Re: a bit miffed

[Guest guest]

A couple of questions, Francisco. You said you had the Reese's cup

after exercising, and you're tracking your diet in Fitday, and all

that. Then later you said Janet passed you and saw you eating a

protein bar and made her comment. So were these two separate events?

Did she actually see you eating the Reese's and make the comment in

response to that, or was her comment totally unrelated?

If she had no way of knowing you ate the peanut butter cup earlier,

then are you sure there's a direct connection?

Even if she saw you eating it rather than a protein bar, she may just

have intended a joke rather than a criticism of your food choices.

What it sounds like to me is that she may have just been riffing on

those Reese's commercials where they show all different ways of

eating the peanut butter cups - the vampire who sucks out the middle

first, etc. And if so, and she was repeating the tagline from the

commercials, it might very well sound judgemental - the ads put the

emphasis on the word " you " ( " How do YOU eat a Reese's peanut butter

cup? " ) which IMO puts a somewhat uncomfortable emphasis on the

listener.

You're one of the best people I know at explaining the importance of

setting boundaries in order to cope with our disease of morbid

obesity, and I'm not trying to get you to compromise those

boundaries. However, one thing I've learned in dealing with boundary

issues in other arenas is that I tend to get really defensive if I

think my boundaries are being compromised and I overreact. It sounds

like you do need to talk with Janet and explain that you're sensitive

about comments from people about your food choices, and why - and

that your immediate reaction was that her comment was a criticism.

She may not realize how it sounded. If it happens again, you'll know

that she's not respecting your boundaries. But if this is the first

time something like this has happened with her, then you might be

misinterpreting the situation and it deserves to be cleared up.

Cathy C.

>

> Hello everyone:

>

> I've got an issue that isn't sitting well with me.

>

> I'm at work, and as you know, there are 11 morbidly obese people

> here, several of whom have betrayed my confidence and told others

in

> the office about my process. As a result, I've had to build up

> strong boundaries (I don't tell anyone anything) where I won't talk

> about my surgery at work, and I've simply told people that I don't

> feel comfortable discussing it.

>

> I've been very supportive of one woman, and in order to help and

> encourage her in her WLS process (she's pre-op) I've shared a lot

> with her.

>

> Today, after running 4 miles, and exercising like a dog, I decided

to

> have a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. I don't hide what I eat because

> it's my business and no one else's. I will not eat anything with

> shame. For is no longer " good " and " bad. " But I must make choices

> that are good for me and be accountable for ALL choices I make.

>

> I keep a running tally (via fitday.com) of all the calories I

> consume. So I don't get freaked out by having a Reece's Peanut

> Butter cup from time to time. And according to my marathon

training,

> I must eat more calories in order to maintain my weight and recover

> from my hard workouts.

>

> Here's where the emotions come in. As Janet passed by me, she

> witnessed me eating a protein bar (a planned snack). She said, " Is

> that the way you eat Reese's Peanut Butter Cups? " I said

> forcefully, " Yes. "

>

> There was a judgmental tone in her voice, and it pisses me off. I

> feel like sending her an email saying, " Look. I have NEVER told

you

> what to eat so please respect me by NOT commenting on what I eat. "

> This is a real pet peeve that I have. It really bothers me when

> people comment on what I eat because I AM ALWAYS truthful and

> accountable to myself. I don't need someone else, particularly

> someone in her position, telling me what I should and should not

eat

> when I have NOT solicited that advice.

>

> It makes me want to withdraw my input from her regarding her

process.

>

> Opinions please. I don't want to bite her head off, but I don't

want

> her comments about what I'm eating either.

>

> Francisco

>

[Guest guest]

A couple of questions, Francisco. You said you had the Reese's cup

after exercising, and you're tracking your diet in Fitday, and all

that. Then later you said Janet passed you and saw you eating a

protein bar and made her comment. So were these two separate events?

Did she actually see you eating the Reese's and make the comment in

response to that, or was her comment totally unrelated?

If she had no way of knowing you ate the peanut butter cup earlier,

then are you sure there's a direct connection?

Even if she saw you eating it rather than a protein bar, she may just

have intended a joke rather than a criticism of your food choices.

What it sounds like to me is that she may have just been riffing on

those Reese's commercials where they show all different ways of

eating the peanut butter cups - the vampire who sucks out the middle

first, etc. And if so, and she was repeating the tagline from the

commercials, it might very well sound judgemental - the ads put the

emphasis on the word " you " ( " How do YOU eat a Reese's peanut butter

cup? " ) which IMO puts a somewhat uncomfortable emphasis on the

listener.

You're one of the best people I know at explaining the importance of

setting boundaries in order to cope with our disease of morbid

obesity, and I'm not trying to get you to compromise those

boundaries. However, one thing I've learned in dealing with boundary

issues in other arenas is that I tend to get really defensive if I

think my boundaries are being compromised and I overreact. It sounds

like you do need to talk with Janet and explain that you're sensitive

about comments from people about your food choices, and why - and

that your immediate reaction was that her comment was a criticism.

She may not realize how it sounded. If it happens again, you'll know

that she's not respecting your boundaries. But if this is the first

time something like this has happened with her, then you might be

misinterpreting the situation and it deserves to be cleared up.

Cathy C.

>

> Hello everyone:

>

> I've got an issue that isn't sitting well with me.

>

> I'm at work, and as you know, there are 11 morbidly obese people

> here, several of whom have betrayed my confidence and told others

in

> the office about my process. As a result, I've had to build up

> strong boundaries (I don't tell anyone anything) where I won't talk

> about my surgery at work, and I've simply told people that I don't

> feel comfortable discussing it.

>

> I've been very supportive of one woman, and in order to help and

> encourage her in her WLS process (she's pre-op) I've shared a lot

> with her.

>

> Today, after running 4 miles, and exercising like a dog, I decided

to

> have a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. I don't hide what I eat because

> it's my business and no one else's. I will not eat anything with

> shame. For is no longer " good " and " bad. " But I must make choices

> that are good for me and be accountable for ALL choices I make.

>

> I keep a running tally (via fitday.com) of all the calories I

> consume. So I don't get freaked out by having a Reece's Peanut

> Butter cup from time to time. And according to my marathon

training,

> I must eat more calories in order to maintain my weight and recover

> from my hard workouts.

>

> Here's where the emotions come in. As Janet passed by me, she

> witnessed me eating a protein bar (a planned snack). She said, " Is

> that the way you eat Reese's Peanut Butter Cups? " I said

> forcefully, " Yes. "

>

> There was a judgmental tone in her voice, and it pisses me off. I

> feel like sending her an email saying, " Look. I have NEVER told

you

> what to eat so please respect me by NOT commenting on what I eat. "

> This is a real pet peeve that I have. It really bothers me when

> people comment on what I eat because I AM ALWAYS truthful and

> accountable to myself. I don't need someone else, particularly

> someone in her position, telling me what I should and should not

eat

> when I have NOT solicited that advice.

>

> It makes me want to withdraw my input from her regarding her

process.

>

> Opinions please. I don't want to bite her head off, but I don't

want

> her comments about what I'm eating either.

>

> Francisco

>

[Guest guest]

Francisco Keeping your boundaries is letting people know when they do something wrong, not holding them in to eat you up. Send her a email just saying you would not like her to comment the way she did, and you know you make good and bad choices but you and only you are accountable for the choices you make. If you want you can add that your trainer has you eating more calories due to your training so the remarks are not necessary. Try to rise above her and open up, then maybe this co worker will be better and you won't have to shut her down also. If you have to shut them all down your working life won't be any good for you. I hope you know where I'm coming from and this helps. Take care. Donnamanisodream wrote: Hello everyone:I've got an issue that isn't

sitting well with me.I'm at work, and as you know, there are 11 morbidly obese people here, several of whom have betrayed my confidence and told others in the office about my process. As a result, I've had to build up strong boundaries (I don't tell anyone anything) where I won't talk about my surgery at work, and I've simply told people that I don't feel comfortable discussing it.I've been very supportive of one woman, and in order to help and encourage her in her WLS process (she's pre-op) I've shared a lot with her.Today, after running 4 miles, and exercising like a dog, I decided to have a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. I don't hide what I eat because it's my business and no one else's. I will not eat anything with shame. For is no longer "good" and "bad." But I must make choices that are good for me and be accountable for ALL choices I make.I keep a running tally (via

fitday.com) of all the calories I consume. So I don't get freaked out by having a Reece's Peanut Butter cup from time to time. And according to my marathon training, I must eat more calories in order to maintain my weight and recover from my hard workouts.Here's where the emotions come in. As Janet passed by me, she witnessed me eating a protein bar (a planned snack). She said, "Is that the way you eat Reese's Peanut Butter Cups?" I said forcefully, "Yes."There was a judgmental tone in her voice, and it pisses me off. I feel like sending her an email saying, "Look. I have NEVER told you what to eat so please respect me by NOT commenting on what I eat." This is a real pet peeve that I have. It really bothers me when people comment on what I eat because I AM ALWAYS truthful and accountable to myself. I don't need someone else, particularly someone in her

position, telling me what I should and should not eat when I have NOT solicited that advice.It makes me want to withdraw my input from her regarding her process.Opinions please. I don't want to bite her head off, but I don't want her comments about what I'm eating either.Francisco Donna JordonDSJordon@...

What are the most popular cars? Find out at Yahoo! Autos

[Guest guest]

Francisco Keeping your boundaries is letting people know when they do something wrong, not holding them in to eat you up. Send her a email just saying you would not like her to comment the way she did, and you know you make good and bad choices but you and only you are accountable for the choices you make. If you want you can add that your trainer has you eating more calories due to your training so the remarks are not necessary. Try to rise above her and open up, then maybe this co worker will be better and you won't have to shut her down also. If you have to shut them all down your working life won't be any good for you. I hope you know where I'm coming from and this helps. Take care. Donnamanisodream wrote: Hello everyone:I've got an issue that isn't

sitting well with me.I'm at work, and as you know, there are 11 morbidly obese people here, several of whom have betrayed my confidence and told others in the office about my process. As a result, I've had to build up strong boundaries (I don't tell anyone anything) where I won't talk about my surgery at work, and I've simply told people that I don't feel comfortable discussing it.I've been very supportive of one woman, and in order to help and encourage her in her WLS process (she's pre-op) I've shared a lot with her.Today, after running 4 miles, and exercising like a dog, I decided to have a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. I don't hide what I eat because it's my business and no one else's. I will not eat anything with shame. For is no longer "good" and "bad." But I must make choices that are good for me and be accountable for ALL choices I make.I keep a running tally (via

fitday.com) of all the calories I consume. So I don't get freaked out by having a Reece's Peanut Butter cup from time to time. And according to my marathon training, I must eat more calories in order to maintain my weight and recover from my hard workouts.Here's where the emotions come in. As Janet passed by me, she witnessed me eating a protein bar (a planned snack). She said, "Is that the way you eat Reese's Peanut Butter Cups?" I said forcefully, "Yes."There was a judgmental tone in her voice, and it pisses me off. I feel like sending her an email saying, "Look. I have NEVER told you what to eat so please respect me by NOT commenting on what I eat." This is a real pet peeve that I have. It really bothers me when people comment on what I eat because I AM ALWAYS truthful and accountable to myself. I don't need someone else, particularly someone in her

position, telling me what I should and should not eat when I have NOT solicited that advice.It makes me want to withdraw my input from her regarding her process.Opinions please. I don't want to bite her head off, but I don't want her comments about what I'm eating either.Francisco Donna JordonDSJordon@...

What are the most popular cars? Find out at Yahoo! Autos

[Guest guest]

Francisco- I think if this Janet woman bothers you a lot about this kind of thing, i would just say to her, Janet, you probabally dont realize this but it really bothers me when you critique or comment on what I am eating, It would really be nicer for me if you could just not comment on my food, Thanks for understanding........................ Sorry that happened Francisco Colleenmanisodream wrote: Hello everyone:I've got an issue that isn't sitting well with me.I'm at work, and as you know, there are 11 morbidly obese people here, several of whom have betrayed my confidence and told others in the office about my process. As a result, I've had to build up strong boundaries (I don't tell anyone anything) where I won't

talk about my surgery at work, and I've simply told people that I don't feel comfortable discussing it.I've been very supportive of one woman, and in order to help and encourage her in her WLS process (she's pre-op) I've shared a lot with her.Today, after running 4 miles, and exercising like a dog, I decided to have a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. I don't hide what I eat because it's my business and no one else's. I will not eat anything with shame. For is no longer "good" and "bad." But I must make choices that are good for me and be accountable for ALL choices I make.I keep a running tally (via fitday.com) of all the calories I consume. So I don't get freaked out by having a Reece's Peanut Butter cup from time to time. And according to my marathon training, I must eat more calories in order to maintain my weight and recover from my hard workouts.Here's where the

emotions come in. As Janet passed by me, she witnessed me eating a protein bar (a planned snack). She said, "Is that the way you eat Reese's Peanut Butter Cups?" I said forcefully, "Yes."There was a judgmental tone in her voice, and it pisses me off. I feel like sending her an email saying, "Look. I have NEVER told you what to eat so please respect me by NOT commenting on what I eat." This is a real pet peeve that I have. It really bothers me when people comment on what I eat because I AM ALWAYS truthful and accountable to myself. I don't need someone else, particularly someone in her position, telling me what I should and should not eat when I have NOT solicited that advice.It makes me want to withdraw my input from her regarding her process.Opinions please. I don't want to bite her head off, but I don't want her comments about what I'm eating

either.Francisco

Colleen

[Guest guest]

Francisco- I think if this Janet woman bothers you a lot about this kind of thing, i would just say to her, Janet, you probabally dont realize this but it really bothers me when you critique or comment on what I am eating, It would really be nicer for me if you could just not comment on my food, Thanks for understanding........................ Sorry that happened Francisco Colleenmanisodream wrote: Hello everyone:I've got an issue that isn't sitting well with me.I'm at work, and as you know, there are 11 morbidly obese people here, several of whom have betrayed my confidence and told others in the office about my process. As a result, I've had to build up strong boundaries (I don't tell anyone anything) where I won't

talk about my surgery at work, and I've simply told people that I don't feel comfortable discussing it.I've been very supportive of one woman, and in order to help and encourage her in her WLS process (she's pre-op) I've shared a lot with her.Today, after running 4 miles, and exercising like a dog, I decided to have a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. I don't hide what I eat because it's my business and no one else's. I will not eat anything with shame. For is no longer "good" and "bad." But I must make choices that are good for me and be accountable for ALL choices I make.I keep a running tally (via fitday.com) of all the calories I consume. So I don't get freaked out by having a Reece's Peanut Butter cup from time to time. And according to my marathon training, I must eat more calories in order to maintain my weight and recover from my hard workouts.Here's where the

emotions come in. As Janet passed by me, she witnessed me eating a protein bar (a planned snack). She said, "Is that the way you eat Reese's Peanut Butter Cups?" I said forcefully, "Yes."There was a judgmental tone in her voice, and it pisses me off. I feel like sending her an email saying, "Look. I have NEVER told you what to eat so please respect me by NOT commenting on what I eat." This is a real pet peeve that I have. It really bothers me when people comment on what I eat because I AM ALWAYS truthful and accountable to myself. I don't need someone else, particularly someone in her position, telling me what I should and should not eat when I have NOT solicited that advice.It makes me want to withdraw my input from her regarding her process.Opinions please. I don't want to bite her head off, but I don't want her comments about what I'm eating

either.Francisco

Colleen

[Guest guest]

Cathy:

Thanks for your perspective. It helps me to see how others can

interpret a situation. I'm glad that I did not email her or talk to

her, and I think I'll just let this one slide. You know, not give it

too much importance unless it happens again.

You're right. I want to assume that she didn't mean it in a bad

way. I really like her, and my reaction is more out of hurt and

defensiveness regarding what OTHERS have done to me, not her.

She shouldn't get the blame she doesn't deserve.

If it happens again, I'll politely tell her that it hurts me if she

makes a comment like that. If it doesn't happen again, then there's

no harm done.

Thanks for helping me to work this out and vent. I feel better.

Thanks a bunch!

Francisco

> >

> > Hello everyone:

> >

> > I've got an issue that isn't sitting well with me.

> >

> > I'm at work, and as you know, there are 11 morbidly obese people

> > here, several of whom have betrayed my confidence and told others

> in

> > the office about my process. As a result, I've had to build up

> > strong boundaries (I don't tell anyone anything) where I won't

talk

> > about my surgery at work, and I've simply told people that I

don't

> > feel comfortable discussing it.

> >

> > I've been very supportive of one woman, and in order to help and

> > encourage her in her WLS process (she's pre-op) I've shared a lot

> > with her.

> >

> > Today, after running 4 miles, and exercising like a dog, I

decided

> to

> > have a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. I don't hide what I eat

because

> > it's my business and no one else's. I will not eat anything with

> > shame. For is no longer " good " and " bad. " But I must make

choices

> > that are good for me and be accountable for ALL choices I make.

> >

> > I keep a running tally (via fitday.com) of all the calories I

> > consume. So I don't get freaked out by having a Reece's Peanut

> > Butter cup from time to time. And according to my marathon

> training,

> > I must eat more calories in order to maintain my weight and

recover

> > from my hard workouts.

> >

> > Here's where the emotions come in. As Janet passed by me, she

> > witnessed me eating a protein bar (a planned snack). She

said, " Is

> > that the way you eat Reese's Peanut Butter Cups? " I said

> > forcefully, " Yes. "

> >

> > There was a judgmental tone in her voice, and it pisses me off.

I

> > feel like sending her an email saying, " Look. I have NEVER told

> you

> > what to eat so please respect me by NOT commenting on what I

eat. "

> > This is a real pet peeve that I have. It really bothers me when

> > people comment on what I eat because I AM ALWAYS truthful and

> > accountable to myself. I don't need someone else, particularly

> > someone in her position, telling me what I should and should not

> eat

> > when I have NOT solicited that advice.

> >

> > It makes me want to withdraw my input from her regarding her

> process.

> >

> > Opinions please. I don't want to bite her head off, but I don't

> want

> > her comments about what I'm eating either.

> >

> > Francisco

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Cathy:

Thanks for your perspective. It helps me to see how others can

interpret a situation. I'm glad that I did not email her or talk to

her, and I think I'll just let this one slide. You know, not give it

too much importance unless it happens again.

You're right. I want to assume that she didn't mean it in a bad

way. I really like her, and my reaction is more out of hurt and

defensiveness regarding what OTHERS have done to me, not her.

She shouldn't get the blame she doesn't deserve.

If it happens again, I'll politely tell her that it hurts me if she

makes a comment like that. If it doesn't happen again, then there's

no harm done.

Thanks for helping me to work this out and vent. I feel better.

Thanks a bunch!

Francisco

> >

> > Hello everyone:

> >

> > I've got an issue that isn't sitting well with me.

> >

> > I'm at work, and as you know, there are 11 morbidly obese people

> > here, several of whom have betrayed my confidence and told others

> in

> > the office about my process. As a result, I've had to build up

> > strong boundaries (I don't tell anyone anything) where I won't

talk

> > about my surgery at work, and I've simply told people that I

don't

> > feel comfortable discussing it.

> >

> > I've been very supportive of one woman, and in order to help and

> > encourage her in her WLS process (she's pre-op) I've shared a lot

> > with her.

> >

> > Today, after running 4 miles, and exercising like a dog, I

decided

> to

> > have a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. I don't hide what I eat

because

> > it's my business and no one else's. I will not eat anything with

> > shame. For is no longer " good " and " bad. " But I must make

choices

> > that are good for me and be accountable for ALL choices I make.

> >

> > I keep a running tally (via fitday.com) of all the calories I

> > consume. So I don't get freaked out by having a Reece's Peanut

> > Butter cup from time to time. And according to my marathon

> training,

> > I must eat more calories in order to maintain my weight and

recover

> > from my hard workouts.

> >

> > Here's where the emotions come in. As Janet passed by me, she

> > witnessed me eating a protein bar (a planned snack). She

said, " Is

> > that the way you eat Reese's Peanut Butter Cups? " I said

> > forcefully, " Yes. "

> >

> > There was a judgmental tone in her voice, and it pisses me off.

I

> > feel like sending her an email saying, " Look. I have NEVER told

> you

> > what to eat so please respect me by NOT commenting on what I

eat. "

> > This is a real pet peeve that I have. It really bothers me when

> > people comment on what I eat because I AM ALWAYS truthful and

> > accountable to myself. I don't need someone else, particularly

> > someone in her position, telling me what I should and should not

> eat

> > when I have NOT solicited that advice.

> >

> > It makes me want to withdraw my input from her regarding her

> process.

> >

> > Opinions please. I don't want to bite her head off, but I don't

> want

> > her comments about what I'm eating either.

> >

> > Francisco

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks Donna.

Yes, I've really got to keep my boundaries strong. But I think I may

have misinterpreted the situation.

Calmer heads are now prevailing.

Thanks,

Francisco

> Hello everyone:

>

> I've got an issue that isn't sitting well with me.

>

> I'm at work, and as you know, there are 11 morbidly obese people

> here, several of whom have betrayed my confidence and told others

in

> the office about my process. As a result, I've had to build up

> strong boundaries (I don't tell anyone anything) where I won't talk

> about my surgery at work, and I've simply told people that I don't

> feel comfortable discussing it.

>

> I've been very supportive of one woman, and in order to help and

> encourage her in her WLS process (she's pre-op) I've shared a lot

> with her.

>

> Today, after running 4 miles, and exercising like a dog, I decided

to

> have a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. I don't hide what I eat because

> it's my business and no one else's. I will not eat anything with

> shame. For is no longer " good " and " bad. " But I must make choices

> that are good for me and be accountable for ALL choices I make.

>

> I keep a running tally (via fitday.com) of all the calories I

> consume. So I don't get freaked out by having a Reece's Peanut

> Butter cup from time to time. And according to my marathon

training,

> I must eat more calories in order to maintain my weight and recover

> from my hard workouts.

>

> Here's where the emotions come in. As Janet passed by me, she

> witnessed me eating a protein bar (a planned snack). She said, " Is

> that the way you eat Reese's Peanut Butter Cups? " I said

> forcefully, " Yes. "

>

> There was a judgmental tone in her voice, and it pisses me off. I

> feel like sending her an email saying, " Look. I have NEVER told

you

> what to eat so please respect me by NOT commenting on what I eat. "

> This is a real pet peeve that I have. It really bothers me when

> people comment on what I eat because I AM ALWAYS truthful and

> accountable to myself. I don't need someone else, particularly

> someone in her position, telling me what I should and should not

eat

> when I have NOT solicited that advice.

>

> It makes me want to withdraw my input from her regarding her

process.

>

> Opinions please. I don't want to bite her head off, but I don't

want

> her comments about what I'm eating either.

>

> Francisco

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks Donna.

Yes, I've really got to keep my boundaries strong. But I think I may

have misinterpreted the situation.

Calmer heads are now prevailing.

Thanks,

Francisco

> Hello everyone:

>

> I've got an issue that isn't sitting well with me.

>

> I'm at work, and as you know, there are 11 morbidly obese people

> here, several of whom have betrayed my confidence and told others

in

> the office about my process. As a result, I've had to build up

> strong boundaries (I don't tell anyone anything) where I won't talk

> about my surgery at work, and I've simply told people that I don't

> feel comfortable discussing it.

>

> I've been very supportive of one woman, and in order to help and

> encourage her in her WLS process (she's pre-op) I've shared a lot

> with her.

>

> Today, after running 4 miles, and exercising like a dog, I decided

to

> have a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. I don't hide what I eat because

> it's my business and no one else's. I will not eat anything with

> shame. For is no longer " good " and " bad. " But I must make choices

> that are good for me and be accountable for ALL choices I make.

>

> I keep a running tally (via fitday.com) of all the calories I

> consume. So I don't get freaked out by having a Reece's Peanut

> Butter cup from time to time. And according to my marathon

training,

> I must eat more calories in order to maintain my weight and recover

> from my hard workouts.

>

> Here's where the emotions come in. As Janet passed by me, she

> witnessed me eating a protein bar (a planned snack). She said, " Is

> that the way you eat Reese's Peanut Butter Cups? " I said

> forcefully, " Yes. "

>

> There was a judgmental tone in her voice, and it pisses me off. I

> feel like sending her an email saying, " Look. I have NEVER told

you

> what to eat so please respect me by NOT commenting on what I eat. "

> This is a real pet peeve that I have. It really bothers me when

> people comment on what I eat because I AM ALWAYS truthful and

> accountable to myself. I don't need someone else, particularly

> someone in her position, telling me what I should and should not

eat

> when I have NOT solicited that advice.

>

> It makes me want to withdraw my input from her regarding her

process.

>

> Opinions please. I don't want to bite her head off, but I don't

want

> her comments about what I'm eating either.

>

> Francisco

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Colleen:

Thanks for your words. If it happens again, I'll use your words to

help me.

I really believe in mentally rehearsing how I'll react to a certain

situation that makes me uncomfortable. It helps me realize that I

can communicate my anger/discomfort/pain to people without getting

overly emotional, and just simply communicating that I wish they

would change their behavior and not cross my boundaries.

I have found that when I communicate this stuff in a non-emotional

way, people are more receptive to the message and don't get freaked

out by the emotion.

Thanks for your support.

Francisco

> Hello everyone:

>

> I've got an issue that isn't sitting well with me.

>

> I'm at work, and as you know, there are 11 morbidly obese people

> here, several of whom have betrayed my confidence and told others

in

> the office about my process. As a result, I've had to build up

> strong boundaries (I don't tell anyone anything) where I won't talk

> about my surgery at work, and I've simply told people that I don't

> feel comfortable discussing it.

>

> I've been very supportive of one woman, and in order to help and

> encourage her in her WLS process (she's pre-op) I've shared a lot

> with her.

>

> Today, after running 4 miles, and exercising like a dog, I decided

to

> have a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. I don't hide what I eat because

> it's my business and no one else's. I will not eat anything with

> shame. For is no longer " good " and " bad. " But I must make choices

> that are good for me and be accountable for ALL choices I make.

>

> I keep a running tally (via fitday.com) of all the calories I

> consume. So I don't get freaked out by having a Reece's Peanut

> Butter cup from time to time. And according to my marathon

training,

> I must eat more calories in order to maintain my weight and recover

> from my hard workouts.

>

> Here's where the emotions come in. As Janet passed by me, she

> witnessed me eating a protein bar (a planned snack). She said, " Is

> that the way you eat Reese's Peanut Butter Cups? " I said

> forcefully, " Yes. "

>

> There was a judgmental tone in her voice, and it pisses me off. I

> feel like sending her an email saying, " Look. I have NEVER told

you

> what to eat so please respect me by NOT commenting on what I eat. "

> This is a real pet peeve that I have. It really bothers me when

> people comment on what I eat because I AM ALWAYS truthful and

> accountable to myself. I don't need someone else, particularly

> someone in her position, telling me what I should and should not

eat

> when I have NOT solicited that advice.

>

> It makes me want to withdraw my input from her regarding her

process.

>

> Opinions please. I don't want to bite her head off, but I don't

want

> her comments about what I'm eating either.

>

> Francisco

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Colleen:

Thanks for your words. If it happens again, I'll use your words to

help me.

I really believe in mentally rehearsing how I'll react to a certain

situation that makes me uncomfortable. It helps me realize that I

can communicate my anger/discomfort/pain to people without getting

overly emotional, and just simply communicating that I wish they

would change their behavior and not cross my boundaries.

I have found that when I communicate this stuff in a non-emotional

way, people are more receptive to the message and don't get freaked

out by the emotion.

Thanks for your support.

Francisco

> Hello everyone:

>

> I've got an issue that isn't sitting well with me.

>

> I'm at work, and as you know, there are 11 morbidly obese people

> here, several of whom have betrayed my confidence and told others

in

> the office about my process. As a result, I've had to build up

> strong boundaries (I don't tell anyone anything) where I won't talk

> about my surgery at work, and I've simply told people that I don't

> feel comfortable discussing it.

>

> I've been very supportive of one woman, and in order to help and

> encourage her in her WLS process (she's pre-op) I've shared a lot

> with her.

>

> Today, after running 4 miles, and exercising like a dog, I decided

to

> have a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. I don't hide what I eat because

> it's my business and no one else's. I will not eat anything with

> shame. For is no longer " good " and " bad. " But I must make choices

> that are good for me and be accountable for ALL choices I make.

>

> I keep a running tally (via fitday.com) of all the calories I

> consume. So I don't get freaked out by having a Reece's Peanut

> Butter cup from time to time. And according to my marathon

training,

> I must eat more calories in order to maintain my weight and recover

> from my hard workouts.

>

> Here's where the emotions come in. As Janet passed by me, she

> witnessed me eating a protein bar (a planned snack). She said, " Is

> that the way you eat Reese's Peanut Butter Cups? " I said

> forcefully, " Yes. "

>

> There was a judgmental tone in her voice, and it pisses me off. I

> feel like sending her an email saying, " Look. I have NEVER told

you

> what to eat so please respect me by NOT commenting on what I eat. "

> This is a real pet peeve that I have. It really bothers me when

> people comment on what I eat because I AM ALWAYS truthful and

> accountable to myself. I don't need someone else, particularly

> someone in her position, telling me what I should and should not

eat

> when I have NOT solicited that advice.

>

> It makes me want to withdraw my input from her regarding her

process.

>

> Opinions please. I don't want to bite her head off, but I don't

want

> her comments about what I'm eating either.

>

> Francisco

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Francisco,

I can't blame you at all I'd be the same way here you are trying to

help her out through the process and she sticks her nose in where it

does not belong. What you eat is your buisness.

So how is the new romance going??

>

> Hello everyone:

>

> I've got an issue that isn't sitting well with me.

>

> I'm at work, and as you know, there are 11 morbidly obese people

> here, several of whom have betrayed my confidence and told others

in

> the office about my process. As a result, I've had to build up

> strong boundaries (I don't tell anyone anything) where I won't talk

> about my surgery at work, and I've simply told people that I don't

> feel comfortable discussing it.

>

> I've been very supportive of one woman, and in order to help and

> encourage her in her WLS process (she's pre-op) I've shared a lot

> with her.

>

> Today, after running 4 miles, and exercising like a dog, I decided

to

> have a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. I don't hide what I eat because

> it's my business and no one else's. I will not eat anything with

> shame. For is no longer " good " and " bad. " But I must make choices

> that are good for me and be accountable for ALL choices I make.

>

> I keep a running tally (via fitday.com) of all the calories I

> consume. So I don't get freaked out by having a Reece's Peanut

> Butter cup from time to time. And according to my marathon

training,

> I must eat more calories in order to maintain my weight and recover

> from my hard workouts.

>

> Here's where the emotions come in. As Janet passed by me, she

> witnessed me eating a protein bar (a planned snack). She said, " Is

> that the way you eat Reese's Peanut Butter Cups? " I said

> forcefully, " Yes. "

>

> There was a judgmental tone in her voice, and it pisses me off. I

> feel like sending her an email saying, " Look. I have NEVER told

you

> what to eat so please respect me by NOT commenting on what I eat. "

> This is a real pet peeve that I have. It really bothers me when

> people comment on what I eat because I AM ALWAYS truthful and

> accountable to myself. I don't need someone else, particularly

> someone in her position, telling me what I should and should not

eat

> when I have NOT solicited that advice.

>

> It makes me want to withdraw my input from her regarding her

process.

>

> Opinions please. I don't want to bite her head off, but I don't

want

> her comments about what I'm eating either.

>

> Francisco

>

[Guest guest]

Francisco,

I can't blame you at all I'd be the same way here you are trying to

help her out through the process and she sticks her nose in where it

does not belong. What you eat is your buisness.

So how is the new romance going??

>

> Hello everyone:

>

> I've got an issue that isn't sitting well with me.

>

> I'm at work, and as you know, there are 11 morbidly obese people

> here, several of whom have betrayed my confidence and told others

in

> the office about my process. As a result, I've had to build up

> strong boundaries (I don't tell anyone anything) where I won't talk

> about my surgery at work, and I've simply told people that I don't

> feel comfortable discussing it.

>

> I've been very supportive of one woman, and in order to help and

> encourage her in her WLS process (she's pre-op) I've shared a lot

> with her.

>

> Today, after running 4 miles, and exercising like a dog, I decided

to

> have a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. I don't hide what I eat because

> it's my business and no one else's. I will not eat anything with

> shame. For is no longer " good " and " bad. " But I must make choices

> that are good for me and be accountable for ALL choices I make.

>

> I keep a running tally (via fitday.com) of all the calories I

> consume. So I don't get freaked out by having a Reece's Peanut

> Butter cup from time to time. And according to my marathon

training,

> I must eat more calories in order to maintain my weight and recover

> from my hard workouts.

>

> Here's where the emotions come in. As Janet passed by me, she

> witnessed me eating a protein bar (a planned snack). She said, " Is

> that the way you eat Reese's Peanut Butter Cups? " I said

> forcefully, " Yes. "

>

> There was a judgmental tone in her voice, and it pisses me off. I

> feel like sending her an email saying, " Look. I have NEVER told

you

> what to eat so please respect me by NOT commenting on what I eat. "

> This is a real pet peeve that I have. It really bothers me when

> people comment on what I eat because I AM ALWAYS truthful and

> accountable to myself. I don't need someone else, particularly

> someone in her position, telling me what I should and should not

eat

> when I have NOT solicited that advice.

>

> It makes me want to withdraw my input from her regarding her

process.

>

> Opinions please. I don't want to bite her head off, but I don't

want

> her comments about what I'm eating either.

>

> Francisco

>

[Guest guest]

I would tell her exactly what you just told us. You know what you

are doing, you are doing it mindfully and that its none of her

business. However, if she would like you to " police " what she eats

and make comments, then you'd be more than happy to oblige so she

will know how invasive her comments were.

>

> Hello everyone:

>

> I've got an issue that isn't sitting well with me.

>

> I'm at work, and as you know, there are 11 morbidly obese people

> here, several of whom have betrayed my confidence and told others

in

> the office about my process. As a result, I've had to build up

> strong boundaries (I don't tell anyone anything) where I won't

talk

> about my surgery at work, and I've simply told people that I don't

> feel comfortable discussing it.

>

> I've been very supportive of one woman, and in order to help and

> encourage her in her WLS process (she's pre-op) I've shared a lot

> with her.

>

> Today, after running 4 miles, and exercising like a dog, I decided

to

> have a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. I don't hide what I eat because

> it's my business and no one else's. I will not eat anything with

> shame. For is no longer " good " and " bad. " But I must make

choices

> that are good for me and be accountable for ALL choices I make.

>

> I keep a running tally (via fitday.com) of all the calories I

> consume. So I don't get freaked out by having a Reece's Peanut

> Butter cup from time to time. And according to my marathon

training,

> I must eat more calories in order to maintain my weight and

recover

> from my hard workouts.

>

> Here's where the emotions come in. As Janet passed by me, she

> witnessed me eating a protein bar (a planned snack). She

said, " Is

> that the way you eat Reese's Peanut Butter Cups? " I said

> forcefully, " Yes. "

>

> There was a judgmental tone in her voice, and it pisses me off. I

> feel like sending her an email saying, " Look. I have NEVER told

you

> what to eat so please respect me by NOT commenting on what I

eat. "

> This is a real pet peeve that I have. It really bothers me when

> people comment on what I eat because I AM ALWAYS truthful and

> accountable to myself. I don't need someone else, particularly

> someone in her position, telling me what I should and should not

eat

> when I have NOT solicited that advice.

>

> It makes me want to withdraw my input from her regarding her

process.

>

> Opinions please. I don't want to bite her head off, but I don't

want

> her comments about what I'm eating either.

>

> Francisco

>

[Guest guest]

I would tell her exactly what you just told us. You know what you

are doing, you are doing it mindfully and that its none of her

business. However, if she would like you to " police " what she eats

and make comments, then you'd be more than happy to oblige so she

will know how invasive her comments were.

>

> Hello everyone:

>

> I've got an issue that isn't sitting well with me.

>

> I'm at work, and as you know, there are 11 morbidly obese people

> here, several of whom have betrayed my confidence and told others

in

> the office about my process. As a result, I've had to build up

> strong boundaries (I don't tell anyone anything) where I won't

talk

> about my surgery at work, and I've simply told people that I don't

> feel comfortable discussing it.

>

> I've been very supportive of one woman, and in order to help and

> encourage her in her WLS process (she's pre-op) I've shared a lot

> with her.

>

> Today, after running 4 miles, and exercising like a dog, I decided

to

> have a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. I don't hide what I eat because

> it's my business and no one else's. I will not eat anything with

> shame. For is no longer " good " and " bad. " But I must make

choices

> that are good for me and be accountable for ALL choices I make.

>

> I keep a running tally (via fitday.com) of all the calories I

> consume. So I don't get freaked out by having a Reece's Peanut

> Butter cup from time to time. And according to my marathon

training,

> I must eat more calories in order to maintain my weight and

recover

> from my hard workouts.

>

> Here's where the emotions come in. As Janet passed by me, she

> witnessed me eating a protein bar (a planned snack). She

said, " Is

> that the way you eat Reese's Peanut Butter Cups? " I said

> forcefully, " Yes. "

>

> There was a judgmental tone in her voice, and it pisses me off. I

> feel like sending her an email saying, " Look. I have NEVER told

you

> what to eat so please respect me by NOT commenting on what I

eat. "

> This is a real pet peeve that I have. It really bothers me when

> people comment on what I eat because I AM ALWAYS truthful and

> accountable to myself. I don't need someone else, particularly

> someone in her position, telling me what I should and should not

eat

> when I have NOT solicited that advice.

>

> It makes me want to withdraw my input from her regarding her

process.

>

> Opinions please. I don't want to bite her head off, but I don't

want

> her comments about what I'm eating either.

>

> Francisco

>

[Guest guest]

Good for you, not sneak eating! You're right, that what we eat is no

one's business, but face it. We ARE living in the real world, and

those around us notice these things. Fortunately, my coworkers have

been nothing but supportive. I've never shied away from discussing

my process with antone who asks out of genuine interest.

I think your explanation in your post is sufficient for her. Since

you're supporting her process, I think you should explain that three

years out, we can (and often do) eat pretty much eat anything again,

but that we must always be aware of what and why we're eating. That

you planned this and included it in your daily food record.

Tim

>

> Hello everyone:

>

> I've got an issue that isn't sitting well with me.

>

> I'm at work, and as you know, there are 11 morbidly obese people

> here, several of whom have betrayed my confidence and told others

in

> the office about my process. As a result, I've had to build up

> strong boundaries (I don't tell anyone anything) where I won't talk

> about my surgery at work, and I've simply told people that I don't

> feel comfortable discussing it.

>

> I've been very supportive of one woman, and in order to help and

> encourage her in her WLS process (she's pre-op) I've shared a lot

> with her.

>

> Today, after running 4 miles, and exercising like a dog, I decided

to

> have a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. I don't hide what I eat because

> it's my business and no one else's. I will not eat anything with

> shame. For is no longer " good " and " bad. " But I must make choices

> that are good for me and be accountable for ALL choices I make.

>

> I keep a running tally (via fitday.com) of all the calories I

> consume. So I don't get freaked out by having a Reece's Peanut

> Butter cup from time to time. And according to my marathon

training,

> I must eat more calories in order to maintain my weight and recover

> from my hard workouts.

>

> Here's where the emotions come in. As Janet passed by me, she

> witnessed me eating a protein bar (a planned snack). She said, " Is

> that the way you eat Reese's Peanut Butter Cups? " I said

> forcefully, " Yes. "

>

> There was a judgmental tone in her voice, and it pisses me off. I

> feel like sending her an email saying, " Look. I have NEVER told

you

> what to eat so please respect me by NOT commenting on what I eat. "

> This is a real pet peeve that I have. It really bothers me when

> people comment on what I eat because I AM ALWAYS truthful and

> accountable to myself. I don't need someone else, particularly

> someone in her position, telling me what I should and should not

eat

> when I have NOT solicited that advice.

>

> It makes me want to withdraw my input from her regarding her

process.

>

> Opinions please. I don't want to bite her head off, but I don't

want

> her comments about what I'm eating either.

>

> Francisco

>

[Guest guest]

Good for you, not sneak eating! You're right, that what we eat is no

one's business, but face it. We ARE living in the real world, and

those around us notice these things. Fortunately, my coworkers have

been nothing but supportive. I've never shied away from discussing

my process with antone who asks out of genuine interest.

I think your explanation in your post is sufficient for her. Since

you're supporting her process, I think you should explain that three

years out, we can (and often do) eat pretty much eat anything again,

but that we must always be aware of what and why we're eating. That

you planned this and included it in your daily food record.

Tim

>

> Hello everyone:

>

> I've got an issue that isn't sitting well with me.

>

> I'm at work, and as you know, there are 11 morbidly obese people

> here, several of whom have betrayed my confidence and told others

in

> the office about my process. As a result, I've had to build up

> strong boundaries (I don't tell anyone anything) where I won't talk

> about my surgery at work, and I've simply told people that I don't

> feel comfortable discussing it.

>

> I've been very supportive of one woman, and in order to help and

> encourage her in her WLS process (she's pre-op) I've shared a lot

> with her.

>

> Today, after running 4 miles, and exercising like a dog, I decided

to

> have a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. I don't hide what I eat because

> it's my business and no one else's. I will not eat anything with

> shame. For is no longer " good " and " bad. " But I must make choices

> that are good for me and be accountable for ALL choices I make.

>

> I keep a running tally (via fitday.com) of all the calories I

> consume. So I don't get freaked out by having a Reece's Peanut

> Butter cup from time to time. And according to my marathon

training,

> I must eat more calories in order to maintain my weight and recover

> from my hard workouts.

>

> Here's where the emotions come in. As Janet passed by me, she

> witnessed me eating a protein bar (a planned snack). She said, " Is

> that the way you eat Reese's Peanut Butter Cups? " I said

> forcefully, " Yes. "

>

> There was a judgmental tone in her voice, and it pisses me off. I

> feel like sending her an email saying, " Look. I have NEVER told

you

> what to eat so please respect me by NOT commenting on what I eat. "

> This is a real pet peeve that I have. It really bothers me when

> people comment on what I eat because I AM ALWAYS truthful and

> accountable to myself. I don't need someone else, particularly

> someone in her position, telling me what I should and should not

eat

> when I have NOT solicited that advice.

>

> It makes me want to withdraw my input from her regarding her

process.

>

> Opinions please. I don't want to bite her head off, but I don't

want

> her comments about what I'm eating either.

>

> Francisco

>

[Guest guest]

Francisco: If this is the woman that you are helping in the process...it could be that she just doesn't know what is ok and what is not ok post surgery. You can use it as an educational process for her. Tell her that you lived your life eating in shame, and that one of the nice things about post-surgery life, is that now that you are in control, you have become aware that for YOU, you can plan to eat something that is a "treat" from time to time, because you control your nutrition and you don't eat in a non-mindful way. In other words, that youi are aware of the calories you consume, you work out, and you have a "calories in, calories out" mathematical approach to your weight control. Remind her that you run every day, and what your normal work out plan is...tell her that because of that, you have the freedom to truly enjoy a treat WITHOUT guilt...to really relish it, and to be able to stop with a

moderate amount...and that if she elects to monitor her calories in the same way, and work out to the same intensity, she may be able to do the same thing. That some people have "trigger foods" that cause them to fall off of the deep end, and that she'll need to watch those things...that you have a few things like that (if you do) and that you keep close watch on yourself about that kind of thing. That too many people eat in secret, somehow thinking the calories don't count...and that you've learned to eat with enjoyment, for satisfaction...and in the open, with no shame...because in essence, you've earned that right because 98 percent of the time, you eat healthy things...and you maintain an appropriate exercise plan. It's ignorance, that's all. You are more enlightened than she is. Plus, at the end of all that, if you convey it in an educational, sharing spirit...you can say, "I'm sure you understand

how complex the relationship with food can be...when youi are overweight, people judge you all of the time, and you heap that shame upon you along with your own self-shame. I am being freed from that...but I must confess, that when you made the comment the other day, I felt judged by you, and that didn't feel good. I'm really in transition, and breaking free of the judgment...so I would ask you to honor that...and let me make my own decisions. I appreciate that you care about me, and that you thought you were helping...but I'm sure you have experienced some negative comments from well-meaning people along your path...and if you think about it, it is rarely helpful. Again, one of the wonderful things about this journey is that you start to feel more control over yourself and your weight...and you can learn to eat like a "normal" person. Normal people don't have a problem with an occasional treat, as long as they find balance and exercise, or eat a bit

less that day or th enext to accomodate for it. That's the beauty of all of this." In that way, it won't turn into an uncomfortable thing between the two of you...it will enlighten her a bit...and it will help YOU to put those thoughts into voice...because it will reaffirm your new philosophy into your subconcious. Good luck, RobynnDonna Jordon wrote: Francisco Keeping your boundaries is letting people know when they do something wrong, not holding them in to eat you up. Send her a email just saying you would not like her to comment the way she did, and you know you make good and bad choices but you and only you are accountable for the choices you make. If you want you can add that your trainer has you eating more

calories due to your training so the remarks are not necessary. Try to rise above her and open up, then maybe this co worker will be better and you won't have to shut her down also. If you have to shut them all down your working life won't be any good for you. I hope you know where I'm coming from and this helps. Take care. Donnamanisodream wrote: Hello everyone:I've got an issue that isn't sitting well with me.I'm at work, and as you know, there are 11 morbidly obese people here, several of whom have betrayed my confidence and told others in the office about my process. As a result, I've had to build up strong boundaries (I don't tell anyone anything) where I won't talk about my surgery at work, and I've simply told people that I don't feel

comfortable discussing it.I've been very supportive of one woman, and in order to help and encourage her in her WLS process (she's pre-op) I've shared a lot with her.Today, after running 4 miles, and exercising like a dog, I decided to have a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. I don't hide what I eat because it's my business and no one else's. I will not eat anything with shame. For is no longer "good" and "bad." But I must make choices that are good for me and be accountable for ALL choices I make.I keep a running tally (via fitday.com) of all the calories I consume. So I don't get freaked out by having a Reece's Peanut Butter cup from time to time. And according to my marathon training, I must eat more calories in order to maintain my weight and recover from my hard workouts.Here's where the emotions come in. As Janet passed by me, she witnessed me eating a protein bar (a

planned snack). She said, "Is that the way you eat Reese's Peanut Butter Cups?" I said forcefully, "Yes."There was a judgmental tone in her voice, and it pisses me off. I feel like sending her an email saying, "Look. I have NEVER told you what to eat so please respect me by NOT commenting on what I eat." This is a real pet peeve that I have. It really bothers me when people comment on what I eat because I AM ALWAYS truthful and accountable to myself. I don't need someone else, particularly someone in her position, telling me what I should and should not eat when I have NOT solicited that advice.It makes me want to withdraw my input from her regarding her process.Opinions please. I don't want to bite her head off, but I don't want her comments about what I'm eating either.Francisco Donna

JordonDSJordon@... What are the most popular cars? Find out at Yahoo! Autos

[Guest guest]

Francisco: If this is the woman that you are helping in the process...it could be that she just doesn't know what is ok and what is not ok post surgery. You can use it as an educational process for her. Tell her that you lived your life eating in shame, and that one of the nice things about post-surgery life, is that now that you are in control, you have become aware that for YOU, you can plan to eat something that is a "treat" from time to time, because you control your nutrition and you don't eat in a non-mindful way. In other words, that youi are aware of the calories you consume, you work out, and you have a "calories in, calories out" mathematical approach to your weight control. Remind her that you run every day, and what your normal work out plan is...tell her that because of that, you have the freedom to truly enjoy a treat WITHOUT guilt...to really relish it, and to be able to stop with a

moderate amount...and that if she elects to monitor her calories in the same way, and work out to the same intensity, she may be able to do the same thing. That some people have "trigger foods" that cause them to fall off of the deep end, and that she'll need to watch those things...that you have a few things like that (if you do) and that you keep close watch on yourself about that kind of thing. That too many people eat in secret, somehow thinking the calories don't count...and that you've learned to eat with enjoyment, for satisfaction...and in the open, with no shame...because in essence, you've earned that right because 98 percent of the time, you eat healthy things...and you maintain an appropriate exercise plan. It's ignorance, that's all. You are more enlightened than she is. Plus, at the end of all that, if you convey it in an educational, sharing spirit...you can say, "I'm sure you understand

how complex the relationship with food can be...when youi are overweight, people judge you all of the time, and you heap that shame upon you along with your own self-shame. I am being freed from that...but I must confess, that when you made the comment the other day, I felt judged by you, and that didn't feel good. I'm really in transition, and breaking free of the judgment...so I would ask you to honor that...and let me make my own decisions. I appreciate that you care about me, and that you thought you were helping...but I'm sure you have experienced some negative comments from well-meaning people along your path...and if you think about it, it is rarely helpful. Again, one of the wonderful things about this journey is that you start to feel more control over yourself and your weight...and you can learn to eat like a "normal" person. Normal people don't have a problem with an occasional treat, as long as they find balance and exercise, or eat a bit

less that day or th enext to accomodate for it. That's the beauty of all of this." In that way, it won't turn into an uncomfortable thing between the two of you...it will enlighten her a bit...and it will help YOU to put those thoughts into voice...because it will reaffirm your new philosophy into your subconcious. Good luck, RobynnDonna Jordon wrote: Francisco Keeping your boundaries is letting people know when they do something wrong, not holding them in to eat you up. Send her a email just saying you would not like her to comment the way she did, and you know you make good and bad choices but you and only you are accountable for the choices you make. If you want you can add that your trainer has you eating more

calories due to your training so the remarks are not necessary. Try to rise above her and open up, then maybe this co worker will be better and you won't have to shut her down also. If you have to shut them all down your working life won't be any good for you. I hope you know where I'm coming from and this helps. Take care. Donnamanisodream wrote: Hello everyone:I've got an issue that isn't sitting well with me.I'm at work, and as you know, there are 11 morbidly obese people here, several of whom have betrayed my confidence and told others in the office about my process. As a result, I've had to build up strong boundaries (I don't tell anyone anything) where I won't talk about my surgery at work, and I've simply told people that I don't feel

comfortable discussing it.I've been very supportive of one woman, and in order to help and encourage her in her WLS process (she's pre-op) I've shared a lot with her.Today, after running 4 miles, and exercising like a dog, I decided to have a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. I don't hide what I eat because it's my business and no one else's. I will not eat anything with shame. For is no longer "good" and "bad." But I must make choices that are good for me and be accountable for ALL choices I make.I keep a running tally (via fitday.com) of all the calories I consume. So I don't get freaked out by having a Reece's Peanut Butter cup from time to time. And according to my marathon training, I must eat more calories in order to maintain my weight and recover from my hard workouts.Here's where the emotions come in. As Janet passed by me, she witnessed me eating a protein bar (a

planned snack). She said, "Is that the way you eat Reese's Peanut Butter Cups?" I said forcefully, "Yes."There was a judgmental tone in her voice, and it pisses me off. I feel like sending her an email saying, "Look. I have NEVER told you what to eat so please respect me by NOT commenting on what I eat." This is a real pet peeve that I have. It really bothers me when people comment on what I eat because I AM ALWAYS truthful and accountable to myself. I don't need someone else, particularly someone in her position, telling me what I should and should not eat when I have NOT solicited that advice.It makes me want to withdraw my input from her regarding her process.Opinions please. I don't want to bite her head off, but I don't want her comments about what I'm eating either.Francisco Donna

JordonDSJordon@... What are the most popular cars? Find out at Yahoo! Autos

[Guest guest]

Francisco: I agree with Robynn. This woman's ignorance is just that,

HERS. You, and only you, know the truth of your situation, and this

woman's intrusion is an intrusion. IF you choose to share the rational

for your choices, then you can. But I would be careful that letting her

into this part of your thinking may violate the boundaries you discussed

for " at work " .

The only person you should be concerned about is YOU. I know you will

make the best decision for you, and remember, there is a U in YOU, but

it is at the end.

>

> Francisco:

>

> If this is the woman that you are helping in the process...it could be

that she just doesn't know what is ok and what is not ok post surgery.

You can use it as an educational process for her. Tell her that you

lived your life eating in shame, and that one of the nice things about

post-surgery life, is that now that you are in control, you have become

aware that for YOU, you can plan to eat something that is a " treat " from

time to time, because you control your nutrition and you don't eat in a

non-mindful way.

>

> In other words, that youi are aware of the calories you consume, you

work out, and you have a " calories in, calories out " mathematical

approach to your weight control. Remind her that you run every day, and

what your normal work out plan is...tell her that because of that, you

have the freedom to truly enjoy a treat WITHOUT guilt...to really relish

it, and to be able to stop with a moderate amount...and that if she

elects to monitor her calories in the same way, and work out to the same

intensity, she may be able to do the same thing. That some people have

" trigger foods " that cause them to fall off of the deep end, and that

she'll need to watch those things...that you have a few things like that

(if you do) and that you keep close watch on yourself about that kind of

thing.

>

> That too many people eat in secret, somehow thinking the calories

don't count...and that you've learned to eat with enjoyment, for

satisfaction...and in the open, with no shame...because in essence,

you've earned that right because 98 percent of the time, you eat healthy

things...and you maintain an appropriate exercise plan.

>

> It's ignorance, that's all. You are more enlightened than she is.

Plus, at the end of all that, if you convey it in an educational,

sharing spirit...you can say, " I'm sure you understand how complex the

relationship with food can be...when youi are overweight, people judge

you all of the time, and you heap that shame upon you along with your

own self-shame. I am being freed from that...but I must confess, that

when you made the comment the other day, I felt judged by you, and that

didn't feel good. I'm really in transition, and breaking free of the

judgment...so I would ask you to honor that...and let me make my own

decisions. I appreciate that you care about me, and that you thought you

were helping...but I'm sure you have experienced some negative comments

from well-meaning people along your path...and if you think about it, it

is rarely helpful. Again, one of the wonderful things about this journey

is that you start to feel more control over yourself and your

weight...and

> you can learn to eat like a " normal " person. Normal people don't have

a problem with an occasional treat, as long as they find balance and

exercise, or eat a bit less that day or th enext to accomodate for it.

That's the beauty of all of this. "

>

> In that way, it won't turn into an uncomfortable thing between the two

of you...it will enlighten her a bit...and it will help YOU to put those

thoughts into voice...because it will reaffirm your new philosophy into

your subconcious.

>

> Good luck,

> Robynn

>

> Donna Jordon dsjordon@... wrote:

> Francisco

> Keeping your boundaries is letting people know when they do something

wrong, not holding them in to eat you up. Send her a email just saying

you would not like her to comment the way she did, and you know you make

good and bad choices but you and only you are accountable for the

choices you make. If you want you can add that your trainer has you

eating more calories due to your training so the remarks are not

necessary. Try to rise above her and open up, then maybe this co worker

will be better and you won't have to shut her down also. If you have to

shut them all down your working life won't be any good for you. I hope

you know where I'm coming from and this helps. Take care. Donna

>

> manisodream manisodream@... wrote:

> Hello everyone:

>

> I've got an issue that isn't sitting well with me.

>

> I'm at work, and as you know, there are 11 morbidly obese people

> here, several of whom have betrayed my confidence and told others in

> the office about my process. As a result, I've had to build up

> strong boundaries (I don't tell anyone anything) where I won't talk

> about my surgery at work, and I've simply told people that I don't

> feel comfortable discussing it.

>

> I've been very supportive of one woman, and in order to help and

> encourage her in her WLS process (she's pre-op) I've shared a lot

> with her.

>

> Today, after running 4 miles, and exercising like a dog, I decided to

> have a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. I don't hide what I eat because

> it's my business and no one else's. I will not eat anything with

> shame. For is no longer " good " and " bad. " But I must make choices

> that are good for me and be accountable for ALL choices I make.

>

> I keep a running tally (via fitday.com) of all the calories I

> consume. So I don't get freaked out by having a Reece's Peanut

> Butter cup from time to time. And according to my marathon training,

> I must eat more calories in order to maintain my weight and recover

> from my hard workouts.

>

> Here's where the emotions come in. As Janet passed by me, she

> witnessed me eating a protein bar (a planned snack). She said, " Is

> that the way you eat Reese's Peanut Butter Cups? " I said

> forcefully, " Yes. "

>

> There was a judgmental tone in her voice, and it pisses me off. I

> feel like sending her an email saying, " Look. I have NEVER told you

> what to eat so please respect me by NOT commenting on what I eat. "

> This is a real pet peeve that I have. It really bothers me when

> people comment on what I eat because I AM ALWAYS truthful and

> accountable to myself. I don't need someone else, particularly

> someone in her position, telling me what I should and should not eat

> when I have NOT solicited that advice.

>

> It makes me want to withdraw my input from her regarding her process.

>

> Opinions please. I don't want to bite her head off, but I don't want

> her comments about what I'm eating either.

>

> Francisco

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Donna Jordon

>

> DSJordon@...

> ---------------------------------

>

> What are the most popular cars? Find out at Yahoo! Autos

>

>

[Guest guest]

Francisco: I agree with Robynn. This woman's ignorance is just that,

HERS. You, and only you, know the truth of your situation, and this

woman's intrusion is an intrusion. IF you choose to share the rational

for your choices, then you can. But I would be careful that letting her

into this part of your thinking may violate the boundaries you discussed

for " at work " .

The only person you should be concerned about is YOU. I know you will

make the best decision for you, and remember, there is a U in YOU, but

it is at the end.

>

> Francisco:

>

> If this is the woman that you are helping in the process...it could be

that she just doesn't know what is ok and what is not ok post surgery.

You can use it as an educational process for her. Tell her that you

lived your life eating in shame, and that one of the nice things about

post-surgery life, is that now that you are in control, you have become

aware that for YOU, you can plan to eat something that is a " treat " from

time to time, because you control your nutrition and you don't eat in a

non-mindful way.

>

> In other words, that youi are aware of the calories you consume, you

work out, and you have a " calories in, calories out " mathematical

approach to your weight control. Remind her that you run every day, and

what your normal work out plan is...tell her that because of that, you

have the freedom to truly enjoy a treat WITHOUT guilt...to really relish

it, and to be able to stop with a moderate amount...and that if she

elects to monitor her calories in the same way, and work out to the same

intensity, she may be able to do the same thing. That some people have

" trigger foods " that cause them to fall off of the deep end, and that

she'll need to watch those things...that you have a few things like that

(if you do) and that you keep close watch on yourself about that kind of

thing.

>

> That too many people eat in secret, somehow thinking the calories

don't count...and that you've learned to eat with enjoyment, for

satisfaction...and in the open, with no shame...because in essence,

you've earned that right because 98 percent of the time, you eat healthy

things...and you maintain an appropriate exercise plan.

>

> It's ignorance, that's all. You are more enlightened than she is.

Plus, at the end of all that, if you convey it in an educational,

sharing spirit...you can say, " I'm sure you understand how complex the

relationship with food can be...when youi are overweight, people judge

you all of the time, and you heap that shame upon you along with your

own self-shame. I am being freed from that...but I must confess, that

when you made the comment the other day, I felt judged by you, and that

didn't feel good. I'm really in transition, and breaking free of the

judgment...so I would ask you to honor that...and let me make my own

decisions. I appreciate that you care about me, and that you thought you

were helping...but I'm sure you have experienced some negative comments

from well-meaning people along your path...and if you think about it, it

is rarely helpful. Again, one of the wonderful things about this journey

is that you start to feel more control over yourself and your

weight...and

> you can learn to eat like a " normal " person. Normal people don't have

a problem with an occasional treat, as long as they find balance and

exercise, or eat a bit less that day or th enext to accomodate for it.

That's the beauty of all of this. "

>

> In that way, it won't turn into an uncomfortable thing between the two

of you...it will enlighten her a bit...and it will help YOU to put those

thoughts into voice...because it will reaffirm your new philosophy into

your subconcious.

>

> Good luck,

> Robynn

>

> Donna Jordon dsjordon@... wrote:

> Francisco

> Keeping your boundaries is letting people know when they do something

wrong, not holding them in to eat you up. Send her a email just saying

you would not like her to comment the way she did, and you know you make

good and bad choices but you and only you are accountable for the

choices you make. If you want you can add that your trainer has you

eating more calories due to your training so the remarks are not

necessary. Try to rise above her and open up, then maybe this co worker

will be better and you won't have to shut her down also. If you have to

shut them all down your working life won't be any good for you. I hope

you know where I'm coming from and this helps. Take care. Donna

>

> manisodream manisodream@... wrote:

> Hello everyone:

>

> I've got an issue that isn't sitting well with me.

>

> I'm at work, and as you know, there are 11 morbidly obese people

> here, several of whom have betrayed my confidence and told others in

> the office about my process. As a result, I've had to build up

> strong boundaries (I don't tell anyone anything) where I won't talk

> about my surgery at work, and I've simply told people that I don't

> feel comfortable discussing it.

>

> I've been very supportive of one woman, and in order to help and

> encourage her in her WLS process (she's pre-op) I've shared a lot

> with her.

>

> Today, after running 4 miles, and exercising like a dog, I decided to

> have a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. I don't hide what I eat because

> it's my business and no one else's. I will not eat anything with

> shame. For is no longer " good " and " bad. " But I must make choices

> that are good for me and be accountable for ALL choices I make.

>

> I keep a running tally (via fitday.com) of all the calories I

> consume. So I don't get freaked out by having a Reece's Peanut

> Butter cup from time to time. And according to my marathon training,

> I must eat more calories in order to maintain my weight and recover

> from my hard workouts.

>

> Here's where the emotions come in. As Janet passed by me, she

> witnessed me eating a protein bar (a planned snack). She said, " Is

> that the way you eat Reese's Peanut Butter Cups? " I said

> forcefully, " Yes. "

>

> There was a judgmental tone in her voice, and it pisses me off. I

> feel like sending her an email saying, " Look. I have NEVER told you

> what to eat so please respect me by NOT commenting on what I eat. "

> This is a real pet peeve that I have. It really bothers me when

> people comment on what I eat because I AM ALWAYS truthful and

> accountable to myself. I don't need someone else, particularly

> someone in her position, telling me what I should and should not eat

> when I have NOT solicited that advice.

>

> It makes me want to withdraw my input from her regarding her process.

>

> Opinions please. I don't want to bite her head off, but I don't want

> her comments about what I'm eating either.

>

> Francisco

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Donna Jordon

>

> DSJordon@...

> ---------------------------------

>

> What are the most popular cars? Find out at Yahoo! Autos

>

>

[Guest guest]

If I might add Francisco. The lady that watches my

boys had the surgery in Oct 2005 (she has lost 110

pounds so far). One of the kids parents comes there

and all she ever does is complains about this one guy

that she works with. Her complaints are about what he

eats. He eats nothing but junk (unlike you). One day

I had had enough. I politely told her " That gentleman

is no different than you " . " It is insane to think

that someone will never eat burger, fries, etc. ever

again in life " . " Why should people who have this

procedure be scolded for enjoying a treat/food " ? I

also told her that she has no " right " to be mad/angry

because its his life, his business and his body. I

also asked her where was she before he had the

surgery. I asked her was she that concerned when he

was super morbidly obese. I asked her what words o

encourement did she offer to this gentleman. Her

response was silence. I also asked her if she paid

for his procedure and she said no. I said you neither

have a right or a need to be concerned with this

gentleman and you really should leave him alone. My

daycare provider said " Thank you " because she had been

trying to tell her the same thing. I mean this lady

knows that I had the procedure.

The only last thing she said to me was " but look at

you, you look fabulous and you are not eating like he

is " . I told her again, we are two individuals with

different goals in mind and you can group us all

together or let alone expect the same results for

every single person. She said she was sorry and I

told her no need to just be aware and if anything she

should apologize to the gentleman that she works with.

She said it just did not make any sense to go through

the procedure if he was going to eat like he does. I

reminded her that again, " its his life, his body and

that if he wants to eat that stuff that is was totally

up to him because he is the only person he has to be

accountable to " .

She just looked at me. I know she did not like what I

said but I did not care. I don't like it when people

know that you had the procedure then question if you

eat what they eat. I don't answer to anyone neither

do I feel shame if I eat something because I am grown

and no one is taking care of me except me.

I am wondering if she is just surprised by the fact

that you can in fact have that sort of treat. Many

are ignorant and clueless so they do not know what to

expect. So when they see us eat " normal - just like

they do " they question it. Especially those that are

preparing for the surgery. Especially since they are

told " you can't ever eat this and you can't ever eat

that " .

I hope you find a way to talk with this woman without

the relationship being torn. I wish you well

Francisco and hang in there. Be encouraged.

--- Robynn VanPatten wrote:

> Francisco:

>

> If this is the woman that you are helping in the

> process...it could be that she just doesn't know

> what is ok and what is not ok post surgery. You can

> use it as an educational process for her. Tell her

> that you lived your life eating in shame, and that

> one of the nice things about post-surgery life, is

> that now that you are in control, you have become

> aware that for YOU, you can plan to eat something

> that is a " treat " from time to time, because you

> control your nutrition and you don't eat in a

> non-mindful way.

>

> In other words, that youi are aware of the

> calories you consume, you work out, and you have a

> " calories in, calories out " mathematical approach to

> your weight control. Remind her that you run every

> day, and what your normal work out plan is...tell

> her that because of that, you have the freedom to

> truly enjoy a treat WITHOUT guilt...to really relish

> it, and to be able to stop with a moderate

> amount...and that if she elects to monitor her

> calories in the same way, and work out to the same

> intensity, she may be able to do the same thing.

> That some people have " trigger foods " that cause

> them to fall off of the deep end, and that she'll

> need to watch those things...that you have a few

> things like that (if you do) and that you keep close

> watch on yourself about that kind of thing.

>

> That too many people eat in secret, somehow

> thinking the calories don't count...and that you've

> learned to eat with enjoyment, for

> satisfaction...and in the open, with no

> shame...because in essence, you've earned that right

> because 98 percent of the time, you eat healthy

> things...and you maintain an appropriate exercise

> plan.

>

> It's ignorance, that's all. You are more

> enlightened than she is. Plus, at the end of all

> that, if you convey it in an educational, sharing

> spirit...you can say, " I'm sure you understand how

> complex the relationship with food can be...when

> youi are overweight, people judge you all of the

> time, and you heap that shame upon you along with

> your own self-shame. I am being freed from

> that...but I must confess, that when you made the

> comment the other day, I felt judged by you, and

> that didn't feel good. I'm really in transition,

> and breaking free of the judgment...so I would ask

> you to honor that...and let me make my own

> decisions. I appreciate that you care about me, and

> that you thought you were helping...but I'm sure you

> have experienced some negative comments from

> well-meaning people along your path...and if you

> think about it, it is rarely helpful. Again, one of

> the wonderful things about this journey is that you

> start to feel more control over yourself and your

> weight...and

> you can learn to eat like a " normal " person.

> Normal people don't have a problem with an

> occasional treat, as long as they find balance and

> exercise, or eat a bit less that day or th enext to

> accomodate for it. That's the beauty of all of

> this. "

>

> In that way, it won't turn into an uncomfortable

> thing between the two of you...it will enlighten her

> a bit...and it will help YOU to put those thoughts

> into voice...because it will reaffirm your new

> philosophy into your subconcious.

>

> Good luck,

> Robynn

>

> Donna Jordon wrote:

> Francisco

> Keeping your boundaries is letting people know

> when they do something wrong, not holding them in to

> eat you up. Send her a email just saying you would

> not like her to comment the way she did, and you

> know you make good and bad choices but you and only

> you are accountable for the choices you make. If

> you want you can add that your trainer has you

> eating more calories due to your training so the

> remarks are not necessary. Try to rise above her

> and open up, then maybe this co worker will be

> better and you won't have to shut her down also. If

> you have to shut them all down your working life

> won't be any good for you. I hope you know where

> I'm coming from and this helps. Take care. Donna

>

> manisodream wrote:

> Hello everyone:

>

> I've got an issue that isn't sitting well with me.

>

> I'm at work, and as you know, there are 11 morbidly

> obese people

> here, several of whom have betrayed my confidence

> and told others in

> the office about my process. As a result, I've had

> to build up

> strong boundaries (I don't tell anyone anything)

> where I won't talk

> about my surgery at work, and I've simply told

> people that I don't

> feel comfortable discussing it.

>

> I've been very supportive of one woman, and in order

> to help and

> encourage her in her WLS process (she's pre-op) I've

> shared a lot

> with her.

>

> Today, after running 4 miles, and exercising like a

> dog, I decided to

> have a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. I don't hide what

> I eat because

> it's my business and no one else's. I will not eat

> anything with

> shame. For is no longer " good " and " bad. " But I

> must make choices

> that are good for me and be accountable for ALL

> choices I make.

>

> I keep a running tally (via fitday.com) of all the

> calories I

> consume. So I don't get freaked out by having a

> Reece's Peanut

> Butter cup from time to time. And according to my

> marathon training,

> I must eat more calories in order to maintain my

> weight and recover

> from my hard workouts.

>

> Here's where the emotions come in. As Janet passed

> by me, she

> witnessed me eating a protein bar (a planned snack).

> She said, " Is

> that the way you eat Reese's Peanut Butter Cups? " I

> said

> forcefully, " Yes. "

>

> There was a judgmental tone in her voice, and it

> pisses me off. I

> feel like sending her an email saying, " Look. I

> have NEVER told you

> what to eat so please respect me by NOT commenting

> on what I eat. "

> This is a real pet peeve that I have. It really

> bothers me when

> people comment on what I eat because I AM ALWAYS

> truthful and

> accountable to myself. I don't need someone else,

> particularly

> someone in her position, telling me what I should

> and should not eat

> when I have NOT solicited that advice.

>

> It makes me want to withdraw my input from her

> regarding her process.

>

> Opinions please. I don't want to bite her head off,

> but I don't want

> her comments about what I'm eating either.

>

> Francisco

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Donna Jordon

>

> DSJordon@...

> ---------------------------------

>

> What are the most popular cars? Find out at Yahoo!

> Autos

>

>

[Guest guest]

If I might add Francisco. The lady that watches my

boys had the surgery in Oct 2005 (she has lost 110

pounds so far). One of the kids parents comes there

and all she ever does is complains about this one guy

that she works with. Her complaints are about what he

eats. He eats nothing but junk (unlike you). One day

I had had enough. I politely told her " That gentleman

is no different than you " . " It is insane to think

that someone will never eat burger, fries, etc. ever

again in life " . " Why should people who have this

procedure be scolded for enjoying a treat/food " ? I

also told her that she has no " right " to be mad/angry

because its his life, his business and his body. I

also asked her where was she before he had the

surgery. I asked her was she that concerned when he

was super morbidly obese. I asked her what words o

encourement did she offer to this gentleman. Her

response was silence. I also asked her if she paid

for his procedure and she said no. I said you neither

have a right or a need to be concerned with this

gentleman and you really should leave him alone. My

daycare provider said " Thank you " because she had been

trying to tell her the same thing. I mean this lady

knows that I had the procedure.

The only last thing she said to me was " but look at

you, you look fabulous and you are not eating like he

is " . I told her again, we are two individuals with

different goals in mind and you can group us all

together or let alone expect the same results for

every single person. She said she was sorry and I

told her no need to just be aware and if anything she

should apologize to the gentleman that she works with.

She said it just did not make any sense to go through

the procedure if he was going to eat like he does. I

reminded her that again, " its his life, his body and

that if he wants to eat that stuff that is was totally

up to him because he is the only person he has to be

accountable to " .

She just looked at me. I know she did not like what I

said but I did not care. I don't like it when people

know that you had the procedure then question if you

eat what they eat. I don't answer to anyone neither

do I feel shame if I eat something because I am grown

and no one is taking care of me except me.

I am wondering if she is just surprised by the fact

that you can in fact have that sort of treat. Many

are ignorant and clueless so they do not know what to

expect. So when they see us eat " normal - just like

they do " they question it. Especially those that are

preparing for the surgery. Especially since they are

told " you can't ever eat this and you can't ever eat

that " .

I hope you find a way to talk with this woman without

the relationship being torn. I wish you well

Francisco and hang in there. Be encouraged.

--- Robynn VanPatten wrote:

> Francisco:

>

> If this is the woman that you are helping in the

> process...it could be that she just doesn't know

> what is ok and what is not ok post surgery. You can

> use it as an educational process for her. Tell her

> that you lived your life eating in shame, and that

> one of the nice things about post-surgery life, is

> that now that you are in control, you have become

> aware that for YOU, you can plan to eat something

> that is a " treat " from time to time, because you

> control your nutrition and you don't eat in a

> non-mindful way.

>

> In other words, that youi are aware of the

> calories you consume, you work out, and you have a

> " calories in, calories out " mathematical approach to

> your weight control. Remind her that you run every

> day, and what your normal work out plan is...tell

> her that because of that, you have the freedom to

> truly enjoy a treat WITHOUT guilt...to really relish

> it, and to be able to stop with a moderate

> amount...and that if she elects to monitor her

> calories in the same way, and work out to the same

> intensity, she may be able to do the same thing.

> That some people have " trigger foods " that cause

> them to fall off of the deep end, and that she'll

> need to watch those things...that you have a few

> things like that (if you do) and that you keep close

> watch on yourself about that kind of thing.

>

> That too many people eat in secret, somehow

> thinking the calories don't count...and that you've

> learned to eat with enjoyment, for

> satisfaction...and in the open, with no

> shame...because in essence, you've earned that right

> because 98 percent of the time, you eat healthy

> things...and you maintain an appropriate exercise

> plan.

>

> It's ignorance, that's all. You are more

> enlightened than she is. Plus, at the end of all

> that, if you convey it in an educational, sharing

> spirit...you can say, " I'm sure you understand how

> complex the relationship with food can be...when

> youi are overweight, people judge you all of the

> time, and you heap that shame upon you along with

> your own self-shame. I am being freed from

> that...but I must confess, that when you made the

> comment the other day, I felt judged by you, and

> that didn't feel good. I'm really in transition,

> and breaking free of the judgment...so I would ask

> you to honor that...and let me make my own

> decisions. I appreciate that you care about me, and

> that you thought you were helping...but I'm sure you

> have experienced some negative comments from

> well-meaning people along your path...and if you

> think about it, it is rarely helpful. Again, one of

> the wonderful things about this journey is that you

> start to feel more control over yourself and your

> weight...and

> you can learn to eat like a " normal " person.

> Normal people don't have a problem with an

> occasional treat, as long as they find balance and

> exercise, or eat a bit less that day or th enext to

> accomodate for it. That's the beauty of all of

> this. "

>

> In that way, it won't turn into an uncomfortable

> thing between the two of you...it will enlighten her

> a bit...and it will help YOU to put those thoughts

> into voice...because it will reaffirm your new

> philosophy into your subconcious.

>

> Good luck,

> Robynn

>

> Donna Jordon wrote:

> Francisco

> Keeping your boundaries is letting people know

> when they do something wrong, not holding them in to

> eat you up. Send her a email just saying you would

> not like her to comment the way she did, and you

> know you make good and bad choices but you and only

> you are accountable for the choices you make. If

> you want you can add that your trainer has you

> eating more calories due to your training so the

> remarks are not necessary. Try to rise above her

> and open up, then maybe this co worker will be

> better and you won't have to shut her down also. If

> you have to shut them all down your working life

> won't be any good for you. I hope you know where

> I'm coming from and this helps. Take care. Donna

>

> manisodream wrote:

> Hello everyone:

>

> I've got an issue that isn't sitting well with me.

>

> I'm at work, and as you know, there are 11 morbidly

> obese people

> here, several of whom have betrayed my confidence

> and told others in

> the office about my process. As a result, I've had

> to build up

> strong boundaries (I don't tell anyone anything)

> where I won't talk

> about my surgery at work, and I've simply told

> people that I don't

> feel comfortable discussing it.

>

> I've been very supportive of one woman, and in order

> to help and

> encourage her in her WLS process (she's pre-op) I've

> shared a lot

> with her.

>

> Today, after running 4 miles, and exercising like a

> dog, I decided to

> have a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. I don't hide what

> I eat because

> it's my business and no one else's. I will not eat

> anything with

> shame. For is no longer " good " and " bad. " But I

> must make choices

> that are good for me and be accountable for ALL

> choices I make.

>

> I keep a running tally (via fitday.com) of all the

> calories I

> consume. So I don't get freaked out by having a

> Reece's Peanut

> Butter cup from time to time. And according to my

> marathon training,

> I must eat more calories in order to maintain my

> weight and recover

> from my hard workouts.

>

> Here's where the emotions come in. As Janet passed

> by me, she

> witnessed me eating a protein bar (a planned snack).

> She said, " Is

> that the way you eat Reese's Peanut Butter Cups? " I

> said

> forcefully, " Yes. "

>

> There was a judgmental tone in her voice, and it

> pisses me off. I

> feel like sending her an email saying, " Look. I

> have NEVER told you

> what to eat so please respect me by NOT commenting

> on what I eat. "

> This is a real pet peeve that I have. It really

> bothers me when

> people comment on what I eat because I AM ALWAYS

> truthful and

> accountable to myself. I don't need someone else,

> particularly

> someone in her position, telling me what I should

> and should not eat

> when I have NOT solicited that advice.

>

> It makes me want to withdraw my input from her

> regarding her process.

>

> Opinions please. I don't want to bite her head off,

> but I don't want

> her comments about what I'm eating either.

>

> Francisco

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Donna Jordon

>

> DSJordon@...

> ---------------------------------

>

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> Autos

>

>

[Guest guest]

, I love the way you are handling your situation!

We don't have to defend ourselves.

Laurie

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