Guest guest Posted February 15, 2003 Report Share Posted February 15, 2003 Dear Debbie: hang in there; don't listen to any well-meaning folks who think they can predict the future based on nothing, or say what is right for your daughter and her child. Your daughter will decide, along with your tender counsel to her, and a much greater Hand guiding you both. Try as hard as you can, not to let her jump ahead about never having a child, and all those horrible thoughts that assail us during hellacious times. Perhaps suggest to her to try to stop scaring herself with " what if? " thoughts right now. That you and she will deal with one thing at a time, with what is real, rather than what is frightening fantasy. Try to get her to just stay right in the present. Perhaps by suggesting to her that it is good for the baby that she remain as calm as she can under the circumstances, and that fantasies about the far future make her hormones spill, and the baby feels those too. I think it is the hardest thing in the world to stay in the present when it feels like the gates of hell are clanking closed all around you. But, the one day at a time, the one hour at a time, is a proven strategy that helps to take the edges off the panic. If you feel like she cannot release at all, you might ask her doc if there is any extremely mild sedative that will in no way harm her or the baby that might help in the interim. You might see about a claming tea that will not hurt a pregnant woman or her child. This is not your situation at all, but it is one I draw my experience from....I know when my child (grown daughter) was so out of her mind over her dying child, even though i felt like I could barely stand myself--but with the arms of the Blessed Mother around me, I undressed my beloved daughter and washed her and put lotion on her whole body, and combed her hair, and just loved her like she was a little baby herself, and it helped for it gave her the place to weep and be held, and feel loved insofar as she could manage. I guess I am just trying to say, that sometimes as a mother there is so little to be said to help one's suffering child, but touch can say what words cannot. I do not in any way want to intrude at a time like this Debbie, but if you are up to it, can you tell us *when* the docs might have more reliable information for your daughter? Waiting can hurt. This comes with love and peace for your mother's heart, and for your daughter's heart also. ceep G-MOM > > > > Cyndie is > is only into . > He is not suportive at all. > Right now I think the only thing Cyndie wants to hear is that > this baby has a chance to live. She dosnt care that it will e a > ds baby. > I called her and read some of the posts. I told her that one of > them has a living baby who had the same dx as cyns baby. > I think she found comfort in this one post. > This is so hard. Every one keeps saying its for the best that > she loose it WHY is this best. Either way this will never be over > for cyn. Yes the pain will lesson but she will never forget and > . This will not be a simple miscarae if this is what happens. > She fears she will never be able to have a normal child. > Thanks for careing > Debby R (wa) > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 15, 2003 Report Share Posted February 15, 2003 Dear Debbie: hang in there; don't listen to any well-meaning folks who think they can predict the future based on nothing, or say what is right for your daughter and her child. Your daughter will decide, along with your tender counsel to her, and a much greater Hand guiding you both. Try as hard as you can, not to let her jump ahead about never having a child, and all those horrible thoughts that assail us during hellacious times. Perhaps suggest to her to try to stop scaring herself with " what if? " thoughts right now. That you and she will deal with one thing at a time, with what is real, rather than what is frightening fantasy. Try to get her to just stay right in the present. Perhaps by suggesting to her that it is good for the baby that she remain as calm as she can under the circumstances, and that fantasies about the far future make her hormones spill, and the baby feels those too. I think it is the hardest thing in the world to stay in the present when it feels like the gates of hell are clanking closed all around you. But, the one day at a time, the one hour at a time, is a proven strategy that helps to take the edges off the panic. If you feel like she cannot release at all, you might ask her doc if there is any extremely mild sedative that will in no way harm her or the baby that might help in the interim. You might see about a claming tea that will not hurt a pregnant woman or her child. This is not your situation at all, but it is one I draw my experience from....I know when my child (grown daughter) was so out of her mind over her dying child, even though i felt like I could barely stand myself--but with the arms of the Blessed Mother around me, I undressed my beloved daughter and washed her and put lotion on her whole body, and combed her hair, and just loved her like she was a little baby herself, and it helped for it gave her the place to weep and be held, and feel loved insofar as she could manage. I guess I am just trying to say, that sometimes as a mother there is so little to be said to help one's suffering child, but touch can say what words cannot. I do not in any way want to intrude at a time like this Debbie, but if you are up to it, can you tell us *when* the docs might have more reliable information for your daughter? Waiting can hurt. This comes with love and peace for your mother's heart, and for your daughter's heart also. ceep G-MOM > > > > Cyndie is > is only into . > He is not suportive at all. > Right now I think the only thing Cyndie wants to hear is that > this baby has a chance to live. She dosnt care that it will e a > ds baby. > I called her and read some of the posts. I told her that one of > them has a living baby who had the same dx as cyns baby. > I think she found comfort in this one post. > This is so hard. Every one keeps saying its for the best that > she loose it WHY is this best. Either way this will never be over > for cyn. Yes the pain will lesson but she will never forget and > . This will not be a simple miscarae if this is what happens. > She fears she will never be able to have a normal child. > Thanks for careing > Debby R (wa) > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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