Horizon Reports Educational Consultant Services Helping Families

January 1, 2008

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Horizon Reports

Educational Consultant Services Helping Families and Professionals ...

Educational Consultants Supporting Parents and Professionals of Struggling

Teens

January 2008

Educational Consultants

A Trusted Resource

Begin a 3 minute video by clicking HERE

Greetings!

Happy New Year!

Here's to the bright New Year

And a fond farewell to the old;

Here's to the things that are yet to come

And to the memories that we hold.

10...9...8... The lighted ball in New York's Times Square starts picking up

speed. 7...6...5... It's almost time. 4...3...2... Everyone holds their

breath for the last few seconds. We're about to jump that seemingly large

but invisible gap that separates the years. 1...0...

Happy New Year!

We made it. The old year, for better or worse, is gone for good.

The new year has begun with fresh promise.Here's our chance to start again,

to do it right this time, to have another shot at success...at glory...at

just accomplishing what we resolve to.

It's time to shed that baggage from the year long gone and celebrate what

can be in the 365 untouched days to come. Happy New Year!

Not all countries celebrate the New Year at the same time, or in the same

way. This is because people in different parts of the world use different

calendars. Long ago, people divided time into days, months, and years.Some

calendars are based on the movement of the moon, others are based on the

position of the sun, while others are based on both the sun and the moon.

All over the world, there are special beliefs about the New Year.

Happy New Year to all of my associates, clients, friends, and those I have

yet to meet. Thank you all for your support, I appreciate it immensely.

Happy 2008!

Dore

And, of course, congratulations to our HFS Theme Contest winner for 2008 -

Shana Stanberry SC.D./ Licensed Psychologist.

Shana lives in beautiful Boulder, Colorado with her 16 year old daughter and

husband.

In This Issue

1st Class Investigations, Inc.

8 CHALLENGING PERSONALITIES

Getting Guidance: Educational Consultants

MORAL RECOGNATION THERAPY

The Terrible Teens!

PARENTING FROM YOUR HEART

1st Class Investigations, Inc.

1st Class Investigations, Inc. Adolescent Transport / Runaway Division

specializes in the therapeutic transport of at-risk adolescents.

Our company was founded by retired law enforcement supervisors

DiMaggio (NYPD Captain-retired) and Andre Barry (NYPD Lieutenant-retired).

They have years of experience with at-risk adolescents in all types of

situations and have incorporated this experience along with their formal

training in their company. They perform therapeutic adolescent transports

with professionalism, compassion, dignity and respect for all

involved. We are here to help.

1st Class Investigations, Inc.

866-357-4769

8 CHALLENGING PERSONALITIES - Part 3 - " Dear Abby "

Every parent, every program, every counselor, every friend, every teacher

knows or has at least one - a bully, a clown, a Dear Abby, a golden child, a

gossip, a phantom, a whiner, and an emotional train wreck.

" Dear Abby "

Behavior and its impact:

The Dear Abby kid wants to be everyone's counselor, matchmaker, and all

around helper. This can look as if they are a safely centered child,

however, Dear Abby kids act out of a vacuum. Their often obsessive

compulsive focus on others' needs often backfires, leaving them depressed

and even more addicted to finding their own identity in solving others'

problems. Dear Abby kids are desperately working at " buying " real

relationships through their own service, however, those receiving their help

often see them as only a conduit for meeting their own needs. Dear Abby

kids are seldom admired or loved for simply who they are - they are valued

because they " deliver. " That leaves them empty, even when things work out

the way they had hoped. Dear Abby's feel others' appreciation, however,

often only in performance based ways. Their impact in others' lives is

often fickle and short-lived.

How the behavior is typically reinforced:

When adults treat Dear Abby kids as providers of true service and care for

others, and applaud them either privately or publicly, these kids feel

encouraged to continue this path.

How to help:

Help a Dear Abby kid see they are worth knowing and being loved for no other

reason than for who they are themselves. Get to know their stories - look

for what had fueled their commitment to abandon their own pain by working so

hard to fix others' pain.

Be careful not to put them in a helper role, and gently help them understand

how this personality fuels depression, performance, and (ultimately)

resentment.

Articles of Interest

Getting Guidance: Educational Consultants

Typical public school counselors handle hundreds of students with

wide-ranging needs.

They deal with drug dependency, suicide prevention, truancy, unplanned

pregnancies, and -all on any given morning.

THE GOOD NEWS: Many are superheroes. They do all of it well.

THE BAD NEWS: Unfortunately, due to budget cuts, some high schools have no

guidance counselors at all; some have too few who carry unrealistic loads

(and a handful are just downright inept).

Even in private schools, where loads are lighter and may be limited to

admission advising alone, the situation can be far from ideal.

Here, counselors range from among the very best in the business to

inexperienced, untrained generalists who may be teaching seventh-grade Arts

and freshman Chemistry at the same time.

Some private school counselors face pressure from administrators who insist

that a list of acceptances to prestige colleges is the most important report

card by which their institution will be judged and from parents who

insinuate that a thumbs-up from a big-name school is the reward they deserve

for years of tuition bills.

No matter where your child goes to school, it is up to you to evaluate the

strengths and weaknesses of the available guidance counseling and to

participate in the admission process.

Because guidance counselors' abilities and availability vary so widely, it's

up to you, the parents, to determine how much support and useful information

you will be getting.

Don't play hooky on Parents Night. Sure, the coffee is lousy and you'll have

to endure endless questions from other parents who are far more panicked

than you are, but counselors simply do not have the time to repeat general

information to everyone who stayed home to watch Deal or No Deal.

Who Are Independent Educational Consultants and How Do You Know If You Need

One?

These individuals offer private, in-depth, college admission advice, crisis

intervention programs for students dealing with alcohol and/or drug abuse,

residential treatment center knowledge, therapeutic residential program

information and wilderness programs to students and their families. . .for a

fee.

THE GOOD NEWS: Parents want instantaneous and unlimited access to

information, and Educational Consultants provide that.

THE BAD NEWS: " Independent Educational Consultants " are pricey.

Top-of-the-liners can charge as much as $5200 for conducting a complete

program/school search and staying on board to support the student and family

after placement.

When the situation involves a crisis placement, legal aspects to a placement

or a more severe situation, the fees can be even higher.

(One New York City bigwig consultant charges $30,000 for her premier college

package!)

Even on the low end, expect to shell out close to $2,500.

Some consultants will provide pay-as-you-go services.

Figure on about $100/hour for their advice. Some do offer pro bono work, or

sliding scale fees, but often only to those in dire straits.

Independent educational consultants offer advice. We help protect family's

and kids from heartbreak, from operating under the assumption that all

programs are the same, and that every program can assist every child's

needs.

We are like big red stop signs, constantly saying, 'Yes, that program may be

good for treating alcohol abuse, but they don't specialize in clinical

depression or those struggling with the beginning signs of an eating

disorder. 'Let's see what else is out there.'

How does one pick a qualified consultant?

Choose your independent consultant the way you would pick an attorney,

dentist, or a pediatrician. Ask around; get referrals from other parents.

But, there are an awful lot of moonlighters and tinkerers and out there.

Even professional association membership doesn't assure quality. Ask for

references and check them out thoroughly. Talk to prospective consultants

before signing on to make certain that the chemistry is right. Ask questions

before choosing a consultant:

How often and extensively do they visit campuses? The best independent

consultants visit up to 75 schools each year, not only seeing admission

offices and facilities but haunting student hangouts to get the real scoop

from insiders. The first question you need to ask is 'Have you been there?'

How else do they stay current? What else does he or she do to keep up with

changing trends in the business?

What is their specialty? Educational consultants often offer wide-ranging

services. Some consultants focus on private elementary or high school

placement. Make sure the expert you hire is a specialist in the area that

you need.

What promises do they make? Good consultants give guidance, not guarantees.

They make matches, not miracles, and they won't fill out your application

forms.

What related job and/or personal experience have they had? The best

independent consultants have often had personal experience with their own

children.

We can 't find a private consultant nearby. What do we need to do?

While it's helpful to hire a consultant with an office near your home, many

of the top guns work with families from afar. Everything can be done by

e-mail, fax and phone.

Horizon Family Solutions consultant Dore Frances rarely meets her clients

but insists that, as a " compulsive e-mailer, " she's never far from a

keyboard. " I'm constantly available to respond to parents and students, "

insists Dore, " whether they need to 'discuss' a major problem or just want

to know if the letter they are writing to their child in wilderness seems

okay. And the rhythm of e-mail is the ultimate convenience. Dad may get home

from a meeting at 9:30 at night with a question on his mind. He can sit down

at his computer and write me, and he'll usually have an answer in the

morning.

While Dore doesn't dismiss the value of personal contact, she notes that,

for many families, her service is more affordable and practical.

As school counseling budgets decline and computer comfort levels soar,

expect to see such online services proliferate. If having a knowledgeable

educational consultant throughout the admission process lowers your stress

level and fits your budget, don't dismiss an educational consultant out of

your area. Do, however, carefully check out the credentials of anyone who

will be advising you or your child.

Programs for Students in Crisis

MORAL RECOGNATION THERAPY

Moral Recognation Therapy was one of the first comprehensive, systematic

attempts to treat substance abusers from a purely cognitive behavioral

perspective.

In 1985 formal MRT was developed by Dr. Greg Little and Dr. Ken by

combining Smothermon's concepts with theories of moral development

(Kohlberg), ego and

identity development (son), behavioral conditioning, Maslow's needs

hierarchy, and Carl Jung's concepts.

MRT is objective, systematic treatment designed to enhance ego, social,

moral, and positive behavioral growth in a progressive, step-by-step

fashion. MRT has, depending on treatment population.

MRT attempts to change how abusers make decisions and judgments by raising

moral reasoning from Kohlberg's perspective.

Briefly, MRT seeks to move students from hedonistic (pleasure vs. pain)

reasoning levels, to levels where concern for social rules and others become

important. Research on MRT has shown that students pass steps, moral

reasoning increases in adult and

adolescent substance abusers. MRT focuses systematically on seven basic

treatment issues: confrontation of beliefs, attitudes and behaviors,

assessment of current relationships, reinforcement of positive behaviors and

habits, positive identity formation, enhancement of self-concept, decrease

in hedonism and development of frustration tolerance, and development of

higher stages of moral reasoning.

The programs at Waterfall Canyon Academy have implemented MRT Model to

address many issues that have interfered with students daily functioning.

The programs assist the student with shaping daily behaviors by modeling

appropriate reasoning and difficult situation in a positive manner.

GROUP PROCESS

The program is group work intended for students placed in residential care

for treatment. It assumes that students are somewhat progressed in treatment

in that they understand some of the issues that resulted in the residential

placement. The program does not give the student an opportunity to deny

offensive behaviors in any of its exercises or procedures. If the student is

denying their offensive behaviors they may not be ready to be involved with

this group. The students have weekly assignments that will assist character

development.

The program is structured and many surface many issues for students to

process. Group work is surrounded by feedback; the feedback has intentions

to assist all people involved in the student's treatment plan. The student

will process his completed work with parents to open up the communication

about the thinking and behaviors that led to the current situation. The

students are involved with an " open " group, which means that students will

enter and exit at anytime during the year. There is not a stopping point in

our group; we are concerned with relapse prevention.

Relapse prevention begins in the program and continues once the student

leaves the program.

Nickel, M.S., M.Ed

Waterfall Canyon Academy is a licensed private home for adolescent males,

ages twelve to seventeen, with cognitive disabilities.

Potential Causes and Symptoms of (RAD) Reactive Attachment Disorder

Potential Causes

Abuse

Changes in the primary caregiver

Frequent moves and/or placements

Lack of attunement between mother and child

Maternal addiction - drugs or alcohol

Maternal depression

Neglect

Separation from the primary caregiver

Traumatic experiences

Undiagnosed, painful illness such as colic, ear infections, etc.

Young or inexperienced mother with poor parenting skills

Symptoms

Intense control battles, very bossy and argumentative; defiance and anger

Indiscriminately affectionate with strangers

Incessant chatter and/or questions

Inappropriately demanding and/or clingy

Resists affection on parental terms

Lack of eye contact, especially with parents - will look into your eyes when

lying

Lies about the obvious

Lack of conscience - shows no remorse

Lack of impulse control

Learning lags/delays

Manipulative - superficially charming and engaging

Poor peer relationships

Parents appear hostile and angry

Steals

Speech and language problems

Destructive to property, self and/or others

Hypervigilant/Hyperactive

Food issues - hordes, gorges, refuses to eat, eats strange things, hides

food

Fascinated with fire, blood, gore, weapons, evil

Very concerned about tiny hurts but brushes off big hurts

The child was neglected and/or physically abused in the first three years of

life

Both adopted children and parents experience challenges unique to their

special families. Issues of loss, rejection and other emotions often

contribute to the adopted child's negative self-image and troubled learning

performance. Parents are left to wonder why the child has difficulty

connecting with the family despite their best efforts for many years.

As an adopted child herself, Dore Frances, M.A. has spent years researching

programs and schools that can best assist families who are challenged with

an adopted child, especially those diagnosed with child maltreatment and

attachment disorders.

We believe that the choices you make regarding your adolescent's education

and life steps are among the most important decisions a family makes.

Depending on the nature of the challenges that you are facing with your

child, there is a program or school setting that best meets their needs for

long term academic, emotional and social success. Not all programs and

schools are alike.

Call Horizon Family Solutions today. See for yourself what you and your

child can truly accomplish by taking positive action steps.

866-833-6911 - www.guidingteens.com

The Terrible Teens!

By A. Ross, M.A.

" Teenagers! Dey tink dey know everyting! " proclaims Sebastian, the

" guardian " crab of 'Ariel', the Little Mermaid in Disney's film of the same

title. " And isn't that the truth! " most parents of a teenager respond with

despair.

For many parents and their teens, adolescence is a period of upheaval and

conflict. A child who was once cooperative and communicative suddenly

becomes opinionated, withdrawn, and rebellious. Parents often wake up one

morning to find themselves totally bewildered about how to handle this

" stranger " who used to be their child. Suddenly, all of the old ways of

discipline and communication no longer work. Many parents find themselves

remembering the " terrible two's " , another developmental period when children

seem unmanageable. If you find yourself harkening back to those years as

well, it's for good reason. Many experts have deemed the developmental

period when toddlers are striving for some independence as " first

adolescence " , the teen years actually being the second time they go through

the adolescent stage!

The key to surviving the crucial stage of adolescent development lies in

sharpening your listening skills. But to be able to listen to our teen we

must first examine the reasons that teens act the way they do. Psychologists

say that adolescents are undergoing a process of " separation and

individuation " . What this means is that teens are attempting to define

themselves as individuals who are different from their parents, as people

who have their own ideas, values and opinions. In addition, they are

preparing to physically separate from their parents when they reach

adulthood. This process, however, throws the teen into conflict with

themselves. On the one hand, instinct (and hormones) demand that they

prepare for adulthood by pulling away from parents. On the other hand, mom

and/or dad still provide the very real physical and mental security that

teens need and depend upon. Hence most teenagers spend adolescence in a kind

of mental " tug-of-war " . If they do feel close or dependent upon mom or dad

it scares them and they push away ... often by expressing extremely

opinionated ideas or values which they know to be different from their

parent's. Not all of these opinionated statements are designed to alienate

mom or dad so that the teenager can separate, however. Often these strongly

expressed views are the expression of the teens " true " thoughts about a

subject ... at least temporarily. Thus, if we tell our teens that their

ideas are " wrong " the teen invariably will staunchly defend those ideas,

both to separate from their parents and to rebell against them. What all of

this adds up to, of course, is a child who is very difficult to listen to.

Yet actively listening without judging is actually what will make this

awkward period easier for teen and parent alike. So how do we listen to an

opinionated person who is adamant that not only are their ideas the right

ones, but that they are the first person to have ever had that idea in the

history of mankind?

With teenagers, saying the right thing to them is more about what you don't

say, than what you do say. As hard as it may be, it's important to give your

teen space to explore his opinions, ideas and values, no matter how

different they are from yours. Just as a two year old tests the physical

limits you set ... touching the VCR for the third time after you've asked

him not to, the teenager is testing mental and emotional limits. Are there

ideas that are different from the ones you have? Will he be allowed to have

his own opinion about something, no matter how outrageous that opinion might

be?

Most importantly, will you still love him if his ideas are different?

The answers to these questions are provided indirectly when you either

listen without judgement or refuse to listen (which includes judgmental

listening).

A teenager who feels unconditionally loved ... no matter how outrageous his

opinions ... is a teenager who feels safe at home. That feeling of safety

will provide a foundation for the teenager to continually come back to as he

begins to explore the adult world and all it holds. Ultimately, teenagers

who feel accepted at home will choose the values of their parents as opposed

to the values of their peers. If, however, a teen feels that the love his

parents provide will only be doled out if he meets certain criteria, he will

certainly turn to his peers who offer unconditional support.

One way to show unconditional love to your teen is by not getting sucked

into the content of what she says...instead, listen for her feelings. For

example, when your teen tells you that she's curious about drugs and might

try them someday to " see what it's like " , mute your alarms bells. Don't

listen to the subject and begin to lecture her (yes, I know it's hard).

Instead, reflect her feelings and ask questions which might help the teen

explore the subject further.

For example, " What do you think the effects of drugs would be? "

This type of question not only keeps the lines of communication open, but

also helps your teen ultimately explore the undesirable consequences to

certain actions without actually " going through with it. "

So if you show unconditional love to your teenager, does this mean that you

should unconditionally accept any behavior he might exhibit?

Should you allow him to be rude to you, to break rules which you've set down

about living together as a family (such as not smoking in the house), to

throw his clothes and possessions all over with complete disregard for other

family members?

Does unconditional love mean being permissive?

Heavens no!

Like children of other ages, teenagers need the limits you provide in order

to feel safe. In this developmental period of emotional and physical

turmoil, where the changes their bodies and minds are undergoing can be very

scary, teens, like all children, need a safe haven. Your limits and rules

provide that haven, provided you are consistent about enforcing them and

communicate them clearly.

It is important, however, that you reexamine your rules to determine if they

are appropriate for your child and to change them if they are not. There is

nothing worse for a teenager than to feel as though they are being treated

as a four year old.

1) Determine what the rules are, and if they are appropriate for your

teenager's developmental level.

2) Sit down with your teen for the purpose of allowing her input into the

rules she will have to follow in the house.

3) Go over the rules, and explain the reasons and feelings which caused you

to set these rules.

4) Listen carefully when your teen explains her like or dislike of a

particular rule. Try to understand her point of view before defending your

own.

5) Be willing to allow some negotiation. Teens who feel they've had input

into the rules and have been heard are more likely to feel responsible about

carrying through on the rules.

6) Set up another time to meet again to reevaluate the rules. A month is

usually an appropriate amount of time. While the reevaluation may not result

in any changes, teens need to know that there will be another forum for

their concerns and complaints in the future.

Showing respect for your teen's feelings and developing a non-judgmental

attitude are your best tools. They smooth the rocky road of adolescence and

ease the " terrible teens " .

News & Views

West Ridge's Baseball Team Learns Valuable Lessons

High school athletics at West Ridge Academy is valuable in so many ways.

During this year's season our team learned many lessons both on and off the

field. This is a great opportunity for us to incorporate sports and therapy

together. Here at West Ridge we have a truly unique situation. When we

start a new athletic season, very seldom do we ever get returning players

from the pervious year so every season we get to start over.

We compete against other 1A teams that have played together for years and

can build their program.

We picked our baseball team on July 30th, had our first practice the next

day and played our first game a week later. As you can imagine there was a

lot of work to do with a brand new team, but we as a coaching staff could

see a lot of promise within our new team and wanted to keep the expectations

high. At each practice or game we could sit back and observe each player and

be able to tell how they were doing individually in their program because it

reflected in their actions and attitude on the field. At the beginning of

the season one of our starters Sam was not coachable. He would talk back to

the coaches and wanted to do things " his " way.

When he'd get up to bat he'd always swing for the fence, and would strike

out with people in scoring position. He wanted to hit the home run instead

of trying to just get a base hit and score those on base. During our third

game of the season we were losing and Sam's body language showed that he'd

given up and didn't care any more. He was our most athletic player, a

senior and a leader on the team, our younger players started to follow him.

Our fourth game was the turning point for Sam. We were losing again 8-0 and

while the coaching staff was talking to the team, Sam walked off.

As one of the coaches approached him, he started to swear and yell at him,

and then started to leave the dugout. He was then told if he left the

dugout he could turn in his uniform and gear and he'd be done for the

season. He stayed and sat down on the bench and was emotionless the rest of

the game.With some reluctance we decided to start him in the next game.We

pulled him aside and let him know that we were giving him another chance and

that he needed to be a positive leader for his peers.We explained that a lot

of the younger boys looked up to him and that he needed to think of what was

best for the team and not just play to get glory for himself.

During that game Sam helped us win our second game of the season.His

attitude was great and he seemed to process through a lot of negative

actions from the game before.He wanted to prove to us that he was coachable

and that he would do what was best for the team.That win was the first of

nineteen straight wins.

During one of those wins Sam was the first player to hit a home run on a

brand new baseball field and have everyone remember his name.During one of

the games as he was going to the plate in the last inning, we pulled him to

give a non-starter an at bat so he could get in the game.Sam smiled and told

the other player to go get a hit, patted him on the back and cheered him

on.He got a base hit and it was fun to watch Sam be excited for his team

mate. We won our Region 17 championship with a 12-0 record.During the

quarter finals of the state playoffs we were the home team and were down 3-2

in the bottom of the seventh inning.This was our last at bat.

We had the tying run on third base, and the winning run on second base.Sam

was the next one up to bat.

While he was coming up to the plate, he looked at us coaches smiled and

said, " I know, a base hit wins it. " With a full count he hit a single

between the outfielders, which scored both runs to win the game and advance

to the semi-finals.

We went on to win the semi final game as well, but did not bring the state

title home. In the championship game we lost to the reigning state champs

the " Badgers " who were the number one ranked team in the state.We had four

players make the All State team with Sam being one of them. Sam is very

typical of the youth that we coach and teach at West Ridge Academy. He let

himself trust and obey the authority of his coaches. He let it serve him in

a positive manner and found success, and proved to himself that he could be

a team player.

Coach Wayne Brock

West Ridge Academy

=======================================

Okay .. okay ... I keep getting asked .... so here is the story!

I started my own first business when I was 29. I started with educational

consulting ten years ago. At times I have felt like a freak, and other

times I have felt like a cowboy. But I love it.

I am my own boss. I wear jeans and flip-flops and pace around or go for

walks as I think through tough client questions or sort relevant facts from

irrelevant facts. If I have been up all night with insomnia, I go to work

late in the morning. If I want to call my aunt during the day to talk for an

hour, I do it. Working for myself all these years has been deeply satisfying

and has given me self-esteem because I have worked hard and pushed through

my fears. There is nothing that compares to that feeling. How did I get

here? I started as a grief counselor. Being a very productive person I

then worked hard at helping youth stay out of juvenile hall or youth

authority boot camps. I do best when I work at a rhythm and in a manner that

suits my personality, so from there I became a child rights advocate and

assisted those on IEP's who struggled with learning challenges and those

needing out of district placements for more severe behavioral problems.

Also, I am unconventional, so when I tried to fit into the educational

consultant mode that was presented to me, it wasn't for me. Actually that

mold sucked the life force from me. But I knew I would be a great

educational consultant. So I started Horizon Family Solutions. I specialize

in at-risk youth, and those that also don't fit the mold. At least 50

percent of my practice is working with youth who are suffering from

depression, have legal issues, may be diagnosed with PTSD or RAD or have

struggled with sexual behavior issues. I am never bored. Over the years I

have proven to myself that I am very capable at what I do, and my hours and

workstyle fit comfortably with who I am.

My goal is to continue to be emotionally and intellectually challenged and

satisfied. I hope this tells you all the story you have been asking to hear.

Now .. for all those who call me and ask how you may also start your own

educational consulting practice I have a bit of advice:

Always err on the side of flexibility.

Create a thorough budget plan before starting up your business.

Families and their child's needs are complicated, knowing what to do for

each individual child and family is simple (after you have visited more than

100 programs - so plan on a lot of traveling); families with at risk kids

can have their problems solved with a methodical analysis of the situation.

I look forward to seeing many of you again in 2008, and meeting many more of

you for the very first time.

Best wishes,

Dore E. Frances, M.A.

Educational Consultant

Horizon Family Solutions, LLC

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