Happy Thanksgiving and funny Martha piece

[Guest guest]

Happy Thanksgiving to all!

Hope everyone is surrounded by loved ones and less pain this year. Am

thinking of you all and praying God gives us all piece and many

blessings even through our trials.

Love,

Cath

> Martha will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving. I'm telling

> you

> in advance, so don't act surprised. Since Ms. won't be coming,

> I've

> made a few small changes:

>

> Our sidewalk will not be lined with homemade, paper bag luminaries.

> After a

> trial run, it was decided that no matter how cleverly done, rows of

> flaming

> lunch sacks do not have the desired welcoming effect.

>

> Once inside, our guests will note that the entry hall is not decorated

> with

> the swags of Indian corn and fall foliage I had planned to make.

> Instead,

> I've gotten the kids involved in the decorating by having them track in

> colorful autumn leaves from the front yard. The mud was their idea.

>

> The dining table will not be covered with expensive linens, fancy China,

> or

> crystal goblets. If possible, we will use dishes that match and everyone

>

> will get a fork. Since this IS thanksgiving, we will refrain from using

> the

> plastic Rabbit plate and the Santa napkins from last Christmas.

>

> Our centerpiece will not be the tower of fresh fruit and flowers that I

> promised. Instead we will be displaying a hedgehog-like decoration

> hand-crafted from the finest construction paper. The artist assures me

> it is

> a turkey.

>

> We will be dining fashionably late. The children will entertain you

> while

> you wait. I'm sure they will be happy to share every choice comment I

> have

> made regarding Thanksgiving, pilgrims, and the turkey hotline. Please

> remember that most of these comments were made at 5:00 a.m. upon

> discovering

> that the turkey was still hard enough to cut diamonds.

>

> As accompaniment to the children's recital, I will play a recording of

> tribal drumming. If the children should mention that I don't own a

> recording

> of tribal drumming, or that tribal drumming sounds suspiciously like a

> frozen turkey in a clothes dryer, ignore them. They are lying.

>

> We toyed with the idea of ringing a dainty silver bell to announce the

> start

> of our feast. In the end, we chose to keep our traditional method.

> We've

> also decided against a formal seating arrangement. When the smoke alarm

> sounds, please gather around the table and sit where you like.

>

> In the spirit of harmony, we will ask the children to sit at a separate

> table. In a separate room. Next door.

>

> Now, I know you have all seen pictures of one person carving a turkey in

>

> front of a crowd of appreciative onlookers. This will not be happening

> at

> our dinner. For safety reasons, the turkey will be carved in a private

> ceremony. I stress " private " meaning . . . . Do not, under any

> circumstances, enter the kitchen to laugh at me. Do not send small,

> unsuspecting children to check on my progress. I have an electric knife.

>

> The turkey is unarmed. It stands to reason that I will eventually win.

> When

> I do, we will eat.

>

> I would like to take this opportunity to remind my young diners that

> " passing the rolls " is not a football play. Nor is it a request to bean

> your

> brother in the head with warm tasty bread.

>

> Oh, and one reminder for the adults: For the duration of the meal, and

> especially while in the presence of young diners, we will refer to the

> giblet gravy by its lesser-known name: Cheese Sauce. If a young diner

> questions you regarding the origins or type of Cheese Sauce, plead

> ignorance.

>

> Before I forget, there is one last change. Instead of offering a choice

> between 12 different scrumptious desserts, we will be serving the

> traditional pumpkin pie, garnished with whipped cream and small

> fingerprints. You will still have a choice; take it or leave it.

>

> Martha will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving.

[Guest guest]

Happy Thanksgiving to all!

Hope everyone is surrounded by loved ones and less pain this year. Am

thinking of you all and praying God gives us all piece and many

blessings even through our trials.

Love,

Cath

> Martha will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving. I'm telling

> you

> in advance, so don't act surprised. Since Ms. won't be coming,

> I've

> made a few small changes:

>

> Our sidewalk will not be lined with homemade, paper bag luminaries.

> After a

> trial run, it was decided that no matter how cleverly done, rows of

> flaming

> lunch sacks do not have the desired welcoming effect.

>

> Once inside, our guests will note that the entry hall is not decorated

> with

> the swags of Indian corn and fall foliage I had planned to make.

> Instead,

> I've gotten the kids involved in the decorating by having them track in

> colorful autumn leaves from the front yard. The mud was their idea.

>

> The dining table will not be covered with expensive linens, fancy China,

> or

> crystal goblets. If possible, we will use dishes that match and everyone

>

> will get a fork. Since this IS thanksgiving, we will refrain from using

> the

> plastic Rabbit plate and the Santa napkins from last Christmas.

>

> Our centerpiece will not be the tower of fresh fruit and flowers that I

> promised. Instead we will be displaying a hedgehog-like decoration

> hand-crafted from the finest construction paper. The artist assures me

> it is

> a turkey.

>

> We will be dining fashionably late. The children will entertain you

> while

> you wait. I'm sure they will be happy to share every choice comment I

> have

> made regarding Thanksgiving, pilgrims, and the turkey hotline. Please

> remember that most of these comments were made at 5:00 a.m. upon

> discovering

> that the turkey was still hard enough to cut diamonds.

>

> As accompaniment to the children's recital, I will play a recording of

> tribal drumming. If the children should mention that I don't own a

> recording

> of tribal drumming, or that tribal drumming sounds suspiciously like a

> frozen turkey in a clothes dryer, ignore them. They are lying.

>

> We toyed with the idea of ringing a dainty silver bell to announce the

> start

> of our feast. In the end, we chose to keep our traditional method.

> We've

> also decided against a formal seating arrangement. When the smoke alarm

> sounds, please gather around the table and sit where you like.

>

> In the spirit of harmony, we will ask the children to sit at a separate

> table. In a separate room. Next door.

>

> Now, I know you have all seen pictures of one person carving a turkey in

>

> front of a crowd of appreciative onlookers. This will not be happening

> at

> our dinner. For safety reasons, the turkey will be carved in a private

> ceremony. I stress " private " meaning . . . . Do not, under any

> circumstances, enter the kitchen to laugh at me. Do not send small,

> unsuspecting children to check on my progress. I have an electric knife.

>

> The turkey is unarmed. It stands to reason that I will eventually win.

> When

> I do, we will eat.

>

> I would like to take this opportunity to remind my young diners that

> " passing the rolls " is not a football play. Nor is it a request to bean

> your

> brother in the head with warm tasty bread.

>

> Oh, and one reminder for the adults: For the duration of the meal, and

> especially while in the presence of young diners, we will refer to the

> giblet gravy by its lesser-known name: Cheese Sauce. If a young diner

> questions you regarding the origins or type of Cheese Sauce, plead

> ignorance.

>

> Before I forget, there is one last change. Instead of offering a choice

> between 12 different scrumptious desserts, we will be serving the

> traditional pumpkin pie, garnished with whipped cream and small

> fingerprints. You will still have a choice; take it or leave it.

>

> Martha will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving.