Guest guest Posted January 17, 2006 Report Share Posted January 17, 2006 Yea! I am so happy to see what you look like. I need to post a picture of myself but as I said, I have not found the right picture. A lot came up for me seeing your picture. The cozy bear like man in the first picture felt like home. Here was a man who would understand me and appreciate me. The second pictue was of an athletic man who would not even be my friend. I did not know I would have this reaction. My husband is the bear-like man right now. Warm and fuzzy and safe. I had no idea how much I have connected to looks. You look so unapproachable to me. My prejudices are showing. Someday soon I will be " athletic " looking too and maybe I will not feel so comfortable with myself. When I met my husband I was 29, he was 21. He looked very Slavic and fat did not play a part in our attraction. I had been to Weight Watchers and had kept my weight at about 130. Immediately, we began to both gain weight. We have continued to gain together until today when he is about 50 pounds more than me. It is safe and cuddly. It has not meant the greatest sex which I adore and he does not. I am concerned about what will happen between us when I lose even more weight. I would never recommend this operaton to him but I was hoping that he would just lose the weight with me. So far, that is not happening. Maybe I would be threatened by having an athletic husband. I am going to have to ponder this. Thanks so much for sharing your pictures. This is fun and profound. Hugs, Lilka Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 17, 2006 Report Share Posted January 17, 2006 Yea! I am so happy to see what you look like. I need to post a picture of myself but as I said, I have not found the right picture. A lot came up for me seeing your picture. The cozy bear like man in the first picture felt like home. Here was a man who would understand me and appreciate me. The second pictue was of an athletic man who would not even be my friend. I did not know I would have this reaction. My husband is the bear-like man right now. Warm and fuzzy and safe. I had no idea how much I have connected to looks. You look so unapproachable to me. My prejudices are showing. Someday soon I will be " athletic " looking too and maybe I will not feel so comfortable with myself. When I met my husband I was 29, he was 21. He looked very Slavic and fat did not play a part in our attraction. I had been to Weight Watchers and had kept my weight at about 130. Immediately, we began to both gain weight. We have continued to gain together until today when he is about 50 pounds more than me. It is safe and cuddly. It has not meant the greatest sex which I adore and he does not. I am concerned about what will happen between us when I lose even more weight. I would never recommend this operaton to him but I was hoping that he would just lose the weight with me. So far, that is not happening. Maybe I would be threatened by having an athletic husband. I am going to have to ponder this. Thanks so much for sharing your pictures. This is fun and profound. Hugs, Lilka Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 17, 2006 Report Share Posted January 17, 2006 Lilka: Your reaction to my pics is very interesting. I find it almost bizarre that you describe me as athletic because I've never felt that way, however, now when I'm running or lifting weight, I do feel strong; and I really enjoy somehow running on Saturday mornings and passing by the tourists. It interesting, last Saturday I went dancing with a friend. It was a typical packed (and I mean wall-to-wall people) Saturday night at the gay nightclub. There were good-looking men everywhere. Talk about eye candy. In the past, when I've gone to the bar to buy a bottle of water, the bar tender doesn't seem to notice me, but notices other " hot " guys. Last Saturday, however, I was feeling kinda daring, so I work a tight, sleeveless muscle shirt, showing off my increasing toned biceps and my tattoos. Last Saturday, however, the bartender not only noticed me, but on the second and third time I went to buy a bottle of water, he remembered what I wanted and got it to me before he took the order of guys who were there first. When I go square dancing, another interesting thing happens too. I never, ever have to wait long for someone to take my hand to dance (and I'm talking within 30 seconds). I'm kinda used to it now, but at first, my heart would soar because, like I've said before, part of me inside is still the little fat boy who no one wanted on their team. One guy I dated before (Philippe of the perfect first date) told me that I needed to be worshiped by thousands of men to boost my self- confidence. I disagree. I only need one. But this whole perceived physical attractiveness or being athletic is amazing. Sometimes I find it incredibly uncomfortable. Other times, I feel so alive when someone flirts with me. And when I think about it, currently I have three guys competing for my attention--a business developer and two doctors. How did that happen? Five years ago, if you would have asked me if I'd be single, in marathon training, living in San Francisco and dating a list of accomplished men, I would have said that you were crazy. Dr. Fisher once told me that I would have to get used to being treated differently. It is truly amazing how much things have changed because of the way I look. Upper management at work treats me with respect. I get hit on by attractive men. I get hit on by attractive women (which freaks me out a bit). I'm not invisible. But I wonder where it comes from? Do people treat me better because I look better? Or do I look better becuase I treat myself better. Hope this makes sense, Francisco > > Yea! I am so happy to see what you look like. I need to post a > picture of myself but as I said, I have not found the right picture. > A lot came up for me seeing your picture. The cozy bear like man in > the first picture felt like home. Here was a man who would > understand me and appreciate me. The second pictue was of an > athletic man who would not even be my friend. I did not know I would > have this reaction. My husband is the bear-like man right now. Warm > and fuzzy and safe. I had no idea how much I have connected to > looks. You look so unapproachable to me. My prejudices are showing. > Someday soon I will be " athletic " looking too and maybe I will not > feel so comfortable with myself. When I met my husband I was 29, he > was 21. He looked very Slavic and fat did not play a part in our > attraction. I had been to Weight Watchers and had kept my weight at > about 130. Immediately, we began to both gain weight. We have > continued to gain together until today when he is about 50 pounds > more than me. It is safe and cuddly. It has not meant the greatest > sex which I adore and he does not. I am concerned about what will > happen between us when I lose even more weight. I would never > recommend this operaton to him but I was hoping that he would just > lose the weight with me. So far, that is not happening. Maybe I > would be threatened by having an athletic husband. I am going to > have to ponder this. Thanks so much for sharing your pictures. This > is fun and profound. Hugs, Lilka > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 18, 2006 Report Share Posted January 18, 2006 Francisco I believe we get treated better because we look better sometimes, but us feeling better about ourself stands out and so we get treated better more often due to both. You take care. Donnamanisodream wrote: Lilka:Your reaction to my pics is very interesting.I find it almost bizarre that you describe me as athletic because I've never felt that way, however, now when I'm running or lifting weight, I do feel strong; and I really enjoy somehow running on Saturday mornings and passing by the tourists.It interesting, last Saturday I went dancing with a friend. It was a typical packed (and I mean wall-to-wall people) Saturday night at the gay nightclub. There were good-looking men everywhere. Talk about eye candy.In the past, when I've gone to the bar to buy a bottle of water, the bar tender doesn't seem to notice me, but notices other "hot" guys. Last Saturday, however, I was feeling kinda daring, so I work a tight, sleeveless muscle shirt, showing off my increasing toned biceps and my tattoos.Last Saturday, however, the bartender not only noticed me, but on the second and third time I went to buy a bottle of water, he remembered what I wanted and got it to me before he took the order of guys who were there first.When I go square dancing, another interesting thing happens too. I never, ever have to wait long for someone to take my hand to dance (and I'm talking within 30 seconds). I'm kinda used to it now, but at first, my heart would soar because, like I've said before, part of me inside is still the little fat boy who no one wanted on their team.One guy I dated before (Philippe of the perfect first date) told me that I needed to be worshiped by thousands of men to boost my self-confidence. I disagree. I only need one.But this whole perceived physical attractiveness or being athletic is amazing. Sometimes I find it incredibly uncomfortable. Other times, I feel so alive when someone flirts with me.And when I think about it, currently I have three guys competing for my attention--a business developer and two doctors. How did that happen?Five years ago, if you would have asked me if I'd be single, in marathon training, living in San Francisco and dating a list of accomplished men, I would have said that you were crazy.Dr. Fisher once told me that I would have to get used to being treated differently. It is truly amazing how much things have changed because of the way I look. Upper management at work treats me with respect. I get hit on by attractive men. I get hit on by attractive women (which freaks me out a bit). I'm not invisible.But I wonder where it comes from? Do people treat me better because I look better? Or do I look better becuase I treat myself better.Hope this makes sense,Francisco>> Yea! I am so happy to see what you look like. I need to post a > picture of myself but as I said, I have not found the right picture. > A lot came up for me seeing your picture. The cozy bear like man in > the first picture felt like home. Here was a man who would > understand me and appreciate me. The second pictue was of an > athletic man who would not even be my friend. I did not know I would > have this reaction. My husband is the bear-like man right now. Warm > and fuzzy and safe. I had no idea how much I have connected to > looks. You look so unapproachable to me. My prejudices are showing. > Someday soon I will be "athletic" looking too and maybe I will not > feel so comfortable with myself. When I met my husband I was 29, he > was 21. He looked very Slavic and fat did not play a part in our > attraction. I had been to Weight Watchers and had kept my weight at > about 130. Immediately, we began to both gain weight. We have > continued to gain together until today when he is about 50 pounds > more than me. It is safe and cuddly. It has not meant the greatest > sex which I adore and he does not. I am concerned about what will > happen between us when I lose even more weight. I would never > recommend this operaton to him but I was hoping that he would just > lose the weight with me. So far, that is not happening. Maybe I > would be threatened by having an athletic husband. I am going to > have to ponder this. Thanks so much for sharing your pictures. This > is fun and profound. Hugs, Lilka> Donna JordonDSJordon@... Yahoo! Photos Got holiday prints? See all the ways to get quality prints in your hands ASAP. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 18, 2006 Report Share Posted January 18, 2006 manisodream wrote: > But I wonder where it comes from? Do people treat me better because > I look better? Or do I look better becuase I treat myself better. One other possibility. I think a large part of why people treat you better is that you feel better about yourself. Because you feel better, you radiate, for lack of a better word. I know it's before your time (you young whippersnapper you) but did you ever see the Star Trek (original) episode called Mudd's Women? The basic idea was that a con man was taking some beautiful women to a mining planet so they could become the wives of the miners. Supposedly they had taken some drug that made them so beautiful. Well, it turned out that the drug was a fake, but the women FELT beautiful, so they were. I have read several times people being annoyed at suddenly getting attention from others, when they would have been ignored before. Usually they're asking " Aren't I the same person I was before I lost the weight? Why didn't they pay attention before? " The answer is NO. They (and you and I) AREN'T the same person. We feel different about ourselves. We carry ourselves differently. We are more willing to meet someone's eyes. We're more willing to wear the more attractive outfits. Would you have worn that muscle shirt when you weighed twice as much? Would I wear a slinky revealing RED dress? I think not. So here's to feeling better about ourselves! Oh, and you're STILL a tasty morsel! -- Eleanor Oster eleanor@... (personal address) www.smallboxes.com/gastricbypass.htm San , CA Open RNY (100 cm bypassed) 07/15/2003 P. Fisher, M.D., Kaiser Richmond (CA) ~5'9 " tall 05/09/2003 319 Orientation 07/15/2003 ~290 Surgery Current 157±2 Goal until plastics? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 18, 2006 Report Share Posted January 18, 2006 Eleanor, what you wrote before reminded me of something I'd almost forgotten. I've been " fat " my entire life - since at least third grade. But as we all know, " fat " is an elastic term that can mean a lot of different things. Right now, from the perspective of 340+ lbs, I would dearly love to be as " fat " as I was in my college years (about 200-210). But in high school I FELT fat, and DRESSED fat, and so people treated me as fat. Somewhere along the way a couple of things happened that made me begin to look at myself differently. I started dressing more stylishly, I started going dancing, I went on walk-a-thons (back when they were a full 26 miles!). I got a life. . . including a social life. . . because I was treating MYSELF as if I was capable, interesting, and worthwhile. I used to have a slinky, revealing red dress such as the one you mentioned - and I looked voluptuous in it! And other people treated me the way I treated myself. I had one friend who learned my actual weight tell me, " Cathy, you're the thinnest fat person I know! " She went on to explain that most of her other " fat " acquaintances dressed and acted much differently than I did, even though she KNEW that some of them were quite a bit thinner than I was. Now, of course, I am feeling every pound - and acting as fat as those people she was talking about. Why? Because I hurt. I'm DIS-abled by my weight. And the disability has affected my view of myself. For me, the greatest goal I have for this surgery is regaining my own view of myself as a confident and capable woman who can control my own life. The pounds don't matter, except as steps on that journey. Cathy C. > I have read several times people being annoyed at suddenly getting > attention from others, when they would have been ignored before. Usually > they're asking " Aren't I the same person I was before I lost the weight? > Why didn't they pay attention before? " The answer is NO. They (and you > and I) AREN'T the same person. We feel different about ourselves. We > carry ourselves differently. We are more willing to meet someone's eyes. > We're more willing to wear the more attractive outfits. Would you have > worn that muscle shirt when you weighed twice as much? Would I wear a > slinky revealing RED dress? I think not. > > So here's to feeling better about ourselves! Oh, and you're STILL a > tasty morsel! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 18, 2006 Report Share Posted January 18, 2006 Glad I could help you remember that. I look forward to seeing your progress on the journey back to life. You're right, the pounds don't matter, except as steps or obstacles! Cathy wrote: > Eleanor, what you wrote before reminded me of something I'd almost > forgotten. > > I've been " fat " my entire life - since at least third grade. But as > we all know, " fat " is an elastic term that can mean a lot of > different things. Right now, from the perspective of 340+ lbs, I > would dearly love to be as " fat " as I was in my college years (about > 200-210). But in high school I FELT fat, and DRESSED fat, and so > people treated me as fat. > > Somewhere along the way a couple of things happened that made me > begin to look at myself differently. I started dressing more > stylishly, I started going dancing, I went on walk-a-thons (back when > they were a full 26 miles!). I got a life. . . including a social > life. . . because I was treating MYSELF as if I was capable, > interesting, and worthwhile. I used to have a slinky, revealing red > dress such as the one you mentioned - and I looked voluptuous in it! > And other people treated me the way I treated myself. I had one > friend who learned my actual weight tell me, " Cathy, you're the > thinnest fat person I know! " She went on to explain that most of her > other " fat " acquaintances dressed and acted much differently than I > did, even though she KNEW that some of them were quite a bit thinner > than I was. > > Now, of course, I am feeling every pound - and acting as fat as those > people she was talking about. Why? Because I hurt. I'm DIS-abled by > my weight. And the disability has affected my view of myself. For me, > the greatest goal I have for this surgery is regaining my own view of > myself as a confident and capable woman who can control my own life. > The pounds don't matter, except as steps on that journey. -- Eleanor Oster eleanor@... (personal address) www.smallboxes.com/gastricbypass.htm San , CA Open RNY (100 cm bypassed) 07/15/2003 P. Fisher, M.D., Kaiser Richmond (CA) ~5'9 " tall 05/09/2003 319 Orientation 07/15/2003 ~290 Surgery Current 157±2 Goal until plastics? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 18, 2006 Report Share Posted January 18, 2006 Eleanor--I love your Star Trek example. Francisco, I agree, that it's probably the way you carry yourself. You feel healthier, so you are a happier personl. It also may be the way you look that gets their attention, but your personality has to be what keeps them. I love reaing your posts, you sound so happy with your life, and I hope everything stays good in your life. --Sandi. (sorry I've been off this board since September, but now my daughter is married, the holidays are past and I'm trying to get back on track, I hope to keep up with this group.) --Sandi. > > > But I wonder where it comes from? Do people treat me better because I look better? Or do I look better becuase I treat myself better. > > One other possibility. I think a large part of why people treat you better is that you feel better about yourself. Because you feel better, you radiate, for lack of a better word. > > I know it's before your time (you young whippersnapper you) but did you ever see the Star Trek (original) episode called Mudd's Women? The basic idea was that a con man was taking some beautiful women to a mining planet so they could become the wives of the miners. Supposedly they had taken some drug that made them so beautiful. Well, it turned out that the drug was a fake, but the women FELT beautiful, so they were. > > I have read several times people being annoyed at suddenly getting > attention from others, when they would have been ignored before. Usually they're asking " Aren't I the same person I was before I lost the weight? > Why didn't they pay attention before? " The answer is NO. They (and you and I) AREN'T the same person. We feel different about ourselves. We carry ourselves differently. We are more willing to meet someone's eyes. > We're more willing to wear the more attractive outfits. Would you have worn that muscle shirt when you weighed twice as much? Would I wear a slinky revealing RED dress? I think not. > > So here's to feeling better about ourselves! Oh, and you're STILL a tasty morsel! > > -- > Eleanor Oster > eleanor@s... (personal address) > www.smallboxes.com/gastricbypass.htm > San , CA > Open RNY (100 cm bypassed) 07/15/2003 > P. Fisher, M.D., Kaiser Richmond (CA) > ~5'9 " tall > 05/09/2003 319 Orientation > 07/15/2003 ~290 Surgery > Current 157±2 Goal until plastics? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 18, 2006 Report Share Posted January 18, 2006 Cathy, great post. You have a fabulous outlook, goals, and expectations. laurie __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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