telling Chip about my gastric bypass journey

January 13, 2006

Hello everyone:

Well, as you all know, I've started dating Chip. He's 46, 6'2 "

slender, athletic, blond/silver hair, blue eyes, sweet face, hot

body. He lives in LA, but he's moving to San Francisco in April.

He's a business development consultant, and the company that he is

currently consulting for (he's helping them consolidate operations

and set up shop in San Francisco) will hire him full-time in April.

Last night was our third date. With other guys I've dated, I've

noticed a phenomenon that I've called the " third date skids. " In

other words, all heck breaks loose, the truth comes out, and the

bloom falls off the rose—or rather the bloom is hacked off.

Anyway, so last night was our third date. I arrived early in the

Castro and went to a café to sit and read while sipping on a decaf

coffee. I was reading a book about mindfulness and meditation (I'm

taking a class at work), and so I was trying to stay in the moment,

not worrying about what I was about to tell him. I had already

decided it was time to reveal my gastric bypass journey to him.

I saw Chip before he saw me. I wondered if it was just me or if he

was getting cuter. I know that we all have physiological reactions

to people we're attracted to. Our irises dilate causing the object

of our desire to become more attractive. Anyway, we made our way to

a Mom & Pop style diner, sat down and chatted about work and life,

and it just felt nice. I was trying to be calm and collected, trying

to find a way to say, " Hey, guess what? I used to be morbidly obese,

but please don't freak out and don't run away because I like you. "

So we ordered and when our food arrived, I went about arranging the

food on my plate. I took the New York steak off the bun, and I

seasoned my cottage cheese (ordered in place of the fries), and I

took out my ever-present pocket calendar and jotted down what I was

about to eat (for later entry in fitday.com). Chip asked if I write

down everything I eat. I think he was curious about my marathon

training and how I feed my body to do that, but this was my opening,

so I told him, " Well, I've been wanting to tell you something

important about the way I eat and why, but I've been a bit hesitant. "

" Why? " he asked. I tried to read what he was feeling. I looked into

his eyes, taking in the concentric bands of color—ice blue bursting

into deep lake sapphire. The calming coolness of the color was

counterbalanced by the warmth of his eyes, the question in his brow,

the acceptance in his expression.

" Well, " I hesitated collecting my thoughts, trying to compose the

sentences in my head. Then I said, " Let me just say it… " And I went

on to tell him about my surgery, what it meant in my life, how it

related to my tattoos, how my recovery was linked to my involvement

in my church and how my break up was the direct result of my WLS

journey. I was finally linking all the pieces of the puzzle that I

had been laying out before him.

He sat there and listened, making insightful comments. He seemed to

be taking it all in, and I thought I saw an understanding, supportive

air about him, but I wondered if inside he was freaking out. That's

happened before.

It was time to leave the restaurant. Before we got up, I excused

myself, and Chip interjected a truly humorous comment that lightened

the mood. I said as I excused myself from the table, " Please watch

my stuff. " And I joked, " I'll understand if you're not here when I

get back. "

He smirked, " Oh, don't be silly. Now go purge so we can go. "

We walked up and down Castro Street window shopping and talking,

making plans to see each other next week.

Then he took my hand as we neared Castro and Market, where I was to

catch the F-Line to go home. He kissed me softly and said, " We'll

talk over the weekend. Have a good night, sweetie. "

When I got home I wrote the following email:

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Chip:

Thanks for treating me to dinner.

I know I laid a big one on you tonight. I've been wanting to tell

you about it because, like I said, it is a part of who I am. I was

afraid because one never knows how that kind of stuff will come

across.

The thing is the more time I spend with you, the more I like you. If

I didn't like you, I wouldn't care how it came across. But because I

like you, the risk is even greater. I had to risk it because

building a foundation for whatever may happen between us is only as

strong as the truth.

Anyway, thank you for breaking the tension with your funny comment

about purging. I really thought that was comical.

I look forward to hearing from you soon. Wish you didn't have to go

to LA for the weekend.

Hugs,

Francisco

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I went to sleep wondering if Chip would want to see me again or if my

revelation was going to bring about the dreaded " third date skids. "

This morning I received his reply:

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Hi,

Yes, truth is something that is a BIG part of everything! I am

enjoying my time with you as well, and I look forward to us spending

more time together next week. We'll talk over weekend. Have a GREAT

3-day weekend, and I'll see you Tuesday PM.

BIG HUGGGG,

Chip

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What a relief.

Thanks for reading,

Francisco

January 13, 2006