Goals and other great lies I have told me (Dan being long again)

[Guest guest]

Dear Ms Serenity: (Wanted to put your name here, could not find it)

I see that there are nine responses already to your post. I come to

the site and read and do not get individual emails. I am sure they

are loaded with wondrous information. I have none of that to offer.

I just have some observations from me to me that I might want to

share about " goals. "

I had my surgery nearly three years ago and have been all over the

Richter (sp?) with every issue that can be imagined. No physical

complications other than a wide open stoma and a tube for a pouch.

But the subject of goal/s has consumed a lot of my energy.

I told myself preop that I wanted to take my best shot at longevity

and this surgery was it! Subsequent events proved me right. I got

the chance and had to use my Get Out of Jail Free card with CABG

about six months ago.

I have never reached my " personal " goal and my surgeon never gave me

one and would not. He just gave me the old " each person has a set

point " speech. That was not really what I wanted to hear at the time

but it was what I got. In retrospect I suspect that I wanted him to

say " I am gonna make you 157 lbs. " You see, that was my weight when

I joined the Navy at 17 and for some reason, it is my emotional

setpoint. I now think I wanted him to roll back 38 years (I was 55 at

time of surgery) and give me back my life that I used during the fat

mean years. I say mean years because that is what they were. I ran

inside and hid from just about everything, and I was kinda sorta like

a dog that has an injured limb that bites anyone who offer to help.

I did not know they were trying to help. In turn, since I thought

the whole world was mean and projected that onto them they in turn

were mean to me, re the weight, the (fill in the blank here, cause I

got em all). I have spent the most recent time contemplating all the

lie I told me over the years. I think I wanted the WLS surgeon to

heal all that somewhere way down deep and that was tied to my numbers

goal.

Numbers! I now think " what a waste of precious life for me! " My

perspective on extracting the essence of each day and hour has

changed wholly since WLS and the CABG. I am going to the current

internal debate the " committee " is having inside at the moment on

self acceptance and love. Slowly, albeit, but that is where I am

going. One of the lies I told me was that if I could just lose the

weight then all would be well and that would truly be my goal and was

what I needed the surgeon to say.

I got what I prayed for, my health. I got to live when without the

surgery I would not have. I went through a tough time wrangling with

myself when the weight loss slowed and stopped some 30lbs short of

where I had decided I wanted (immediately switched to " needed " ) to on

the BMI scale. I did some really serious hopping about trying to

kick my own posterior for a few months. Occasionally a glimmer of

the bright light of reason gets through way down deep in the

dysfunctional brain and I realized one day Descartes was right when

he said " I think, therefore I am. " I really had nothing that I

needed the surgeon to fix beyond making the physical linkage to lose

some lbs so that I would not expire from the host of comorbids I had.

When I took a look in the mental, spiritual mirror side of WLS I came

to the conclusion that I was my own jailer. Since I locked myself

into the cell of goal weight, then I could just unlock myself. That

started me on a tracking down other great lies I have told myself.

They are many. It is not what happened to me re abuse, re addiction,

re behaviors less than desirable, re social rejection, etc., etc.,

(everytime I type that I think of Yul Bryneer as the King of Siam

doing dictation). The major focal point was how I perceived those

same things. I " thought " , therefore I was.

I am free of the goal today. I am free of many many things that I

had put upon myself over the years. Goal for me is a relative

issue. At the moment my goal is learning to get instep, in sync with

me, because I am the only person I am guaranteed to be with for the

rest of my life and the only one that I need approval from.

Direct answer to your question about worrying if I will ever get

there is,,,,,YES,,,,,,,,I used to worry about it. Today, I do not.

Yanno? When I tripped that head switch, it suddenly occured to me

that I will probably reach that numbers goal now, but I no longer

care. :-)

Dan Slone

Surgry 5/2/2000

> Hi everyone,

> I know there are many out there that are or have worried they

> would never reach goal. I have seen others post things such as

don't

> worry you will get there.. Just hang in there.. I have seen others

> write that they are slow losers but are then reassured that they

> would get there. Well, I am getting really worried. I had open ryn

> June 26, 01. Ucla with Dr. Sawicki. I started at 313.5. I consider

> myself to be a slow loser.I pretty much lost 85 pounds the first 11

> months or so. Then i stopped losing for 8 months. Then at 19 months

> out i lost another 21 pounds and haven't lost any thing since then.

[Guest guest]

Dear Ms Serenity: (Wanted to put your name here, could not find it)

I see that there are nine responses already to your post. I come to

the site and read and do not get individual emails. I am sure they

are loaded with wondrous information. I have none of that to offer.

I just have some observations from me to me that I might want to

share about " goals. "

I had my surgery nearly three years ago and have been all over the

Richter (sp?) with every issue that can be imagined. No physical

complications other than a wide open stoma and a tube for a pouch.

But the subject of goal/s has consumed a lot of my energy.

I told myself preop that I wanted to take my best shot at longevity

and this surgery was it! Subsequent events proved me right. I got

the chance and had to use my Get Out of Jail Free card with CABG

about six months ago.

I have never reached my " personal " goal and my surgeon never gave me

one and would not. He just gave me the old " each person has a set

point " speech. That was not really what I wanted to hear at the time

but it was what I got. In retrospect I suspect that I wanted him to

say " I am gonna make you 157 lbs. " You see, that was my weight when

I joined the Navy at 17 and for some reason, it is my emotional

setpoint. I now think I wanted him to roll back 38 years (I was 55 at

time of surgery) and give me back my life that I used during the fat

mean years. I say mean years because that is what they were. I ran

inside and hid from just about everything, and I was kinda sorta like

a dog that has an injured limb that bites anyone who offer to help.

I did not know they were trying to help. In turn, since I thought

the whole world was mean and projected that onto them they in turn

were mean to me, re the weight, the (fill in the blank here, cause I

got em all). I have spent the most recent time contemplating all the

lie I told me over the years. I think I wanted the WLS surgeon to

heal all that somewhere way down deep and that was tied to my numbers

goal.

Numbers! I now think " what a waste of precious life for me! " My

perspective on extracting the essence of each day and hour has

changed wholly since WLS and the CABG. I am going to the current

internal debate the " committee " is having inside at the moment on

self acceptance and love. Slowly, albeit, but that is where I am

going. One of the lies I told me was that if I could just lose the

weight then all would be well and that would truly be my goal and was

what I needed the surgeon to say.

I got what I prayed for, my health. I got to live when without the

surgery I would not have. I went through a tough time wrangling with

myself when the weight loss slowed and stopped some 30lbs short of

where I had decided I wanted (immediately switched to " needed " ) to on

the BMI scale. I did some really serious hopping about trying to

kick my own posterior for a few months. Occasionally a glimmer of

the bright light of reason gets through way down deep in the

dysfunctional brain and I realized one day Descartes was right when

he said " I think, therefore I am. " I really had nothing that I

needed the surgeon to fix beyond making the physical linkage to lose

some lbs so that I would not expire from the host of comorbids I had.

When I took a look in the mental, spiritual mirror side of WLS I came

to the conclusion that I was my own jailer. Since I locked myself

into the cell of goal weight, then I could just unlock myself. That

started me on a tracking down other great lies I have told myself.

They are many. It is not what happened to me re abuse, re addiction,

re behaviors less than desirable, re social rejection, etc., etc.,

(everytime I type that I think of Yul Bryneer as the King of Siam

doing dictation). The major focal point was how I perceived those

same things. I " thought " , therefore I was.

I am free of the goal today. I am free of many many things that I

had put upon myself over the years. Goal for me is a relative

issue. At the moment my goal is learning to get instep, in sync with

me, because I am the only person I am guaranteed to be with for the

rest of my life and the only one that I need approval from.

Direct answer to your question about worrying if I will ever get

there is,,,,,YES,,,,,,,,I used to worry about it. Today, I do not.

Yanno? When I tripped that head switch, it suddenly occured to me

that I will probably reach that numbers goal now, but I no longer

care. :-)

Dan Slone

Surgry 5/2/2000

> Hi everyone,

> I know there are many out there that are or have worried they

> would never reach goal. I have seen others post things such as

don't

> worry you will get there.. Just hang in there.. I have seen others

> write that they are slow losers but are then reassured that they

> would get there. Well, I am getting really worried. I had open ryn

> June 26, 01. Ucla with Dr. Sawicki. I started at 313.5. I consider

> myself to be a slow loser.I pretty much lost 85 pounds the first 11

> months or so. Then i stopped losing for 8 months. Then at 19 months

> out i lost another 21 pounds and haven't lost any thing since then.