Re: Boundaries--sharing our WLS stories with the world

[Guest guest]

Francisco You are a whole person now, you are not run by what others do and say. You make the choices that are right for you, to tell or not to tell you had WLS, to get close to some one or to pull away, you have done good for yourself and became Francisco the whole person. That is also what I've been working on. I let my husband become to co-dependent because of his mental illness, I stopped going places, seeing friends, going to college the list goes on. Then you start sharing to much to other people because you just want a friend. My point is I have learned so much from all the classes he's taken and it's really helped me, him too, but sometimes I believe more me. He was given a book list and one book I just finished is BOUNDARIES where you end and I begin, By Anne , M.A. This books tells how to keep boundaries with friends, family, spouses,

doctors, and your children and more. It tells you how to become a whole person so you really do enjoy life to it's fullest and see the beauty around you. It was great reading, I know I've not keep my boundaries for so many years and now that I started believing in myself (which the WLS plays such a part in the self esteem) people see us different. It will make or break relations and friendships. This is why people say divorce is high in WLS, well it's because we stop letting people push us around and crossing our boundaries, we deserve as much as every one else and some people can't except this. Even with all the classes it's very hard for my husband, he doesn't want me to have plastic surgery. I am at some point. He said who sees you only me, your okay. No I hate my bat wings under my arms, and really hate my now small boobs that hang to my waist without a bra, losing the fat they just really feel (sorry for the detail).

Also a tummy tuck would be nice. My husband has always had boats, motorcycles, over $20,000 wood working shop and he's wondering how much will I spend. Is it really worth it? This is my fault also, because even though we both have always worked, he's always gotten so much, I wanted him to feel good. I messed up said the psychologist I gave up on me while trying to please him and keep his depression away. Any one with some one sick gives up some of their time, not doing what they want and the list goes on, we are only hurting the other person and our self by doing this. My husband and I are still really working on things and getting lots of help, I'm not sure where we will end up after 24 years of marriage. The doctors say just remember be true to thy on self. My husband still isn't so giving, anger has been really tamed, sharing in my world (doing things I like is very little) and expecting me to do all he wants is always, so

we'll see if we can smooth these things out. Life gets hard sometimes, but we need to believe in our self and love our self to enjoy this beautiful world we live in and the second chance of life we've been given. You take care. Donnamanisodream wrote: Hello everyone:I can't remember who asked this question (I'm paraphrasing here), "Do you share your WLS story with everyone? Do you sometimes feel like shouting it to the world? Other times not?"At 2.5 years post-op, it has become very important for me to decide who needs to know and who doesn't. Not everyone deserves to know something so intimate and personal about me. Some people I know now have no idea I was once 320 lbs.Boundaries.Some people ask questions that I'm really tired

of hearing (I'm talking about people outside of the bariatric community), and sometimes I really don't want to waste the time trying to convince some uninformed person that what I did was right for me; I simply don't want to hear again that what I did was the "easy" way out. As we all know, there is NOTHING easy about this process. Some people in my office have been very unsupportive (all morbidly obese) so I had to part ways with those friendships.Others--people who are open-hearted and who matter to me--yes, they all know.A wise and wonderful woman once told us post-ops in a support group meeting that it is important to move past being defined as Mr. / Ms. X, gastric bypass surgery patient.And that is what I strive to do. For a while, I was Francisco, fat gay guy who felt that no one loved him or really knew who he was (except his Mom).Then I was Francisco, morbidly obese

guy.Then Francisco, WLS patient.Francisco, post-op success story.Francisco, at goal weight.Francisco, half marathon finisher.Now, I prefer to be just Francisco. WLS is a process that is a part of who I am--it will always be a huge part of who I am and who I have become because the suffering that I experienced as a morbidly obese person has forever transformed me. But the love and beauty, the healing and miracles that I have experienced as a result of gastric bypass surgery have also transformed me.There are many things about my life that have influenced who I am. None of them define me, but all of are part of who I am. However, I am defined by one thing, and one thing only--me.I hope that answers that question from my point of view. I'm sorry I can't remember who posted that question, but it's been on my mind and I wanted to

respond.Francisco Donna JordonDSJordon@...

Yahoo! Photos – Showcase holiday pictures in hardcover Photo Books. You design it and we’ll bind it!

[Guest guest]

Francisco You are a whole person now, you are not run by what others do and say. You make the choices that are right for you, to tell or not to tell you had WLS, to get close to some one or to pull away, you have done good for yourself and became Francisco the whole person. That is also what I've been working on. I let my husband become to co-dependent because of his mental illness, I stopped going places, seeing friends, going to college the list goes on. Then you start sharing to much to other people because you just want a friend. My point is I have learned so much from all the classes he's taken and it's really helped me, him too, but sometimes I believe more me. He was given a book list and one book I just finished is BOUNDARIES where you end and I begin, By Anne , M.A. This books tells how to keep boundaries with friends, family, spouses,

doctors, and your children and more. It tells you how to become a whole person so you really do enjoy life to it's fullest and see the beauty around you. It was great reading, I know I've not keep my boundaries for so many years and now that I started believing in myself (which the WLS plays such a part in the self esteem) people see us different. It will make or break relations and friendships. This is why people say divorce is high in WLS, well it's because we stop letting people push us around and crossing our boundaries, we deserve as much as every one else and some people can't except this. Even with all the classes it's very hard for my husband, he doesn't want me to have plastic surgery. I am at some point. He said who sees you only me, your okay. No I hate my bat wings under my arms, and really hate my now small boobs that hang to my waist without a bra, losing the fat they just really feel (sorry for the detail).

Also a tummy tuck would be nice. My husband has always had boats, motorcycles, over $20,000 wood working shop and he's wondering how much will I spend. Is it really worth it? This is my fault also, because even though we both have always worked, he's always gotten so much, I wanted him to feel good. I messed up said the psychologist I gave up on me while trying to please him and keep his depression away. Any one with some one sick gives up some of their time, not doing what they want and the list goes on, we are only hurting the other person and our self by doing this. My husband and I are still really working on things and getting lots of help, I'm not sure where we will end up after 24 years of marriage. The doctors say just remember be true to thy on self. My husband still isn't so giving, anger has been really tamed, sharing in my world (doing things I like is very little) and expecting me to do all he wants is always, so

we'll see if we can smooth these things out. Life gets hard sometimes, but we need to believe in our self and love our self to enjoy this beautiful world we live in and the second chance of life we've been given. You take care. Donnamanisodream wrote: Hello everyone:I can't remember who asked this question (I'm paraphrasing here), "Do you share your WLS story with everyone? Do you sometimes feel like shouting it to the world? Other times not?"At 2.5 years post-op, it has become very important for me to decide who needs to know and who doesn't. Not everyone deserves to know something so intimate and personal about me. Some people I know now have no idea I was once 320 lbs.Boundaries.Some people ask questions that I'm really tired

of hearing (I'm talking about people outside of the bariatric community), and sometimes I really don't want to waste the time trying to convince some uninformed person that what I did was right for me; I simply don't want to hear again that what I did was the "easy" way out. As we all know, there is NOTHING easy about this process. Some people in my office have been very unsupportive (all morbidly obese) so I had to part ways with those friendships.Others--people who are open-hearted and who matter to me--yes, they all know.A wise and wonderful woman once told us post-ops in a support group meeting that it is important to move past being defined as Mr. / Ms. X, gastric bypass surgery patient.And that is what I strive to do. For a while, I was Francisco, fat gay guy who felt that no one loved him or really knew who he was (except his Mom).Then I was Francisco, morbidly obese

guy.Then Francisco, WLS patient.Francisco, post-op success story.Francisco, at goal weight.Francisco, half marathon finisher.Now, I prefer to be just Francisco. WLS is a process that is a part of who I am--it will always be a huge part of who I am and who I have become because the suffering that I experienced as a morbidly obese person has forever transformed me. But the love and beauty, the healing and miracles that I have experienced as a result of gastric bypass surgery have also transformed me.There are many things about my life that have influenced who I am. None of them define me, but all of are part of who I am. However, I am defined by one thing, and one thing only--me.I hope that answers that question from my point of view. I'm sorry I can't remember who posted that question, but it's been on my mind and I wanted to

respond.Francisco Donna JordonDSJordon@...

Yahoo! Photos – Showcase holiday pictures in hardcover Photo Books. You design it and we’ll bind it!

[Guest guest]

Donna:

That book was so important to my healing. A nutritionist with the

Kaiser Richmond program told me about it, and I bought it. I can't

believe how such a small book could have the impact on my life that

it has.

My eleven-year long-term relationship ended (I ended it) because my

ex was unwilling and/or incapable of seeing the depth of my issue

with everything--the way in which I operate in the world.

I know how hard it is to deal with mental illness. My brother has

been on anti-psychotic medication for over twenty years. The guilt

over wanting a better life is at times so painful, it literally

aches. But I had to reach for the key to liberate myself.

It must be difficult to be to be married to someone who has issues

with mental illness. I can imagine that it would make rational

desires to satisfy your needs are not always met with understanding.

My brother's illness makes it somewhat difficult for him to see

anyone else's perspective but his own.

Regardless of the outcome, Donna, I wish you peace.

Francisco

>

> Francisco

> You are a whole person now, you are not run by what others do and

say. You make the choices that are right for you, to tell or not to

tell you had WLS, to get close to some one or to pull away, you have

done good for yourself and became Francisco the whole person.

>

> That is also what I've been working on. I let my husband become

to co-dependent because of his mental illness, I stopped going

places, seeing friends, going to college the list goes on. Then you

start sharing to much to other people because you just want a

friend. My point is I have learned so much from all the classes he's

taken and it's really helped me, him too, but sometimes I believe

more me.

>

> He was given a book list and one book I just finished is

BOUNDARIES where you end and I begin, By Anne , M.A. This

books tells how to keep boundaries with friends, family, spouses,

doctors, and your children and more. It tells you how to become a

whole person so you really do enjoy life to it's fullest and see the

beauty around you. It was great reading, I know I've not keep my

boundaries for so many years and now that I started believing in

myself (which the WLS plays such a part in the self esteem) people

see us different. It will make or break relations and friendships.

This is why people say divorce is high in WLS, well it's because we

stop letting people push us around and crossing our boundaries, we

deserve as much as every one else and some people can't except this.

Even with all the classes it's very hard for my husband, he doesn't

want me to have plastic surgery. I am at some point. He said who

sees you only me, your okay. No I hate my bat wings under

> my arms, and really hate my now small boobs that hang to my waist

without a bra, losing the fat they just really feel (sorry for the

detail). Also a tummy tuck would be nice. My husband has always had

boats, motorcycles, over $20,000 wood working shop and he's wondering

how much will I spend. Is it really worth it? This is my fault

also, because even though we both have always worked, he's always

gotten so much, I wanted him to feel good. I messed up said the

psychologist I gave up on me while trying to please him and keep his

depression away. Any one with some one sick gives up some of their

time, not doing what they want and the list goes on, we are only

hurting the other person and our self by doing this. My husband and

I are still really working on things and getting lots of help, I'm

not sure where we will end up after 24 years of marriage. The

doctors say just remember be true to thy on self. My husband still

isn't so giving, anger has been really tamed, sharing in

> my world (doing things I like is very little) and expecting me to

do all he wants is always, so we'll see if we can smooth these things

out. Life gets hard sometimes, but we need to believe in our self

and love our self to enjoy this beautiful world we live in and the

second chance of life we've been given. You take care. Donna

[Guest guest]

Donna:

That book was so important to my healing. A nutritionist with the

Kaiser Richmond program told me about it, and I bought it. I can't

believe how such a small book could have the impact on my life that

it has.

My eleven-year long-term relationship ended (I ended it) because my

ex was unwilling and/or incapable of seeing the depth of my issue

with everything--the way in which I operate in the world.

I know how hard it is to deal with mental illness. My brother has

been on anti-psychotic medication for over twenty years. The guilt

over wanting a better life is at times so painful, it literally

aches. But I had to reach for the key to liberate myself.

It must be difficult to be to be married to someone who has issues

with mental illness. I can imagine that it would make rational

desires to satisfy your needs are not always met with understanding.

My brother's illness makes it somewhat difficult for him to see

anyone else's perspective but his own.

Regardless of the outcome, Donna, I wish you peace.

Francisco

>

> Francisco

> You are a whole person now, you are not run by what others do and

say. You make the choices that are right for you, to tell or not to

tell you had WLS, to get close to some one or to pull away, you have

done good for yourself and became Francisco the whole person.

>

> That is also what I've been working on. I let my husband become

to co-dependent because of his mental illness, I stopped going

places, seeing friends, going to college the list goes on. Then you

start sharing to much to other people because you just want a

friend. My point is I have learned so much from all the classes he's

taken and it's really helped me, him too, but sometimes I believe

more me.

>

> He was given a book list and one book I just finished is

BOUNDARIES where you end and I begin, By Anne , M.A. This

books tells how to keep boundaries with friends, family, spouses,

doctors, and your children and more. It tells you how to become a

whole person so you really do enjoy life to it's fullest and see the

beauty around you. It was great reading, I know I've not keep my

boundaries for so many years and now that I started believing in

myself (which the WLS plays such a part in the self esteem) people

see us different. It will make or break relations and friendships.

This is why people say divorce is high in WLS, well it's because we

stop letting people push us around and crossing our boundaries, we

deserve as much as every one else and some people can't except this.

Even with all the classes it's very hard for my husband, he doesn't

want me to have plastic surgery. I am at some point. He said who

sees you only me, your okay. No I hate my bat wings under

> my arms, and really hate my now small boobs that hang to my waist

without a bra, losing the fat they just really feel (sorry for the

detail). Also a tummy tuck would be nice. My husband has always had

boats, motorcycles, over $20,000 wood working shop and he's wondering

how much will I spend. Is it really worth it? This is my fault

also, because even though we both have always worked, he's always

gotten so much, I wanted him to feel good. I messed up said the

psychologist I gave up on me while trying to please him and keep his

depression away. Any one with some one sick gives up some of their

time, not doing what they want and the list goes on, we are only

hurting the other person and our self by doing this. My husband and

I are still really working on things and getting lots of help, I'm

not sure where we will end up after 24 years of marriage. The

doctors say just remember be true to thy on self. My husband still

isn't so giving, anger has been really tamed, sharing in

> my world (doing things I like is very little) and expecting me to

do all he wants is always, so we'll see if we can smooth these things

out. Life gets hard sometimes, but we need to believe in our self

and love our self to enjoy this beautiful world we live in and the

second chance of life we've been given. You take care. Donna

[Guest guest]

Francisco Thanks, yes it is hard trying to meet all the needs for him and also keeping boundaries and for-filling your own needs. The mental illness wasn't their when we married or it was so mild we didn't realize it, then after our second son (pre-mature) was born and while he was in Children's Hospital not knowing if he was going to live or not, my husbands father was in the hospital dieing at the age of 56, this life stress caused his first panic attack, more to follow, then anxiety followed, then depression, then anger things just keep getting worse, seeing more and more doctors. More meds, med changes and hope would get better for a while then things would get bad again, then not sure any thing would work, in the mean time trying to keep the family together, keep him as happy as possible, many times nothing worked and giving up lots of self. Now my boys are in college moving out in February, and my husband has reached out for help, and all the

classes has helped anger, improved the depression, and has helped him set some boundaries for himself and he does better for him, but he still doesn't give, doesn't want me to go without him and doesn't want to go with me when I'm invited places. So he wants to be a whole person, and wants me to be only his person, we are both seeing psychologist, I don't take any meds, just want to make sure I've done all I can to save this marriage of 24 years without not giving up who I am. It does get hard knowing what's best for our self and be able to know what we have to do. We do count, we are important and we do have to believe in our self and love our self to be truly happy. Doing this isn't always easy, and only each one of us can be true to thy own self to be a whole happy person, and this is what I'm working on right now. I am not sure which road will give me that answer, but only time will tell and whatever it is I will indeed be the better for it.

Thanks for your words. Donnamanisodream wrote: Donna:That book was so important to my healing. A nutritionist with the Kaiser Richmond program told me about it, and I bought it. I can't believe how such a small book could have the impact on my life that it has.My eleven-year long-term relationship ended (I ended it) because my ex was unwilling and/or incapable of seeing the depth of my issue with everything--the way in which I operate in the world.I know how hard it is to deal with mental illness. My brother has been on anti-psychotic medication for over twenty years. The guilt over wanting a better life is at times so painful, it literally aches. But I had to reach for the key to liberate myself.It must be difficult to be

to be married to someone who has issues with mental illness. I can imagine that it would make rational desires to satisfy your needs are not always met with understanding. My brother's illness makes it somewhat difficult for him to see anyone else's perspective but his own.Regardless of the outcome, Donna, I wish you peace.Francisco>> Francisco> You are a whole person now, you are not run by what others do and say. You make the choices that are right for you, to tell or not to tell you had WLS, to get close to some one or to pull away, you have done good for yourself and became Francisco the whole person.> > That is also what I've been working on. I let my husband become to co-dependent because of his mental illness, I

stopped going places, seeing friends, going to college the list goes on. Then you start sharing to much to other people because you just want a friend. My point is I have learned so much from all the classes he's taken and it's really helped me, him too, but sometimes I believe more me. > > He was given a book list and one book I just finished is BOUNDARIES where you end and I begin, By Anne , M.A. This books tells how to keep boundaries with friends, family, spouses, doctors, and your children and more. It tells you how to become a whole person so you really do enjoy life to it's fullest and see the beauty around you. It was great reading, I know I've not keep my boundaries for so many years and now that I started believing in myself (which the WLS plays such a part in the self esteem) people see us different. It will

make or break relations and friendships. This is why people say divorce is high in WLS, well it's because we stop letting people push us around and crossing our boundaries, we deserve as much as every one else and some people can't except this. Even with all the classes it's very hard for my husband, he doesn't want me to have plastic surgery. I am at some point. He said who sees you only me, your okay. No I hate my bat wings under> my arms, and really hate my now small boobs that hang to my waist without a bra, losing the fat they just really feel (sorry for the detail). Also a tummy tuck would be nice. My husband has always had boats, motorcycles, over $20,000 wood working shop and he's wondering how much will I spend. Is it really worth it? This is my fault also, because even though we both have always worked, he's always gotten so much, I wanted him to feel

good. I messed up said the psychologist I gave up on me while trying to please him and keep his depression away. Any one with some one sick gives up some of their time, not doing what they want and the list goes on, we are only hurting the other person and our self by doing this. My husband and I are still really working on things and getting lots of help, I'm not sure where we will end up after 24 years of marriage. The doctors say just remember be true to thy on self. My husband still isn't so giving, anger has been really tamed, sharing in> my world (doing things I like is very little) and expecting me to do all he wants is always, so we'll see if we can smooth these things out. Life gets hard sometimes, but we need to believe in our self and love our self to enjoy this beautiful world we live in and the second chance of life we've been given. You take care.

Donna Donna JordonDSJordon@...

Yahoo! Photos Got holiday prints? See all the ways to get quality prints in your hands ASAP.

[Guest guest]

Francisco Thanks, yes it is hard trying to meet all the needs for him and also keeping boundaries and for-filling your own needs. The mental illness wasn't their when we married or it was so mild we didn't realize it, then after our second son (pre-mature) was born and while he was in Children's Hospital not knowing if he was going to live or not, my husbands father was in the hospital dieing at the age of 56, this life stress caused his first panic attack, more to follow, then anxiety followed, then depression, then anger things just keep getting worse, seeing more and more doctors. More meds, med changes and hope would get better for a while then things would get bad again, then not sure any thing would work, in the mean time trying to keep the family together, keep him as happy as possible, many times nothing worked and giving up lots of self. Now my boys are in college moving out in February, and my husband has reached out for help, and all the

classes has helped anger, improved the depression, and has helped him set some boundaries for himself and he does better for him, but he still doesn't give, doesn't want me to go without him and doesn't want to go with me when I'm invited places. So he wants to be a whole person, and wants me to be only his person, we are both seeing psychologist, I don't take any meds, just want to make sure I've done all I can to save this marriage of 24 years without not giving up who I am. It does get hard knowing what's best for our self and be able to know what we have to do. We do count, we are important and we do have to believe in our self and love our self to be truly happy. Doing this isn't always easy, and only each one of us can be true to thy own self to be a whole happy person, and this is what I'm working on right now. I am not sure which road will give me that answer, but only time will tell and whatever it is I will indeed be the better for it.

Thanks for your words. Donnamanisodream wrote: Donna:That book was so important to my healing. A nutritionist with the Kaiser Richmond program told me about it, and I bought it. I can't believe how such a small book could have the impact on my life that it has.My eleven-year long-term relationship ended (I ended it) because my ex was unwilling and/or incapable of seeing the depth of my issue with everything--the way in which I operate in the world.I know how hard it is to deal with mental illness. My brother has been on anti-psychotic medication for over twenty years. The guilt over wanting a better life is at times so painful, it literally aches. But I had to reach for the key to liberate myself.It must be difficult to be

to be married to someone who has issues with mental illness. I can imagine that it would make rational desires to satisfy your needs are not always met with understanding. My brother's illness makes it somewhat difficult for him to see anyone else's perspective but his own.Regardless of the outcome, Donna, I wish you peace.Francisco>> Francisco> You are a whole person now, you are not run by what others do and say. You make the choices that are right for you, to tell or not to tell you had WLS, to get close to some one or to pull away, you have done good for yourself and became Francisco the whole person.> > That is also what I've been working on. I let my husband become to co-dependent because of his mental illness, I

stopped going places, seeing friends, going to college the list goes on. Then you start sharing to much to other people because you just want a friend. My point is I have learned so much from all the classes he's taken and it's really helped me, him too, but sometimes I believe more me. > > He was given a book list and one book I just finished is BOUNDARIES where you end and I begin, By Anne , M.A. This books tells how to keep boundaries with friends, family, spouses, doctors, and your children and more. It tells you how to become a whole person so you really do enjoy life to it's fullest and see the beauty around you. It was great reading, I know I've not keep my boundaries for so many years and now that I started believing in myself (which the WLS plays such a part in the self esteem) people see us different. It will

make or break relations and friendships. This is why people say divorce is high in WLS, well it's because we stop letting people push us around and crossing our boundaries, we deserve as much as every one else and some people can't except this. Even with all the classes it's very hard for my husband, he doesn't want me to have plastic surgery. I am at some point. He said who sees you only me, your okay. No I hate my bat wings under> my arms, and really hate my now small boobs that hang to my waist without a bra, losing the fat they just really feel (sorry for the detail). Also a tummy tuck would be nice. My husband has always had boats, motorcycles, over $20,000 wood working shop and he's wondering how much will I spend. Is it really worth it? This is my fault also, because even though we both have always worked, he's always gotten so much, I wanted him to feel

good. I messed up said the psychologist I gave up on me while trying to please him and keep his depression away. Any one with some one sick gives up some of their time, not doing what they want and the list goes on, we are only hurting the other person and our self by doing this. My husband and I are still really working on things and getting lots of help, I'm not sure where we will end up after 24 years of marriage. The doctors say just remember be true to thy on self. My husband still isn't so giving, anger has been really tamed, sharing in> my world (doing things I like is very little) and expecting me to do all he wants is always, so we'll see if we can smooth these things out. Life gets hard sometimes, but we need to believe in our self and love our self to enjoy this beautiful world we live in and the second chance of life we've been given. You take care.

Donna Donna JordonDSJordon@...

Yahoo! Photos Got holiday prints? See all the ways to get quality prints in your hands ASAP.