Re: reasons for not wanting to tell work

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 8/25/01 12:37:07 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

duodenalswitch writes:

<< 1. You're going to

start dropping ALOT of weight very quickly...the rumors will fly that you're

sick and maybe very seriously ill...NOBODY loses weight like that by diet

and

excersize. 2. Are you just a very private person or are you afraid they

won't be supportive? >>

Well, this is my reason - I just started this job 2 months ago. I am not

even eligible for insurance for another month. Then I start the whole ball

rolling - signing up with and going to my PCP for misc. plus referral, apts.

with Dr. Hess and possibly Dr. Maguire - and then into whatever I nave to do.

Then when I actually get a surgery date, I have to ask for time off. I do

not think they will be real happy for me to be asking for 6 - 8 weeks off

when I am a new employee. They are such a small company (under 50) that they

even state in their employee manual that they do not have to adhere to the

Family Leave Act. Having said that, though, I got this job because a girl

there has been on maternity leave (will be gone 2 1/2 months when she gets

back) and is coming back in a different position (supposedly, what I was told

and I hope to GOD that is the way it is gonna be). So, for medical reasons,

I am sure they won't try to stop me. HOWEVER, were I to say I wanted time

off for weight loss surgery, I think they would consider it " elective, not

necessary, cosmetic....etc. " you fill in the blanks and then I would have to

defend myself and possibly risk my job. I am not prepared to even take that

chance. I was laid off twice in the last 2 years - off 6 months both times.

I don't even have unemployment left and it took the whole damn 6 months off

this last time to find this job. I have been through hell and back to get

employment and I will not risk going through that, not to mention I need my

job to have the insurance and money to spend for incidentals that I will need

for the surgery. I am currently looking into disability insurance for the

time off work. I just feel like its really no one's business but my own. I

know how easily a job can let people go without any feelings about their

lives at all, so I know I have to do what is right for ME now and not worry

about their problems - in other words, I will not forgo the surgery to keep

the job. I will get the surgery and keep the job, by keeping my mouth shut.

It hasn't been easy even now not to talk about it, but I don't even have

insurance yet.

Our insurance is with an organization for small businesses and we have

coverage for 1 - 50 people.

After I get the surgery I might confess, but not before then. I also don't

want to have to explain my reasons and why I want it, etc. Like I said, I

believe it is my business and my company doesn't own ME only the time they

pay me for and I work like hell for that paycheck (since when does that

matter to anyone's boss??) so they get a good return on their money. But

they don't pay me enough to make my life decisions for me.

Carole

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 8/25/01 12:37:07 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

duodenalswitch writes:

<< 1. You're going to

start dropping ALOT of weight very quickly...the rumors will fly that you're

sick and maybe very seriously ill...NOBODY loses weight like that by diet

and

excersize. 2. Are you just a very private person or are you afraid they

won't be supportive? >>

Well, this is my reason - I just started this job 2 months ago. I am not

even eligible for insurance for another month. Then I start the whole ball

rolling - signing up with and going to my PCP for misc. plus referral, apts.

with Dr. Hess and possibly Dr. Maguire - and then into whatever I nave to do.

Then when I actually get a surgery date, I have to ask for time off. I do

not think they will be real happy for me to be asking for 6 - 8 weeks off

when I am a new employee. They are such a small company (under 50) that they

even state in their employee manual that they do not have to adhere to the

Family Leave Act. Having said that, though, I got this job because a girl

there has been on maternity leave (will be gone 2 1/2 months when she gets

back) and is coming back in a different position (supposedly, what I was told

and I hope to GOD that is the way it is gonna be). So, for medical reasons,

I am sure they won't try to stop me. HOWEVER, were I to say I wanted time

off for weight loss surgery, I think they would consider it " elective, not

necessary, cosmetic....etc. " you fill in the blanks and then I would have to

defend myself and possibly risk my job. I am not prepared to even take that

chance. I was laid off twice in the last 2 years - off 6 months both times.

I don't even have unemployment left and it took the whole damn 6 months off

this last time to find this job. I have been through hell and back to get

employment and I will not risk going through that, not to mention I need my

job to have the insurance and money to spend for incidentals that I will need

for the surgery. I am currently looking into disability insurance for the

time off work. I just feel like its really no one's business but my own. I

know how easily a job can let people go without any feelings about their

lives at all, so I know I have to do what is right for ME now and not worry

about their problems - in other words, I will not forgo the surgery to keep

the job. I will get the surgery and keep the job, by keeping my mouth shut.

It hasn't been easy even now not to talk about it, but I don't even have

insurance yet.

Our insurance is with an organization for small businesses and we have

coverage for 1 - 50 people.

After I get the surgery I might confess, but not before then. I also don't

want to have to explain my reasons and why I want it, etc. Like I said, I

believe it is my business and my company doesn't own ME only the time they

pay me for and I work like hell for that paycheck (since when does that

matter to anyone's boss??) so they get a good return on their money. But

they don't pay me enough to make my life decisions for me.

Carole

[Guest guest]

HOWEVER, were I to say I wanted time

off for weight loss surgery, I think they would consider it " elective, not

necessary, cosmetic....etc. " you fill in the blanks and then I would have to

defend myself and possibly risk my job.>>>

Carole......

I sympathize with you and probably would think the same thing. But a

thought crossed my mind.......what if you got sick and couldnt work anymore

due to the obesity?

Judie

[Guest guest]

HOWEVER, were I to say I wanted time

off for weight loss surgery, I think they would consider it " elective, not

necessary, cosmetic....etc. " you fill in the blanks and then I would have to

defend myself and possibly risk my job.>>>

Carole......

I sympathize with you and probably would think the same thing. But a

thought crossed my mind.......what if you got sick and couldnt work anymore

due to the obesity?

Judie

[Guest guest]

If applicable, you could always say it is a " female thing " and you

simply don't want to discuss it. End of story. The rumors will

fly...there's no stopping that once you start losing weight.

I think most people cannot fathom what it takes to lose 100+

pounds. When I lost a lot of weight on a liquid diet years ago, I

didn't tell anyone. People knew I was going to the gym, because

I said " I gotta get to the gym... " They also knew I was eating less

since I didn't go out to lunch or dinner as often. No one at work

asked me directly how I was losing the weight, they only said

things like " you look good today... " I guess they figured the

eating less and working out was my method. Whatever rumors

were flying, I didn't hear them so I don't care. Of course, I've

gained all the weight back over the years, so who knows what

they're saying now!

-m

[Guest guest]

If applicable, you could always say it is a " female thing " and you

simply don't want to discuss it. End of story. The rumors will

fly...there's no stopping that once you start losing weight.

I think most people cannot fathom what it takes to lose 100+

pounds. When I lost a lot of weight on a liquid diet years ago, I

didn't tell anyone. People knew I was going to the gym, because

I said " I gotta get to the gym... " They also knew I was eating less

since I didn't go out to lunch or dinner as often. No one at work

asked me directly how I was losing the weight, they only said

things like " you look good today... " I guess they figured the

eating less and working out was my method. Whatever rumors

were flying, I didn't hear them so I don't care. Of course, I've

gained all the weight back over the years, so who knows what

they're saying now!

-m

[Guest guest]

Carole, I dont think they can legally opt out of having to abide by

FMLA... I understand your wanting to keep your medical issues

private, I think you're wise to do so. If pressed, you can tell them

its a gallbladder or female issue.

Things will likely work out fine. Its too bad we have to add such

things to our lists of worries when we start persuing this surgery.

Be well, Meli (-45lb)

- In duodenalswitch@y..., MsMystic1@a... wrote:

> In a message dated 8/25/01 12:37:07 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

> duodenalswitch@y... writes:

>

> Well, this is my reason - I just started this job 2 months ago. I

am not

> even eligible for insurance for another month.

[Guest guest]

Unfortunately--companies of small size don't have to adhere to the FMLA, I

can't rembmer the number of employees you have before this applies to you.

Pammi

_________________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

I can identify with your situation. I stll have not told my

employer the full scope of my surgery. They know what they have to

know. Dr Gagner repaired a bad hiatial hernia while doing my

surgery. As a result I have told my employer that I had hernia

repair. However there are two people who at my job who know that I had

the surgery. Becuase you have to fill out paperwork to return to

work and paperwork for your disability claim then you will have

atleast one person in hr who will know that you had the surgery.

You have to be sure that the person will not reveal this to anyone.

I work for a large company and have a great relationship with my hr

department as a result I know that they will not reveal my surgery

to anyone because they don't want to lose their job for gossiping

and because we have a great relationship. Howeverif you work for a

company where the employment paperwork is handled by an

Administrative Assistant you have to know that he or she will not

blab. I didn't tell my employer until 2 weeks before the surgery which

gave them very little time to try to get information from me. Luckily

another employee had recently returned from hernia surgery and was

doing quite well. My VP has tried to question me in great detail and I

have told her I had hernia repair and few other things done while they

were in there. I don't discuss the " few other things " . As much as I

like her I feel that I check my personal life at the door and I will

not discuss personal things with anyone I work with. This has caused

other issues becuase one of my closest friends works with me. She has

made comments and has tried to get me to tell her that I had wls.

However she is a horrible gossip and as much as I like her I can't

trust her to keep her mouth shut. People who gossip just can't help

but tell the one person who they are sure won't tell anyone, and then

that one person tells one person who they are sure wont tell anyone

until the entire company knows. The only exception to this is

generally the HR dept because they know that if it is ever tracked

back they will be terminated and possible sued.

>

As far as supporting the Family leave act this is really irrelevant to

you. Following the surgery you will be legally short-term disabled.

Which means that if you go out for surgery they have to hold your

position open for you. They don't have to be terribly nice when you

return but they have to keep your job open.

>

One thing that concerns me is that many comapies will not submit

paperwork for disabilty if you have been with them for less than six

months. You are really going to have to scan your employee handbook to

see how your company handles this. If they do not cover you, you need

to talk to your state disabilty office to see how they handle

short-term disability. You may have to set aside some money in a rainy

day account to make it thru the recovery period.

>

People will notice your weightloss. I attribute my weightloss to

increased protein intake and virtaully no carb intake. They see me

forcing down the protein bars everyday. They also see me taking my

vitamins and taking the stairs. This all leads to them thinking that I

am losing the weight thru nutrition and excercise. Because of my high

starting weight they think I have only lost about 20lbs. Now if I

continue to lose weight at this rate there might be additional

questions. However, if that happens I will be so happy that I might

just blurt out the truth:)

>

Tina

Lap DS, Dr. Gagner, 07/03/2001

Goal: Lose 90% of Excess Weight

*******************************

* Starting Weight = 267 *

* " Ideal " Weight = 135 *

* =========================== *

* Total Excess Weight = 132 *

* 90% x Excess Weight = 118 *

* Goal Weight = 265-118 = 145 *

* =========================== *

* Total Needed to Lose = 118 *

* Loss To Date = 40 *

* =========================== *

* Remainder to Goal = 77 *

*******************************

>

> In a message dated 8/25/01 12:37:07 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

> duodenalswitch@y... writes:

>

> << 1. You're going to

> start dropping ALOT of weight very quickly...the rumors will fly

that you're

> sick and maybe very seriously ill...NOBODY loses weight like that

by diet

> and

> excersize. 2. Are you just a very private person or are you

afraid they

> won't be supportive? >>

> Well, this is my reason - I just started this job 2 months ago. I

am not

> even eligible for insurance for another month. Then I start the

whole ball

> rolling - signing up with and going to my PCP for misc. plus

referral, apts.

> with Dr. Hess and possibly Dr. Maguire - and then into whatever I

nave to do.

> Then when I actually get a surgery date, I have to ask for time

off. I do

> not think they will be real happy for me to be asking for 6 - 8

weeks off

> when I am a new employee. They are such a small company (under 50)

that they

> even state in their employee manual that they do not have to adhere

to the

> Family Leave Act. Having said that, though, I got this job because

a girl

> there has been on maternity leave (will be gone 2 1/2 months when

she gets

> back) and is coming back in a different position (supposedly, what I

was told

> and I hope to GOD that is the way it is gonna be). So, for medical

reasons,

> I am sure they won't try to stop me. HOWEVER, were I to say I

wanted time

> off for weight loss surgery, I think they would consider it

" elective, not

> necessary, cosmetic....etc. " you fill in the blanks and then I would

have to

> defend myself and possibly risk my job. I am not prepared to even

take that

> chance. I was laid off twice in the last 2 years - off 6 months

both times.

> I don't even have unemployment left and it took the whole damn 6

months off

> this last time to find this job. I have been through hell and back

to get

> employment and I will not risk going through that, not to mention I

need my

> job to have the insurance and money to spend for incidentals that I

will need

> for the surgery. I am currently looking into disability insurance

for the

> time off work. I just feel like its really no one's business but my

own. I

> know how easily a job can let people go without any feelings about

their

> lives at all, so I know I have to do what is right for ME now and

not worry

> about their problems - in other words, I will not forgo the surgery

to keep

> the job. I will get the surgery and keep the job, by keeping my

mouth shut.

> It hasn't been easy even now not to talk about it, but I don't even

have

> insurance yet.

> Our insurance is with an organization for small businesses and we

have

> coverage for 1 - 50 people.

> After I get the surgery I might confess, but not before then. I

also don't

> want to have to explain my reasons and why I want it, etc. Like I

said, I

> believe it is my business and my company doesn't own ME only the

time they

> pay me for and I work like hell for that paycheck (since when does

that

> matter to anyone's boss??) so they get a good return on their money.

But

> they don't pay me enough to make my life decisions for me.

> Carole

[Guest guest]

Many entities that are self insured (and maybe others) generally have

cost containment committees. These committees are designed to find

ways to lower costs which often translates to limiting service. They

review the high dollar claims. The members of these committees are

from both management and workers. Some, but not necessarily all, of

the members know who they are talking about. This is supposed to be

confidential but . . . Even if the names are not mentioned, often the

person is recognized due to the time of the surgery or other

information that is common knowledge. I have been on such a

committee and I usually figured out who we were talking about. Trust

that people maintain confidentiality. Reality, though, can be

otherwise.

The point is that there are many situations where your silence

doesn't mean that others don't know that you've had the DS or

whatever nor does it mean that your secret is safe with those who

figure out who you are.

It was an advantage for me in obtaining approval from the insurance

administrators because I knew them from working on this committee.

At least it gave me a person in a managerial position to deal with in

getting my surgery approved which I am convinced worked to my benefit.

Best -

Nick in Sage

Dr. Keshishian

8/29/01