Fwd: [Fwd: Fwd: Some good ones to put a smile on your face]

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 08/29/2001 10:39:24 PM Central Daylight Time,

jlhigens@... writes:

<< Some good ones to put a smile on your face] >>

--- Fwd: Some good ones to put a smile on your faceDate: Tue, 28 Aug 2001 21:42:39 EDTFrom: Pmulder0911@...To: amstaff66@..., JLHigens@..., Savpetz@...

2 Deaf

Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find

that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the

lights because they can't see each other using sign language.

After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife

decides to find a solution. " Honey, " she signs, " Why don't we agree on some

simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me,

reach over and squeeze my left breast one time.

If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one

time. "

The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, " Great

idea, Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my penis

one time.

If you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis......fifty

times. "

============================================================================

=====================

4some

This foursome has teed off every Saturday morning for the past three years.

One of the guys was a most remarkable player.

He would play left-handed for a couple of weeks, and the next week he would

play right-handed with equal skill.

His one annoying fault was that every couple of months or so he would be

twenty minutes late to tee off.

One morning, after this guy had landed his second shot just two feet from

the pin, one of the others said. " I can't stand it any longer! Jess, what's

with switching sides, right to left?

Why do you do that? " " Well, I tell ya. Every Saturday morning when I wake

up, I turn over and look at my wife in the bed next to me.

If she's sleeping on her right side, then I tee off right- handed.

If she's on her left side, then I play left-handed. " " Aha! But what if she's

on her back? "

" That's when I'm twenty minutes late! "

============================================================================

=====================

A cop and a Blonde

A cop stops a blonde woman who was driving down a motorway. " Miss, may I see

your driver's licence please? "

" Driver's licence? What's that?... "

" It's a little card with your picture on it. "

" Oh, duh! Here it is... "

" May I have your car insurance? "

" What's that?... "

" It's a document that says you are allowed to drive the car. "

" Oh this? Duh! Here you go... "

The cop then takes his dick out of his pants, while the blonde exclaims: " Oh

no, not another breathalyzer test! "

============================================================================

=====================

Virgins MArried each other

There was these newly weds that were both virgins and nervous about the

wedding night.

Finally when it came the wife took off all of her clothes and went under the

covers while her husband took off his clothes one by one.

First he took off his socks and his toes were messed up. His wife says " what

happened to your toes? " He says " I had toelio " .

She says " you mean Polio " , but he said, " no, toelio " .

Then he takes off his pants and the wife sees that his knees are all banged

up and weird. The wife says " what happened to your knees? " He says " I had

Kneaseles " .

And she says " you mean Measles " and he says " no, Kneaseles " .

Finally he took off his underwear and she says " Let me guess...small cox? "

============================================================================

=====================

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 08/29/2001 10:39:24 PM Central Daylight Time,

jlhigens@... writes:

<< Some good ones to put a smile on your face] >>

--- Fwd: Some good ones to put a smile on your faceDate: Tue, 28 Aug 2001 21:42:39 EDTFrom: Pmulder0911@...To: amstaff66@..., JLHigens@..., Savpetz@...

2 Deaf

Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find

that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the

lights because they can't see each other using sign language.

After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife

decides to find a solution. " Honey, " she signs, " Why don't we agree on some

simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me,

reach over and squeeze my left breast one time.

If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one

time. "

The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, " Great

idea, Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my penis

one time.

If you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis......fifty

times. "

============================================================================

=====================

4some

This foursome has teed off every Saturday morning for the past three years.

One of the guys was a most remarkable player.

He would play left-handed for a couple of weeks, and the next week he would

play right-handed with equal skill.

His one annoying fault was that every couple of months or so he would be

twenty minutes late to tee off.

One morning, after this guy had landed his second shot just two feet from

the pin, one of the others said. " I can't stand it any longer! Jess, what's

with switching sides, right to left?

Why do you do that? " " Well, I tell ya. Every Saturday morning when I wake

up, I turn over and look at my wife in the bed next to me.

If she's sleeping on her right side, then I tee off right- handed.

If she's on her left side, then I play left-handed. " " Aha! But what if she's

on her back? "

" That's when I'm twenty minutes late! "

============================================================================

=====================

A cop and a Blonde

A cop stops a blonde woman who was driving down a motorway. " Miss, may I see

your driver's licence please? "

" Driver's licence? What's that?... "

" It's a little card with your picture on it. "

" Oh, duh! Here it is... "

" May I have your car insurance? "

" What's that?... "

" It's a document that says you are allowed to drive the car. "

" Oh this? Duh! Here you go... "

The cop then takes his dick out of his pants, while the blonde exclaims: " Oh

no, not another breathalyzer test! "

============================================================================

=====================

Virgins MArried each other

There was these newly weds that were both virgins and nervous about the

wedding night.

Finally when it came the wife took off all of her clothes and went under the

covers while her husband took off his clothes one by one.

First he took off his socks and his toes were messed up. His wife says " what

happened to your toes? " He says " I had toelio " .

She says " you mean Polio " , but he said, " no, toelio " .

Then he takes off his pants and the wife sees that his knees are all banged

up and weird. The wife says " what happened to your knees? " He says " I had

Kneaseles " .

And she says " you mean Measles " and he says " no, Kneaseles " .

Finally he took off his underwear and she says " Let me guess...small cox? "

============================================================================

=====================