Guest guest Posted December 7, 2005 Report Share Posted December 7, 2005 Hi Donna, I am hoping that you could send me some information about the IOP from which your husband so benefited. Where was it? How did he get enrolled? How many days a week or hours a day (or whatever the time commitment was) was it? What types of therapy did the program use? And, anything else you think might be helpful. I hope you don't mind my asking. That program just might the answer to my prayers. When you wrote that your husband had learned a bunch about anger, self esteem and boundaries and that he now loves life much more that before . .. . well, I practically cried. I love my husband so very much, but there are times when I am just not sure that we are going to make it. His angry and abusive outbursts are always directed himself - never at me - but they are still very scary and hurtful. I hate hearing my sweet hubbie being violently berated, even if he is the one doing it. It often sounds like he is " channeling " his abusive mom and step-dad. My heart aches that even after all these decades they can still hurt him so deeply. I try to be supportive and make him aware of the wonderful man he is . . . but the good stuff just doesn't seem to make anywhere as deep an impression as any and every slight has done. While he will sometimes seem happy with life . . . all too often he seems to find life completely without joy and hopeless. I have no idea if that IOP would be right for my husband, but it seems like it would be worth looking into. Thank you very much for any help you can provide. Take care, Kay (in San Leandro) Open RNY 12/1/03 Donna Jordon wrote: > Francisco > I love all you wrote, it is all so true. So much of this will be true > for a lot of post ops. When we were heavy I do believe a lot of us > let people cross boundaries, and as our self esteem gets better we > protect our boundaries more. Some people around us see this as good, > others who use to cross our boundaries with no understanding think now > we're mean or have an attitude. My husband has a lot of depression > and he was sent to IOP (intensive outpatient program) and the > physiologist and doctors taught him about anger, self esteem, > boundaries and co-dependency and WOW what a difference in the way he > looks at things now and how he reacts to things and how much more he > loves life. It was the best thing that could of ever happened for him > and our marriage of 24 years. Thank you for all your words. Take > care. Donna Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 7, 2005 Report Share Posted December 7, 2005 Hi Donna, I am hoping that you could send me some information about the IOP from which your husband so benefited. Where was it? How did he get enrolled? How many days a week or hours a day (or whatever the time commitment was) was it? What types of therapy did the program use? And, anything else you think might be helpful. I hope you don't mind my asking. That program just might the answer to my prayers. When you wrote that your husband had learned a bunch about anger, self esteem and boundaries and that he now loves life much more that before . .. . well, I practically cried. I love my husband so very much, but there are times when I am just not sure that we are going to make it. His angry and abusive outbursts are always directed himself - never at me - but they are still very scary and hurtful. I hate hearing my sweet hubbie being violently berated, even if he is the one doing it. It often sounds like he is " channeling " his abusive mom and step-dad. My heart aches that even after all these decades they can still hurt him so deeply. I try to be supportive and make him aware of the wonderful man he is . . . but the good stuff just doesn't seem to make anywhere as deep an impression as any and every slight has done. While he will sometimes seem happy with life . . . all too often he seems to find life completely without joy and hopeless. I have no idea if that IOP would be right for my husband, but it seems like it would be worth looking into. Thank you very much for any help you can provide. Take care, Kay (in San Leandro) Open RNY 12/1/03 Donna Jordon wrote: > Francisco > I love all you wrote, it is all so true. So much of this will be true > for a lot of post ops. When we were heavy I do believe a lot of us > let people cross boundaries, and as our self esteem gets better we > protect our boundaries more. Some people around us see this as good, > others who use to cross our boundaries with no understanding think now > we're mean or have an attitude. My husband has a lot of depression > and he was sent to IOP (intensive outpatient program) and the > physiologist and doctors taught him about anger, self esteem, > boundaries and co-dependency and WOW what a difference in the way he > looks at things now and how he reacts to things and how much more he > loves life. It was the best thing that could of ever happened for him > and our marriage of 24 years. Thank you for all your words. Take > care. Donna Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 7, 2005 Report Share Posted December 7, 2005 Kay To start off let me tell you a little bit of life with me and my husband, we love each other dearly, we've been married 24 years as of Oct. 10, 2005. We've been together almost most 25 years, when we first got married 24 years ago he had small anger and depended on me more than a normal man but we did every thing together and we were young. Then life stresses meeting his mother who was out of his life since age 11, she was put in a mental hospital and him and his 2 brothers were raised by their dad who was a wonderful man, but drank to much, then the dad got re-married and the step mom is nice but isn't a mother (she never had children and came into the boys life late so it was hard for all of them). After we found my husbands mom, we stayed close to her until she died but she was a really mentally sick person, my husband is mentally ill but not severe like his mother was. To meet him you would never know this but he has anxiety, has had panic attacks (under control now due to medicine) and many many bouts of depression, and just over the last five years anger outburst (not of any harm to me or my boys) but more toward himself, life, work and even though they were not geared at us, and I tried to comfort him, I got sensitive to his anger, so even when he had a right to be angry I would get upset. We keep going to Mental health doctors and keep getting medicines changed some worked for a while and others didn't work at all, then July of 2004 we were switched over to Kaiser, started Mental health in Walnut Creek where he has a great doctor. Dr Stauton, she also speaks for NAMI, National Association of Mental Illness. She saw we were struggling so advised him to she a physiologist also, he did this helped a little but he wouldn't tell every thing about the anger outburst or other things I thought he should and that would cause us problems. Then after enough out burst I left home for 4 days this was after WLS and I had lost lots of weight, so then he saw it as my problem I was changing, I was getting mean (I was only sticking up for myself), after I left and we agreed I would come home I said only if he went to a Couples Communications Class and a Anger Class both offered through health education through Kaiser. We attended the Couples Communications which was a great class it did cost $108 for a six week session which taught you how to love again, respect, and how to have discussions not arguments and how to communicate better. This was great we both learned a lot, but it didn't make my husband like life any better or change the anger outburst. Then when it was time for the anger class he was in bad depression, so we went to see his mental health doctor and I told her every thing and any thing that bothered me about his mental health, and he told her why he felt this way about life, and she decided IOP was what he needed. Finally the help that we've been looking for for years. So to answer some of your questions he was referred through his mental health doctor. Yes you have to have a referred from a mental health doctor or Physiologist. It was at Walnut Creek Mental Health, through Kaiser. He went Monday, Wednesday and Friday from 10am to 2pm. There are 3 doctors, and I believe 5 pyschologist and a group of about 20 people with mental issues. You work in groups with a physiologist, you see the psychologist one on one every couple of weeks, you see the doctor for medicine change one on one if needed. The IOP sessions are up to 8 weeks, my husband graduated at 5 weeks, that's how much it helped him. It depends on the individual if they need to go the whole 8 weeks, on how well this helps them and they get the things that are being taught. There is individual help and group help, they are taught boundaries, anger the right way and how not to go to the wrong way, and self esteem. Then once they graduate they go to a program called transit which teaches them some new things like co-dependency (always depending on people to help you) in my husbands case me being the super woman. This transit class is 6 weeks long and now will just go over all the things they have learned already and how life is and to keep seeing the IOP psychologist one on one for 2 more months, then if all is working put back to the regular psychologist and mental health doctor. They are given information for great books and numbers they can call if they have any problems and are told they should join NAMI and it's a family support group not just for the person with the illness. We just joined, we'll be going to support Dec. 15th at Mt. Diablo Hospital. NAMI is for the any one with mental health from mild to severe and they have so many resources. The transit class my husband is in now is 6 weeks from 2:30 pm to 4 pm. They offer this class at different times. Besides doctors, pyschologist, they had people come in and teach different kinds of relaxation therapy, this was such a good thing for us. My husband is retired so this worked for him, if all the time for this doesn't work for yours maybe something from this will work for you. If you e-mail me at discording@... (privately) and send me your address I will send you the packets about boundaries, self esteem, anger and co-dependency, you can read them, let your husband and also there are list of great books for all these things, I bought some from every group for my husband for Christmas and he is a reader. I think before this class he wouldn't of read them, but since they were advised to read them and keep learning, and using what they learn to make life better he will. I really hope this helps. This are great packets of information and I am going to make copies for my support group, because all of us can use help in one area or another. You take care. LIL DonnaKay wrote: Hi Donna,I am hoping that you could send me some information about the OP from which your husband so benefited. Where was it? How did he get enrolled? How many days a week or hours a day (or whatever the time commitment was) was it? What types of therapy did the program use? And, anything else you think might be helpful. I hope you don't mind my asking. That program just might the answer to my prayers.When you wrote that your husband had learned a bunch about anger, self esteem and boundaries and that he now loves life much more that before . . . well, I practically cried. I love my husband so very much, but there are times when I am just not sure that we are going to make it. His angry and abusive outbursts are always directed himself - never at me - but they are still very scary and hurtful. I hate hearing my sweet Hubie being violently berated, even if he is the one doing it. It often sounds like he is "channeling" his abusive mom and step-dad. My heart aches that even after all these decades they can still hurt him so deeply. I try to be supportive and make him aware of the wonderful man he is . . . but the good stuff just doesn't seem to make anywhere as deep an impression as any and every slight has done. While he will sometimes seem happy with life . . . all too often he seems to find life completely without joy and hopeless.I have no idea if that OP would be right for my husband, but it seems like it would be worth looking into. Thank you very much for any help you can provide.Take care,Kay (in San Leandra)Open RN 12/1/03Donna Jordon wrote:> Francisco> I love all you wrote, it is all so true. So much of this will be true > for a lot of post ops. When we were heavy I do believe a lot of us > let people cross boundaries, and as our self esteem gets better we > protect our boundaries more. Some people around us see this as good, > others who use to cross our boundaries with no understanding think now > we're mean or have an attitude. My husband has a lot of depression > and he was sent to OP (intensive outpatient program) and the > physiologist and doctors taught him about anger, self esteem, > boundaries and co-dependency and WOW what a difference in the way he > looks at things now and how he reacts to things and how much more he > loves life. It was the best thing that could of ever happened for him > and our marriage of 24 years. Thank you for all your words. Take > care. Donna Donna JordonDSJordon@... Yahoo! DSL Something to write home about. Just $16.99/mo. or less Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 7, 2005 Report Share Posted December 7, 2005 Kay To start off let me tell you a little bit of life with me and my husband, we love each other dearly, we've been married 24 years as of Oct. 10, 2005. We've been together almost most 25 years, when we first got married 24 years ago he had small anger and depended on me more than a normal man but we did every thing together and we were young. Then life stresses meeting his mother who was out of his life since age 11, she was put in a mental hospital and him and his 2 brothers were raised by their dad who was a wonderful man, but drank to much, then the dad got re-married and the step mom is nice but isn't a mother (she never had children and came into the boys life late so it was hard for all of them). After we found my husbands mom, we stayed close to her until she died but she was a really mentally sick person, my husband is mentally ill but not severe like his mother was. To meet him you would never know this but he has anxiety, has had panic attacks (under control now due to medicine) and many many bouts of depression, and just over the last five years anger outburst (not of any harm to me or my boys) but more toward himself, life, work and even though they were not geared at us, and I tried to comfort him, I got sensitive to his anger, so even when he had a right to be angry I would get upset. We keep going to Mental health doctors and keep getting medicines changed some worked for a while and others didn't work at all, then July of 2004 we were switched over to Kaiser, started Mental health in Walnut Creek where he has a great doctor. Dr Stauton, she also speaks for NAMI, National Association of Mental Illness. She saw we were struggling so advised him to she a physiologist also, he did this helped a little but he wouldn't tell every thing about the anger outburst or other things I thought he should and that would cause us problems. Then after enough out burst I left home for 4 days this was after WLS and I had lost lots of weight, so then he saw it as my problem I was changing, I was getting mean (I was only sticking up for myself), after I left and we agreed I would come home I said only if he went to a Couples Communications Class and a Anger Class both offered through health education through Kaiser. We attended the Couples Communications which was a great class it did cost $108 for a six week session which taught you how to love again, respect, and how to have discussions not arguments and how to communicate better. This was great we both learned a lot, but it didn't make my husband like life any better or change the anger outburst. Then when it was time for the anger class he was in bad depression, so we went to see his mental health doctor and I told her every thing and any thing that bothered me about his mental health, and he told her why he felt this way about life, and she decided IOP was what he needed. Finally the help that we've been looking for for years. So to answer some of your questions he was referred through his mental health doctor. Yes you have to have a referred from a mental health doctor or Physiologist. It was at Walnut Creek Mental Health, through Kaiser. He went Monday, Wednesday and Friday from 10am to 2pm. There are 3 doctors, and I believe 5 pyschologist and a group of about 20 people with mental issues. You work in groups with a physiologist, you see the psychologist one on one every couple of weeks, you see the doctor for medicine change one on one if needed. The IOP sessions are up to 8 weeks, my husband graduated at 5 weeks, that's how much it helped him. It depends on the individual if they need to go the whole 8 weeks, on how well this helps them and they get the things that are being taught. There is individual help and group help, they are taught boundaries, anger the right way and how not to go to the wrong way, and self esteem. Then once they graduate they go to a program called transit which teaches them some new things like co-dependency (always depending on people to help you) in my husbands case me being the super woman. This transit class is 6 weeks long and now will just go over all the things they have learned already and how life is and to keep seeing the IOP psychologist one on one for 2 more months, then if all is working put back to the regular psychologist and mental health doctor. They are given information for great books and numbers they can call if they have any problems and are told they should join NAMI and it's a family support group not just for the person with the illness. We just joined, we'll be going to support Dec. 15th at Mt. Diablo Hospital. NAMI is for the any one with mental health from mild to severe and they have so many resources. The transit class my husband is in now is 6 weeks from 2:30 pm to 4 pm. They offer this class at different times. Besides doctors, pyschologist, they had people come in and teach different kinds of relaxation therapy, this was such a good thing for us. My husband is retired so this worked for him, if all the time for this doesn't work for yours maybe something from this will work for you. If you e-mail me at discording@... (privately) and send me your address I will send you the packets about boundaries, self esteem, anger and co-dependency, you can read them, let your husband and also there are list of great books for all these things, I bought some from every group for my husband for Christmas and he is a reader. I think before this class he wouldn't of read them, but since they were advised to read them and keep learning, and using what they learn to make life better he will. I really hope this helps. This are great packets of information and I am going to make copies for my support group, because all of us can use help in one area or another. You take care. LIL DonnaKay wrote: Hi Donna,I am hoping that you could send me some information about the OP from which your husband so benefited. Where was it? How did he get enrolled? How many days a week or hours a day (or whatever the time commitment was) was it? What types of therapy did the program use? And, anything else you think might be helpful. I hope you don't mind my asking. That program just might the answer to my prayers.When you wrote that your husband had learned a bunch about anger, self esteem and boundaries and that he now loves life much more that before . . . well, I practically cried. I love my husband so very much, but there are times when I am just not sure that we are going to make it. His angry and abusive outbursts are always directed himself - never at me - but they are still very scary and hurtful. I hate hearing my sweet Hubie being violently berated, even if he is the one doing it. It often sounds like he is "channeling" his abusive mom and step-dad. My heart aches that even after all these decades they can still hurt him so deeply. I try to be supportive and make him aware of the wonderful man he is . . . but the good stuff just doesn't seem to make anywhere as deep an impression as any and every slight has done. While he will sometimes seem happy with life . . . all too often he seems to find life completely without joy and hopeless.I have no idea if that OP would be right for my husband, but it seems like it would be worth looking into. Thank you very much for any help you can provide.Take care,Kay (in San Leandra)Open RN 12/1/03Donna Jordon wrote:> Francisco> I love all you wrote, it is all so true. So much of this will be true > for a lot of post ops. When we were heavy I do believe a lot of us > let people cross boundaries, and as our self esteem gets better we > protect our boundaries more. Some people around us see this as good, > others who use to cross our boundaries with no understanding think now > we're mean or have an attitude. My husband has a lot of depression > and he was sent to OP (intensive outpatient program) and the > physiologist and doctors taught him about anger, self esteem, > boundaries and co-dependency and WOW what a difference in the way he > looks at things now and how he reacts to things and how much more he > loves life. It was the best thing that could of ever happened for him > and our marriage of 24 years. Thank you for all your words. Take > care. Donna Donna JordonDSJordon@... Yahoo! DSL Something to write home about. Just $16.99/mo. or less Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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