Fw: Some Holiday rules for the table....

[Guest guest]

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>

>

> >

> > THOU SHALT NOT SKIM FLAVOR FROM THE HOLIDAYS

> > By Craig , USA TODAY

> >

> > I hate this time of year. Not for its crass commercialism and forced

> > frivolity, but because it's the season when the food police come out

with

> > their wagging fingers and annual tips on how to get through the holidays

> > without gaining 10 pounds. You can't pick up a magazine without finding

a

> > list of holiday eating do's and don'ts. Eliminate second helpings,

> > high-calorie sauces and cookies made with butter, they say. Fill up on

> > vegetable sticks, they say. Good grief. Is your favorite childhood

> memory

> > of Christmas a carrot stick? I didn't think so. Isn't mine, either. A

> > carrot was something you left for Rudolph. I have my own list of tips

for

> > holiday eating. I assure you, if you follow them, you'll be fat and

happy.

> > So what if you don't make it to New Year's? Your pants won't fit

anymore,

> > anyway.

> >

> > (1) About those carrot sticks. Avoid them. Anyone who puts carrots on

a

> > holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if

> you

> >

> > see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum

> > balls.

> >

> > (2) Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine

single-malt

> > scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch.

You

> > can't find it any other time of year but now. So! Drink up! Who cares

> > that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going

to

> > turn into an egg-nogaholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have

> one

> >

> > for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

> >

> > (3) If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of

> gravy.

> >

> > Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with

> > gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

> >

> > (4) As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or

> > whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports

> car

> >

> > with an automatic transmission.

> >

> > (5) Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control

> your

> >

> > eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other

> > people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello? Remember College?

> >

> > (6) Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New

Year's.

> > You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is

the

> > time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table

> while

> > carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

> >

> > (7) If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like

> frosted

> >

> > Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near

> > them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the

center

> of

> >

> > attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. You can't leave

them

> > behind. You're not going to see them again.

> >

> > (8) Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each.

> Or,

> > if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always

have

> > three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

> >

> > (9) Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the

> mandatory

> > celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some

> > standards, mate.

> >

> > (10) And one final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the

> party

> > or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread

tips.

> >

> > Start over.

> >

> > But hurry!

> >

> > Cookieless January is just around the corner.

> >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

>

>

>

> >

> > THOU SHALT NOT SKIM FLAVOR FROM THE HOLIDAYS

> > By Craig , USA TODAY

> >

> > I hate this time of year. Not for its crass commercialism and forced

> > frivolity, but because it's the season when the food police come out

with

> > their wagging fingers and annual tips on how to get through the holidays

> > without gaining 10 pounds. You can't pick up a magazine without finding

a

> > list of holiday eating do's and don'ts. Eliminate second helpings,

> > high-calorie sauces and cookies made with butter, they say. Fill up on

> > vegetable sticks, they say. Good grief. Is your favorite childhood

> memory

> > of Christmas a carrot stick? I didn't think so. Isn't mine, either. A

> > carrot was something you left for Rudolph. I have my own list of tips

for

> > holiday eating. I assure you, if you follow them, you'll be fat and

happy.

> > So what if you don't make it to New Year's? Your pants won't fit

anymore,

> > anyway.

> >

> > (1) About those carrot sticks. Avoid them. Anyone who puts carrots on

a

> > holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if

> you

> >

> > see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum

> > balls.

> >

> > (2) Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine

single-malt

> > scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch.

You

> > can't find it any other time of year but now. So! Drink up! Who cares

> > that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going

to

> > turn into an egg-nogaholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have

> one

> >

> > for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

> >

> > (3) If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of

> gravy.

> >

> > Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with

> > gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

> >

> > (4) As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or

> > whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports

> car

> >

> > with an automatic transmission.

> >

> > (5) Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control

> your

> >

> > eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other

> > people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello? Remember College?

> >

> > (6) Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New

Year's.

> > You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is

the

> > time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table

> while

> > carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

> >

> > (7) If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like

> frosted

> >

> > Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near

> > them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the

center

> of

> >

> > attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. You can't leave

them

> > behind. You're not going to see them again.

> >

> > (8) Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each.

> Or,

> > if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always

have

> > three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

> >

> > (9) Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the

> mandatory

> > celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some

> > standards, mate.

> >

> > (10) And one final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the

> party

> > or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread

tips.

> >

> > Start over.

> >

> > But hurry!

> >

> > Cookieless January is just around the corner.

> >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>