The old Hollywood Squares...........

[Guest guest]

>From The Original Hollywood Squares TV show... These

>are from the days when

>game show responses were spontaneous and not scripted

>like they are now.

>

>------------------------------------------------------

>

>

> Marshall:  , can you get an elephant drunk?

>

> Lynde:  Yes, but it still won't go up to your

>apartment.

>

>------------------------------------------------------

>

>

> Marshall:  According to Cosmo, if you meet a

>stranger at a party and you think he's really attractive,

is it okay to come out directly and ask him if he's married?

>

>Rose Marie:  No, wait until morning.

>

>------------------------------------------------------

>

>

> Marshall:  Which of your five senses tends to

>diminish as you get

>older?

>

>Charley Weaver:  My sense of decency.

>

>-------------------------------------------------------

>

>

> Marshall:  In Hawaiian, does it take more than

>three words to say "I love you"?

>

> Price:  No, you can say it with a pineapple

>and a twenty.

>

>------------------------------------------------------

>

> Marshall:  What are "Do It", "I Can Help" and

>"Can't Get Enough"?

>

> Gobel:  I don't know but it's coming from the

>next apartment.

>

>------------------------------------------------------

>

>

> Marshall:  As you grow older, do you tend to

>gesture more or less

>with your hands while you are talking?

>

>Rose Marie:  You ask me one more growing older

>question, ...and I'll give you a gesture

you'll never forget!

>

>------------------------------------------------------

>

>

> Marshall:  According to Zsa Zsa, does black look

>sexy on a woman?

>

>Redd Foxx:  I wouldn't have it any other way.

>

>------------------------------------------------------

>

>

> Marshall:  What are "dual purpose" cattle good

>for that other cattle aren't?

>

> Lynde:  They give milk and cookies...but I don't

>recommend the cookies!

>

>-------------------------------------------------------

>

>

> Marshall:  , why do Hell's Angels wear

>leather?

>

> Lynde:  Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

>

>------------------------------------------------------

>

>

> Marshall:  Charley, you've just decided to grow

>strawberries. Are you going to get any during your

first year?

>

>Charley Weaver:  Of course not, .  I'm too busy

>growing strawberries!

>

>-------------------------------------------------------

>

>

> Marshall:  In bowling, what's a perfect score?

>

>Rose Marie:  Ralph, the pin boy.

>

>-------------------------------------------------------

>

>

> Marshall:  Eddie, according to the Institute of

>Motivational Research, a wife should be beware if

another woman takes an interest in a certain item of

her husband's clothing. What item?

>

>Ed Asner:  Well, shorts immediately springs to my

>mind.

>

>-------------------------------------------------------

>

>

> Marshall:  It is considered in bad taste to discuss

two subjects at nudist camps.  One is politics.  What is

the other?

>

> Lynde:  Tape measures.

>

>-------------------------------------------------------

>

>

> Marshall:  True or false...a pea can last as

>long as 5,000 years.

>

> Gobel:  Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

>

>-------------------------------------------------------

>

>

> Marshall:  During a tornado, are you safer in

>the bedroom or in the closet?

>

>Rose Marie:  Unfortunately, , I'm always safe in

>the bedroom.

>

>-------------------------------------------------------

>

>

> Marshall:  Can boys join the camp fire girls?

>

>Marty :  Only after lights out.

>

>------------------------------------------------------

>

>

> Marshall:  When you pat a dog on its head he

>will usually wag his tail.  What will a goose do?

>

> Lynde:  Make him bark.

>

>------------------------------------------------------

>

>

> Marshall:  True or false, ...experts say

>there are only seven

>or eight things in the world dumber than an ant.

>

> Gobel:  Yes, and I think I voted for six of

>'em.

>

>-------------------------------------------------------

>

>

> Marshall:  If you were pregnant for two years,

>what would you give birth to?

>

> Lynde:  Whatever it is, it would never be afraid

>of the dark.

>

>-------------------------------------------------------

>

>

> Marshall:  According to Ann Landers, is there

>anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing

a lot of people?

>

>Charley Weaver:  It got me out of the army!

>

>-------------------------------------------------------

>

>

> Marshall:  Is it possible for the puppies in a

>litter to have more than one daddy?

>

> Lynde:  Why, that bitch!

>

>------------------------------------------------------

>

>

> Marshall:  It is the most abused and neglected

>part of your body, what is it?

>

>

> Lynde:  Mine may be abused but it certainly isn't

>neglected!

>

>

>-------------------------------------------------------

>

>

> Marshall:  Who stays pregnant for a longer

>period of time, your wife or your elephant?

>

>

> Lynde:  Who told you about my elephant?

>

>-------------------------------------------------------

>

>

> Marshall:  When a couple have a baby, who is

>responsible for its sex?

>

>

>Charley Weaver:  I'll lend him the car.  The rest is

>up to him.

>

>-------------------------------------------------------

>

>

> Marshall:  If you're going to make a parachute

>jump, you should be at least how high?

>

>

>Charley Weaver:  Three days of steady drinking should

>do it.

>

>-------------------------------------------------------

>

>

> Marshall:  Do female frogs croak?

>

>

> Lynde:  If you hold their little heads under water.

>

>-------------------------------------------------------

>

>

> Marshall:  Your baby has a certain object which

>he loves to cling to.

>Should you try to break him of his habit?

>

>

>Joan Rivers:  Yes.  It's daddy's turn.

>

[Guest guest]

>From The Original Hollywood Squares TV show... These

>are from the days when

>game show responses were spontaneous and not scripted

>like they are now.

>

>------------------------------------------------------

>

>

> Marshall:  , can you get an elephant drunk?

>

> Lynde:  Yes, but it still won't go up to your

>apartment.

>

>------------------------------------------------------

>

>

> Marshall:  According to Cosmo, if you meet a

>stranger at a party and you think he's really attractive,

is it okay to come out directly and ask him if he's married?

>

>Rose Marie:  No, wait until morning.

>

>------------------------------------------------------

>

>

> Marshall:  Which of your five senses tends to

>diminish as you get

>older?

>

>Charley Weaver:  My sense of decency.

>

>-------------------------------------------------------

>

>

> Marshall:  In Hawaiian, does it take more than

>three words to say "I love you"?

>

> Price:  No, you can say it with a pineapple

>and a twenty.

>

>------------------------------------------------------

>

> Marshall:  What are "Do It", "I Can Help" and

>"Can't Get Enough"?

>

> Gobel:  I don't know but it's coming from the

>next apartment.

>

>------------------------------------------------------

>

>

> Marshall:  As you grow older, do you tend to

>gesture more or less

>with your hands while you are talking?

>

>Rose Marie:  You ask me one more growing older

>question, ...and I'll give you a gesture

you'll never forget!

>

>------------------------------------------------------

>

>

> Marshall:  According to Zsa Zsa, does black look

>sexy on a woman?

>

>Redd Foxx:  I wouldn't have it any other way.

>

>------------------------------------------------------

>

>

> Marshall:  What are "dual purpose" cattle good

>for that other cattle aren't?

>

> Lynde:  They give milk and cookies...but I don't

>recommend the cookies!

>

>-------------------------------------------------------

>

>

> Marshall:  , why do Hell's Angels wear

>leather?

>

> Lynde:  Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

>

>------------------------------------------------------

>

>

> Marshall:  Charley, you've just decided to grow

>strawberries. Are you going to get any during your

first year?

>

>Charley Weaver:  Of course not, .  I'm too busy

>growing strawberries!

>

>-------------------------------------------------------

>

>

> Marshall:  In bowling, what's a perfect score?

>

>Rose Marie:  Ralph, the pin boy.

>

>-------------------------------------------------------

>

>

> Marshall:  Eddie, according to the Institute of

>Motivational Research, a wife should be beware if

another woman takes an interest in a certain item of

her husband's clothing. What item?

>

>Ed Asner:  Well, shorts immediately springs to my

>mind.

>

>-------------------------------------------------------

>

>

> Marshall:  It is considered in bad taste to discuss

two subjects at nudist camps.  One is politics.  What is

the other?

>

> Lynde:  Tape measures.

>

>-------------------------------------------------------

>

>

> Marshall:  True or false...a pea can last as

>long as 5,000 years.

>

> Gobel:  Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

>

>-------------------------------------------------------

>

>

> Marshall:  During a tornado, are you safer in

>the bedroom or in the closet?

>

>Rose Marie:  Unfortunately, , I'm always safe in

>the bedroom.

>

>-------------------------------------------------------

>

>

> Marshall:  Can boys join the camp fire girls?

>

>Marty :  Only after lights out.

>

>------------------------------------------------------

>

>

> Marshall:  When you pat a dog on its head he

>will usually wag his tail.  What will a goose do?

>

> Lynde:  Make him bark.

>

>------------------------------------------------------

>

>

> Marshall:  True or false, ...experts say

>there are only seven

>or eight things in the world dumber than an ant.

>

> Gobel:  Yes, and I think I voted for six of

>'em.

>

>-------------------------------------------------------

>

>

> Marshall:  If you were pregnant for two years,

>what would you give birth to?

>

> Lynde:  Whatever it is, it would never be afraid

>of the dark.

>

>-------------------------------------------------------

>

>

> Marshall:  According to Ann Landers, is there

>anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing

a lot of people?

>

>Charley Weaver:  It got me out of the army!

>

>-------------------------------------------------------

>

>

> Marshall:  Is it possible for the puppies in a

>litter to have more than one daddy?

>

> Lynde:  Why, that bitch!

>

>------------------------------------------------------

>

>

> Marshall:  It is the most abused and neglected

>part of your body, what is it?

>

>

> Lynde:  Mine may be abused but it certainly isn't

>neglected!

>

>

>-------------------------------------------------------

>

>

> Marshall:  Who stays pregnant for a longer

>period of time, your wife or your elephant?

>

>

> Lynde:  Who told you about my elephant?

>

>-------------------------------------------------------

>

>

> Marshall:  When a couple have a baby, who is

>responsible for its sex?

>

>

>Charley Weaver:  I'll lend him the car.  The rest is

>up to him.

>

>-------------------------------------------------------

>

>

> Marshall:  If you're going to make a parachute

>jump, you should be at least how high?

>

>

>Charley Weaver:  Three days of steady drinking should

>do it.

>

>-------------------------------------------------------

>

>

> Marshall:  Do female frogs croak?

>

>

> Lynde:  If you hold their little heads under water.

>

>-------------------------------------------------------

>

>

> Marshall:  Your baby has a certain object which

>he loves to cling to.

>Should you try to break him of his habit?

>

>

>Joan Rivers:  Yes.  It's daddy's turn.

>