Guest guest Posted October 19, 2001 Report Share Posted October 19, 2001 Hi Carolyn, I hope you are doing better. I enjoyed the jokes. I'm so glad when I see you post because then I know you feel a little better. There has been a lot of us sick lately, so I am praying everyone will feel much better soon. Love you, Take care, Lu Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 19, 2001 Report Share Posted October 19, 2001 Hi Carolyn, I hope you are doing better. I enjoyed the jokes. I'm so glad when I see you post because then I know you feel a little better. There has been a lot of us sick lately, so I am praying everyone will feel much better soon. Love you, Take care, Lu Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 19, 2001 Report Share Posted October 19, 2001 > Subject: top 8 idiots > > Idiot # 1 > > I am a medical student currently doing a rotation > in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, > this woman called in very upset because she caught > her little daughter eating ants. I quickly > reassured her that the ants are not harmful and > there would be no need to bring her daughter into > the hospital. She calmed down, and at the end of > the conversation happened to mention that she gave > her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to > kill the ants. I told her that she better bring > her daughter into the Emergency room right away. > > Here's your sign lady. Wear it with pride. > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > > Idiot # 2 > > Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on > the airfield decided to steal a life raft from > one of the 747s. They were successful in getting > it out of the plane and home. When they took it > for a float on the river, a Coast Guard > helicopter coming towards them surprised them. > It turned out that the chopper was homing in on > the emergency locator beacon which activated > when the raft was inflated. > They are no longer employed at Boeing. > > Here's your sign guys. Don't get it wet, the > paint might run. > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > > Idiot # 3 > > A true story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting > to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the > branch and wrote " this iz a stikkup. Put all your > muny in this bag. " While standing in line, waiting > to give his note to the teller, he began to worry > that someone had seen him write the note and might > call the police before he reached the teller window. > So he left the Bank of America and crossed the > street to Wells Fargo. > > After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his > note to the Wells Fargo teller. He read it and, > surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't > the brightest light in the harbor, told him that > she could not accept his stickup note because it > was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and > that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo > deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. > Looking somewhat defeated, the man said " OK " and left. > He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was > waiting in line back at Bank of America. > > Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably > couldn't read it anyway. > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > > Idiot # 4 > > A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated > speed trap that measured his speed using radar and > photographed his car. He later received in the mail > a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of > payment, he sent the police department a photograph > of $40. Several days later, he received a letter > from the police that contained another picture, > this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in > his $40. > > Another sign (though this guy might be onto > something worth thinking about)! > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > > Idiot # 5 > > Guy walked into a little corner store with a > shotgun and demanded all the cash from the cash > drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, > the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted > behind the counter on the shelf. He told the > cashier to put it in the bag as well, but he > refused and said, " Because I don't believe you are > over 21. " > > The robber said he was, but the clerk still > refused to give it to him because he didn't > believe him. At this point the robber took his > driver's license out of his wallet and gave it > to the clerk. The clerk looked it over, and > agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he > put the scotch in the bag. The robber then ran > from the store with his loot. The cashier > promptly called the police and gave the name and > address of the robber that he got off the license. > > They arrested the robber two hours later. > > (Remind me to have more signs printed up. Give this > guy his!) > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > > Idiot # 6 > > A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop > nervously waving revolvers. The first one > shouted, " Nobody move! " > When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot > him. > > (This guy doesn't need a sign, he probably figured > it out himself.) > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > > Idiot # 7 > > Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty > badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder > block through a liquor store window, grab some > booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block > and heaved it over his head at the window. > > The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be > thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems > the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. > The whole event was caught on videotape. > > (Oh, that smarts. Give him his sign!) > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > > Idiot # 8 > > Ann Arbor: The Ann Arbor News crime column > reported that a man walked into a Burger King > in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50 am flashed a > gun and demanded cash. > > The clerk turned him down because he said > he couldn't open the cash register without a > food order. When the man ordered onion rings, > the clerk said they weren't available for > breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 19, 2001 Report Share Posted October 19, 2001 > Subject: top 8 idiots > > Idiot # 1 > > I am a medical student currently doing a rotation > in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, > this woman called in very upset because she caught > her little daughter eating ants. I quickly > reassured her that the ants are not harmful and > there would be no need to bring her daughter into > the hospital. She calmed down, and at the end of > the conversation happened to mention that she gave > her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to > kill the ants. I told her that she better bring > her daughter into the Emergency room right away. > > Here's your sign lady. Wear it with pride. > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > > Idiot # 2 > > Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on > the airfield decided to steal a life raft from > one of the 747s. They were successful in getting > it out of the plane and home. When they took it > for a float on the river, a Coast Guard > helicopter coming towards them surprised them. > It turned out that the chopper was homing in on > the emergency locator beacon which activated > when the raft was inflated. > They are no longer employed at Boeing. > > Here's your sign guys. Don't get it wet, the > paint might run. > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > > Idiot # 3 > > A true story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting > to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the > branch and wrote " this iz a stikkup. Put all your > muny in this bag. " While standing in line, waiting > to give his note to the teller, he began to worry > that someone had seen him write the note and might > call the police before he reached the teller window. > So he left the Bank of America and crossed the > street to Wells Fargo. > > After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his > note to the Wells Fargo teller. He read it and, > surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't > the brightest light in the harbor, told him that > she could not accept his stickup note because it > was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and > that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo > deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. > Looking somewhat defeated, the man said " OK " and left. > He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was > waiting in line back at Bank of America. > > Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably > couldn't read it anyway. > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > > Idiot # 4 > > A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated > speed trap that measured his speed using radar and > photographed his car. He later received in the mail > a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of > payment, he sent the police department a photograph > of $40. Several days later, he received a letter > from the police that contained another picture, > this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in > his $40. > > Another sign (though this guy might be onto > something worth thinking about)! > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > > Idiot # 5 > > Guy walked into a little corner store with a > shotgun and demanded all the cash from the cash > drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, > the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted > behind the counter on the shelf. He told the > cashier to put it in the bag as well, but he > refused and said, " Because I don't believe you are > over 21. " > > The robber said he was, but the clerk still > refused to give it to him because he didn't > believe him. At this point the robber took his > driver's license out of his wallet and gave it > to the clerk. The clerk looked it over, and > agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he > put the scotch in the bag. The robber then ran > from the store with his loot. The cashier > promptly called the police and gave the name and > address of the robber that he got off the license. > > They arrested the robber two hours later. > > (Remind me to have more signs printed up. Give this > guy his!) > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > > Idiot # 6 > > A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop > nervously waving revolvers. The first one > shouted, " Nobody move! " > When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot > him. > > (This guy doesn't need a sign, he probably figured > it out himself.) > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > > Idiot # 7 > > Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty > badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder > block through a liquor store window, grab some > booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block > and heaved it over his head at the window. > > The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be > thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems > the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. > The whole event was caught on videotape. > > (Oh, that smarts. Give him his sign!) > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ > > Idiot # 8 > > Ann Arbor: The Ann Arbor News crime column > reported that a man walked into a Burger King > in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50 am flashed a > gun and demanded cash. > > The clerk turned him down because he said > he couldn't open the cash register without a > food order. When the man ordered onion rings, > the clerk said they weren't available for > breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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