Guest guest Posted January 14, 2006 Report Share Posted January 14, 2006 Hey Francisco, maybe sometime, even if not right now, the two of you can be friends. One of the things I respect about my husband is the number of former lovers he is still friends, or at least friendly (in a non-sexual way) with. He was somewhat surprised that I was so okay with that when we first got together. I pointed out that they were no threat to me. If things were going to work out with these other women, he wouldn't be with me. So we can both appreciate them as people. We even had both his ex-wives at our wedding, as well as a former lover of mine! I really love your emotional honesty, and the way you combine your need for boundaries with being so open and letting us " see " you. Thank you! manisodream wrote: >Hello everyone: > >Zach, my ex and I met last night to settle the terms of our divorce. >It's not a divorce in the eyes of the law, but in my heart, I know >that I'm hurting. > >Last night was actually pleasant. Dare I say that we had a good >time? There were so many times during the night that my memories >were stirred—the memories of 11 years together. > >We met a 1 Post Street, across the street from Crocker Galleria. >That address is Zach's old office. Just like he no longer works >there, we are no longer a couple. We saw each other from across the >street, and there was an awkward hello, each of us not knowing >whether to shake hands or hug. So we did neither. > >We walked to Kearny to catch the 15 to North Beach, but there was a >water main break, and the traffic was a mess. We waited and waited. >Zach, a native of Taiwan, said, " There's the Orient Express, " making >reference to the 30 line that goes right through the heart of China >Town. I laughed, " Did you make up that name? " He said, " No, all my >native San Franciscan co-workers know it by that name. " > >After another 15 minutes with traffic even more snarled, we got on >an " Orient Express " and got off at Columbus and Stockton, where China >Town meets Little Italy. We crossed Columbus to catch the 15, but >right behind us was " Z. Cioccolato—the Sweetest Place in North >Beach. " By this time, Zach and I were more at ease, the conversation >flowing between us easily. I noticed that our senses of humor were >still in synch, and we still knew just how to make the other laugh. >That collection of 11 years of shared experiences—that deep >connection—is, I now realize, what I miss the most. I miss that >unspoken understanding that couples develop, the shared language that >only those two share. > >We entered Z. Cioccolato and the woman who, two nights prior, had >helped me pick out and wrap Chip's gift (the white chocolate chip >macadamia nut fudge) recognized me. I said to her, " He loved the >fudge. " She said, " I enjoyed wrapping it! The chocolate lips in the >bow was a great suggestion. " By this time, Zach was looking at the >display of some 30-odd different types of fudge, and at Z. >Cioccolato, they let you sample before you buy. He bought vanilla, >maple and tiger band (caramel, vanilla, chocolate and peanut >butter). It was actually like old times, shopping together, talking >and laughing. > >When we finally got to my place, I had my dinner while Zach watched a >tape of Saturday Night Live and spent time petting and playing with >our kitty, Nandito. He spoke softly and tenderly to Nandito in >Chinese, all that loving, little baby talk that I hadn't heard in >such a long time. He called him by his Chinese name, Xiao Lao Hu— >Little Tiger. And then I heard him say in English, " Daddy misses >you. Do you miss Daddy? " I could see from where I was that Nandito >was resting his head on Zach's thigh, looking up at him. " You >haven't forgotten me, have you, Xiao Lao Hu? " I could hear Nandito >purring the loud and rumbling purr of a happy cat. > >Eva Longoria was the host of Saturday Night Live, and here's where >our new, separate lives came into the picture. Zach >watches " Desperate Housewives. " I've never seen the show, and I >didn't know that he watches it. > >Nandito decided to use the litter box for number two. I >said, " That's his new trick. He waits until I come home to do that. >It never fails. He must hold it all day. " Just then, as the >Littermaid Litterbox started making its noises to clean itself, Eva >Longoria was doing a fake commercial, talking about a joke product >called " Firmium, the best diarrhea medicine in Hollywood. " She >talked about how, as a Hollywood Star, it was important not to " let >your fudgy hostages free " and the difficulties with " chocolate >drizzles. " By this time, Zach and I were laughing hard. > >Nandito had just stunk up the place, and here was this beautiful >woman on TV joking about diarrhea. She was trying not to laugh as >the audience went wild with laughter. Then she said, " During almost >the entire first season of Desperate Housewives, I was human espresso >machine. " And she went on the say that it's difficult to do a sexy >love scene when you're afraid of releasing your chocolate submarines. > >We were laughing so hard that Zach had to get out his inhaler. > >I dropped Zach off in Japantown, one our old haunts. As I watched >him cross the street in my rearview mirror, I wondered, " Will he be >having dinner at Osakaya? Will he be eating alone? " And then I >couldn't see him anymore, and I was jolted back into the >present. " It's none of my business anymore, " I said to myself as I >drove off. > >I was glad to know that Zach is doing well, that he's managed quite >well without me. As the former care-taker, people pleaser that I had >always been, I was riddled with guilt when I had finally broke things >off. I worried about how he would make it without me. I worried >about how I would make it without him. We've both come out the other >end of all that pain and suffering still liking each other, but >knowing that our lives needed to go in different directions. > >I still love him, and I always will in a way. I wish him the best, >and I'm glad that, while painful, the truth is that we are better >apart. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do for someone is to >let them go. > >I really need to go for a run to clear my head. > >Thanks for reading. > -- Eleanor Oster eleanor@... (personal address) www.smallboxes.com/gastricbypass.htm San , CA Open RNY (100 cm bypassed) 07/15/2003 P. Fisher, M.D., Kaiser Richmond (CA) ~5'9 " tall 05/09/2003 319 Orientation 07/15/2003 ~290 Surgery Current 157±2 Goal until plastics? 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Guest guest Posted January 14, 2006 Report Share Posted January 14, 2006 Hey Francisco, maybe sometime, even if not right now, the two of you can be friends. One of the things I respect about my husband is the number of former lovers he is still friends, or at least friendly (in a non-sexual way) with. He was somewhat surprised that I was so okay with that when we first got together. I pointed out that they were no threat to me. If things were going to work out with these other women, he wouldn't be with me. So we can both appreciate them as people. We even had both his ex-wives at our wedding, as well as a former lover of mine! I really love your emotional honesty, and the way you combine your need for boundaries with being so open and letting us " see " you. Thank you! manisodream wrote: >Hello everyone: > >Zach, my ex and I met last night to settle the terms of our divorce. >It's not a divorce in the eyes of the law, but in my heart, I know >that I'm hurting. > >Last night was actually pleasant. Dare I say that we had a good >time? There were so many times during the night that my memories >were stirred—the memories of 11 years together. > >We met a 1 Post Street, across the street from Crocker Galleria. >That address is Zach's old office. Just like he no longer works >there, we are no longer a couple. We saw each other from across the >street, and there was an awkward hello, each of us not knowing >whether to shake hands or hug. So we did neither. > >We walked to Kearny to catch the 15 to North Beach, but there was a >water main break, and the traffic was a mess. We waited and waited. >Zach, a native of Taiwan, said, " There's the Orient Express, " making >reference to the 30 line that goes right through the heart of China >Town. I laughed, " Did you make up that name? " He said, " No, all my >native San Franciscan co-workers know it by that name. " > >After another 15 minutes with traffic even more snarled, we got on >an " Orient Express " and got off at Columbus and Stockton, where China >Town meets Little Italy. We crossed Columbus to catch the 15, but >right behind us was " Z. Cioccolato—the Sweetest Place in North >Beach. " By this time, Zach and I were more at ease, the conversation >flowing between us easily. I noticed that our senses of humor were >still in synch, and we still knew just how to make the other laugh. >That collection of 11 years of shared experiences—that deep >connection—is, I now realize, what I miss the most. I miss that >unspoken understanding that couples develop, the shared language that >only those two share. > >We entered Z. Cioccolato and the woman who, two nights prior, had >helped me pick out and wrap Chip's gift (the white chocolate chip >macadamia nut fudge) recognized me. I said to her, " He loved the >fudge. " She said, " I enjoyed wrapping it! The chocolate lips in the >bow was a great suggestion. " By this time, Zach was looking at the >display of some 30-odd different types of fudge, and at Z. >Cioccolato, they let you sample before you buy. He bought vanilla, >maple and tiger band (caramel, vanilla, chocolate and peanut >butter). It was actually like old times, shopping together, talking >and laughing. > >When we finally got to my place, I had my dinner while Zach watched a >tape of Saturday Night Live and spent time petting and playing with >our kitty, Nandito. He spoke softly and tenderly to Nandito in >Chinese, all that loving, little baby talk that I hadn't heard in >such a long time. He called him by his Chinese name, Xiao Lao Hu— >Little Tiger. And then I heard him say in English, " Daddy misses >you. Do you miss Daddy? " I could see from where I was that Nandito >was resting his head on Zach's thigh, looking up at him. " You >haven't forgotten me, have you, Xiao Lao Hu? " I could hear Nandito >purring the loud and rumbling purr of a happy cat. > >Eva Longoria was the host of Saturday Night Live, and here's where >our new, separate lives came into the picture. Zach >watches " Desperate Housewives. " I've never seen the show, and I >didn't know that he watches it. > >Nandito decided to use the litter box for number two. I >said, " That's his new trick. He waits until I come home to do that. >It never fails. He must hold it all day. " Just then, as the >Littermaid Litterbox started making its noises to clean itself, Eva >Longoria was doing a fake commercial, talking about a joke product >called " Firmium, the best diarrhea medicine in Hollywood. " She >talked about how, as a Hollywood Star, it was important not to " let >your fudgy hostages free " and the difficulties with " chocolate >drizzles. " By this time, Zach and I were laughing hard. > >Nandito had just stunk up the place, and here was this beautiful >woman on TV joking about diarrhea. She was trying not to laugh as >the audience went wild with laughter. Then she said, " During almost >the entire first season of Desperate Housewives, I was human espresso >machine. " And she went on the say that it's difficult to do a sexy >love scene when you're afraid of releasing your chocolate submarines. > >We were laughing so hard that Zach had to get out his inhaler. > >I dropped Zach off in Japantown, one our old haunts. As I watched >him cross the street in my rearview mirror, I wondered, " Will he be >having dinner at Osakaya? Will he be eating alone? " And then I >couldn't see him anymore, and I was jolted back into the >present. " It's none of my business anymore, " I said to myself as I >drove off. > >I was glad to know that Zach is doing well, that he's managed quite >well without me. As the former care-taker, people pleaser that I had >always been, I was riddled with guilt when I had finally broke things >off. I worried about how he would make it without me. I worried >about how I would make it without him. We've both come out the other >end of all that pain and suffering still liking each other, but >knowing that our lives needed to go in different directions. > >I still love him, and I always will in a way. I wish him the best, >and I'm glad that, while painful, the truth is that we are better >apart. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do for someone is to >let them go. > >I really need to go for a run to clear my head. > >Thanks for reading. > -- Eleanor Oster eleanor@... (personal address) www.smallboxes.com/gastricbypass.htm San , CA Open RNY (100 cm bypassed) 07/15/2003 P. Fisher, M.D., Kaiser Richmond (CA) ~5'9 " tall 05/09/2003 319 Orientation 07/15/2003 ~290 Surgery Current 157±2 Goal until plastics? 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Guest guest Posted January 14, 2006 Report Share Posted January 14, 2006 Ohhhh gosh Francisco, reading all of that for some reason my gut feeling is that maybe you and Zach are not done yet.................I am sure you dont want to hear that, but somehow in my heart i feel like you maybe together again.................. colleenmanisodream wrote: Hello everyone:Zach, my ex and I met last night to settle the terms of our divorce. It's not a divorce in the eyes of the law, but in my heart, I know that I'm hurting.Last night was actually pleasant. Dare I say that we had a good time? There were so many times during the night that my memories were stirred—the memories of 11 years together.We met a 1 Post Street, across the street from Crocker Galleria. That address is Zach's old office. Just like he no longer works there, we are no longer a couple. We saw each other from across the street, and there was an awkward hello, each of us not knowing whether to shake hands or hug. So we did neither.We walked to Kearny to catch the 15 to North Beach, but there was a water main break, and the traffic was a mess. We waited and waited. Zach, a native of Taiwan, said, "There's the Orient Express," making reference to the 30 line that goes right through the heart of China Town. I laughed, "Did you make up that name?" He said, "No, all my native San Franciscan co-workers know it by that name."After another 15 minutes with traffic even more snarled, we got on an "Orient Express" and got off at Columbus and Stockton, where China Town meets Little Italy. We crossed Columbus to catch the 15, but right behind us was "Z. Cioccolato—the Sweetest Place in North Beach." By this time, Zach and I were more at ease, the conversation flowing between us easily. I noticed that our senses of humor were still in synch, and we still knew just how to make the other laugh. That collection of 11 years of shared experiences—that deep connection—is, I now realize, what I miss the most. I miss that unspoken understanding that couples develop, the shared language that only those two share.We entered Z. Cioccolato and the woman who, two nights prior, had helped me pick out and wrap Chip's gift (the white chocolate chip macadamia nut fudge) recognized me. I said to her, "He loved the fudge." She said, "I enjoyed wrapping it! The chocolate lips in the bow was a great suggestion." By this time, Zach was looking at the display of some 30-odd different types of fudge, and at Z. Cioccolato, they let you sample before you buy. He bought vanilla, maple and tiger band (caramel, vanilla, chocolate and peanut butter). It was actually like old times, shopping together, talking and laughing.When we finally got to my place, I had my dinner while Zach watched a tape of Saturday Night Live and spent time petting and playing with our kitty, Nandito. He spoke softly and tenderly to Nandito in Chinese, all that loving, little baby talk that I hadn't heard in such a long time. He called him by his Chinese name, Xiao Lao Hu—Little Tiger. And then I heard him say in English, "Daddy misses you. Do you miss Daddy?" I could see from where I was that Nandito was resting his head on Zach's thigh, looking up at him. "You haven't forgotten me, have you, Xiao Lao Hu?" I could hear Nandito purring the loud and rumbling purr of a happy cat.Eva Longoria was the host of Saturday Night Live, and here's where our new, separate lives came into the picture. Zach watches "Desperate Housewives." I've never seen the show, and I didn't know that he watches it.Nandito decided to use the litter box for number two. I said, "That's his new trick. He waits until I come home to do that. It never fails. He must hold it all day." Just then, as the Littermaid Litterbox started making its noises to clean itself, Eva Longoria was doing a fake commercial, talking about a joke product called "Firmium, the best diarrhea medicine in Hollywood." She talked about how, as a Hollywood Star, it was important not to "let your fudgy hostages free" and the difficulties with "chocolate drizzles." By this time, Zach and I were laughing hard.Nandito had just stunk up the place, and here was this beautiful woman on TV joking about diarrhea. She was trying not to laugh as the audience went wild with laughter. Then she said, "During almost the entire first season of Desperate Housewives, I was human espresso machine." And she went on the say that it's difficult to do a sexy love scene when you're afraid of releasing your chocolate submarines.We were laughing so hard that Zach had to get out his inhaler. I dropped Zach off in Japantown, one our old haunts. As I watched him cross the street in my rearview mirror, I wondered, "Will he be having dinner at Osakaya? Will he be eating alone?" And then I couldn't see him anymore, and I was jolted back into the present. "It's none of my business anymore," I said to myself as I drove off.I was glad to know that Zach is doing well, that he's managed quite well without me. As the former care-taker, people pleaser that I had always been, I was riddled with guilt when I had finally broke things off. I worried about how he would make it without me. I worried about how I would make it without him. We've both come out the other end of all that pain and suffering still liking each other, but knowing that our lives needed to go in different directions.I still love him, and I always will in a way. I wish him the best, and I'm glad that, while painful, the truth is that we are better apart. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do for someone is to let them go.I really need to go for a run to clear my head.Thanks for reading.Francisco Colleen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 14, 2006 Report Share Posted January 14, 2006 Ohhhh gosh Francisco, reading all of that for some reason my gut feeling is that maybe you and Zach are not done yet.................I am sure you dont want to hear that, but somehow in my heart i feel like you maybe together again.................. colleenmanisodream wrote: Hello everyone:Zach, my ex and I met last night to settle the terms of our divorce. It's not a divorce in the eyes of the law, but in my heart, I know that I'm hurting.Last night was actually pleasant. Dare I say that we had a good time? There were so many times during the night that my memories were stirred—the memories of 11 years together.We met a 1 Post Street, across the street from Crocker Galleria. That address is Zach's old office. Just like he no longer works there, we are no longer a couple. We saw each other from across the street, and there was an awkward hello, each of us not knowing whether to shake hands or hug. So we did neither.We walked to Kearny to catch the 15 to North Beach, but there was a water main break, and the traffic was a mess. We waited and waited. Zach, a native of Taiwan, said, "There's the Orient Express," making reference to the 30 line that goes right through the heart of China Town. I laughed, "Did you make up that name?" He said, "No, all my native San Franciscan co-workers know it by that name."After another 15 minutes with traffic even more snarled, we got on an "Orient Express" and got off at Columbus and Stockton, where China Town meets Little Italy. We crossed Columbus to catch the 15, but right behind us was "Z. Cioccolato—the Sweetest Place in North Beach." By this time, Zach and I were more at ease, the conversation flowing between us easily. I noticed that our senses of humor were still in synch, and we still knew just how to make the other laugh. That collection of 11 years of shared experiences—that deep connection—is, I now realize, what I miss the most. I miss that unspoken understanding that couples develop, the shared language that only those two share.We entered Z. Cioccolato and the woman who, two nights prior, had helped me pick out and wrap Chip's gift (the white chocolate chip macadamia nut fudge) recognized me. I said to her, "He loved the fudge." She said, "I enjoyed wrapping it! The chocolate lips in the bow was a great suggestion." By this time, Zach was looking at the display of some 30-odd different types of fudge, and at Z. Cioccolato, they let you sample before you buy. He bought vanilla, maple and tiger band (caramel, vanilla, chocolate and peanut butter). It was actually like old times, shopping together, talking and laughing.When we finally got to my place, I had my dinner while Zach watched a tape of Saturday Night Live and spent time petting and playing with our kitty, Nandito. He spoke softly and tenderly to Nandito in Chinese, all that loving, little baby talk that I hadn't heard in such a long time. He called him by his Chinese name, Xiao Lao Hu—Little Tiger. And then I heard him say in English, "Daddy misses you. Do you miss Daddy?" I could see from where I was that Nandito was resting his head on Zach's thigh, looking up at him. "You haven't forgotten me, have you, Xiao Lao Hu?" I could hear Nandito purring the loud and rumbling purr of a happy cat.Eva Longoria was the host of Saturday Night Live, and here's where our new, separate lives came into the picture. Zach watches "Desperate Housewives." I've never seen the show, and I didn't know that he watches it.Nandito decided to use the litter box for number two. I said, "That's his new trick. He waits until I come home to do that. It never fails. He must hold it all day." Just then, as the Littermaid Litterbox started making its noises to clean itself, Eva Longoria was doing a fake commercial, talking about a joke product called "Firmium, the best diarrhea medicine in Hollywood." She talked about how, as a Hollywood Star, it was important not to "let your fudgy hostages free" and the difficulties with "chocolate drizzles." By this time, Zach and I were laughing hard.Nandito had just stunk up the place, and here was this beautiful woman on TV joking about diarrhea. She was trying not to laugh as the audience went wild with laughter. Then she said, "During almost the entire first season of Desperate Housewives, I was human espresso machine." And she went on the say that it's difficult to do a sexy love scene when you're afraid of releasing your chocolate submarines.We were laughing so hard that Zach had to get out his inhaler. I dropped Zach off in Japantown, one our old haunts. As I watched him cross the street in my rearview mirror, I wondered, "Will he be having dinner at Osakaya? Will he be eating alone?" And then I couldn't see him anymore, and I was jolted back into the present. "It's none of my business anymore," I said to myself as I drove off.I was glad to know that Zach is doing well, that he's managed quite well without me. As the former care-taker, people pleaser that I had always been, I was riddled with guilt when I had finally broke things off. I worried about how he would make it without me. I worried about how I would make it without him. We've both come out the other end of all that pain and suffering still liking each other, but knowing that our lives needed to go in different directions.I still love him, and I always will in a way. I wish him the best, and I'm glad that, while painful, the truth is that we are better apart. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do for someone is to let them go.I really need to go for a run to clear my head.Thanks for reading.Francisco Colleen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 14, 2006 Report Share Posted January 14, 2006 Francisco, I really enjoy reading your stories. Knowing they are actually your life though, makes it even better. You are a true Wordsmith! I am happy that your meeting with Zach went as well as it did though. Ron Letting go of Zach Hello everyone:Zach, my ex and I met last night to settle the terms of our divorce. It's not a divorce in the eyes of the law, but in my heart, I know that I'm hurting.Last night was actually pleasant. Dare I say that we had a good time? There were so many times during the night that my memories were stirred—the memories of 11 years together.We met a 1 Post Street, across the street from Crocker Galleria. That address is Zach's old office. Just like he no longer works there, we are no longer a couple. We saw each other from across the street, and there was an awkward hello, each of us not knowing whether to shake hands or hug. So we did neither.We walked to Kearny to catch the 15 to North Beach, but there was a water main break, and the traffic was a mess. We waited and waited. Zach, a native of Taiwan, said, "There's the Orient Express," making reference to the 30 line that goes right through the heart of China Town. I laughed, "Did you make up that name?" He said, "No, all my native San Franciscan co-workers know it by that name."After another 15 minutes with traffic even more snarled, we got on an "Orient Express" and got off at Columbus and Stockton, where China Town meets Little Italy. We crossed Columbus to catch the 15, but right behind us was "Z. Cioccolato—the Sweetest Place in North Beach." By this time, Zach and I were more at ease, the conversation flowing between us easily. I noticed that our senses of humor were still in synch, and we still knew just how to make the other laugh. That collection of 11 years of shared experiences—that deep connection—is, I now realize, what I miss the most. I miss that unspoken understanding that couples develop, the shared language that only those two share.We entered Z. Cioccolato and the woman who, two nights prior, had helped me pick out and wrap Chip's gift (the white chocolate chip macadamia nut fudge) recognized me. I said to her, "He loved the fudge." She said, "I enjoyed wrapping it! The chocolate lips in the bow was a great suggestion." By this time, Zach was looking at the display of some 30-odd different types of fudge, and at Z. Cioccolato, they let you sample before you buy. He bought vanilla, maple and tiger band (caramel, vanilla, chocolate and peanut butter). It was actually like old times, shopping together, talking and laughing.When we finally got to my place, I had my dinner while Zach watched a tape of Saturday Night Live and spent time petting and playing with our kitty, Nandito. He spoke softly and tenderly to Nandito in Chinese, all that loving, little baby talk that I hadn't heard in such a long time. He called him by his Chinese name, Xiao Lao Hu—Little Tiger. And then I heard him say in English, "Daddy misses you. Do you miss Daddy?" I could see from where I was that Nandito was resting his head on Zach's thigh, looking up at him. "You haven't forgotten me, have you, Xiao Lao Hu?" I could hear Nandito purring the loud and rumbling purr of a happy cat.Eva Longoria was the host of Saturday Night Live, and here's where our new, separate lives came into the picture. Zach watches "Desperate Housewives." I've never seen the show, and I didn't know that he watches it.Nandito decided to use the litter box for number two. I said, "That's his new trick. He waits until I come home to do that. It never fails. He must hold it all day." Just then, as the Littermaid Litterbox started making its noises to clean itself, Eva Longoria was doing a fake commercial, talking about a joke product called "Firmium, the best diarrhea medicine in Hollywood." She talked about how, as a Hollywood Star, it was important not to "let your fudgy hostages free" and the difficulties with "chocolate drizzles." By this time, Zach and I were laughing hard.Nandito had just stunk up the place, and here was this beautiful woman on TV joking about diarrhea. She was trying not to laugh as the audience went wild with laughter. Then she said, "During almost the entire first season of Desperate Housewives, I was human espresso machine." And she went on the say that it's difficult to do a sexy love scene when you're afraid of releasing your chocolate submarines.We were laughing so hard that Zach had to get out his inhaler. I dropped Zach off in Japantown, one our old haunts. As I watched him cross the street in my rearview mirror, I wondered, "Will he be having dinner at Osakaya? Will he be eating alone?" And then I couldn't see him anymore, and I was jolted back into the present. "It's none of my business anymore," I said to myself as I drove off.I was glad to know that Zach is doing well, that he's managed quite well without me. As the former care-taker, people pleaser that I had always been, I was riddled with guilt when I had finally broke things off. I worried about how he would make it without me. I worried about how I would make it without him. We've both come out the other end of all that pain and suffering still liking each other, but knowing that our lives needed to go in different directions.I still love him, and I always will in a way. I wish him the best, and I'm glad that, while painful, the truth is that we are better apart. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do for someone is to let them go.I really need to go for a run to clear my head.Thanks for reading.Francisco Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 14, 2006 Report Share Posted January 14, 2006 Colleen: I know one should " never say never " so I won't. Who knows? I think you're a romantic at heart. I am too. It would be a wonderful outcome to a movie, but I think for many reasons, Zach and I need to be apart. But stranger things have happened, so " never say never. " Thanks for your support. Francisco > Hello everyone: > > Zach, my ex and I met last night to settle the terms of our divorce. > It's not a divorce in the eyes of the law, but in my heart, I know > that I'm hurting. > > Last night was actually pleasant. Dare I say that we had a good > time? There were so many times during the night that my memories > were stirred—the memories of 11 years together. > > We met a 1 Post Street, across the street from Crocker Galleria. > That address is Zach's old office. Just like he no longer works > there, we are no longer a couple. We saw each other from across the > street, and there was an awkward hello, each of us not knowing > whether to shake hands or hug. So we did neither. > > We walked to Kearny to catch the 15 to North Beach, but there was a > water main break, and the traffic was a mess. We waited and waited. > Zach, a native of Taiwan, said, " There's the Orient Express, " making > reference to the 30 line that goes right through the heart of China > Town. I laughed, " Did you make up that name? " He said, " No, all my > native San Franciscan co-workers know it by that name. " > > After another 15 minutes with traffic even more snarled, we got on > an " Orient Express " and got off at Columbus and Stockton, where China > Town meets Little Italy. We crossed Columbus to catch the 15, but > right behind us was " Z. Cioccolato—the Sweetest Place in North > Beach. " By this time, Zach and I were more at ease, the conversation > flowing between us easily. I noticed that our senses of humor were > still in synch, and we still knew just how to make the other laugh. > That collection of 11 years of shared experiences—that deep > connection—is, I now realize, what I miss the most. I miss that > unspoken understanding that couples develop, the shared language that > only those two share. > > We entered Z. Cioccolato and the woman who, two nights prior, had > helped me pick out and wrap Chip's gift (the white chocolate chip > macadamia nut fudge) recognized me. I said to her, " He loved the > fudge. " She said, " I enjoyed wrapping it! The chocolate lips in the > bow was a great suggestion. " By this time, Zach was looking at the > display of some 30-odd different types of fudge, and at Z. > Cioccolato, they let you sample before you buy. He bought vanilla, > maple and tiger band (caramel, vanilla, chocolate and peanut > butter). It was actually like old times, shopping together, talking > and laughing. > > When we finally got to my place, I had my dinner while Zach watched a > tape of Saturday Night Live and spent time petting and playing with > our kitty, Nandito. He spoke softly and tenderly to Nandito in > Chinese, all that loving, little baby talk that I hadn't heard in > such a long time. He called him by his Chinese name, Xiao Lao Hu— > Little Tiger. And then I heard him say in English, " Daddy misses > you. Do you miss Daddy? " I could see from where I was that Nandito > was resting his head on Zach's thigh, looking up at him. " You > haven't forgotten me, have you, Xiao Lao Hu? " I could hear Nandito > purring the loud and rumbling purr of a happy cat. > > Eva Longoria was the host of Saturday Night Live, and here's where > our new, separate lives came into the picture. Zach > watches " Desperate Housewives. " I've never seen the show, and I > didn't know that he watches it. > > Nandito decided to use the litter box for number two. I > said, " That's his new trick. He waits until I come home to do that. > It never fails. He must hold it all day. " Just then, as the > Littermaid Litterbox started making its noises to clean itself, Eva > Longoria was doing a fake commercial, talking about a joke product > called " Firmium, the best diarrhea medicine in Hollywood. " She > talked about how, as a Hollywood Star, it was important not to " let > your fudgy hostages free " and the difficulties with " chocolate > drizzles. " By this time, Zach and I were laughing hard. > > Nandito had just stunk up the place, and here was this beautiful > woman on TV joking about diarrhea. She was trying not to laugh as > the audience went wild with laughter. Then she said, " During almost > the entire first season of Desperate Housewives, I was human espresso > machine. " And she went on the say that it's difficult to do a sexy > love scene when you're afraid of releasing your chocolate submarines. > > We were laughing so hard that Zach had to get out his inhaler. > > I dropped Zach off in Japantown, one our old haunts. As I watched > him cross the street in my rearview mirror, I wondered, " Will he be > having dinner at Osakaya? Will he be eating alone? " And then I > couldn't see him anymore, and I was jolted back into the > present. " It's none of my business anymore, " I said to myself as I > drove off. > > I was glad to know that Zach is doing well, that he's managed quite > well without me. As the former care-taker, people pleaser that I had > always been, I was riddled with guilt when I had finally broke things > off. I worried about how he would make it without me. I worried > about how I would make it without him. We've both come out the other > end of all that pain and suffering still liking each other, but > knowing that our lives needed to go in different directions. > > I still love him, and I always will in a way. I wish him the best, > and I'm glad that, while painful, the truth is that we are better > apart. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do for someone is to > let them go. > > I really need to go for a run to clear my head. > > Thanks for reading. > > Francisco > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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