Tough Love issue

[Guest guest]

Morning,

I am in a sort of tug of war, mainly with my heart here. Our son

Charlie age 4 is doing great these days, he is more attentive, more

talkative, actually more enjoyable all around. However, my husband

who grew up with much of the sam issues as my son, believes our son

is in fact holding back. He flate out tells me that He knows he is

being stuborn and lazy and is in fact much better than I think and I

should not accept his baby steps as any major thing. My mom now

yell the same thing much of the time when visiting and spending time

with our son. They are very close and he does in fact communicate

with her better than most. the pre-k folks says he is a leader in

his class and the kids will see if he cooperates during circle time

and then follow suit. He will however mimic a child with stimming

issues if he see's that gets him the attention he see's they get.

The stimming last a few days a week then I guess it just doesnt work

and he lets it go.The speech can go from good to bad depending on

his mood. My husband had it had in that they abused him as a child

into speaking. His sibblings and other relative would knock him

upside his head or punish him when he did not speak or spoke

incorrectly. I dont want to go that route, My husband feel

embarassment will eventually work when he is teased by someon like

it did when he had an accident at the daycare and the kids called

him a big baby, well that was his last accident and his last time

letting anyone help him change or go to the bathroom no he does

everything himself and want no help in that department. My question

is do I push him harder force more on him and expect everything or

do I just let him progress at his slow pace. At this point the

school cant explain him nor can his Therapist they all say he is

holding back, The development pediatrician tells me to put him to

work, find out what he cant do verses what he can, she says yes

there is a speech issue but the rest is laziness. My son roller

skates swims, rides a bike can walk a balance beam for hours, I dont

want to damage his self esteme but do I step up and play bad Mom and

say alright we know you can do better so step up your game kid!

[Guest guest]

My son is 4 years old, he has PDD NOS and Apraxia. is very gifted and

talented. He does not ride a bike, or do any of the things you mentioned

your child is interested in. has talents all his own. As for the

stimming, does that too at times, that is regulating their sensory

systems

and that they find better ways to deal with as they get older. As for wanting

to embarrass your own child, I don't get that. My son, is doing well with

his speech therapy but he really does not have too much spontaneous speech

yet. Four years old is still quite young, I think your child needs a chance to

be just that, a child. Kids are mean and tease other children anyway's. I

wish for my son many of the things your son already has, one day I know he

will get their, but praise him and accept him and I think you are right about

the baby steps. Jen

**************Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape.

http://body.aol.com/fitness/winter-exercise?NCID=aolcmp00300000002489

[Guest guest]

As his mom you know instinctively if what everyone is telling you is

true. Go with your heart . . . We are talking about a 4 year old who

is making progress. Your son's issues may not be the same as your

husband's. There may be some underlying causes to his unwillingness

to " standout " in certain areas of his growing years. Does he have

sequential memory weaknesses? He may be insecure as well as unable to

decide which steps to take in order to get to the finished product.

Its like telling your son " here is the obstacle course, you start here

and the finish line is here. Figure out how to get through all the

mazes without me showing you how to do it. "

Do you think your son has that capability or does he need support from

the OT and ST to get him through the maze. I know my son had a

difficult time trying new things. He had to be shown in various ways

and sometimes would give up b/c he was scared or tired of doing it

wrong. Swimming, bike riding, gymnastics were all introduced through

lessons and he learned " his way " . No one pushed him to do it the

" technical " way, but as he progressed the teacher would break it down

by each stroke or movement to show him an easier way.

An article from New Zealand turned the light bulb on for me which

explained global dyspraxia. My husband who supposedly has the same

issues still butts heads with me on how to treat my son's learning

disabilities. His viewpoint is a child learns on their own and

deciphers their own coping skills. Fortunately, for my son I go with

my instincts and ignore my husband's ways of coping techniques. Its

like building a house. The foundation needs to meet proper building

codes otherwise the inspector will not sign off on the permit. Ive

taken this approach that a strong foundation will build a strong

future for my son. There are plenty of " snake oil " treatments out

there, but educate yourself before making any moves. A well educated

consumer is the best advocate for your child.

One of the many evaluations he took was from the Oxford Learning

Center. Their diagnostic testing of his academic skills for success

showed bullet holes in certain areas that if not corrected he would

always be playing " catch up " . They pointed me to a CAPD test for

further evaluation and have been moving along from area to area until

he has full competency. Unlike other learning centers where they

guarantee a full grade advancement, Oxford told me that he had deeper

issues in an area they could not fulfill and pointed me to an expert

in auditory processing.

Email me if you would like the New Zealand article and learning

pyramid article. mulholland34@...

all the best,

Joanne