Guest guest Posted October 29, 2001 Report Share Posted October 29, 2001 > > Health Tips > > > > Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this > true? > > > > A: Your heart is only good for so many beats,and that's it, don't piss > them > > away on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your > heart > > will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the > life > > of > > your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap. > > > > Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables? > > > > A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and > > corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an > > efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? > > Eat > > chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy > vegetable). > > And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of > > vegetable slop. > > > > Q: Is beer or wine bad for me? > > > > A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we > > all > > know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories: > > animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not > > animal, and they are not on the periodic table of elements, so that only > > leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy > your > > liquid vegetables. > > > > Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? > > > > A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to > > one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc. > > > > Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular > exercise > > program? > > > > A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain - Good. > > > > Q: If I stop smoking, will I live longer? > > > > A: Nope. Smoking is a sign of individual expression and peace of mind. > If > > you stop, you'll probably stress yourself to death in record time. > > > > Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you? > > > > A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In > > fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad > > for > > you? > > > > Q: What's the secret to healthy eating? > > > > A: Thicker gravy. > > > > Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the > > middle? > > > > A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You > should > > only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach. I hope this has > cleared > > up any misconceptions you may have had. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 29, 2001 Report Share Posted October 29, 2001 > > Health Tips > > > > Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this > true? > > > > A: Your heart is only good for so many beats,and that's it, don't piss > them > > away on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your > heart > > will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the > life > > of > > your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap. > > > > Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables? > > > > A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and > > corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an > > efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? > > Eat > > chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy > vegetable). > > And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of > > vegetable slop. > > > > Q: Is beer or wine bad for me? > > > > A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we > > all > > know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories: > > animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not > > animal, and they are not on the periodic table of elements, so that only > > leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy > your > > liquid vegetables. > > > > Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? > > > > A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to > > one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc. > > > > Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular > exercise > > program? > > > > A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain - Good. > > > > Q: If I stop smoking, will I live longer? > > > > A: Nope. Smoking is a sign of individual expression and peace of mind. > If > > you stop, you'll probably stress yourself to death in record time. > > > > Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you? > > > > A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In > > fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad > > for > > you? > > > > Q: What's the secret to healthy eating? > > > > A: Thicker gravy. > > > > Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the > > middle? > > > > A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You > should > > only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach. I hope this has > cleared > > up any misconceptions you may have had. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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