When is it time for Hospice?

[Guest guest]

Sharon:

You ask when is the right time to ask for Hospice help. There is no

answer to that that is right for everyone. In your sister's case, it has to

be between her and her husband. They are dealing with an illness for which

there is no known cure, so it is terminal in that sense. All the medication

Ken was on was just to make his life a little more comfortable, but no

improvement was really possible any more. Ken had made it clear to me that he

did not any heroic measures taken to prolong his life, and he did not want to

return to the hospital again. Even so, it was very hard for me to actually

let Hospice come in. Our doctor had said she thought it was time, and I still

lugged him to the Urologist and to the hospital for some more tests before I

could let go. We had a wonderful Neurologist who saw me free for a session to

discuss it all. She agreed to try intravenous rehydration one more time, and

it did nothing. So, with very heavy heart, I signed us up for Hospice. It

turned out to be a wonderful, caring experience for both Ken and myself. Ken

actually got much better for a while because he was able to relax and to know

that noone was going to force treatment on him that he did not want. We did

decide not to give him any more antibiotics if he became ill, and we were

able to follow through on that although the Hospice nurse would have tried

them if we had wanted. Ken almost died about two months before he actually

did, and we were prepared for him to go. After two days in an apparent coma,

he opened his eyes and said, " I'm all right. " He came back to us for two

months, and I am convinced that he tested us to make sure we would follow

through on our promises to him. When he found that he was not sent off to the

hospital, and we did not give him intravenous medication, he felt safe to be

with us a little longer. This is just my interpretation of what happened, but

there is no doubt that he appeared to be more relaxed the last few months of

his life than he had been in several years. When he finally went, I told him

that I would be all right and that if it was time, I would miss him and I

loved him. I asked if he understood what I said, and from the depths of his

coma, he said " Uh Huh. " He died very peacefully that night.

You may feel it is time for your brother-in-law to let go, but he may

not yet be ready or your sister may not. All you can really do right now is

to be there for them as much as possible and let them know that you love them

and are supportive of whatever they decide.

Love from one who has been there,

Barbara

[Guest guest]

Sharon:

You ask when is the right time to ask for Hospice help. There is no

answer to that that is right for everyone. In your sister's case, it has to

be between her and her husband. They are dealing with an illness for which

there is no known cure, so it is terminal in that sense. All the medication

Ken was on was just to make his life a little more comfortable, but no

improvement was really possible any more. Ken had made it clear to me that he

did not any heroic measures taken to prolong his life, and he did not want to

return to the hospital again. Even so, it was very hard for me to actually

let Hospice come in. Our doctor had said she thought it was time, and I still

lugged him to the Urologist and to the hospital for some more tests before I

could let go. We had a wonderful Neurologist who saw me free for a session to

discuss it all. She agreed to try intravenous rehydration one more time, and

it did nothing. So, with very heavy heart, I signed us up for Hospice. It

turned out to be a wonderful, caring experience for both Ken and myself. Ken

actually got much better for a while because he was able to relax and to know

that noone was going to force treatment on him that he did not want. We did

decide not to give him any more antibiotics if he became ill, and we were

able to follow through on that although the Hospice nurse would have tried

them if we had wanted. Ken almost died about two months before he actually

did, and we were prepared for him to go. After two days in an apparent coma,

he opened his eyes and said, " I'm all right. " He came back to us for two

months, and I am convinced that he tested us to make sure we would follow

through on our promises to him. When he found that he was not sent off to the

hospital, and we did not give him intravenous medication, he felt safe to be

with us a little longer. This is just my interpretation of what happened, but

there is no doubt that he appeared to be more relaxed the last few months of

his life than he had been in several years. When he finally went, I told him

that I would be all right and that if it was time, I would miss him and I

loved him. I asked if he understood what I said, and from the depths of his

coma, he said " Uh Huh. " He died very peacefully that night.

You may feel it is time for your brother-in-law to let go, but he may

not yet be ready or your sister may not. All you can really do right now is

to be there for them as much as possible and let them know that you love them

and are supportive of whatever they decide.

Love from one who has been there,

Barbara

[Guest guest]

Hi All,

When is it time to go get Hospice Care? I thought a doctor had to refer

one for Hospice Care. Is this a true or false thought? I think Hospice

Care and a whole lot of love is what my sister needs now. But her husband

wants to continue the forms of life support she is on now. How do we know

what is right.....I guess there really is no right or wrong. Ugh......love

is a hard thing to argue about.

Sharon

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sharon Marsh, CMP

Manager, Internal Events

PeopleSoft, Inc.

4411 PeopleSoft Parkway

P.O. Box 9001

Pleasanton, CA 94588-9001

1-800-380-SOFT (7638)

(tel - direct line)

(fax)

www.peoplesoft.com

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

" Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter

and those who matter don't mind. "

--Dr. Seuss

[Guest guest]

Hi All,

When is it time to go get Hospice Care? I thought a doctor had to refer

one for Hospice Care. Is this a true or false thought? I think Hospice

Care and a whole lot of love is what my sister needs now. But her husband

wants to continue the forms of life support she is on now. How do we know

what is right.....I guess there really is no right or wrong. Ugh......love

is a hard thing to argue about.

Sharon

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sharon Marsh, CMP

Manager, Internal Events

PeopleSoft, Inc.

4411 PeopleSoft Parkway

P.O. Box 9001

Pleasanton, CA 94588-9001

1-800-380-SOFT (7638)

(tel - direct line)

(fax)

www.peoplesoft.com

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

" Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter

and those who matter don't mind. "

--Dr. Seuss

[Guest guest]

Sharon,

My husband has been with hospice for almost 2 years and they have been

wonderful for us. This seems to be something that also varies from state to

state. They have criteria and if you meet that there is no problem getting

in, they do request the DNR, BUT anytime you need to go to the hospital, you

can get out of hospice if you want to. Might be worth checking out to find

out how they work in your area.

Ginger

When is it time for Hospice?

>

> Hi All,

>

> When is it time to go get Hospice Care? I thought a doctor had to refer

> one for Hospice Care. Is this a true or false thought? I think Hospice

> Care and a whole lot of love is what my sister needs now. But her husband

> wants to continue the forms of life support she is on now. How do we know

> what is right.....I guess there really is no right or wrong.

Ugh......love

> is a hard thing to argue about.

>

> Sharon

>

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> Sharon Marsh, CMP

> Manager, Internal Events

> PeopleSoft, Inc.

> 4411 PeopleSoft Parkway

> P.O. Box 9001

> Pleasanton, CA 94588-9001

> 1-800-380-SOFT (7638)

> (tel - direct line)

> (fax)

> www.peoplesoft.com

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>

> " Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter

> and those who matter don't mind. "

> --Dr. Seuss

>

>

>

>

> If you do not wish to belong to shydrager, you may

> unsubscribe by sending a blank email to

>

> shydrager-unsubscribe

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Sharon,

My husband has been with hospice for almost 2 years and they have been

wonderful for us. This seems to be something that also varies from state to

state. They have criteria and if you meet that there is no problem getting

in, they do request the DNR, BUT anytime you need to go to the hospital, you

can get out of hospice if you want to. Might be worth checking out to find

out how they work in your area.

Ginger

When is it time for Hospice?

>

> Hi All,

>

> When is it time to go get Hospice Care? I thought a doctor had to refer

> one for Hospice Care. Is this a true or false thought? I think Hospice

> Care and a whole lot of love is what my sister needs now. But her husband

> wants to continue the forms of life support she is on now. How do we know

> what is right.....I guess there really is no right or wrong.

Ugh......love

> is a hard thing to argue about.

>

> Sharon

>

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> Sharon Marsh, CMP

> Manager, Internal Events

> PeopleSoft, Inc.

> 4411 PeopleSoft Parkway

> P.O. Box 9001

> Pleasanton, CA 94588-9001

> 1-800-380-SOFT (7638)

> (tel - direct line)

> (fax)

> www.peoplesoft.com

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>

> " Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter

> and those who matter don't mind. "

> --Dr. Seuss

>

>

>

>

> If you do not wish to belong to shydrager, you may

> unsubscribe by sending a blank email to

>

> shydrager-unsubscribe

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Barbara - Thank you so much for the wonderful e-mail. It really

helps....can't explain why, it just does.

Sharon

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sharon Marsh, CMP

Manager, Internal Events

PeopleSoft, Inc.

4411 PeopleSoft Parkway

P.O. Box 9001

Pleasanton, CA 94588-9001

1-800-380-SOFT (7638)

(tel - direct line)

(fax)

www.peoplesoft.com

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

" Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter

and those who matter don't mind. "

--Dr. Seuss

kmcrae@...

To:

shydrager

11/13/2002 05:34 cc:

PM Subject: Re: When is it

time for Hospice?

Please respond to

shydrager

Sharon:

You ask when is the right time to ask for Hospice help. There is no

answer to that that is right for everyone. In your sister's case, it has to

be between her and her husband. They are dealing with an illness for which

there is no known cure, so it is terminal in that sense. All the medication

Ken was on was just to make his life a little more comfortable, but no

improvement was really possible any more. Ken had made it clear to me that

he

did not any heroic measures taken to prolong his life, and he did not want

to

return to the hospital again. Even so, it was very hard for me to actually

let Hospice come in. Our doctor had said she thought it was time, and I

still

lugged him to the Urologist and to the hospital for some more tests before

I

could let go. We had a wonderful Neurologist who saw me free for a session

to

discuss it all. She agreed to try intravenous rehydration one more time,

and

it did nothing. So, with very heavy heart, I signed us up for Hospice. It

turned out to be a wonderful, caring experience for both Ken and myself.

Ken

actually got much better for a while because he was able to relax and to

know

that noone was going to force treatment on him that he did not want. We did

decide not to give him any more antibiotics if he became ill, and we were

able to follow through on that although the Hospice nurse would have tried

them if we had wanted. Ken almost died about two months before he actually

did, and we were prepared for him to go. After two days in an apparent

coma,

he opened his eyes and said, " I'm all right. " He came back to us for two

months, and I am convinced that he tested us to make sure we would follow

through on our promises to him. When he found that he was not sent off to

the

hospital, and we did not give him intravenous medication, he felt safe to

be

with us a little longer. This is just my interpretation of what happened,

but

there is no doubt that he appeared to be more relaxed the last few months

of

his life than he had been in several years. When he finally went, I told

him

that I would be all right and that if it was time, I would miss him and I

loved him. I asked if he understood what I said, and from the depths of his

coma, he said " Uh Huh. " He died very peacefully that night.

You may feel it is time for your brother-in-law to let go, but he

may

not yet be ready or your sister may not. All you can really do right now is

to be there for them as much as possible and let them know that you love

them

and are supportive of whatever they decide.

Love from one who has been there,

Barbara

[Guest guest]

Barbara - Thank you so much for the wonderful e-mail. It really

helps....can't explain why, it just does.

Sharon

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sharon Marsh, CMP

Manager, Internal Events

PeopleSoft, Inc.

4411 PeopleSoft Parkway

P.O. Box 9001

Pleasanton, CA 94588-9001

1-800-380-SOFT (7638)

(tel - direct line)

(fax)

www.peoplesoft.com

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

" Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter

and those who matter don't mind. "

--Dr. Seuss

kmcrae@...

To:

shydrager

11/13/2002 05:34 cc:

PM Subject: Re: When is it

time for Hospice?

Please respond to

shydrager

Sharon:

You ask when is the right time to ask for Hospice help. There is no

answer to that that is right for everyone. In your sister's case, it has to

be between her and her husband. They are dealing with an illness for which

there is no known cure, so it is terminal in that sense. All the medication

Ken was on was just to make his life a little more comfortable, but no

improvement was really possible any more. Ken had made it clear to me that

he

did not any heroic measures taken to prolong his life, and he did not want

to

return to the hospital again. Even so, it was very hard for me to actually

let Hospice come in. Our doctor had said she thought it was time, and I

still

lugged him to the Urologist and to the hospital for some more tests before

I

could let go. We had a wonderful Neurologist who saw me free for a session

to

discuss it all. She agreed to try intravenous rehydration one more time,

and

it did nothing. So, with very heavy heart, I signed us up for Hospice. It

turned out to be a wonderful, caring experience for both Ken and myself.

Ken

actually got much better for a while because he was able to relax and to

know

that noone was going to force treatment on him that he did not want. We did

decide not to give him any more antibiotics if he became ill, and we were

able to follow through on that although the Hospice nurse would have tried

them if we had wanted. Ken almost died about two months before he actually

did, and we were prepared for him to go. After two days in an apparent

coma,

he opened his eyes and said, " I'm all right. " He came back to us for two

months, and I am convinced that he tested us to make sure we would follow

through on our promises to him. When he found that he was not sent off to

the

hospital, and we did not give him intravenous medication, he felt safe to

be

with us a little longer. This is just my interpretation of what happened,

but

there is no doubt that he appeared to be more relaxed the last few months

of

his life than he had been in several years. When he finally went, I told

him

that I would be all right and that if it was time, I would miss him and I

loved him. I asked if he understood what I said, and from the depths of his

coma, he said " Uh Huh. " He died very peacefully that night.

You may feel it is time for your brother-in-law to let go, but he

may

not yet be ready or your sister may not. All you can really do right now is

to be there for them as much as possible and let them know that you love

them

and are supportive of whatever they decide.

Love from one who has been there,

Barbara

[Guest guest]

Sharon:

I am glad my note helped. That is the way this group works. We all speak

from our hearts, and because we have been there, just having someone share

helps. Your concern for your sister is obvious to everyone, and I know you

will be able to support her in whatever she decides.

Love and a big hug,

Barbara

[Guest guest]

Sharon:

I am glad my note helped. That is the way this group works. We all speak

from our hearts, and because we have been there, just having someone share

helps. Your concern for your sister is obvious to everyone, and I know you

will be able to support her in whatever she decides.

Love and a big hug,

Barbara