Guest guest Posted July 27, 2001 Report Share Posted July 27, 2001 Hiya denise! Hmmmm youve given me alot of food for thought here. Mike and I took the journey together last Nov two days apart. I have to tell you it was the best thing we ever did for ourselves. Walking the walk together really helped with the journey as we both knew how the other felt in terms of food, etc. We still go out to lunch and dinner and occasionally breakfast. Nothing has changed except the volume of food we eat. SOmetimes we split a meal now becuz we know no matter how hungry we might be at the moment its a waste of money to get what we think we want and ending up eating only a portion of it. This we learned by trail and error. The nice thing is you are FULL, satisfied and the bill is alot less than it used to be! Last time we ordered a club sandwich and split it....believe me, 2 little sandwiches were plenty and we were satisfied and the bill was only $4.95 for the both of us. Once we ordered a piece of blackberry pie and split that for dessert but we were too full to finish it so took a couple bites and that was it! We eat whatever we want, when ever we want and do not deny ourselves.....its just that we can no longer hold the same amount of food as before and our level of satiety remains high even today.....8 months out! I would think its hard to explain to someone who has never really experienced satiety until they have the surgery and experience it for themselves...... In case you were wondering, your sex life can explode to new heights! No more comments necessary here!! <grin> Hope this has helped you in some small way.....Rich, you have nothing to be afraid of ! Judie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 27, 2001 Report Share Posted July 27, 2001 , One of the things I ask others who are concerned about my surgery to think about: Look at the obituary list on obiesityhelp.com. I think there are about 15 names (out of many thousands of operations), BUT several of those people died BEFORE they ever got to the surgery table! So death is a constant possibility for anyone who is morbidly obease especially SMO's (BMI>50). Regarding the eating together: My wife had her WLS 8 months before we met. Her WLS was the Fobi Procedure which is much more restrictive then the DS. She doesn't eat much, but she always joins me. With the DS you should be able to enjoy most of the foods that you enjoyed before once you have recovered. Maybe after a year or so when you DH sees how succesful you are it will inspire him to get the DS, and you will be able to return his kindness in taking care of you by taking care of him. He may be very resitive to such a suggestion now, but I bet if your results are good he will change his mind. A spouses fear of being left is natural with any major life change. Maybe their is something that he can do for himself that will make him feel better about himself during this time. Hull > Hello to All, > First of all, i would like to thank everyone who answered my post about > spouses and the ds. You all sent me so much support and good ideas, I'll > have lots to think about. The thing is, my husband doesn't deny that the > surgery could/would be a good thing for me. He is just unable to deal with > his fears for the operation itself, for my recovery and for the rest of out > life together. One of the things that has bonded us together was the fact > that we both grew up obese. I grew up with alot of guilt about that fact, > while he did not, even though we were both treated with the unfeelingness > that some people have towards towards the obese in our life time. > What my husband (and I) would like to know is this: > If both you and your spouse are MO or even just Obese, how does the wls > affect you and your spouses life afterwards? My husband has alot of fears > for the future...I think he feels that food won't be a common denominator > anymore. We enjoy eating out and snacking together, and even though I am > trying to reassure him that I will still want to do so, just that I will not > be eating as much, he doesn't think that it will be the same (which of > course, it won't, to some extent, but I told him I enjoy going to dinner > because I love his company, the food is secondary. He doesn't buy it.) > Also, I think he is afraid I might get thin and leave him because he is > still MO. No matter how I try to reassure him, and he says he believes me, > deep down inside he still has that fear. > Another thing is that he feels helpless about the operation and my > recovery. I can do varioys thing to prepare myseld for surgery, but he > can't control this situation and it bothers him alot. > Lastly, I feel there is a bit of jealousy there. He is only human. I > know that if he were to lose a large amount of weight and I didn't, I would > probably feel the same to some extent. > > So, guys and gals, any insight on married life after wls would be deeply > appreciated. I told my husband, Rich, that I would post this question > because he is anxious to see how others in out situation have dealt with > this (successfully, I hope) > > Thanks for all your words of wisdom , and for your support and love, > sincerely, > denise in ny > dr gagner > sept 10 > bmi 62 > > > > > _________________________________________________________________ > Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com/intl.asp Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 27, 2001 Report Share Posted July 27, 2001 , My hubby isn't MO, but he is painfully shy and has panic disorders.. he feels that I'm the best thing that's ever happened to him, and when I started to research WLS, he was initially very nrevous, upset, worried.. but he talked it over with his mom (his version of therapy), then finally told me that he didn't care what I did as long as I was healthy. Well, I'm working on that part, lol.. but he decided to support me no matter.. but refused to learn about the surgery at all until we were actually going to check into the hospital for my surgery! He deals with stress by using avoidance.. can you tell? His biggest fears were that I would die during or just after surgery.. then when he saw me immediately post-recovery, I think he thought the worst! I don't remember much of that night, but I do remember that his face turned grey when he saw me postop with the NG tube in, draining bloody stuff, and I was sooo out of it. I also remember him talking on the phone to his mom (he didn't call mine, because he was positive she'd insist on talking to me.. she has yet to forgive him, heh) and holding my hand. He treated me like I'd break for about 2 weeks after I got out of the hospital.. but he's figured out that I'm a tough lady, so he's finally relaxed a bit. He does occasionally worry that I'll leave him once I lose weight, but there's no way, & I hope he's learning that. I love him so much.. We do joke about it, though.. a friend asked him, " What are you gonna do when other men start looking at your wife? She's very striking. " His response? " Yep, that's what I'll be doing- striking them (he's not a fighter, he's a lover). " I just rolled laughing. Tell your hubby to keep his sense of humor & remember that you want to spend the rest of your life with him.. and you want that to be a looong time. If you support him emotionally & do your best to relieve his fears, he'll relax eventually (I hope), just like my Grimmie did. Keep us updated, OK? Hugs, Liane > Hello to All, > First of all, i would like to thank everyone who answered my post about > spouses and the ds. You all sent me so much support and good ideas, I'll > have lots to think about. The thing is, my husband doesn't deny that the > surgery could/would be a good thing for me. He is just unable to deal with > his fears for the operation itself, for my recovery and for the rest of out > life together. One of the things that has bonded us together was the fact > that we both grew up obese. I grew up with alot of guilt about that fact, > while he did not, even though we were both treated with the unfeelingness > that some people have towards towards the obese in our life time. > What my husband (and I) would like to know is this: > If both you and your spouse are MO or even just Obese, how does the wls > affect you and your spouses life afterwards? My husband has alot of fears > for the future...I think he feels that food won't be a common denominator > anymore. We enjoy eating out and snacking together, and even though I am > trying to reassure him that I will still want to do so, just that I will not > be eating as much, he doesn't think that it will be the same (which of > course, it won't, to some extent, but I told him I enjoy going to dinner > because I love his company, the food is secondary. He doesn't buy it.) > Also, I think he is afraid I might get thin and leave him because he is > still MO. No matter how I try to reassure him, and he says he believes me, > deep down inside he still has that fear. > Another thing is that he feels helpless about the operation and my > recovery. I can do varioys thing to prepare myseld for surgery, but he > can't control this situation and it bothers him alot. > Lastly, I feel there is a bit of jealousy there. He is only human. I > know that if he were to lose a large amount of weight and I didn't, I would > probably feel the same to some extent. > > So, guys and gals, any insight on married life after wls would be deeply > appreciated. I told my husband, Rich, that I would post this question > because he is anxious to see how others in out situation have dealt with > this (successfully, I hope) > > Thanks for all your words of wisdom , and for your support and love, > sincerely, > denise in ny > dr gagner > sept 10 > bmi 62 > > > > > _________________________________________________________________ > Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com/intl.asp Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 27, 2001 Report Share Posted July 27, 2001 , My hubby isn't MO, but he is painfully shy and has panic disorders.. he feels that I'm the best thing that's ever happened to him, and when I started to research WLS, he was initially very nrevous, upset, worried.. but he talked it over with his mom (his version of therapy), then finally told me that he didn't care what I did as long as I was healthy. Well, I'm working on that part, lol.. but he decided to support me no matter.. but refused to learn about the surgery at all until we were actually going to check into the hospital for my surgery! He deals with stress by using avoidance.. can you tell? His biggest fears were that I would die during or just after surgery.. then when he saw me immediately post-recovery, I think he thought the worst! I don't remember much of that night, but I do remember that his face turned grey when he saw me postop with the NG tube in, draining bloody stuff, and I was sooo out of it. I also remember him talking on the phone to his mom (he didn't call mine, because he was positive she'd insist on talking to me.. she has yet to forgive him, heh) and holding my hand. He treated me like I'd break for about 2 weeks after I got out of the hospital.. but he's figured out that I'm a tough lady, so he's finally relaxed a bit. He does occasionally worry that I'll leave him once I lose weight, but there's no way, & I hope he's learning that. I love him so much.. We do joke about it, though.. a friend asked him, " What are you gonna do when other men start looking at your wife? She's very striking. " His response? " Yep, that's what I'll be doing- striking them (he's not a fighter, he's a lover). " I just rolled laughing. Tell your hubby to keep his sense of humor & remember that you want to spend the rest of your life with him.. and you want that to be a looong time. If you support him emotionally & do your best to relieve his fears, he'll relax eventually (I hope), just like my Grimmie did. Keep us updated, OK? Hugs, Liane > Hello to All, > First of all, i would like to thank everyone who answered my post about > spouses and the ds. You all sent me so much support and good ideas, I'll > have lots to think about. The thing is, my husband doesn't deny that the > surgery could/would be a good thing for me. He is just unable to deal with > his fears for the operation itself, for my recovery and for the rest of out > life together. One of the things that has bonded us together was the fact > that we both grew up obese. I grew up with alot of guilt about that fact, > while he did not, even though we were both treated with the unfeelingness > that some people have towards towards the obese in our life time. > What my husband (and I) would like to know is this: > If both you and your spouse are MO or even just Obese, how does the wls > affect you and your spouses life afterwards? My husband has alot of fears > for the future...I think he feels that food won't be a common denominator > anymore. We enjoy eating out and snacking together, and even though I am > trying to reassure him that I will still want to do so, just that I will not > be eating as much, he doesn't think that it will be the same (which of > course, it won't, to some extent, but I told him I enjoy going to dinner > because I love his company, the food is secondary. He doesn't buy it.) > Also, I think he is afraid I might get thin and leave him because he is > still MO. No matter how I try to reassure him, and he says he believes me, > deep down inside he still has that fear. > Another thing is that he feels helpless about the operation and my > recovery. I can do varioys thing to prepare myseld for surgery, but he > can't control this situation and it bothers him alot. > Lastly, I feel there is a bit of jealousy there. He is only human. I > know that if he were to lose a large amount of weight and I didn't, I would > probably feel the same to some extent. > > So, guys and gals, any insight on married life after wls would be deeply > appreciated. I told my husband, Rich, that I would post this question > because he is anxious to see how others in out situation have dealt with > this (successfully, I hope) > > Thanks for all your words of wisdom , and for your support and love, > sincerely, > denise in ny > dr gagner > sept 10 > bmi 62 > > > > > _________________________________________________________________ > Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com/intl.asp Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 27, 2001 Report Share Posted July 27, 2001 , I'm only 2 weeks out so my experience is limited. My dh is not MO, ONLY (lol)about 45 lb. overweight. We both love to cook and eat out. Marty is also more self-indulgent than I, and yet, typical male that he is, with a lot of exercise, he manages to maintain a more " normal " weight than I could. He feared the operation so much at first that he just wouldn't talk about it or make post-op plans for helping me (shopping, what I would be able to eat, etc.). In fact, when I ran into some snags that necessitated postponing the operation, he tried to tell me it was A SIGN. But as we got closer to the operation, his faith in our Internist (who suggested the procedure AND the surgeon-Dr. Ren of NYU) and my strong belief that this was the only way I would see old age WITH him, helped him through. The fact that the surgery went off without a hitch, my hospital recuperation was totally unremarkable, also converted him. By the time I got home, he was stocking up on soft foods, buying me my supplements and just being as wholeheartedly helpful as I could desire. As to the things that bound us together pre-op, in the 2 weeks since surgery, we have still managed to eat out about 5 times. The interesting thing is that, naturally, I would eat only a tiny portion of my meal & then pack the rest for future meals, but he, without any urging from me, is also staring to eat less and leave over. He's not being obsessive, but he is, automatically, cutting back. Maybe this syndrome will have a gentle, collateral effect on your dh as well. Just keep in mind, if your marriage is strong, you both will work things out. Just do your own thing without preaching and, I pray, he will find a way to work through his fears. Marcia > more about spouses > > > Hello to All, > First of all, i would like to thank everyone who answered my post about > spouses and the ds. You all sent me so much support and good ideas, I'll > have lots to think about. The thing is, my husband doesn't deny that the > surgery could/would be a good thing for me. He is just unable to > deal with > his fears for the operation itself, for my recovery and for the > rest of out > life together. One of the things that has bonded us together was > the fact > that we both grew up obese. I grew up with alot of guilt about > that fact, > while he did not, even though we were both treated with the unfeelingness > that some people have towards towards the obese in our life time. > What my husband (and I) would like to know is this: > If both you and your spouse are MO or even just Obese, how does the wls > affect you and your spouses life afterwards? My husband has alot of fears > for the future...I think he feels that food won't be a common denominator > anymore. We enjoy eating out and snacking together, and even though I am > trying to reassure him that I will still want to do so, just that > I will not > be eating as much, he doesn't think that it will be the same (which of > course, it won't, to some extent, but I told him I enjoy going to dinner > because I love his company, the food is secondary. He doesn't buy it.) > Also, I think he is afraid I might get thin and leave him > because he is > still MO. No matter how I try to reassure him, and he says he > believes me, > deep down inside he still has that fear. > Another thing is that he feels helpless about the operation and my > recovery. I can do varioys thing to prepare myseld for surgery, but he > can't control this situation and it bothers him alot. > Lastly, I feel there is a bit of jealousy there. He is only human. I > know that if he were to lose a large amount of weight and I > didn't, I would > probably feel the same to some extent. > > So, guys and gals, any insight on married life after wls would be deeply > appreciated. I told my husband, Rich, that I would post this question > because he is anxious to see how others in out situation have dealt with > this (successfully, I hope) > > Thanks for all your words of wisdom , and for your support and love, > sincerely, > denise in ny > dr gagner > sept 10 > bmi 62 > > > > > _________________________________________________________________ > Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com/intl.asp > > > ---------------------------------------------------------------------- > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 27, 2001 Report Share Posted July 27, 2001 , I'm only 2 weeks out so my experience is limited. My dh is not MO, ONLY (lol)about 45 lb. overweight. We both love to cook and eat out. Marty is also more self-indulgent than I, and yet, typical male that he is, with a lot of exercise, he manages to maintain a more " normal " weight than I could. He feared the operation so much at first that he just wouldn't talk about it or make post-op plans for helping me (shopping, what I would be able to eat, etc.). In fact, when I ran into some snags that necessitated postponing the operation, he tried to tell me it was A SIGN. But as we got closer to the operation, his faith in our Internist (who suggested the procedure AND the surgeon-Dr. Ren of NYU) and my strong belief that this was the only way I would see old age WITH him, helped him through. The fact that the surgery went off without a hitch, my hospital recuperation was totally unremarkable, also converted him. By the time I got home, he was stocking up on soft foods, buying me my supplements and just being as wholeheartedly helpful as I could desire. As to the things that bound us together pre-op, in the 2 weeks since surgery, we have still managed to eat out about 5 times. The interesting thing is that, naturally, I would eat only a tiny portion of my meal & then pack the rest for future meals, but he, without any urging from me, is also staring to eat less and leave over. He's not being obsessive, but he is, automatically, cutting back. Maybe this syndrome will have a gentle, collateral effect on your dh as well. Just keep in mind, if your marriage is strong, you both will work things out. Just do your own thing without preaching and, I pray, he will find a way to work through his fears. Marcia > more about spouses > > > Hello to All, > First of all, i would like to thank everyone who answered my post about > spouses and the ds. You all sent me so much support and good ideas, I'll > have lots to think about. The thing is, my husband doesn't deny that the > surgery could/would be a good thing for me. He is just unable to > deal with > his fears for the operation itself, for my recovery and for the > rest of out > life together. One of the things that has bonded us together was > the fact > that we both grew up obese. I grew up with alot of guilt about > that fact, > while he did not, even though we were both treated with the unfeelingness > that some people have towards towards the obese in our life time. > What my husband (and I) would like to know is this: > If both you and your spouse are MO or even just Obese, how does the wls > affect you and your spouses life afterwards? My husband has alot of fears > for the future...I think he feels that food won't be a common denominator > anymore. We enjoy eating out and snacking together, and even though I am > trying to reassure him that I will still want to do so, just that > I will not > be eating as much, he doesn't think that it will be the same (which of > course, it won't, to some extent, but I told him I enjoy going to dinner > because I love his company, the food is secondary. He doesn't buy it.) > Also, I think he is afraid I might get thin and leave him > because he is > still MO. No matter how I try to reassure him, and he says he > believes me, > deep down inside he still has that fear. > Another thing is that he feels helpless about the operation and my > recovery. I can do varioys thing to prepare myseld for surgery, but he > can't control this situation and it bothers him alot. > Lastly, I feel there is a bit of jealousy there. He is only human. I > know that if he were to lose a large amount of weight and I > didn't, I would > probably feel the same to some extent. > > So, guys and gals, any insight on married life after wls would be deeply > appreciated. I told my husband, Rich, that I would post this question > because he is anxious to see how others in out situation have dealt with > this (successfully, I hope) > > Thanks for all your words of wisdom , and for your support and love, > sincerely, > denise in ny > dr gagner > sept 10 > bmi 62 > > > > > _________________________________________________________________ > Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com/intl.asp > > > ---------------------------------------------------------------------- > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 27, 2001 Report Share Posted July 27, 2001 , Perhaps changing your perspective on this surgery may help. This is not something you are doing out of vanity, you are doing it to treat a serious disease and ultimately to save your life. Would you be having this kind of discussions if it were a treatment for another disease? I can totally understand your husbands concerns. I just had my DS, and have had to make a lot of adjustments. While my DH isnt MO, he loves to eat, especially my home cooking. I'm in no mood to cook, so we have adjusted. The relationship between you and your husband goes much deeper than just the food and obesity issues, I'm sure. Perhaps some counseling would help prepare you both for this big change. At times of stress and change in my own life, counseling has been the best thing I ever did for myself. Good luck to you both, and remember that this surgery is both a miracle and a gift. Meli June 21,01 Dr Hess -35lbs -- In duodenalswitch@y..., " denise hughes " <slantdiva@h...> wrote: > Hello to All, > First of all, i would like to thank everyone who answered my post about > spouses and the ds. You all sent me so much support and good ideas, I'll > have lots to think about. The thing is, my husband doesn't deny that the > surgery could/would be a good thing for me. He is just unable to deal with > his fears for the operation itself, for my recovery and for the rest of out > life together. One of the things that has bonded us together was the fact > that we both grew up obese. I grew up with alot of guilt about that fact, > while he did not, even though we were both treated with the unfeelingness > that some people have towards towards the obese in our life time. > What my husband (and I) would like to know is this: > If both you and your spouse are MO or even just Obese, how does the wls > affect you and your spouses life afterwards? My husband has alot of fears > for the future...I think he feels that food won't be a common denominator > anymore. We enjoy eating out and snacking together, and even though I am > trying to reassure him that I will still want to do so, just that I will not > be eating as much, he doesn't think that it will be the same (which of > course, it won't, to some extent, but I told him I enjoy going to dinner > because I love his company, the food is secondary. He doesn't buy it.) > Also, I think he is afraid I might get thin and leave him because he is > still MO. No matter how I try to reassure him, and he says he believes me, > deep down inside he still has that fear. > Another thing is that he feels helpless about the operation and my > recovery. I can do varioys thing to prepare myseld for surgery, but he > can't control this situation and it bothers him alot. > Lastly, I feel there is a bit of jealousy there. He is only human. I > know that if he were to lose a large amount of weight and I didn't, I would > probably feel the same to some extent. > > So, guys and gals, any insight on married life after wls would be deeply > appreciated. I told my husband, Rich, that I would post this question > because he is anxious to see how others in out situation have dealt with > this (successfully, I hope) > > Thanks for all your words of wisdom , and for your support and love, > sincerely, > denise in ny > dr gagner > sept 10 > bmi 62 > > > > > _________________________________________________________________ > Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com/intl.asp Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 28, 2001 Report Share Posted July 28, 2001 In a message dated 07/27/2001 11:41:01 PM Central Daylight Time, lionrampart1@... writes: << I'm in no mood to cook, so we have adjusted. >> Meli, This will get better also. I used to love to cook and now do again. It is great that I can make wonderful things and it does not make me gain weight. I did start making items and them packaging them into small " meals " and putting them in the frig. This way I have solid food available for my many small meals a day, and my husband takes them to work ( somtimes two of them). Those new disposable but reusable gladware containers are great. Dawn--Chicago metro---south Dr. Hess, Bowling Green, OH BPD/DS 4/27/00 www.duodenalswitch.com 267 to 165 size 22 to size 10 have made size goal no more high blood pressure, sore feet, or dieting! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 28, 2001 Report Share Posted July 28, 2001 Liane, What a wonderful thing to share on this list where we hear so often about boorish spouses. My isabelle was like a saint for me throughout, and I appreciate that no end. Give Grimmie my best wishes and a big bear hug from me. --Steve At 12:28 AM +0000 7/28/01, Lili F. wrote: >, >My hubby... feels that I'm the best thing that's ever happened to >him, and... he decided to >support me no matter. . . He treated me like I'd break for about 2 >weeks after I got out of the hospital.. but he's figured out that I'm >a tough lady, so he's finally relaxed a bit. He does occasionally >worry that I'll leave him once I lose weight, but there's no way, & I >hope he's learning that. I love him so much.. We do joke about it, >though.. a friend asked him, " What are you gonna do when other men >start looking at your wife? She's very striking. " His response? > " Yep, that's what I'll be doing- striking them (he's not a fighter, >he's a lover). " I just rolled laughing. -- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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