FORWARDED FROM DAN: Wrestling the Devil

March 25, 2003

Subject: Wrestling the Devil

> " .....................I still struggle with the idea that

> there isn't going to be an end to this struggle.....but knowing that

> there isn't has also helped me to not panic during my weaker

> moments...... "

>

> , I think you said in these few words what I was trying

> communicate in so many in my other post. I had some professional

> input on my bout in the WLS ring. The professional told me that she

> thought that my acceptance of my life as one that will be dealing

> with this chronic illness is one of the assets I have. I honestly

> had to chew on that one for awhile before I could swallow it!

>

> It is sad to realize there is no yellow brick road. But what a

> relief too! You also verbalized something else very well for me.

> There is a freedom in internalizing that view of the future. Since

> there is no magic bullet, nothing will change me into a Prince so I

> may as well learn to enjoy frog kisses!

>

> Equally as important for me is understanding the mechanics of the

> surgery I have. I have a horizontal pouch that utiizes the greater

> curvature of the stomach and an enlarged stoma Basically means that

> I do not have a pouch, I have a tube and the ingested food just

> whizzes right along. Couple that with a very proximal version (75cm)

> and that gives me the picture of the anatomy. No wonder there is no

> bottom,,,,,,yanno? But the important thing for me there is to know

> that all surgeries are not created equal, even with the same names.

> I could and did whip butt on me for a long time for things that were

> not my fault. Finding out the difference, is the issue for me.

> Comparison for me to someone else who has to yak on overindulgence

> ina breath of fresh air is a fruitless expenditure of energy. I did

> not get what I wanted, but that is the way it is now and playing the

> hand I was dealt is more important than looking at someone else's.

>

> I will never go back to MO either. Just because I had surgery did

> not take away any of the great qualities that kept me alive with this

> illness and several other choice ones along the way for all these

> years. That brings me to another very important issue. Gratitude!

>

> I am yet reminded again of how fortunate I am to see the dawn of each

> day. In my misspent youth (too much time in the poolroom and not

> enough in scholarly endeavor) I had folks in uniforms trying their

> very level best to shoot me. The current situation today brings home

> to me again to realistically that when I am grateful I am not being

> resentful or fearful. When I can remember to read the affirmations

> that I write down, and read them aloud it sets a tone for the day.

> Then it is easier to do the basics, the water, protein, exerise and I

> also have to toss in a good helping of meditation and introspection.

>

> Finally (another long ramble),one of the things I did over the last

> six weeks was to stop reading and assimilating all the illnesses,

> complications and other life challenges that I can read here. Just

> one of my things I guess but one that has allowed me to narrow the

> vision, down to my challenges for awhile. It was becoming non

> theraputic for me.

>

> Good luck to all who wrestle the carb devil. I think I am about

> ready to challenge him in a cage match with no time limits :-)

>

> Dan Slone

> Surgery 5/2/2000

>

March 25, 2003