Filling the void--to Lilka and everyone

[Guest guest]

As I mentioned Lilka, I've been thinking about how to fill that void—

the void we've all tried to fill with food.

There are several things that, for me, have been key. I still have

to work on them even after losing 153 lbs and being at goal for over

a year.

Reprogramming my negative tapes. I've had to become aware of how

natural my internal put-downs were. I always said horrible things to

myself: I'm so fat, I'm a cow, Who could love me? You're

disgusting. Etc., etc., etc… At first it felt strange to say

positive things to myself. I started by looking at old photos and

saying, " I love you. You deserve the best. You are worthy of all my

best efforts and love. " And I said it over and over until something

bizarre happened. I began to believe it, and I turned that belief

into positive action. Turning around those negative tapes has made

it possible to me to do things I never believed I could, like running

13.1 miles to complete the National AIDS half marathon.

As wise man one said, " You absolutely generate in your life the

outcomes that you believe you deserve and if you don't believe that

you deserve every good thing that comes into your life, you will

sabotage yourself at every step of way… "

Appreciating the little joys from heaven. All around us there are

moments of magic and beauty. All we have to do is look for them.

Last week, I was walking around Lake Merritt in Oakland. I was

enjoying all the beauty around me, and then something made me look

up. There it was in the n style street lamp. The amber

glass contained a burning flame, a slow burning torch whose flames

lapped upward, dissipating into nothing, flowing like shooting stars

with arching trails of sparkles behind them. For a moment I thought

I was seeing something like a burning bush, some sort of mystical

moment, and so I stayed there mesmerized by this sight, letting the

beauty soak into me. " Thank you God for this gift, " I said silently

to myself. Then I wanted to figure out how I was seeing this flame,

which clearly did not exist. And I figured it out: the angle of the

sun, coupled with the strength of the wind on the lake caused

reflective ripples whose reflection I was seeing in the amber glass

of the lamp. Mystery solved, right? But not exactly. There still

was something special in that moment because I had to be walking at

the right time of day, in the right angle of the sun, with the right

wind speed to cause the effect. AND I had to be looking at the right

place. My point is, there are gifts from God or the Divine or Nature

or the Universe that are present all around us. If you open yourself

to finding them and taking just a quiet moment to let the beauty soak

into your being, you will be nourished in a way that a piece of cake

cannot. If I hadn't learned the technique of actively looking for

these little gifts, I would never have noticed it. No one else on

the trail noticed it; they were too busy talking on cell phones or

jogging or listening to their i-pods.

Savoring every success. Every time we have a success, no matter how

big or small, we need to acknowledge it, not just say, " I only lost 1

lb this week. " Losing one pound is a milestone because losing one

pound is the ONLY way to lose one hundred. Every little success is

the building block of a bigger success. If the Egyptians (and the

Jews) had given up on building the Pyramids because one tiny stone

didn't fit right, how would that enduring miracle of human efforts

still be there? You are your own miracle in the making, but you have

to believe that you can do it. As the song says, " Who knows what

miracles you can achieve? You will when you believe. " I've had to

stop belittling my accomplishments and take stock of how far I've

come. I say to myself, " If it were anyone else losing one pound, I'd

be jumping up and down. " Why is it that we have such difficulty

celebrating how wonderful we all are? Don't we deserve to be happy

for ourselves? The answer is a resounding yes.

Forgiving every failure. The basic point here is to not beat

ourselves up for being imperfect. You fall down. You dust yourself

off, and then you resolve in that moment, to get back on the path and

keep your eye on the goal. Refocusing after a fall is important.

The sooner you refocus, the less damage that will be done. We have

to get out of that " I'll-start-again-next-Monday " mindset. Forgive

the failure and refocus that very instant. It ain't easy, but it

gets easier with practice.

Connections. My pastor once said, " Therapy will only get you so

far. It's community that heals you. " I found this to be so true.

That's why I joined my gay square dancing group. There is joy in

moving to the music, in laughing with good friends, in supporting

each other. " But I wouldn't have that now if I hadn't joined, gotten

past my own shyness, and just let myself be Francisco, not Francisco-

WLS-patient. I also view my church in that way. You get out of it

what you put in. I now have people who smile when they see me, and

I'm happy to see them too. Hugs and kisses with my fellow

parishioners (a tradition in my church) do so much to warm the soul.

I have this extended chosen family that wants the best for me, and I,

for them. These connections of warmth and love fill my heart the

food never could.

Living in the truth. Accountability. This one is hard, but

necessary. I have had to take responsibility for the way I exercise,

the way I eat, the way I operate in the world. I am not the victim

of my own actions, and I now realize that I control what goes in my

mouth. I didn't become morbidly obese by having someone tie me down

and force feed me. Becoming accountable and living in the truth has

meant that I've had to part ways with some friends and with my former

partner of 11 years. It's been heart-wrenching at times, but if I

hadn't taken those leaps of faith into the abyss, I'd never have

known the joy I know now. I love this quote: " When you come to the

edge of all the light you know and are about to step into the

darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing that one of two things will

happen: there will be solid ground for you to stand on, or you will

be taught to fly. " (Author unknown) Living in the truth requires

that we take risks. We think that if we make our needs known, we

will be forever wanting. I've found it to be the opposite. The more

you require of those to live up to your standards, the more they

conform. Or if not, well, then it's time to move on and make some

changes. I may end up on my own, but it's far preferable than living

in relation to another person who does not feed my soul or allow me

to feed his.

It's been important for me to have connections with people where it

has nothing to do with weight loss surgery because making connections

on a personal spirit-to-spirit level is important regardless of my

own WLS process. And yet, it has everything to do with my weight loss

surgery journey because I never would have had the courage to reach

out for that acceptance had I not been transformed by this process.

Rev. Penny of my church has spoken of one of the most important

struggles of our time, when so often we are filled with fear,

meaninglessness and despair. Our struggle is one of hope vs.

cynicism. We are called upon to cultivate hope and reject cynicism.

And so my vow is to never give up hope, hope for a better life. That

hope keeps me centered and positive. That hope feeds my faith that I

am part of a larger community and allows me to see the humanity in

all faces—even in those who are not like me and in those who hate me

because I am gay. So I will continue to hope. I will continue strive

to ensure that my hope is not empty. I will turn that hope into

positive action toward myself and others. My hope is that I will

touch lives and uplift others in ways that others have uplifted me.

All these things together have helped me to fill that gaping void

that I tried to stuff with food. Overall, the answer is love—the

love I give myself, and I show that love to me by following the

eating and exercise guidelines, not because I " have to " but because

I " want to. " I deserve the best care I can give myself. I also

expect people to respect my boundaries. I no longer care if everyone

likes me (particularly at work), but you better believe that they

respect me. I know now that I deserve this success. I deserve this

wonderful miracle. And so do all of us here. And now it is my

responsibility to make my little corner of the world better. I

cannot live in an empty thankfulness. I have to turn my gratitude

into positive action, however slight, to make even just one person's

day a little brighter or ease their burden just a little.

If we all just did that one little act of kindness everyday, how much

better would the world be?

And so, through love, the void is filled. Through love I have been

transformed. It's as simple and complex as that.

I hope this makes sense.

Francisco

[Guest guest]

As I mentioned Lilka, I've been thinking about how to fill that void—

the void we've all tried to fill with food.

There are several things that, for me, have been key. I still have

to work on them even after losing 153 lbs and being at goal for over

a year.

Reprogramming my negative tapes. I've had to become aware of how

natural my internal put-downs were. I always said horrible things to

myself: I'm so fat, I'm a cow, Who could love me? You're

disgusting. Etc., etc., etc… At first it felt strange to say

positive things to myself. I started by looking at old photos and

saying, " I love you. You deserve the best. You are worthy of all my

best efforts and love. " And I said it over and over until something

bizarre happened. I began to believe it, and I turned that belief

into positive action. Turning around those negative tapes has made

it possible to me to do things I never believed I could, like running

13.1 miles to complete the National AIDS half marathon.

As wise man one said, " You absolutely generate in your life the

outcomes that you believe you deserve and if you don't believe that

you deserve every good thing that comes into your life, you will

sabotage yourself at every step of way… "

Appreciating the little joys from heaven. All around us there are

moments of magic and beauty. All we have to do is look for them.

Last week, I was walking around Lake Merritt in Oakland. I was

enjoying all the beauty around me, and then something made me look

up. There it was in the n style street lamp. The amber

glass contained a burning flame, a slow burning torch whose flames

lapped upward, dissipating into nothing, flowing like shooting stars

with arching trails of sparkles behind them. For a moment I thought

I was seeing something like a burning bush, some sort of mystical

moment, and so I stayed there mesmerized by this sight, letting the

beauty soak into me. " Thank you God for this gift, " I said silently

to myself. Then I wanted to figure out how I was seeing this flame,

which clearly did not exist. And I figured it out: the angle of the

sun, coupled with the strength of the wind on the lake caused

reflective ripples whose reflection I was seeing in the amber glass

of the lamp. Mystery solved, right? But not exactly. There still

was something special in that moment because I had to be walking at

the right time of day, in the right angle of the sun, with the right

wind speed to cause the effect. AND I had to be looking at the right

place. My point is, there are gifts from God or the Divine or Nature

or the Universe that are present all around us. If you open yourself

to finding them and taking just a quiet moment to let the beauty soak

into your being, you will be nourished in a way that a piece of cake

cannot. If I hadn't learned the technique of actively looking for

these little gifts, I would never have noticed it. No one else on

the trail noticed it; they were too busy talking on cell phones or

jogging or listening to their i-pods.

Savoring every success. Every time we have a success, no matter how

big or small, we need to acknowledge it, not just say, " I only lost 1

lb this week. " Losing one pound is a milestone because losing one

pound is the ONLY way to lose one hundred. Every little success is

the building block of a bigger success. If the Egyptians (and the

Jews) had given up on building the Pyramids because one tiny stone

didn't fit right, how would that enduring miracle of human efforts

still be there? You are your own miracle in the making, but you have

to believe that you can do it. As the song says, " Who knows what

miracles you can achieve? You will when you believe. " I've had to

stop belittling my accomplishments and take stock of how far I've

come. I say to myself, " If it were anyone else losing one pound, I'd

be jumping up and down. " Why is it that we have such difficulty

celebrating how wonderful we all are? Don't we deserve to be happy

for ourselves? The answer is a resounding yes.

Forgiving every failure. The basic point here is to not beat

ourselves up for being imperfect. You fall down. You dust yourself

off, and then you resolve in that moment, to get back on the path and

keep your eye on the goal. Refocusing after a fall is important.

The sooner you refocus, the less damage that will be done. We have

to get out of that " I'll-start-again-next-Monday " mindset. Forgive

the failure and refocus that very instant. It ain't easy, but it

gets easier with practice.

Connections. My pastor once said, " Therapy will only get you so

far. It's community that heals you. " I found this to be so true.

That's why I joined my gay square dancing group. There is joy in

moving to the music, in laughing with good friends, in supporting

each other. " But I wouldn't have that now if I hadn't joined, gotten

past my own shyness, and just let myself be Francisco, not Francisco-

WLS-patient. I also view my church in that way. You get out of it

what you put in. I now have people who smile when they see me, and

I'm happy to see them too. Hugs and kisses with my fellow

parishioners (a tradition in my church) do so much to warm the soul.

I have this extended chosen family that wants the best for me, and I,

for them. These connections of warmth and love fill my heart the

food never could.

Living in the truth. Accountability. This one is hard, but

necessary. I have had to take responsibility for the way I exercise,

the way I eat, the way I operate in the world. I am not the victim

of my own actions, and I now realize that I control what goes in my

mouth. I didn't become morbidly obese by having someone tie me down

and force feed me. Becoming accountable and living in the truth has

meant that I've had to part ways with some friends and with my former

partner of 11 years. It's been heart-wrenching at times, but if I

hadn't taken those leaps of faith into the abyss, I'd never have

known the joy I know now. I love this quote: " When you come to the

edge of all the light you know and are about to step into the

darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing that one of two things will

happen: there will be solid ground for you to stand on, or you will

be taught to fly. " (Author unknown) Living in the truth requires

that we take risks. We think that if we make our needs known, we

will be forever wanting. I've found it to be the opposite. The more

you require of those to live up to your standards, the more they

conform. Or if not, well, then it's time to move on and make some

changes. I may end up on my own, but it's far preferable than living

in relation to another person who does not feed my soul or allow me

to feed his.

It's been important for me to have connections with people where it

has nothing to do with weight loss surgery because making connections

on a personal spirit-to-spirit level is important regardless of my

own WLS process. And yet, it has everything to do with my weight loss

surgery journey because I never would have had the courage to reach

out for that acceptance had I not been transformed by this process.

Rev. Penny of my church has spoken of one of the most important

struggles of our time, when so often we are filled with fear,

meaninglessness and despair. Our struggle is one of hope vs.

cynicism. We are called upon to cultivate hope and reject cynicism.

And so my vow is to never give up hope, hope for a better life. That

hope keeps me centered and positive. That hope feeds my faith that I

am part of a larger community and allows me to see the humanity in

all faces—even in those who are not like me and in those who hate me

because I am gay. So I will continue to hope. I will continue strive

to ensure that my hope is not empty. I will turn that hope into

positive action toward myself and others. My hope is that I will

touch lives and uplift others in ways that others have uplifted me.

All these things together have helped me to fill that gaping void

that I tried to stuff with food. Overall, the answer is love—the

love I give myself, and I show that love to me by following the

eating and exercise guidelines, not because I " have to " but because

I " want to. " I deserve the best care I can give myself. I also

expect people to respect my boundaries. I no longer care if everyone

likes me (particularly at work), but you better believe that they

respect me. I know now that I deserve this success. I deserve this

wonderful miracle. And so do all of us here. And now it is my

responsibility to make my little corner of the world better. I

cannot live in an empty thankfulness. I have to turn my gratitude

into positive action, however slight, to make even just one person's

day a little brighter or ease their burden just a little.

If we all just did that one little act of kindness everyday, how much

better would the world be?

And so, through love, the void is filled. Through love I have been

transformed. It's as simple and complex as that.

I hope this makes sense.

Francisco

[Guest guest]

Francisco You sure know how put what you have to say in such words, wonderful writing. Thank you for your kindness. We all need to be strong for this tool we have been given, and when we feel weak we need to turn to someone for words to help us, and that can be here, a support group, a friend, church whatever it takes remember we all need support no matter how strong of a person we are. You take care. Donnamanisodream wrote: As I mentioned Lilka, I've been thinking about how to fill that void—the void we've all tried to fill with food.There are several things that, for me, have been key. I still have to work on them even after losing 153 lbs and being at goal for over a year.Reprogramming my negative tapes. I've had to become aware of how

natural my internal put-downs were. I always said horrible things to myself: I'm so fat, I'm a cow, Who could love me? You're disgusting. Etc., etc., etc… At first it felt strange to say positive things to myself. I started by looking at old photos and saying, "I love you. You deserve the best. You are worthy of all my best efforts and love." And I said it over and over until something bizarre happened. I began to believe it, and I turned that belief into positive action. Turning around those negative tapes has made it possible to me to do things I never believed I could, like running 13.1 miles to complete the National AIDS half marathon.As wise man one said, "You absolutely generate in your life the outcomes that you believe you deserve and if you don't believe that you deserve every good thing that comes into your life, you will sabotage yourself at every step

of way…"Appreciating the little joys from heaven. All around us there are moments of magic and beauty. All we have to do is look for them. Last week, I was walking around Lake Merritt in Oakland. I was enjoying all the beauty around me, and then something made me look up. There it was in the n style street lamp. The amber glass contained a burning flame, a slow burning torch whose flames lapped upward, dissipating into nothing, flowing like shooting stars with arching trails of sparkles behind them. For a moment I thought I was seeing something like a burning bush, some sort of mystical moment, and so I stayed there mesmerized by this sight, letting the beauty soak into me. "Thank you God for this gift," I said silently to myself. Then I wanted to figure out how I was seeing this flame, which clearly did not exist. And I figured it out: the angle of the

sun, coupled with the strength of the wind on the lake caused reflective ripples whose reflection I was seeing in the amber glass of the lamp. Mystery solved, right? But not exactly. There still was something special in that moment because I had to be walking at the right time of day, in the right angle of the sun, with the right wind speed to cause the effect. AND I had to be looking at the right place. My point is, there are gifts from God or the Divine or Nature or the Universe that are present all around us. If you open yourself to finding them and taking just a quiet moment to let the beauty soak into your being, you will be nourished in a way that a piece of cake cannot. If I hadn't learned the technique of actively looking for these little gifts, I would never have noticed it. No one else on the trail noticed it; they were too busy talking on cell phones or jogging or

listening to their i-pods.Savoring every success. Every time we have a success, no matter how big or small, we need to acknowledge it, not just say, "I only lost 1 lb this week." Losing one pound is a milestone because losing one pound is the ONLY way to lose one hundred. Every little success is the building block of a bigger success. If the Egyptians (and the Jews) had given up on building the Pyramids because one tiny stone didn't fit right, how would that enduring miracle of human efforts still be there? You are your own miracle in the making, but you have to believe that you can do it. As the song says, "Who knows what miracles you can achieve? You will when you believe." I've had to stop belittling my accomplishments and take stock of how far I've come. I say to myself, "If it were anyone else losing one pound, I'd be jumping up and down." Why is it that we have

such difficulty celebrating how wonderful we all are? Don't we deserve to be happy for ourselves? The answer is a resounding yes.Forgiving every failure. The basic point here is to not beat ourselves up for being imperfect. You fall down. You dust yourself off, and then you resolve in that moment, to get back on the path and keep your eye on the goal. Refocusing after a fall is important. The sooner you refocus, the less damage that will be done. We have to get out of that "I'll-start-again-next-Monday" mindset. Forgive the failure and refocus that very instant. It ain't easy, but it gets easier with practice.Connections. My pastor once said, "Therapy will only get you so far. It's community that heals you." I found this to be so true. That's why I joined my gay square dancing group. There is joy in moving to the music, in laughing

with good friends, in supporting each other." But I wouldn't have that now if I hadn't joined, gotten past my own shyness, and just let myself be Francisco, not Francisco-WLS-patient. I also view my church in that way. You get out of it what you put in. I now have people who smile when they see me, and I'm happy to see them too. Hugs and kisses with my fellow parishioners (a tradition in my church) do so much to warm the soul. I have this extended chosen family that wants the best for me, and I, for them. These connections of warmth and love fill my heart the food never could.Living in the truth. Accountability. This one is hard, but necessary. I have had to take responsibility for the way I exercise, the way I eat, the way I operate in the world. I am not the victim of my own actions, and I now realize that I control what goes in my mouth. I didn't

become morbidly obese by having someone tie me down and force feed me. Becoming accountable and living in the truth has meant that I've had to part ways with some friends and with my former partner of 11 years. It's been heart-wrenching at times, but if I hadn't taken those leaps of faith into the abyss, I'd never have known the joy I know now. I love this quote: "When you come to the edge of all the light you know and are about to step into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing that one of two things will happen: there will be solid ground for you to stand on, or you will be taught to fly." (Author unknown) Living in the truth requires that we take risks. We think that if we make our needs known, we will be forever wanting. I've found it to be the opposite. The more you require of those to live up to your standards, the more they conform. Or if not, well, then

it's time to move on and make some changes. I may end up on my own, but it's far preferable than living in relation to another person who does not feed my soul or allow me to feed his.It's been important for me to have connections with people where it has nothing to do with weight loss surgery because making connections on a personal spirit-to-spirit level is important regardless of my own WLS process. And yet, it has everything to do with my weight loss surgery journey because I never would have had the courage to reach out for that acceptance had I not been transformed by this process. Rev. Penny of my church has spoken of one of the most important struggles of our time, when so often we are filled with fear, meaninglessness and despair. Our struggle is one of hope vs. cynicism. We are called upon to cultivate hope and reject cynicism.And so my vow is to never give up hope, hope for a better life.

That hope keeps me centered and positive. That hope feeds my faith that I am part of a larger community and allows me to see the humanity in all faces—even in those who are not like me and in those who hate me because I am gay. So I will continue to hope. I will continue strive to ensure that my hope is not empty. I will turn that hope into positive action toward myself and others. My hope is that I will touch lives and uplift others in ways that others have uplifted me.All these things together have helped me to fill that gaping void that I tried to stuff with food. Overall, the answer is love—the love I give myself, and I show that love to me by following the eating and exercise guidelines, not because I "have to" but because I "want to." I deserve the best care I can give myself. I also expect people to respect my boundaries. I no longer care if everyone likes me (particularly at work), but

you better believe that they respect me. I know now that I deserve this success. I deserve this wonderful miracle. And so do all of us here. And now it is my responsibility to make my little corner of the world better. I cannot live in an empty thankfulness. I have to turn my gratitude into positive action, however slight, to make even just one person's day a little brighter or ease their burden just a little.If we all just did that one little act of kindness everyday, how much better would the world be?And so, through love, the void is filled. Through love I have been transformed. It's as simple and complex as that.I hope this makes sense.Francisco Donna JordonDSJordon@...__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Francisco You sure know how put what you have to say in such words, wonderful writing. Thank you for your kindness. We all need to be strong for this tool we have been given, and when we feel weak we need to turn to someone for words to help us, and that can be here, a support group, a friend, church whatever it takes remember we all need support no matter how strong of a person we are. You take care. Donnamanisodream wrote: As I mentioned Lilka, I've been thinking about how to fill that void—the void we've all tried to fill with food.There are several things that, for me, have been key. I still have to work on them even after losing 153 lbs and being at goal for over a year.Reprogramming my negative tapes. I've had to become aware of how

natural my internal put-downs were. I always said horrible things to myself: I'm so fat, I'm a cow, Who could love me? You're disgusting. Etc., etc., etc… At first it felt strange to say positive things to myself. I started by looking at old photos and saying, "I love you. You deserve the best. You are worthy of all my best efforts and love." And I said it over and over until something bizarre happened. I began to believe it, and I turned that belief into positive action. Turning around those negative tapes has made it possible to me to do things I never believed I could, like running 13.1 miles to complete the National AIDS half marathon.As wise man one said, "You absolutely generate in your life the outcomes that you believe you deserve and if you don't believe that you deserve every good thing that comes into your life, you will sabotage yourself at every step

of way…"Appreciating the little joys from heaven. All around us there are moments of magic and beauty. All we have to do is look for them. Last week, I was walking around Lake Merritt in Oakland. I was enjoying all the beauty around me, and then something made me look up. There it was in the n style street lamp. The amber glass contained a burning flame, a slow burning torch whose flames lapped upward, dissipating into nothing, flowing like shooting stars with arching trails of sparkles behind them. For a moment I thought I was seeing something like a burning bush, some sort of mystical moment, and so I stayed there mesmerized by this sight, letting the beauty soak into me. "Thank you God for this gift," I said silently to myself. Then I wanted to figure out how I was seeing this flame, which clearly did not exist. And I figured it out: the angle of the

sun, coupled with the strength of the wind on the lake caused reflective ripples whose reflection I was seeing in the amber glass of the lamp. Mystery solved, right? But not exactly. There still was something special in that moment because I had to be walking at the right time of day, in the right angle of the sun, with the right wind speed to cause the effect. AND I had to be looking at the right place. My point is, there are gifts from God or the Divine or Nature or the Universe that are present all around us. If you open yourself to finding them and taking just a quiet moment to let the beauty soak into your being, you will be nourished in a way that a piece of cake cannot. If I hadn't learned the technique of actively looking for these little gifts, I would never have noticed it. No one else on the trail noticed it; they were too busy talking on cell phones or jogging or

listening to their i-pods.Savoring every success. Every time we have a success, no matter how big or small, we need to acknowledge it, not just say, "I only lost 1 lb this week." Losing one pound is a milestone because losing one pound is the ONLY way to lose one hundred. Every little success is the building block of a bigger success. If the Egyptians (and the Jews) had given up on building the Pyramids because one tiny stone didn't fit right, how would that enduring miracle of human efforts still be there? You are your own miracle in the making, but you have to believe that you can do it. As the song says, "Who knows what miracles you can achieve? You will when you believe." I've had to stop belittling my accomplishments and take stock of how far I've come. I say to myself, "If it were anyone else losing one pound, I'd be jumping up and down." Why is it that we have

such difficulty celebrating how wonderful we all are? Don't we deserve to be happy for ourselves? The answer is a resounding yes.Forgiving every failure. The basic point here is to not beat ourselves up for being imperfect. You fall down. You dust yourself off, and then you resolve in that moment, to get back on the path and keep your eye on the goal. Refocusing after a fall is important. The sooner you refocus, the less damage that will be done. We have to get out of that "I'll-start-again-next-Monday" mindset. Forgive the failure and refocus that very instant. It ain't easy, but it gets easier with practice.Connections. My pastor once said, "Therapy will only get you so far. It's community that heals you." I found this to be so true. That's why I joined my gay square dancing group. There is joy in moving to the music, in laughing

with good friends, in supporting each other." But I wouldn't have that now if I hadn't joined, gotten past my own shyness, and just let myself be Francisco, not Francisco-WLS-patient. I also view my church in that way. You get out of it what you put in. I now have people who smile when they see me, and I'm happy to see them too. Hugs and kisses with my fellow parishioners (a tradition in my church) do so much to warm the soul. I have this extended chosen family that wants the best for me, and I, for them. These connections of warmth and love fill my heart the food never could.Living in the truth. Accountability. This one is hard, but necessary. I have had to take responsibility for the way I exercise, the way I eat, the way I operate in the world. I am not the victim of my own actions, and I now realize that I control what goes in my mouth. I didn't

become morbidly obese by having someone tie me down and force feed me. Becoming accountable and living in the truth has meant that I've had to part ways with some friends and with my former partner of 11 years. It's been heart-wrenching at times, but if I hadn't taken those leaps of faith into the abyss, I'd never have known the joy I know now. I love this quote: "When you come to the edge of all the light you know and are about to step into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing that one of two things will happen: there will be solid ground for you to stand on, or you will be taught to fly." (Author unknown) Living in the truth requires that we take risks. We think that if we make our needs known, we will be forever wanting. I've found it to be the opposite. The more you require of those to live up to your standards, the more they conform. Or if not, well, then

it's time to move on and make some changes. I may end up on my own, but it's far preferable than living in relation to another person who does not feed my soul or allow me to feed his.It's been important for me to have connections with people where it has nothing to do with weight loss surgery because making connections on a personal spirit-to-spirit level is important regardless of my own WLS process. And yet, it has everything to do with my weight loss surgery journey because I never would have had the courage to reach out for that acceptance had I not been transformed by this process. Rev. Penny of my church has spoken of one of the most important struggles of our time, when so often we are filled with fear, meaninglessness and despair. Our struggle is one of hope vs. cynicism. We are called upon to cultivate hope and reject cynicism.And so my vow is to never give up hope, hope for a better life.

That hope keeps me centered and positive. That hope feeds my faith that I am part of a larger community and allows me to see the humanity in all faces—even in those who are not like me and in those who hate me because I am gay. So I will continue to hope. I will continue strive to ensure that my hope is not empty. I will turn that hope into positive action toward myself and others. My hope is that I will touch lives and uplift others in ways that others have uplifted me.All these things together have helped me to fill that gaping void that I tried to stuff with food. Overall, the answer is love—the love I give myself, and I show that love to me by following the eating and exercise guidelines, not because I "have to" but because I "want to." I deserve the best care I can give myself. I also expect people to respect my boundaries. I no longer care if everyone likes me (particularly at work), but

you better believe that they respect me. I know now that I deserve this success. I deserve this wonderful miracle. And so do all of us here. And now it is my responsibility to make my little corner of the world better. I cannot live in an empty thankfulness. I have to turn my gratitude into positive action, however slight, to make even just one person's day a little brighter or ease their burden just a little.If we all just did that one little act of kindness everyday, how much better would the world be?And so, through love, the void is filled. Through love I have been transformed. It's as simple and complex as that.I hope this makes sense.Francisco Donna JordonDSJordon@...__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Francisco,

I do not write often, but I read all the postings I am so happy to

read this you are just wonderful you write so well. all of it makes

so much sense and I do feel that void to I am 35 yrs old in the

process of getting my surgery and cant wait to be there I have to

loose my 10% and reading postings like this gets me more motivated.

Thank you I hope I can meet you one day you are an inspiration.

Karla

>

> As I mentioned Lilka, I've been thinking about how to fill that

void—

> the void we've all tried to fill with food.

>

> There are several things that, for me, have been key. I still have

> to work on them even after losing 153 lbs and being at goal for

over

> a year.

>

> Reprogramming my negative tapes. I've had to become aware of how

> natural my internal put-downs were. I always said horrible things

to

> myself: I'm so fat, I'm a cow, Who could love me? You're

> disgusting. Etc., etc., etc… At first it felt strange to say

> positive things to myself. I started by looking at old photos and

> saying, " I love you. You deserve the best. You are worthy of all

my

> best efforts and love. " And I said it over and over until

something

> bizarre happened. I began to believe it, and I turned that belief

> into positive action. Turning around those negative tapes has made

> it possible to me to do things I never believed I could, like

running

> 13.1 miles to complete the National AIDS half marathon.

>

> As wise man one said, " You absolutely generate in your life the

> outcomes that you believe you deserve and if you don't believe that

> you deserve every good thing that comes into your life, you will

> sabotage yourself at every step of way… "

>

> Appreciating the little joys from heaven. All around us there are

> moments of magic and beauty. All we have to do is look for them.

> Last week, I was walking around Lake Merritt in Oakland. I was

> enjoying all the beauty around me, and then something made me look

> up. There it was in the n style street lamp. The amber

> glass contained a burning flame, a slow burning torch whose flames

> lapped upward, dissipating into nothing, flowing like shooting

stars

> with arching trails of sparkles behind them. For a moment I

thought

> I was seeing something like a burning bush, some sort of mystical

> moment, and so I stayed there mesmerized by this sight, letting the

> beauty soak into me. " Thank you God for this gift, " I said

silently

> to myself. Then I wanted to figure out how I was seeing this

flame,

> which clearly did not exist. And I figured it out: the angle of

the

> sun, coupled with the strength of the wind on the lake caused

> reflective ripples whose reflection I was seeing in the amber glass

> of the lamp. Mystery solved, right? But not exactly. There still

> was something special in that moment because I had to be walking at

> the right time of day, in the right angle of the sun, with the

right

> wind speed to cause the effect. AND I had to be looking at the

right

> place. My point is, there are gifts from God or the Divine or

Nature

> or the Universe that are present all around us. If you open

yourself

> to finding them and taking just a quiet moment to let the beauty

soak

> into your being, you will be nourished in a way that a piece of

cake

> cannot. If I hadn't learned the technique of actively looking for

> these little gifts, I would never have noticed it. No one else on

> the trail noticed it; they were too busy talking on cell phones or

> jogging or listening to their i-pods.

>

> Savoring every success. Every time we have a success, no matter

how

> big or small, we need to acknowledge it, not just say, " I only lost

1

> lb this week. " Losing one pound is a milestone because losing one

> pound is the ONLY way to lose one hundred. Every little success is

> the building block of a bigger success. If the Egyptians (and the

> Jews) had given up on building the Pyramids because one tiny stone

> didn't fit right, how would that enduring miracle of human efforts

> still be there? You are your own miracle in the making, but you

have

> to believe that you can do it. As the song says, " Who knows what

> miracles you can achieve? You will when you believe. " I've had to

> stop belittling my accomplishments and take stock of how far I've

> come. I say to myself, " If it were anyone else losing one pound,

I'd

> be jumping up and down. " Why is it that we have such difficulty

> celebrating how wonderful we all are? Don't we deserve to be happy

> for ourselves? The answer is a resounding yes.

>

> Forgiving every failure. The basic point here is to not beat

> ourselves up for being imperfect. You fall down. You dust

yourself

> off, and then you resolve in that moment, to get back on the path

and

> keep your eye on the goal. Refocusing after a fall is important.

> The sooner you refocus, the less damage that will be done. We have

> to get out of that " I'll-start-again-next-Monday " mindset. Forgive

> the failure and refocus that very instant. It ain't easy, but it

> gets easier with practice.

>

> Connections. My pastor once said, " Therapy will only get you so

> far. It's community that heals you. " I found this to be so true.

> That's why I joined my gay square dancing group. There is joy in

> moving to the music, in laughing with good friends, in supporting

> each other. " But I wouldn't have that now if I hadn't joined,

gotten

> past my own shyness, and just let myself be Francisco, not

Francisco-

> WLS-patient. I also view my church in that way. You get out of it

> what you put in. I now have people who smile when they see me, and

> I'm happy to see them too. Hugs and kisses with my fellow

> parishioners (a tradition in my church) do so much to warm the

soul.

> I have this extended chosen family that wants the best for me, and

I,

> for them. These connections of warmth and love fill my heart the

> food never could.

>

> Living in the truth. Accountability. This one is hard, but

> necessary. I have had to take responsibility for the way I

exercise,

> the way I eat, the way I operate in the world. I am not the victim

> of my own actions, and I now realize that I control what goes in my

> mouth. I didn't become morbidly obese by having someone tie me

down

> and force feed me. Becoming accountable and living in the truth

has

> meant that I've had to part ways with some friends and with my

former

> partner of 11 years. It's been heart-wrenching at times, but if I

> hadn't taken those leaps of faith into the abyss, I'd never have

> known the joy I know now. I love this quote: " When you come to

the

> edge of all the light you know and are about to step into the

> darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing that one of two things

will

> happen: there will be solid ground for you to stand on, or you will

> be taught to fly. " (Author unknown) Living in the truth requires

> that we take risks. We think that if we make our needs known, we

> will be forever wanting. I've found it to be the opposite. The

more

> you require of those to live up to your standards, the more they

> conform. Or if not, well, then it's time to move on and make some

> changes. I may end up on my own, but it's far preferable than

living

> in relation to another person who does not feed my soul or allow me

> to feed his.

>

> It's been important for me to have connections with people where it

> has nothing to do with weight loss surgery because making

connections

> on a personal spirit-to-spirit level is important regardless of my

> own WLS process. And yet, it has everything to do with my weight

loss

> surgery journey because I never would have had the courage to reach

> out for that acceptance had I not been transformed by this

process.

> Rev. Penny of my church has spoken of one of the most important

> struggles of our time, when so often we are filled with fear,

> meaninglessness and despair. Our struggle is one of hope vs.

> cynicism. We are called upon to cultivate hope and reject cynicism.

>

> And so my vow is to never give up hope, hope for a better life.

That

> hope keeps me centered and positive. That hope feeds my faith that

I

> am part of a larger community and allows me to see the humanity in

> all faces—even in those who are not like me and in those who hate

me

> because I am gay. So I will continue to hope. I will continue

strive

> to ensure that my hope is not empty. I will turn that hope into

> positive action toward myself and others. My hope is that I will

> touch lives and uplift others in ways that others have uplifted me.

>

> All these things together have helped me to fill that gaping void

> that I tried to stuff with food. Overall, the answer is love—the

> love I give myself, and I show that love to me by following the

> eating and exercise guidelines, not because I " have to " but because

> I " want to. " I deserve the best care I can give myself. I also

> expect people to respect my boundaries. I no longer care if

everyone

> likes me (particularly at work), but you better believe that they

> respect me. I know now that I deserve this success. I deserve

this

> wonderful miracle. And so do all of us here. And now it is my

> responsibility to make my little corner of the world better. I

> cannot live in an empty thankfulness. I have to turn my gratitude

> into positive action, however slight, to make even just one

person's

> day a little brighter or ease their burden just a little.

>

> If we all just did that one little act of kindness everyday, how

much

> better would the world be?

>

> And so, through love, the void is filled. Through love I have been

> transformed. It's as simple and complex as that.

>

> I hope this makes sense.

>

> Francisco

>

[Guest guest]

I concur reading this is like reading something out of

a book.

--- Karla Henriquez wrote:

> Francisco,

> I do not write often, but I read all the postings I

> am so happy to

> read this you are just wonderful you write so well.

> all of it makes

> so much sense and I do feel that void to I am 35 yrs

> old in the

> process of getting my surgery and cant wait to be

> there I have to

> loose my 10% and reading postings like this gets me

> more motivated.

> Thank you I hope I can meet you one day you are an

> inspiration.

> Karla

>

>

>

> >

> > As I mentioned Lilka, I've been thinking about how

> to fill that

> void—

> > the void we've all tried to fill with food.

> >

> > There are several things that, for me, have been

> key. I still have

> > to work on them even after losing 153 lbs and

> being at goal for

> over

> > a year.

> >

> > Reprogramming my negative tapes. I've had to

> become aware of how

> > natural my internal put-downs were. I always said

> horrible things

> to

> > myself: I'm so fat, I'm a cow, Who could love me?

> You're

> > disgusting. Etc., etc., etc… At first it felt

> strange to say

> > positive things to myself. I started by looking

> at old photos and

> > saying, " I love you. You deserve the best. You

> are worthy of all

> my

> > best efforts and love. " And I said it over and

> over until

> something

> > bizarre happened. I began to believe it, and I

> turned that belief

> > into positive action. Turning around those

> negative tapes has made

> > it possible to me to do things I never believed I

> could, like

> running

> > 13.1 miles to complete the National AIDS half

> marathon.

> >

> > As wise man one said, " You absolutely generate in

> your life the

> > outcomes that you believe you deserve and if you

> don't believe that

> > you deserve every good thing that comes into your

> life, you will

> > sabotage yourself at every step of way… "

> >

> > Appreciating the little joys from heaven. All

> around us there are

> > moments of magic and beauty. All we have to do is

> look for them.

> > Last week, I was walking around Lake Merritt in

> Oakland. I was

> > enjoying all the beauty around me, and then

> something made me look

> > up. There it was in the n style street

> lamp. The amber

> > glass contained a burning flame, a slow burning

> torch whose flames

> > lapped upward, dissipating into nothing, flowing

> like shooting

> stars

> > with arching trails of sparkles behind them. For

> a moment I

> thought

> > I was seeing something like a burning bush, some

> sort of mystical

> > moment, and so I stayed there mesmerized by this

> sight, letting the

> > beauty soak into me. " Thank you God for this

> gift, " I said

> silently

> > to myself. Then I wanted to figure out how I was

> seeing this

> flame,

> > which clearly did not exist. And I figured it

> out: the angle of

> the

> > sun, coupled with the strength of the wind on the

> lake caused

> > reflective ripples whose reflection I was seeing

> in the amber glass

> > of the lamp. Mystery solved, right? But not

> exactly. There still

> > was something special in that moment because I had

> to be walking at

> > the right time of day, in the right angle of the

> sun, with the

> right

> > wind speed to cause the effect. AND I had to be

> looking at the

> right

> > place. My point is, there are gifts from God or

> the Divine or

> Nature

> > or the Universe that are present all around us.

> If you open

> yourself

> > to finding them and taking just a quiet moment to

> let the beauty

> soak

> > into your being, you will be nourished in a way

> that a piece of

> cake

> > cannot. If I hadn't learned the technique of

> actively looking for

> > these little gifts, I would never have noticed it.

> No one else on

> > the trail noticed it; they were too busy talking

> on cell phones or

> > jogging or listening to their i-pods.

> >

> > Savoring every success. Every time we have a

> success, no matter

> how

> > big or small, we need to acknowledge it, not just

> say, " I only lost

> 1

> > lb this week. " Losing one pound is a milestone

> because losing one

> > pound is the ONLY way to lose one hundred. Every

> little success is

> > the building block of a bigger success. If the

> Egyptians (and the

> > Jews) had given up on building the Pyramids

> because one tiny stone

> > didn't fit right, how would that enduring miracle

> of human efforts

> > still be there? You are your own miracle in the

> making, but you

> have

> > to believe that you can do it. As the song says,

> " Who knows what

> > miracles you can achieve? You will when you

> believe. " I've had to

> > stop belittling my accomplishments and take stock

> of how far I've

> > come. I say to myself, " If it were anyone else

> losing one pound,

> I'd

> > be jumping up and down. " Why is it that we have

> such difficulty

> > celebrating how wonderful we all are? Don't we

> deserve to be happy

> > for ourselves? The answer is a resounding yes.

> >

> > Forgiving every failure. The basic point here is

> to not beat

> > ourselves up for being imperfect. You fall down.

> You dust

> yourself

> > off, and then you resolve in that moment, to get

> back on the path

> and

> > keep your eye on the goal. Refocusing after a

> fall is important.

> > The sooner you refocus, the less damage that will

> be done. We have

> > to get out of that " I'll-start-again-next-Monday "

> mindset. Forgive

> > the failure and refocus that very instant. It

> ain't easy, but it

> > gets easier with practice.

> >

> > Connections. My pastor once said, " Therapy will

> only get you so

> > far. It's community that heals you. " I found

> this to be so true.

> > That's why I joined my gay square dancing group.

> There is joy in

> > moving to the music, in laughing with good

> friends, in supporting

> > each other. " But I wouldn't have that now if I

> hadn't joined,

> gotten

> > past my own shyness, and just let myself be

> Francisco, not

> Francisco-

> > WLS-patient. I also view my church in that way.

> You get out of it

> > what you put in. I now have people who smile when

> they

=== message truncated ===

__________________________________________________