Calling Heaven

[Guest guest]

CALLING HEAVEN

Thank you for calling Heaven,

For English, Press 1.

For Spanish, press 2.

For all other languages, press 0.

Please select one of the following options:

Press 1 for Requests.

Press 2 for Thanksgiving.

Press 3 for Complaints.

Press 4 for all other inquiries.

I am sorry; all of our angels and saints are busy helping other

sinners right now. However, your prayer is important to us, and

we will answer it in the order it was received. Please stay on the line.

If you would like to speak to:

God, press 1.

Jesus, press 2.

Holy Spirit, press 3.

If you would like to hear King sing a Psalm while you are

holding, press 4.

To find a loved one that has been assigned to Heaven, press 5,

then enter his or her social security number, followed by the " pound "

sign. (If you receive a negative response, please hang up and

try area code 666).

For reservations at Heaven, please enter J-O-H-N, followed by the

numbers 3-1-6.

For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, the age of the

earth, life on other planets, and where Noah's Ark is, please

wait until you arrive.

Our computers show that you have already prayed today. Please

hang up and try again tomorrow.

The office is now closed for the weekend to observe a religious

holiday. Please pray again on Monday after 9:30 am.

If you are calling after hours and need emergency assistance,

please contact your local pastor.

Thank you, and have a heavenly day.

[Guest guest]

CALLING HEAVEN

Thank you for calling Heaven,

For English, Press 1.

For Spanish, press 2.

For all other languages, press 0.

Please select one of the following options:

Press 1 for Requests.

Press 2 for Thanksgiving.

Press 3 for Complaints.

Press 4 for all other inquiries.

I am sorry; all of our angels and saints are busy helping other

sinners right now. However, your prayer is important to us, and

we will answer it in the order it was received. Please stay on the line.

If you would like to speak to:

God, press 1.

Jesus, press 2.

Holy Spirit, press 3.

If you would like to hear King sing a Psalm while you are

holding, press 4.

To find a loved one that has been assigned to Heaven, press 5,

then enter his or her social security number, followed by the " pound "

sign. (If you receive a negative response, please hang up and

try area code 666).

For reservations at Heaven, please enter J-O-H-N, followed by the

numbers 3-1-6.

For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, the age of the

earth, life on other planets, and where Noah's Ark is, please

wait until you arrive.

Our computers show that you have already prayed today. Please

hang up and try again tomorrow.

The office is now closed for the weekend to observe a religious

holiday. Please pray again on Monday after 9:30 am.

If you are calling after hours and need emergency assistance,

please contact your local pastor.

Thank you, and have a heavenly day.