Re: Two victories and some stuff/graphic do not read if easily offended

[Guest guest]

Thanks Lilka

I worry about my daughter too, she is 19 and not that interested in

dating, she is in school to become a medical assistant. She is

overweight, not morbidly(she is in an 18). She does sometimes say

that no one will ever love her..and my heart aches for her. She says

she just doesnt have what guys her age go for.

The sex with my hubby got few and almost nonexistant partly due to

my obesity. But it was my issue not his. Then he suffered two heart

attacks and most of his meds cause dysfunctions added with his own

embarrassment and frustration it became a problem. Here I was with a

new body and a very much increased libido and he was having these

problems. I started really letting him know when he pleased me and

really making sure I wasnt adding to his feelings of inadequacy.

Things are so much better. I mean, there are still times he has

problems(dysfunction and premature) but he is finding very

interesting ways to still make sure are enjoyable. He is opening up

and not being so uptight. We are working on it together. I think

this is what has added up to his insecurities about me leaving him.

He felt he wasnt good enough. But we have really come to a new level

of intimacy and he is finally opening up to me and I too am learning

to listen and be patient. Part of this journey makes us selfish and

I for awhile operated under the illusion that just because I was

changing he must change to. That he had to change everything and

become the perfect person that I wanted him to be. I had to realize

that I married him like he is. Yes, there are areas he can change,

areas that he cant and on those we reach a compromise. So, things

are better than they have been in a long time. Sex is better, not

because Im thinner, but because we are working on it together...Im

being more compassionate about what he is going thru and how it

affects a man mentally as well as physically and he is learning new

ways to please me. Our communication is better. Our relationship as

a whole is better.

>

> Thank you so much, . This note is making me so happy. When I

did

> my research, I began to wonder if we turn our husbands off

because we

> are so fat or if we are so fat because our husbands have their own

> sexual disfunctions. Everyone always wants to blame the fat one. I

am

> not so sure. It is a very hard nut to crack because in our

society, we

> always assume that " no man could be attracted to a fat woman " Of

> course, that is not true at all but even the men who are attracted

do

> not show up very often. My 21 year old daughter has never had a

> boyfriend. She gave up flirting years ago. She is large and tall.

I

> fear for her all the time. Anyway, now you have lost 165. No more

> excuses. Thank you for being so open and honest, dear friend. I

love

> you. Lilka

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks Lilka

I worry about my daughter too, she is 19 and not that interested in

dating, she is in school to become a medical assistant. She is

overweight, not morbidly(she is in an 18). She does sometimes say

that no one will ever love her..and my heart aches for her. She says

she just doesnt have what guys her age go for.

The sex with my hubby got few and almost nonexistant partly due to

my obesity. But it was my issue not his. Then he suffered two heart

attacks and most of his meds cause dysfunctions added with his own

embarrassment and frustration it became a problem. Here I was with a

new body and a very much increased libido and he was having these

problems. I started really letting him know when he pleased me and

really making sure I wasnt adding to his feelings of inadequacy.

Things are so much better. I mean, there are still times he has

problems(dysfunction and premature) but he is finding very

interesting ways to still make sure are enjoyable. He is opening up

and not being so uptight. We are working on it together. I think

this is what has added up to his insecurities about me leaving him.

He felt he wasnt good enough. But we have really come to a new level

of intimacy and he is finally opening up to me and I too am learning

to listen and be patient. Part of this journey makes us selfish and

I for awhile operated under the illusion that just because I was

changing he must change to. That he had to change everything and

become the perfect person that I wanted him to be. I had to realize

that I married him like he is. Yes, there are areas he can change,

areas that he cant and on those we reach a compromise. So, things

are better than they have been in a long time. Sex is better, not

because Im thinner, but because we are working on it together...Im

being more compassionate about what he is going thru and how it

affects a man mentally as well as physically and he is learning new

ways to please me. Our communication is better. Our relationship as

a whole is better.

>

> Thank you so much, . This note is making me so happy. When I

did

> my research, I began to wonder if we turn our husbands off

because we

> are so fat or if we are so fat because our husbands have their own

> sexual disfunctions. Everyone always wants to blame the fat one. I

am

> not so sure. It is a very hard nut to crack because in our

society, we

> always assume that " no man could be attracted to a fat woman " Of

> course, that is not true at all but even the men who are attracted

do

> not show up very often. My 21 year old daughter has never had a

> boyfriend. She gave up flirting years ago. She is large and tall.

I

> fear for her all the time. Anyway, now you have lost 165. No more

> excuses. Thank you for being so open and honest, dear friend. I

love

> you. Lilka

>