Guest guest Posted November 8, 2001 Report Share Posted November 8, 2001 >> When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three >> year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into >the >> shower. >> She said, " Mommy, you are getting fat! " >> I replied, " Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing >> in her tummy. " >> " I know, " she replied, " but what is growing in your butt? " >> ******************************************** >> IT'S A DOG'S LIFE >> It was the end of the day when I parked my >> police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my >K-9 >> partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. > >> " Is that a dog you got back there? " he asked. >> " It sure is, " I replied. >> Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of >> the van. Finally he said, " What'd he do? " >> ********************************************* >> WHY WE LOVE CHILDREN >> A small boy is sent to bed by his father. >> Five minutes later.... >> " Da-ad.... " >> " What? " >> " I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water? " >> " No. You had your chance. Lights out. " >> Five minutes later: " Da-aaaad..... " >> " WHAT? " >> " I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water?? " >> " I told you NO! " If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!! " >> Five minutes later...... " Daaaa-aaaad..... " >> " WHAT! " >> " When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water? " >> ********************************************* >> An exasperated mother, whose son was always >> getting into mischief, finally asked him, " How do you expect to get >into >> Heaven? " >> The boy thought it over and said, " Well, I'll run in and out >> and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. says, " For > >> Heaven's sake, Jimmy, come in or stay out! " >> ********************************************* >> One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking >her >> son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with >a >> tremor >> in his voice, " Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight? " >> The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring >> hug. " I can't dear, " she said. " I have to sleep in Daddy's room. " >> A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: >> " The big sissy. " >> ********************************************* >> It was that time, during the Sunday morning >> service, for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to >come >> forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, >as >> she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, " That is a very pretty > >dress. >> Is >> it your Easter Dress? " >> The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, > >> " Yes, and my >> Mom says it's a bitch to iron. " >> ********************************************* >> Finding one of her students making faces at >> others on the playground, Mrs. stopped to gently reprove the >child. >> Smiling sweetly, the teacher said, " Bobby, >> when I was a child, I was told that if I made ugly faces, it would >freeze >> and I would stay like that. " >> Bobby looked up and replied, " Well, Mrs. >, you can't say you >weren't >> warned. > >-- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 8, 2001 Report Share Posted November 8, 2001 >> When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three >> year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into >the >> shower. >> She said, " Mommy, you are getting fat! " >> I replied, " Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing >> in her tummy. " >> " I know, " she replied, " but what is growing in your butt? " >> ******************************************** >> IT'S A DOG'S LIFE >> It was the end of the day when I parked my >> police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my >K-9 >> partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. > >> " Is that a dog you got back there? " he asked. >> " It sure is, " I replied. >> Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of >> the van. Finally he said, " What'd he do? " >> ********************************************* >> WHY WE LOVE CHILDREN >> A small boy is sent to bed by his father. >> Five minutes later.... >> " Da-ad.... " >> " What? " >> " I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water? " >> " No. You had your chance. Lights out. " >> Five minutes later: " Da-aaaad..... " >> " WHAT? " >> " I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water?? " >> " I told you NO! " If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!! " >> Five minutes later...... " Daaaa-aaaad..... " >> " WHAT! " >> " When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water? " >> ********************************************* >> An exasperated mother, whose son was always >> getting into mischief, finally asked him, " How do you expect to get >into >> Heaven? " >> The boy thought it over and said, " Well, I'll run in and out >> and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. says, " For > >> Heaven's sake, Jimmy, come in or stay out! " >> ********************************************* >> One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking >her >> son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with >a >> tremor >> in his voice, " Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight? " >> The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring >> hug. " I can't dear, " she said. " I have to sleep in Daddy's room. " >> A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: >> " The big sissy. " >> ********************************************* >> It was that time, during the Sunday morning >> service, for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to >come >> forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, >as >> she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, " That is a very pretty > >dress. >> Is >> it your Easter Dress? " >> The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, > >> " Yes, and my >> Mom says it's a bitch to iron. " >> ********************************************* >> Finding one of her students making faces at >> others on the playground, Mrs. stopped to gently reprove the >child. >> Smiling sweetly, the teacher said, " Bobby, >> when I was a child, I was told that if I made ugly faces, it would >freeze >> and I would stay like that. " >> Bobby looked up and replied, " Well, Mrs. >, you can't say you >weren't >> warned. > >-- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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