Fwd: [Fwd: Fwd: Fw: HAHA!]

[Guest guest]

VERY funny! Enjoy! Love, Judy

--- Fwd: HAHA!

>

>

>

>

> >GREAT BITS OF WISDOM FOR OUR

> >TIME

> >

> >

> >

> > (1) "Instead of getting

> >married again, I'm going

> >

> > to find a woman I don't

> >

> > like and just give her a

> >house."

> >

> > * Seagal

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > (2) "The problem with the

> >designated driver

> >

> > program, it's not a

> >desirable

> >

> > job. But if you ever get

> >sucked into doing it,

> >

> > have fun with it. At the

> >end

> >

> > of the night, drop them off

> >at the wrong house."

> >

> > * Jeff Foxworthy

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > (3) "See, the problem is that

> >God gives men a

> >

> > brain and a penis, and

> >only

> >

> > enough blood to run one at a

> >time."

> >

> > * Robin

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > (4) "If a woman has to choose

> >between catching a

> >

> > fly ball and saving infant's

> >life, she will choose to

> >

> > save the infant's life

> >without even

> >

> > considering if there is a man

> >on base."

> >

> > * Dave Barry

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > (5) "What do people mean when

> >they say the

> >

> > computer went down on

> >them?"

> >

> > * Marilyn Pittman

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > (6) "Relationships are hard.

> >It's like a full time

> >

> > job, and we should treat it

> >like one. If your boyfriend

> >

> > or girlfriend wants to leave

> >you, they should

> >

> > give you two weeks' notice.

> >There should be

> >

> > severance pay, and before

> >they leave you, they

> >

> > should have to find you a

> >temp."

> >

> > * Bob Ettinger

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > (8) "A study in the

> >Washington Post says that

> >

> >

> >

> > women have better verbal

> >skills than men. I just

> >

> > want to say to the authors of

> >that study: duh."

> >

> > * Conan O'Brien

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > (9) "Why does Sea World have

> >a seafood restaurant?

> >

> > I'm halfway through my

> >

> > fish burger and I realize, Oh

> >my goodness. . I

> >

> > could be eating a slow

> >learner."

> >

> > * Lynda Montgomery

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > (10) "The day I worry about

> >cleaning my house is

> >

> > the day Sears comes out

> >

> > with a riding vacuum

> >cleaner."

> >

> > * Roseanne

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > (11) "I think that's how

> >Chicago got started. A

> >

> > bunch of people in New

> >York

> >

> > said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the

> >crime and the

> >

> > poverty, but it just isn't

> >cold enough. Let's go west.'"

> >

> > * Jeni

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > (12) "If life was fair, Elvis

> >would be alive and

> >

> > all the impersonators would

> >be dead."

> >

> > * ny Carson

> >

> >

> >

> > (13) "Sometimes I think war

> >is God's way of

> >

> > teaching us geography."

> >

> > *

> >

> >

> >

> > (14) "My parents didn't want

> >to move to Florida,

> >

> > but they turned sixty, and

> >that's the law."

> >

> > * Jerry Seinfeld

> >

> >

> >

> > (15) "In elementary school,

> >in case of fire you

> >

> > have to line up quietly

> >in

> >

> > a single file line from

> >smallest to tallest. What

> >

> > is the logic? Do tall people

> >burn slower?"

> >

> > * Warren Hutcherson

> >

> >

> >

> > (16) "Bigamy is having one

> >wife/husband too many.

> >

> > Monogamy is the same."

> >

> > * Wilde

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > (17) "Marriage is a great

> >institution, but I'm not

> >

> > ready for an institution

> >yet."

> >

> > * Mae West

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > (18) "Suppose you were an

> >idiot . . . And suppose

> >

> > you were a member of Congress

> >. . . But I repeat myself."

> >

> > * Mark Twain

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > (19) "Our bombs are smarter

> >than the average high

> >

> > school student. At least they

> >can find Kuwait."

> >

> > * A. Whitney Brown

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > (20) "Ah, yes, divorce . . .

> >from the Latin word

> >

> > meaning to rip out a man's

> >genitals through his wallet,"

> >

> > * Robin

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > (21) "Women complain about

> >premenstrual syndrome,

> >

> > but I think of it as

> >the

> >

> > only time of the month that I

> >can be myself."

> >

> > * Roseanne

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > (23) "You can say any foolish

> >thing to a dog, and

> >

> > the dog will give you a look

> >that says, 'My God, you're right!

> >

> > I never would've thought of

> >that!'"

> >

> > * Dave Barry

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > (24) "If you can't beat them,

> >arrange to have them

> >

> > beaten."

> >

> > * Carlin

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > (25) "When I die, I want to

> >die like my

> >

> > grandmother who died

> >peacefully in

> >

> > her sleep. Not screaming like

> >all the passengers in her car.

> >

> > * Author Unknown

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > (26) Advice for the day: If

> >you have a lot of

> >

> > tension and you get a

> >

> > headache, do what it says on

> >the aspirin bottle:

> >

> > "Take two aspirin" and "Keep

> >away from children"

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > (27) "Oh, you hate your job?

> >Why didn't you say

> >

> >

> >

> > so? There's a support group for that. It's called

> >EVERYBODY,

> >

> >

> >

> > and they meet at the

> >bar.

> >

> >

> >

> > * Drew Carey

> >

>

>

> _________________________________________________________________

> Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at

http://explorer.msn.com/intl.asp

>

>

>

_________________________________________________________________

Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com/intl.asp

[Guest guest]

VERY funny! Enjoy! Love, Judy

--- Fwd: HAHA!

>

>

>

>

> >GREAT BITS OF WISDOM FOR OUR

> >TIME

> >

> >

> >

> > (1) "Instead of getting

> >married again, I'm going

> >

> > to find a woman I don't

> >

> > like and just give her a

> >house."

> >

> > * Seagal

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > (2) "The problem with the

> >designated driver

> >

> > program, it's not a

> >desirable

> >

> > job. But if you ever get

> >sucked into doing it,

> >

> > have fun with it. At the

> >end

> >

> > of the night, drop them off

> >at the wrong house."

> >

> > * Jeff Foxworthy

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > (3) "See, the problem is that

> >God gives men a

> >

> > brain and a penis, and

> >only

> >

> > enough blood to run one at a

> >time."

> >

> > * Robin

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > (4) "If a woman has to choose

> >between catching a

> >

> > fly ball and saving infant's

> >life, she will choose to

> >

> > save the infant's life

> >without even

> >

> > considering if there is a man

> >on base."

> >

> > * Dave Barry

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > (5) "What do people mean when

> >they say the

> >

> > computer went down on

> >them?"

> >

> > * Marilyn Pittman

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > (6) "Relationships are hard.

> >It's like a full time

> >

> > job, and we should treat it

> >like one. If your boyfriend

> >

> > or girlfriend wants to leave

> >you, they should

> >

> > give you two weeks' notice.

> >There should be

> >

> > severance pay, and before

> >they leave you, they

> >

> > should have to find you a

> >temp."

> >

> > * Bob Ettinger

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > (8) "A study in the

> >Washington Post says that

> >

> >

> >

> > women have better verbal

> >skills than men. I just

> >

> > want to say to the authors of

> >that study: duh."

> >

> > * Conan O'Brien

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > (9) "Why does Sea World have

> >a seafood restaurant?

> >

> > I'm halfway through my

> >

> > fish burger and I realize, Oh

> >my goodness. . I

> >

> > could be eating a slow

> >learner."

> >

> > * Lynda Montgomery

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > (10) "The day I worry about

> >cleaning my house is

> >

> > the day Sears comes out

> >

> > with a riding vacuum

> >cleaner."

> >

> > * Roseanne

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > (11) "I think that's how

> >Chicago got started. A

> >

> > bunch of people in New

> >York

> >

> > said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the

> >crime and the

> >

> > poverty, but it just isn't

> >cold enough. Let's go west.'"

> >

> > * Jeni

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > (12) "If life was fair, Elvis

> >would be alive and

> >

> > all the impersonators would

> >be dead."

> >

> > * ny Carson

> >

> >

> >

> > (13) "Sometimes I think war

> >is God's way of

> >

> > teaching us geography."

> >

> > *

> >

> >

> >

> > (14) "My parents didn't want

> >to move to Florida,

> >

> > but they turned sixty, and

> >that's the law."

> >

> > * Jerry Seinfeld

> >

> >

> >

> > (15) "In elementary school,

> >in case of fire you

> >

> > have to line up quietly

> >in

> >

> > a single file line from

> >smallest to tallest. What

> >

> > is the logic? Do tall people

> >burn slower?"

> >

> > * Warren Hutcherson

> >

> >

> >

> > (16) "Bigamy is having one

> >wife/husband too many.

> >

> > Monogamy is the same."

> >

> > * Wilde

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > (17) "Marriage is a great

> >institution, but I'm not

> >

> > ready for an institution

> >yet."

> >

> > * Mae West

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > (18) "Suppose you were an

> >idiot . . . And suppose

> >

> > you were a member of Congress

> >. . . But I repeat myself."

> >

> > * Mark Twain

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > (19) "Our bombs are smarter

> >than the average high

> >

> > school student. At least they

> >can find Kuwait."

> >

> > * A. Whitney Brown

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > (20) "Ah, yes, divorce . . .

> >from the Latin word

> >

> > meaning to rip out a man's

> >genitals through his wallet,"

> >

> > * Robin

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > (21) "Women complain about

> >premenstrual syndrome,

> >

> > but I think of it as

> >the

> >

> > only time of the month that I

> >can be myself."

> >

> > * Roseanne

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > (23) "You can say any foolish

> >thing to a dog, and

> >

> > the dog will give you a look

> >that says, 'My God, you're right!

> >

> > I never would've thought of

> >that!'"

> >

> > * Dave Barry

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > (24) "If you can't beat them,

> >arrange to have them

> >

> > beaten."

> >

> > * Carlin

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > (25) "When I die, I want to

> >die like my

> >

> > grandmother who died

> >peacefully in

> >

> > her sleep. Not screaming like

> >all the passengers in her car.

> >

> > * Author Unknown

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > (26) Advice for the day: If

> >you have a lot of

> >

> > tension and you get a

> >

> > headache, do what it says on

> >the aspirin bottle:

> >

> > "Take two aspirin" and "Keep

> >away from children"

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > (27) "Oh, you hate your job?

> >Why didn't you say

> >

> >

> >

> > so? There's a support group for that. It's called

> >EVERYBODY,

> >

> >

> >

> > and they meet at the

> >bar.

> >

> >

> >

> > * Drew Carey

> >

>

>

> _________________________________________________________________

> Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at

http://explorer.msn.com/intl.asp

>

>

>

_________________________________________________________________

Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com/intl.asp