Guest guest Posted August 22, 2001 Report Share Posted August 22, 2001 In a message dated 8/22/01 5:24:38 PM Pacific Daylight Time, alyssaj@... writes: > If I do tell her, should I write her a letter? Should I tell her via phone? > Should I arrange a time for us to get together and sit down (alone)? > > I think any of these would work...what ever you're most comfortable with. The thing is ...even if she doesnt support what you're doing, she should put the best interest of the kids first and watch them so you can be safer and have your husband. You may be surprised and she'll be very supportive....but maybe don't broach it that way. Explain you've decided to have surgery, you'd like your husband to go to the consult with the surgeon and could she watch the boys. Don't make a big deal out of it. Then say, if I do the surgery, would you be able to watch them for a few days while we're gone because I really want (your husband) with me since this is major surgery. She'll ask what she wants to know and just be upfront and honest. If you sound solid and really understand and she's a decent person, she'll help you out. Even if she doesnt like the idea of what you're doing! Good luck...I'm blessed by being surrounded by relatives far and near that have been very supportive. I think you'll find it wont be a problem! ~~* AJ *~~ Age 37 5'8'' Post op 7/24/01 Open BPD/DS self pay - Dr Baltasar -Alcoy Spain 07/24/01 BMI 64 - 415.1 08/06/01 BMI 59 - 390.2 -24.9 lbs!!!!!!!!!!~~~~ 08/16/01 BMI 58 - 387.0 -27.9 lbs!!!!!!!!!!~~~~ Check out the Bellingham Support Group and my personal page at WWW.WLSBellingham.homestead.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 22, 2001 Report Share Posted August 22, 2001 In a message dated 8/22/01 5:24:38 PM Pacific Daylight Time, alyssaj@... writes: > If I do tell her, should I write her a letter? Should I tell her via phone? > Should I arrange a time for us to get together and sit down (alone)? > > I think any of these would work...what ever you're most comfortable with. The thing is ...even if she doesnt support what you're doing, she should put the best interest of the kids first and watch them so you can be safer and have your husband. You may be surprised and she'll be very supportive....but maybe don't broach it that way. Explain you've decided to have surgery, you'd like your husband to go to the consult with the surgeon and could she watch the boys. Don't make a big deal out of it. Then say, if I do the surgery, would you be able to watch them for a few days while we're gone because I really want (your husband) with me since this is major surgery. She'll ask what she wants to know and just be upfront and honest. If you sound solid and really understand and she's a decent person, she'll help you out. Even if she doesnt like the idea of what you're doing! Good luck...I'm blessed by being surrounded by relatives far and near that have been very supportive. I think you'll find it wont be a problem! ~~* AJ *~~ Age 37 5'8'' Post op 7/24/01 Open BPD/DS self pay - Dr Baltasar -Alcoy Spain 07/24/01 BMI 64 - 415.1 08/06/01 BMI 59 - 390.2 -24.9 lbs!!!!!!!!!!~~~~ 08/16/01 BMI 58 - 387.0 -27.9 lbs!!!!!!!!!!~~~~ Check out the Bellingham Support Group and my personal page at WWW.WLSBellingham.homestead.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 22, 2001 Report Share Posted August 22, 2001 arrange a time for us to get together and sit down (alone)?>> I like that one, Alyssa....with no interuptions. Lunch or something like that would be great. Are you two close? It really depends on your relationship with her but dont lie......you are right it could come home to bite you in the ass later on! If I was there I would do that for you!! (No, not bite you in the ass LOL) Hugs, Judie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 22, 2001 Report Share Posted August 22, 2001 arrange a time for us to get together and sit down (alone)?>> I like that one, Alyssa....with no interuptions. Lunch or something like that would be great. Are you two close? It really depends on your relationship with her but dont lie......you are right it could come home to bite you in the ass later on! If I was there I would do that for you!! (No, not bite you in the ass LOL) Hugs, Judie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 22, 2001 Report Share Posted August 22, 2001 Alyssa, Your dilema is a hard one. Your children would much better off with your in-laws. So the hardest part is talking to your mother in law. I think it would more effective for you talk to your mother-in-law in person. You can really stress that your co-morbites are ruining your life and that this is the most effective way to improve the quality of life. You can also stress that you really want to be able to see your children grow up. Make sure that you have some printed research so that she can look at what DS is and include Dr. Macreau's study. Winning her over requires letting down your guard which will be hard to do. The good news is that the sooner you do this the sooner you can get it over with. And your children will probably love a few days of grandma spoiling them:) > Postive Thoughts Coming Your Way >Tina Lap DS, Dr. Gagner, 07/03/2001 Goal: Lose 80% of Excess Weight ******************************* * Starting Weight = 267 * * " Ideal " Weight = 135 * * =========================== * * Total Excess Weight = 132 * * 90% x Excess Weight = 118 * * Goal Weight = 265-114 = 149 * * =========================== * * Total Needed to Lose = 118 * * Loss To Date = 35 * * =========================== * * Remainder to Goal = 83 * ******************************* 8:47 PM 8/22/2001 > > Here's my newest and latest quandary...can you help? > > Background: I live in Pacifica, which is right near SF. My parents are 2 > hours away (Mom) or 3 hours away (Dad, Step-Mom and sister). My in-laws are > in San , about an hour away. My parents are pretty useless when it > comes to helping out with my 2 children (ages just-turned-5 and 2.5), but my > in-laws are a big help. My Dad, Step-Mom and sister won't support the > surgery -- they're granola heads. (Dad hasn't had routine medical work done > in 20? years.) I'm my mom's only child, so she would worry herself sick at > the idea of me going " under the knife. " (Or not? Do I take that risk?) > Needless to say, I don't want to tell my family at all. I made the mistake > of telling my sister (my much-younger half-sister, actually), and she > freaked out. I'd rather not tell my in-laws, BUT they're the only ones who > help out with my children, and if my husband's goign to be able to come with > me to Delano, it's going to be b/c they are watching the kids. > > Dilemma: I'm considering telling my mother-in-law (MIL) about the surgery. > I figure if I can get her to be supportive, then I can probably rely on her > to help me out with my babies. The risk, of course, is that she won't be > supportive. She's been thin all her life, but my FIL struggles with his > weight. Her response to his struggles is to try to make his choices for > him, so there's conflict there. Should I tell her? If I don't tell her, > then there's little chance that my dh could come to Delano with me for the > consult..possibly not the surgery, either...unless I lie to her, which could > *really* bite me in the ass later. > > If I do tell her, should I write her a letter? Should I tell her via phone? > Should I arrange a time for us to get together and sit down (alone)? > > All suggestions welcome....thanks!! > > alyssa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 22, 2001 Report Share Posted August 22, 2001 Alyssa, Your dilema is a hard one. Your children would much better off with your in-laws. So the hardest part is talking to your mother in law. I think it would more effective for you talk to your mother-in-law in person. You can really stress that your co-morbites are ruining your life and that this is the most effective way to improve the quality of life. You can also stress that you really want to be able to see your children grow up. Make sure that you have some printed research so that she can look at what DS is and include Dr. Macreau's study. Winning her over requires letting down your guard which will be hard to do. The good news is that the sooner you do this the sooner you can get it over with. And your children will probably love a few days of grandma spoiling them:) > Postive Thoughts Coming Your Way >Tina Lap DS, Dr. Gagner, 07/03/2001 Goal: Lose 80% of Excess Weight ******************************* * Starting Weight = 267 * * " Ideal " Weight = 135 * * =========================== * * Total Excess Weight = 132 * * 90% x Excess Weight = 118 * * Goal Weight = 265-114 = 149 * * =========================== * * Total Needed to Lose = 118 * * Loss To Date = 35 * * =========================== * * Remainder to Goal = 83 * ******************************* 8:47 PM 8/22/2001 > > Here's my newest and latest quandary...can you help? > > Background: I live in Pacifica, which is right near SF. My parents are 2 > hours away (Mom) or 3 hours away (Dad, Step-Mom and sister). My in-laws are > in San , about an hour away. My parents are pretty useless when it > comes to helping out with my 2 children (ages just-turned-5 and 2.5), but my > in-laws are a big help. My Dad, Step-Mom and sister won't support the > surgery -- they're granola heads. (Dad hasn't had routine medical work done > in 20? years.) I'm my mom's only child, so she would worry herself sick at > the idea of me going " under the knife. " (Or not? Do I take that risk?) > Needless to say, I don't want to tell my family at all. I made the mistake > of telling my sister (my much-younger half-sister, actually), and she > freaked out. I'd rather not tell my in-laws, BUT they're the only ones who > help out with my children, and if my husband's goign to be able to come with > me to Delano, it's going to be b/c they are watching the kids. > > Dilemma: I'm considering telling my mother-in-law (MIL) about the surgery. > I figure if I can get her to be supportive, then I can probably rely on her > to help me out with my babies. The risk, of course, is that she won't be > supportive. She's been thin all her life, but my FIL struggles with his > weight. Her response to his struggles is to try to make his choices for > him, so there's conflict there. Should I tell her? If I don't tell her, > then there's little chance that my dh could come to Delano with me for the > consult..possibly not the surgery, either...unless I lie to her, which could > *really* bite me in the ass later. > > If I do tell her, should I write her a letter? Should I tell her via phone? > Should I arrange a time for us to get together and sit down (alone)? > > All suggestions welcome....thanks!! > > alyssa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 22, 2001 Report Share Posted August 22, 2001 Alyssa- I live in the Northern Bay Area. My mother died at the age of 49, 1 week to the day from her 50th birthday. She was 320 (post mortum). I weigh 242/bmi 44, I am personally terrified to die the3 same way my mother did. So I started to look in to WLS. I also have co-morbities. My mother-in-law was against me going under " The Knife " I took her to my consultation with Dr.Rabkin and took her with me to see Dr. Hartman (Psychologist) and Dr. Elkin (pulmonologist)and she is totally for my surgery. So what I am saying is that I believe information is the key for the ones that love you. The more that they know, the better they will feel. Good Luck Tami __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 22, 2001 Report Share Posted August 22, 2001 Alyssa- I live in the Northern Bay Area. My mother died at the age of 49, 1 week to the day from her 50th birthday. She was 320 (post mortum). I weigh 242/bmi 44, I am personally terrified to die the3 same way my mother did. So I started to look in to WLS. I also have co-morbities. My mother-in-law was against me going under " The Knife " I took her to my consultation with Dr.Rabkin and took her with me to see Dr. Hartman (Psychologist) and Dr. Elkin (pulmonologist)and she is totally for my surgery. So what I am saying is that I believe information is the key for the ones that love you. The more that they know, the better they will feel. Good Luck Tami __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 22, 2001 Report Share Posted August 22, 2001 Alyssa, Will you be having your gallbladder out at the same time? If so, just tell her that that's why you're going in. It's the truth, just not the whole truth. That can come after the fact. I know it's devious, but sometimes you have to fudge to preserve the peace. Marcia > Dilemma > > > Here's my newest and latest quandary...can you help? > > Background: I live in Pacifica, which is right near SF. My parents are 2 > hours away (Mom) or 3 hours away (Dad, Step-Mom and sister). My > in-laws are > in San , about an hour away. My parents are pretty useless when it > comes to helping out with my 2 children (ages just-turned-5 and > 2.5), but my > in-laws are a big help. My Dad, Step-Mom and sister won't support the > surgery -- they're granola heads. (Dad hasn't had routine > medical work done > in 20? years.) I'm my mom's only child, so she would worry > herself sick at > the idea of me going " under the knife. " (Or not? Do I take that risk?) > Needless to say, I don't want to tell my family at all. I made > the mistake > of telling my sister (my much-younger half-sister, actually), and she > freaked out. I'd rather not tell my in-laws, BUT they're the > only ones who > help out with my children, and if my husband's goign to be able > to come with > me to Delano, it's going to be b/c they are watching the kids. > > Dilemma: I'm considering telling my mother-in-law (MIL) about > the surgery. > I figure if I can get her to be supportive, then I can probably > rely on her > to help me out with my babies. The risk, of course, is that she won't be > supportive. She's been thin all her life, but my FIL struggles with his > weight. Her response to his struggles is to try to make his choices for > him, so there's conflict there. Should I tell her? If I don't tell her, > then there's little chance that my dh could come to Delano with me for the > consult..possibly not the surgery, either...unless I lie to her, > which could > *really* bite me in the ass later. > > If I do tell her, should I write her a letter? Should I tell her > via phone? > Should I arrange a time for us to get together and sit down (alone)? > > All suggestions welcome....thanks!! > > alyssa > > > ---------------------------------------------------------------------- > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 22, 2001 Report Share Posted August 22, 2001 Alyssa, Will you be having your gallbladder out at the same time? If so, just tell her that that's why you're going in. It's the truth, just not the whole truth. That can come after the fact. I know it's devious, but sometimes you have to fudge to preserve the peace. Marcia > Dilemma > > > Here's my newest and latest quandary...can you help? > > Background: I live in Pacifica, which is right near SF. My parents are 2 > hours away (Mom) or 3 hours away (Dad, Step-Mom and sister). My > in-laws are > in San , about an hour away. My parents are pretty useless when it > comes to helping out with my 2 children (ages just-turned-5 and > 2.5), but my > in-laws are a big help. My Dad, Step-Mom and sister won't support the > surgery -- they're granola heads. (Dad hasn't had routine > medical work done > in 20? years.) I'm my mom's only child, so she would worry > herself sick at > the idea of me going " under the knife. " (Or not? Do I take that risk?) > Needless to say, I don't want to tell my family at all. I made > the mistake > of telling my sister (my much-younger half-sister, actually), and she > freaked out. I'd rather not tell my in-laws, BUT they're the > only ones who > help out with my children, and if my husband's goign to be able > to come with > me to Delano, it's going to be b/c they are watching the kids. > > Dilemma: I'm considering telling my mother-in-law (MIL) about > the surgery. > I figure if I can get her to be supportive, then I can probably > rely on her > to help me out with my babies. The risk, of course, is that she won't be > supportive. She's been thin all her life, but my FIL struggles with his > weight. Her response to his struggles is to try to make his choices for > him, so there's conflict there. Should I tell her? If I don't tell her, > then there's little chance that my dh could come to Delano with me for the > consult..possibly not the surgery, either...unless I lie to her, > which could > *really* bite me in the ass later. > > If I do tell her, should I write her a letter? Should I tell her > via phone? > Should I arrange a time for us to get together and sit down (alone)? > > All suggestions welcome....thanks!! > > alyssa > > > ---------------------------------------------------------------------- > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 22, 2001 Report Share Posted August 22, 2001 Not a bad idea, but one doesn't usually travel 5 hours away to have a gallbladder removed. <g> alyssa RE: Dilemma > Alyssa, > Will you be having your gallbladder out at the same time? If so, just tell > her that that's why you're going in. It's the truth, just not the whole > truth. That can come after the fact. > I know it's devious, but sometimes you have to fudge to preserve the peace. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 22, 2001 Report Share Posted August 22, 2001 Not a bad idea, but one doesn't usually travel 5 hours away to have a gallbladder removed. <g> alyssa RE: Dilemma > Alyssa, > Will you be having your gallbladder out at the same time? If so, just tell > her that that's why you're going in. It's the truth, just not the whole > truth. That can come after the fact. > I know it's devious, but sometimes you have to fudge to preserve the peace. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 22, 2001 Report Share Posted August 22, 2001 Alyssa, I would also tell your MIL that your hubby is behind you with this. Good luck! dee --- dreamweavergirlus@... wrote: > Alyssa, > Your dilema is a hard one. Your children would > much better > off with your in-laws. So the hardest part is > talking to your > mother in law. I think it would more effective for > you talk to your > mother-in-law in person. You can really stress that > your > co-morbites are ruining your life and that this is > the most > effective way to improve the quality of life. You > can also stress > that you really want to be able to see your children > grow up. Make > sure that you have some printed research so that she > can look at > what DS is and include Dr. Macreau's study. Winning > her over > requires letting down your guard which will be hard > to do. The good > news is that the sooner you do this the sooner you > can get it over > with. And your children will probably love a few > days of grandma > spoiling them:) > > > Postive Thoughts Coming Your Way > >Tina > Lap DS, Dr. Gagner, 07/03/2001 > Goal: Lose 80% of Excess Weight > ******************************* > * Starting Weight = 267 * > * " Ideal " Weight = 135 * > * =========================== * > * Total Excess Weight = 132 * > * 90% x Excess Weight = 118 * > * Goal Weight = 265-114 = 149 * > * =========================== * > * Total Needed to Lose = 118 * > * Loss To Date = 35 * > * =========================== * > * Remainder to Goal = 83 * > ******************************* > 8:47 PM 8/22/2001 > > > > Here's my newest and latest quandary...can you > help? > > > > Background: I live in Pacifica, which is right > near SF. My parents > are 2 > > hours away (Mom) or 3 hours away (Dad, Step-Mom > and sister). My > in-laws are > > in San , about an hour away. My parents are > pretty useless when > it > > comes to helping out with my 2 children (ages > just-turned-5 and > 2.5), but my > > in-laws are a big help. My Dad, Step-Mom and > sister won't support > the > > surgery -- they're granola heads. (Dad hasn't had > routine medical > work done > > in 20? years.) I'm my mom's only child, so she > would worry herself > sick at > > the idea of me going " under the knife. " (Or not? > Do I take that > risk?) > > Needless to say, I don't want to tell my family at > all. I made the > mistake > > of telling my sister (my much-younger half-sister, > actually), and > she > > freaked out. I'd rather not tell my in-laws, BUT > they're the only > ones who > > help out with my children, and if my husband's > goign to be able to > come with > > me to Delano, it's going to be b/c they are > watching the kids. > > > > Dilemma: I'm considering telling my mother-in-law > (MIL) about the > surgery. > > I figure if I can get her to be supportive, then I > can probably rely > on her > > to help me out with my babies. The risk, of > course, is that she > won't be > > supportive. She's been thin all her life, but my > FIL struggles with > his > > weight. Her response to his struggles is to try > to make his choices > for > > him, so there's conflict there. Should I tell > her? If I don't tell > her, > > then there's little chance that my dh could come > to Delano with me > for the > > consult..possibly not the surgery, either...unless > I lie to her, > which could > > *really* bite me in the ass later. > > > > If I do tell her, should I write her a letter? > Should I tell her > via phone? > > Should I arrange a time for us to get together and > sit down (alone)? > > > > All suggestions welcome....thanks!! > > > > alyssa > > > ---------------------------------------------------------------------- > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 22, 2001 Report Share Posted August 22, 2001 Alyssa, I would also tell your MIL that your hubby is behind you with this. Good luck! dee --- dreamweavergirlus@... wrote: > Alyssa, > Your dilema is a hard one. Your children would > much better > off with your in-laws. So the hardest part is > talking to your > mother in law. I think it would more effective for > you talk to your > mother-in-law in person. You can really stress that > your > co-morbites are ruining your life and that this is > the most > effective way to improve the quality of life. You > can also stress > that you really want to be able to see your children > grow up. Make > sure that you have some printed research so that she > can look at > what DS is and include Dr. Macreau's study. Winning > her over > requires letting down your guard which will be hard > to do. The good > news is that the sooner you do this the sooner you > can get it over > with. And your children will probably love a few > days of grandma > spoiling them:) > > > Postive Thoughts Coming Your Way > >Tina > Lap DS, Dr. Gagner, 07/03/2001 > Goal: Lose 80% of Excess Weight > ******************************* > * Starting Weight = 267 * > * " Ideal " Weight = 135 * > * =========================== * > * Total Excess Weight = 132 * > * 90% x Excess Weight = 118 * > * Goal Weight = 265-114 = 149 * > * =========================== * > * Total Needed to Lose = 118 * > * Loss To Date = 35 * > * =========================== * > * Remainder to Goal = 83 * > ******************************* > 8:47 PM 8/22/2001 > > > > Here's my newest and latest quandary...can you > help? > > > > Background: I live in Pacifica, which is right > near SF. My parents > are 2 > > hours away (Mom) or 3 hours away (Dad, Step-Mom > and sister). My > in-laws are > > in San , about an hour away. My parents are > pretty useless when > it > > comes to helping out with my 2 children (ages > just-turned-5 and > 2.5), but my > > in-laws are a big help. My Dad, Step-Mom and > sister won't support > the > > surgery -- they're granola heads. (Dad hasn't had > routine medical > work done > > in 20? years.) I'm my mom's only child, so she > would worry herself > sick at > > the idea of me going " under the knife. " (Or not? > Do I take that > risk?) > > Needless to say, I don't want to tell my family at > all. I made the > mistake > > of telling my sister (my much-younger half-sister, > actually), and > she > > freaked out. I'd rather not tell my in-laws, BUT > they're the only > ones who > > help out with my children, and if my husband's > goign to be able to > come with > > me to Delano, it's going to be b/c they are > watching the kids. > > > > Dilemma: I'm considering telling my mother-in-law > (MIL) about the > surgery. > > I figure if I can get her to be supportive, then I > can probably rely > on her > > to help me out with my babies. The risk, of > course, is that she > won't be > > supportive. She's been thin all her life, but my > FIL struggles with > his > > weight. Her response to his struggles is to try > to make his choices > for > > him, so there's conflict there. Should I tell > her? If I don't tell > her, > > then there's little chance that my dh could come > to Delano with me > for the > > consult..possibly not the surgery, either...unless > I lie to her, > which could > > *really* bite me in the ass later. > > > > If I do tell her, should I write her a letter? > Should I tell her > via phone? > > Should I arrange a time for us to get together and > sit down (alone)? > > > > All suggestions welcome....thanks!! > > > > alyssa > > > ---------------------------------------------------------------------- > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 23, 2001 Report Share Posted August 23, 2001 -From: " Alyssa " <alyssaj@m...> Date: Wed Aug 22, 2001 5:20 pm Subject: Dilemma Here's my newest and latest quandary...can you help Alyssa, I would look at this problem from a different light. If you had no family to rely on, too far away or deceased, how would you arrange things? I try to arrange my things as if the family doesn't exist. That way if they offer and help, fine, but I don't have expectations and they can't let me down or judge. It also doesn't give them the chance to surprise me with their understanding though, either. JMO. I hope this comes across properly. Danine' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.