A thank you to my surgeon

February 13, 2003

I'll be seeing my surgeon on Monday, for my regular post-op check-up. I

decided today that some thanks were in order, so this is a copy of the

letter I'll be handing him.

*****

2003.02.17

Dear Dr. Freeman:

It has been nearly seventeen months since my gastric bypass surgery,

and I wanted to take a few moments to appreciate and share some of the

multitude of changes in my life since then.

Of course you know the physical toll that morbid obesity takes on a

person's body, and my own body has certainly been through some radical

shifts. I have gone from a BMI of 43.5 to one just above 22; my

cholesterol and triglycerides, once dangerously high, are now perfectly

normal; I no longer suffer from stress incontinence; my back and joints

no longer hurt; I have had no further problems with heel spurs; and

from barely being able to trudge a kilometre without become exhausted,

I now complete four strenuous cardio and strength training workouts per

week. My instructor told me yesterday that they would like to feature

me in the RA Centre's newsletter, as an inspiration to other women

interested in physical fitness!

But even more than the physical changes that have occurred since my

surgery, the emotional shifts have been profound. It is very difficult

to adequately convey to a non-obese person the intimate, deep sense of

shame and humiliation that accompany lifelong obesity. Fat people are

routinely judged and condemned, not just by those around us, but by our

own inner voices. Even when we are not actively the objects of derision

and disgust from others, we judge ourselves, and always find ourselves

wanting.

As I have lost weight in the past year and a half, it would be

simplistic and untrue to say that I have also lost that self-critical

inner voice. However, each day that I live at a normal weight, each

interaction in which I no longer watch the other person for hints of

disapproval or pity, each time I walk into a regular women's clothing

store and feel, " Yes, I have a right to be here, " that inner critic

grows softer, its effect grows weaker, and I feel more confident and

certain of my new identity as a thin person. And when I can pick up a

fifteen-pound hand weight and complete several sets of bent-over rows,

or finish a grueling cardio kickboxing class without collapsing on the

spot, I feel a sense of triumph that cannot be paralleled.

All has not been perfect in my " new life " -- in the past two years I

have lost both parents, and have had other personal trials and

tribulations that have sometimes made it difficult to stand back and

appreciate how much things have changed for me -- but no one ever said

that losing weight would solve all my problems. What it has done,

though, is give me the gift of experiencing my own physical self not as

a burden, but as a wonderful, fit and strong vehicle for my heart and

soul. And for this, Dr. Freeman, I would like to offer my deep and

sincere thanks. I have certainly worked hard to achieve this, but

without the surgery you performed, none of it would have happened at

all. I really feel that you and , working together, provided me

with all the tools I needed to transform my physical self, and thus to

begin the process of healing my battered self-esteem and restoring my

sense of physical pride. You gave me a precious gift, and I appreciate

it more than you can know.

Sincerely,

I.

--

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RNY September 19, 2001

Dr. Freeman, Ottawa General Hospital

BMI then: 43.5

BMI now: 22

-152 lbs

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February 13, 2003