Guest guest Posted February 9, 2003 Report Share Posted February 9, 2003 >of stress things could get really bad. Had my first full blown panic >attack (complete with raised blood pressure, cold sweats, heart pounding >in my ears, convinced that I was dying) when my " then " husband came back It just amazes me how much I learn from this list and its members. Ceep, you really *are* a national treasure. I could have cried this morning when I read your e-mail about panic/obsessive behaviour. And then I read the above, and it could be taken from my own life. Most of the time, I am one put-together chick! I am in control and in charge!! And then it feels as though things spin out of control and all is lost and hopeless. I've been to therapy (never lasted more than a few sessions because I didn't feel it helpful). I've been on different drugs (Prozac works...but the side effects...yuck...am trying generic Wellbutrin for the first time)... I've had exactly what is described above...I didn't know it was a panic attack....I just thought I was crazy, PMSing, PCOSing, moody, manic-depressive, and uh...crazy. I'm still not convinced I'm not all of the above!! =) It amazes me the thread of similarities I see in so many of us who've chosen food as our drug: child abuse, sexual abuse, mental and emotional abuse, low self esteem, depression, obsession... What does it make me to have all of these???? (Besides a basket case sometimes? LoL!!! ;-) In my own case, my biological father was violently abusive..then I bounced from abusive foster home to abusive foster home...then I was adopted by VERY violent, abusive adoptive parents (talk about frying pan to fire) where I was emotionally, physically, psychologically, and sexually abused until I moved out almost SECONDS after I turned 18. My adoptive parents are both gone now, but hardly forgotten. At almost 38, I feel as though I'm only just STARTING to figure out how to live and love. I also know that there MUST be a therapist out there who can help me heal (it's a terrible thing to shrink away from your wonderful significant other's touch because of still trying desperately to deal with past abuse...). But I see too many BAD therapists and hear too many ugly stories (heck, my best friend's recent ex-boyfriend (they were together for four years w/o sex or progress in the relationship) has just become a marriage and family counselor....uh..he's never been married, and he hasn't a CLUE how to have a relationship. He was in total clueless shock when she broke up with him. It's witnessing things like this that has made me shy away from therapists for the past 15 years...even while desperately searching for answers and healing... Sorry this is so long, but I'm really trying to figure out how to heal...so much hurt to heal, ya' know? Any suggestions/comments welcome...I know that there are many of us out there who are finding ways to heal, and I would sure appreciate the wisdom. Thank you all in advance from the bottom of my aching heart. =) Staci Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 9, 2003 Report Share Posted February 9, 2003 >of stress things could get really bad. Had my first full blown panic >attack (complete with raised blood pressure, cold sweats, heart pounding >in my ears, convinced that I was dying) when my " then " husband came back It just amazes me how much I learn from this list and its members. Ceep, you really *are* a national treasure. I could have cried this morning when I read your e-mail about panic/obsessive behaviour. And then I read the above, and it could be taken from my own life. Most of the time, I am one put-together chick! I am in control and in charge!! And then it feels as though things spin out of control and all is lost and hopeless. I've been to therapy (never lasted more than a few sessions because I didn't feel it helpful). I've been on different drugs (Prozac works...but the side effects...yuck...am trying generic Wellbutrin for the first time)... I've had exactly what is described above...I didn't know it was a panic attack....I just thought I was crazy, PMSing, PCOSing, moody, manic-depressive, and uh...crazy. I'm still not convinced I'm not all of the above!! =) It amazes me the thread of similarities I see in so many of us who've chosen food as our drug: child abuse, sexual abuse, mental and emotional abuse, low self esteem, depression, obsession... What does it make me to have all of these???? (Besides a basket case sometimes? LoL!!! ;-) In my own case, my biological father was violently abusive..then I bounced from abusive foster home to abusive foster home...then I was adopted by VERY violent, abusive adoptive parents (talk about frying pan to fire) where I was emotionally, physically, psychologically, and sexually abused until I moved out almost SECONDS after I turned 18. My adoptive parents are both gone now, but hardly forgotten. At almost 38, I feel as though I'm only just STARTING to figure out how to live and love. I also know that there MUST be a therapist out there who can help me heal (it's a terrible thing to shrink away from your wonderful significant other's touch because of still trying desperately to deal with past abuse...). But I see too many BAD therapists and hear too many ugly stories (heck, my best friend's recent ex-boyfriend (they were together for four years w/o sex or progress in the relationship) has just become a marriage and family counselor....uh..he's never been married, and he hasn't a CLUE how to have a relationship. He was in total clueless shock when she broke up with him. It's witnessing things like this that has made me shy away from therapists for the past 15 years...even while desperately searching for answers and healing... Sorry this is so long, but I'm really trying to figure out how to heal...so much hurt to heal, ya' know? Any suggestions/comments welcome...I know that there are many of us out there who are finding ways to heal, and I would sure appreciate the wisdom. Thank you all in advance from the bottom of my aching heart. =) Staci Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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