Guest guest Posted November 8, 2001 Report Share Posted November 8, 2001 Old Folks Stories> > Old folk stories > > > > This story is about an elderly couple, sitting together watching > > television. > > During one of those commercials, the husband asked his wife,"Whatever > > happened to our sexual relations?" > > After a long thoughtful silence, and during the next commercial, the> > wife replied, "You know, I don't know. I don't even think we got a > > Christmas card from them this year." > > -------------------------------------------! > > When the husband finally died his wife put the usual death notice > > in the paper, but added that he died of gonorrhea. No sooner werethe > > papers delivered when a good friend of the family phoned andcomplained > > bitterly, "You know very well that he died of diarrhea, notgonorrhea. > > Replied the widow, "I nursed him night and day so of course I know > > he died of diarrhea, but I thought it would be better for posterityto > > remember him as a great lover rather than the big shit he alwayswas." > > ------------------------------------------ > > An elderly couple was on a cruise and it was really stormy. They > > were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave> > came up and washed the old woman overboard. They searched for daysand > > couldn't find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shorewith > > the promise that he would notify him as soon as they foundsomething. > > Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat.It > > read: > > "Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom > > of the ocean. > > We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her butt was an > > oyster and it was a pearl worth $50,000 . . .please advise" The oldman > > faxed back: > > "Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap" > > ------------------------------------------ > > A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed > > away. At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the > > casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring thecasket. > > They hear a faint moan! > > They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! > > She lives for ten more years, and then dies. Once again, a ceremonyis > > held, and at the end of it, the pall bearers are again carrying outthe > > casket. As they carry the casket towards the door, the husband cries> > out: > > "Watch that wall!" > > ------------------------------------------ > > When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a > > park bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what waswrong.> > > She said, "I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me> > every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh> > fruit and freshly ground coffee." I said, "Well, then why are you > > crying?" She said, "He makes me homemade soup for lunch and myfavorite > > brownies and then makes love to me for half the afternoon". I said, > > "Well, why are you crying?" > > She said, "For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my > > favorite dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m. > > I said, "Well, why in the world would you be crying?" She > > said, "I can't remember where I live!" > > ------------------------------------------ > > Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the > > years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. > > Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a > > week to play cards. One day they were playing cards when one lookedat > > the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me.....I know we've been > > friends for a long time.....but I just can't think of your name! > > I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me > > what your name is." Her friend glared at her. For at least threeminutes> > > she just stared and glared at her. > > Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 8, 2001 Report Share Posted November 8, 2001 Old Folks Stories> > Old folk stories > > > > This story is about an elderly couple, sitting together watching > > television. > > During one of those commercials, the husband asked his wife,"Whatever > > happened to our sexual relations?" > > After a long thoughtful silence, and during the next commercial, the> > wife replied, "You know, I don't know. I don't even think we got a > > Christmas card from them this year." > > -------------------------------------------! > > When the husband finally died his wife put the usual death notice > > in the paper, but added that he died of gonorrhea. No sooner werethe > > papers delivered when a good friend of the family phoned andcomplained > > bitterly, "You know very well that he died of diarrhea, notgonorrhea. > > Replied the widow, "I nursed him night and day so of course I know > > he died of diarrhea, but I thought it would be better for posterityto > > remember him as a great lover rather than the big shit he alwayswas." > > ------------------------------------------ > > An elderly couple was on a cruise and it was really stormy. They > > were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave> > came up and washed the old woman overboard. They searched for daysand > > couldn't find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shorewith > > the promise that he would notify him as soon as they foundsomething. > > Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat.It > > read: > > "Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom > > of the ocean. > > We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her butt was an > > oyster and it was a pearl worth $50,000 . . .please advise" The oldman > > faxed back: > > "Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap" > > ------------------------------------------ > > A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed > > away. At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the > > casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring thecasket. > > They hear a faint moan! > > They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! > > She lives for ten more years, and then dies. Once again, a ceremonyis > > held, and at the end of it, the pall bearers are again carrying outthe > > casket. As they carry the casket towards the door, the husband cries> > out: > > "Watch that wall!" > > ------------------------------------------ > > When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a > > park bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what waswrong.> > > She said, "I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me> > every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh> > fruit and freshly ground coffee." I said, "Well, then why are you > > crying?" She said, "He makes me homemade soup for lunch and myfavorite > > brownies and then makes love to me for half the afternoon". I said, > > "Well, why are you crying?" > > She said, "For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my > > favorite dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m. > > I said, "Well, why in the world would you be crying?" She > > said, "I can't remember where I live!" > > ------------------------------------------ > > Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the > > years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. > > Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a > > week to play cards. One day they were playing cards when one lookedat > > the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me.....I know we've been > > friends for a long time.....but I just can't think of your name! > > I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me > > what your name is." Her friend glared at her. For at least threeminutes> > > she just stared and glared at her. > > Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 8, 2001 Report Share Posted November 8, 2001 Judy,.... thanks for the stories.. I loved it... I was really thinking alot about you today. How are you? Hope you are feeling better, I sure have missed you... So good to have you back with us. I haven't been keeping up with the mail so I will probably find a post down the line from you explaining all I just asked.. (did any of that make sense??) LOL Anyway, welcome back. hugs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 8, 2001 Report Share Posted November 8, 2001 Judy,.... thanks for the stories.. I loved it... I was really thinking alot about you today. How are you? Hope you are feeling better, I sure have missed you... So good to have you back with us. I haven't been keeping up with the mail so I will probably find a post down the line from you explaining all I just asked.. (did any of that make sense??) LOL Anyway, welcome back. hugs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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