idiot stories

[Guest guest]

Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a

gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear

gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them

in the police line, shouting " Please come out and give yourself up. "

WHAT WAS PLAN B???

An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and

forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein

the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.

ARE WE COMMUNICATING??

A man spoke frantically into the phone, " My wife is pregnant and the

contractions are only two minutes apart! " " Is this her first child? " the

doctor asked. " No! " , the man shouted, " This is her husband! "

NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!!

In Modesto, California, King was arrested for trying to

hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and

a finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his

hand in his pocket. (hellllllooooooo!)

THE GRAND FINALE

Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour

east of Bakersfield, California, some folks, new to boating, were having

a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand

new 22 ft. Bayliner to perform. It wouldn't get on a plane at all, and

it was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power

was applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted to

a nearby marina, thinking someone there could tell them what was wrong.

A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working

condition. The engine ran fine, the outdrive went up and down, the prop

was the correct size and pitch.

So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He

c! ame up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.

NOW REMEMBER THIS IS TRUE....Under the boat, still strapped securely in

place, was the trailer.

[Guest guest]

Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a

gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear

gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them

in the police line, shouting " Please come out and give yourself up. "

WHAT WAS PLAN B???

An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and

forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein

the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.

ARE WE COMMUNICATING??

A man spoke frantically into the phone, " My wife is pregnant and the

contractions are only two minutes apart! " " Is this her first child? " the

doctor asked. " No! " , the man shouted, " This is her husband! "

NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!!

In Modesto, California, King was arrested for trying to

hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and

a finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his

hand in his pocket. (hellllllooooooo!)

THE GRAND FINALE

Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour

east of Bakersfield, California, some folks, new to boating, were having

a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand

new 22 ft. Bayliner to perform. It wouldn't get on a plane at all, and

it was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power

was applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted to

a nearby marina, thinking someone there could tell them what was wrong.

A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working

condition. The engine ran fine, the outdrive went up and down, the prop

was the correct size and pitch.

So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He

c! ame up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.

NOW REMEMBER THIS IS TRUE....Under the boat, still strapped securely in

place, was the trailer.