with me.

The funny thing is that i was the most beautiful woman in the world to

him and he always thought that everyone else thought that too...84

pounds lighter, he realizes that men are paying more attention to me.

Let's just say he likes to go to the grocery store with me now!

hehehehe...

In the end you will find it is a very personal and soul searching

decision and journey and if you are well educated about the surgery

and everything that your body will go thru you will find that you are

doing the right thing whether people agree or not. Just let your

family know how much you love them and respect there input, but that

you feel you are making the right decision for you. Good Luck!

Hannah

> Okay, I am so glad I found this group, I have so many things to ask.

> Did any of you get resistance from your friends and family.

>

> The only person that is " supportive " for me is my husband, and he is

> worried about the surgery. My closest friend told me not to do it,

> she said I shouldn't because it is elective. Well, if you mean by

> electing to live, I guess you could call it whatever you want. So I

> can't and won't talk to her. As far as she knows, I was declined

> because of my insurance. I did not tell her that I will appeal.

She

> is about 40lbs over wt and I am scared to think that she may just be

> jealous that I will one day be thinner that her. I think that is

> kinda funny because I am more than 100lbs heavier than her now!

>

> The hardest part is my family. I thought when I told my mom that I

> was going to pursue this, she would be happy for me. Instead she

was

> upset. She doesn't want me to have it because of my younger sister.

> She is afraid that I would hurt her feelings! I guess she assumes I

> should sacrafice my health. I don't know, but it really hurt.

>

> My younger sister, I love her so much. If I had to choose between

me

> and her I would choose her, not because she needs it anymore than

me,

> but because I love her sooo much. I just feel guilty when I talk to

> her, because I know I have a better shot at WLS than her and I know

> how badly she wants it. I really want it for my health. She is a

> little more vain and I know she probably is most interested in being

> thin. Not that I think that is bad. I mean I will be able to

breath

> and walk without difficulty (among other things). She will be able

> to look in the mirror and smile. I don't know which one is better?

> If I acutally get my appeal, I don't know how to tell her... I wish

> I could just hide the wt loss Or find a way for her to get it

too.

>

> anyone with similar situations?

[Guest guest]

Different people always seem to have different reactions. I was lucky. I

had no negative reactions from anyone. Or if they had them they thankfully

kept them to themselves.

all you can do is what is right for you.

Don't worry too much about what others think. To some degree that's part of

what got us in this mess to begin with.

Candi

Be happy for me, not jealous!

Okay, I am so glad I found this group, I have so many things to ask.

Did any of you get resistance from your friends and family.

The only person that is " supportive " for me is my husband, and he is

worried about the surgery. My closest friend told me not to do it,

she said I shouldn't because it is elective. Well, if you mean by

electing to live, I guess you could call it whatever you want. So I

can't and won't talk to her. As far as she knows, I was declined

because of my insurance. I did not tell her that I will appeal. She

is about 40lbs over wt and I am scared to think that she may just be

jealous that I will one day be thinner that her. I think that is

kinda funny because I am more than 100lbs heavier than her now!

The hardest part is my family. I thought when I told my mom that I

was going to pursue this, she would be happy for me. Instead she was

upset. She doesn't want me to have it because of my younger sister.

She is afraid that I would hurt her feelings! I guess she assumes I

should sacrafice my health. I don't know, but it really hurt.

My younger sister, I love her so much. If I had to choose between me

and her I would choose her, not because she needs it anymore than me,

but because I love her sooo much. I just feel guilty when I talk to

her, because I know I have a better shot at WLS than her and I know

how badly she wants it. I really want it for my health. She is a

little more vain and I know she probably is most interested in being

thin. Not that I think that is bad. I mean I will be able to breath

and walk without difficulty (among other things). She will be able

to look in the mirror and smile. I don't know which one is better?

If I acutally get my appeal, I don't know how to tell her... I wish

I could just hide the wt loss Or find a way for her to get it too.

anyone with similar situations?

[Guest guest]

Different people always seem to have different reactions. I was lucky. I

had no negative reactions from anyone. Or if they had them they thankfully

kept them to themselves.

all you can do is what is right for you.

Don't worry too much about what others think. To some degree that's part of

what got us in this mess to begin with.

Candi

Be happy for me, not jealous!

Okay, I am so glad I found this group, I have so many things to ask.

Did any of you get resistance from your friends and family.

The only person that is " supportive " for me is my husband, and he is

worried about the surgery. My closest friend told me not to do it,

she said I shouldn't because it is elective. Well, if you mean by

electing to live, I guess you could call it whatever you want. So I

can't and won't talk to her. As far as she knows, I was declined

because of my insurance. I did not tell her that I will appeal. She

is about 40lbs over wt and I am scared to think that she may just be

jealous that I will one day be thinner that her. I think that is

kinda funny because I am more than 100lbs heavier than her now!

The hardest part is my family. I thought when I told my mom that I

was going to pursue this, she would be happy for me. Instead she was

upset. She doesn't want me to have it because of my younger sister.

She is afraid that I would hurt her feelings! I guess she assumes I

should sacrafice my health. I don't know, but it really hurt.

My younger sister, I love her so much. If I had to choose between me

and her I would choose her, not because she needs it anymore than me,

but because I love her sooo much. I just feel guilty when I talk to

her, because I know I have a better shot at WLS than her and I know

how badly she wants it. I really want it for my health. She is a

little more vain and I know she probably is most interested in being

thin. Not that I think that is bad. I mean I will be able to breath

and walk without difficulty (among other things). She will be able

to look in the mirror and smile. I don't know which one is better?

If I acutally get my appeal, I don't know how to tell her... I wish

I could just hide the wt loss Or find a way for her to get it too.

anyone with similar situations?

[Guest guest]

your subject line says it all, only u know what it's like to walk in

your mocassins. do what's best for your health & quality of life.

& yes, i have an older sister who dreams of a 'fat free' life, but

isn't willing to make the sacrifice.

lori h.

> Okay, I am so glad I found this group, I have so many things to

ask.

> Did any of you get resistance from your friends and family.

>

> The only person that is " supportive " for me is my husband, and he

is

> worried about the surgery. My closest friend told me not to do

it,

> she said I shouldn't because it is elective. Well, if you mean by

> electing to live, I guess you could call it whatever you want. So

I

> can't and won't talk to her. As far as she knows, I was declined

> because of my insurance. I did not tell her that I will appeal.

She

> is about 40lbs over wt and I am scared to think that she may just

be

> jealous that I will one day be thinner that her. I think that is

> kinda funny because I am more than 100lbs heavier than her now!

>

> The hardest part is my family. I thought when I told my mom that

I

> was going to pursue this, she would be happy for me. Instead she

was

> upset. She doesn't want me to have it because of my younger

sister.

> She is afraid that I would hurt her feelings! I guess she assumes

I

> should sacrafice my health. I don't know, but it really hurt.

>

> My younger sister, I love her so much. If I had to choose between

me

> and her I would choose her, not because she needs it anymore than

me,

> but because I love her sooo much. I just feel guilty when I talk

to

> her, because I know I have a better shot at WLS than her and I

know

> how badly she wants it. I really want it for my health. She is a

> little more vain and I know she probably is most interested in

being

> thin. Not that I think that is bad. I mean I will be able to

breath

> and walk without difficulty (among other things). She will be

able

> to look in the mirror and smile. I don't know which one is

better?

> If I acutally get my appeal, I don't know how to tell her... I

wish

> I could just hide the wt loss Or find a way for her to get it

too.

>

> anyone with similar situations?

[Guest guest]

your subject line says it all, only u know what it's like to walk in

your mocassins. do what's best for your health & quality of life.

& yes, i have an older sister who dreams of a 'fat free' life, but

isn't willing to make the sacrifice.

lori h.

> Okay, I am so glad I found this group, I have so many things to

ask.

> Did any of you get resistance from your friends and family.

>

> The only person that is " supportive " for me is my husband, and he

is

> worried about the surgery. My closest friend told me not to do

it,

> she said I shouldn't because it is elective. Well, if you mean by

> electing to live, I guess you could call it whatever you want. So

I

> can't and won't talk to her. As far as she knows, I was declined

> because of my insurance. I did not tell her that I will appeal.

She

> is about 40lbs over wt and I am scared to think that she may just

be

> jealous that I will one day be thinner that her. I think that is

> kinda funny because I am more than 100lbs heavier than her now!

>

> The hardest part is my family. I thought when I told my mom that

I

> was going to pursue this, she would be happy for me. Instead she

was

> upset. She doesn't want me to have it because of my younger

sister.

> She is afraid that I would hurt her feelings! I guess she assumes

I

> should sacrafice my health. I don't know, but it really hurt.

>

> My younger sister, I love her so much. If I had to choose between

me

> and her I would choose her, not because she needs it anymore than

me,

> but because I love her sooo much. I just feel guilty when I talk

to

> her, because I know I have a better shot at WLS than her and I

know

> how badly she wants it. I really want it for my health. She is a

> little more vain and I know she probably is most interested in

being

> thin. Not that I think that is bad. I mean I will be able to

breath

> and walk without difficulty (among other things). She will be

able

> to look in the mirror and smile. I don't know which one is

better?

> If I acutally get my appeal, I don't know how to tell her... I

wish

> I could just hide the wt loss Or find a way for her to get it

too.

>

> anyone with similar situations?