Guest guest Posted February 22, 2006 Report Share Posted February 22, 2006 , I love the way you are handling your situation! We don't have to defend ourselves. Laurie __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 22, 2006 Report Share Posted February 22, 2006 : More power to you! AND MAZELTOV! A miracle baby is growing inside you! (Hmmm... could it be " that " miracle baby?) That is sooooo wonderful! (As an aside, my last name is known as one of several Portuguese surnames of Jews who were converted to Catholicism by the Spanish Inquisition. My Mom's family also has Jewish roots. And my church has a partnership with a synagogue in San Francisco and the rabbi and our senior minister swap pulpits from time to time. So there is a keen interest in me for all things Jewish. I love the info about Jewish culture and pregnancy. Thanks for sharing it.) I love your way of dealing with this. Getting input like this really helps me, and I sincerely appreciate it. Best to you and baby! Francisco Hello everyone: > > I've got an issue that isn't sitting well with me. > > I'm at work, and as you know, there are 11 morbidly obese people > here, several of whom have betrayed my confidence and told others in > the office about my process. As a result, I've had to build up > strong boundaries (I don't tell anyone anything) where I won't talk > about my surgery at work, and I've simply told people that I don't > feel comfortable discussing it. > > I've been very supportive of one woman, and in order to help and > encourage her in her WLS process (she's pre-op) I've shared a lot > with her. > > Today, after running 4 miles, and exercising like a dog, I decided to > have a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. I don't hide what I eat because > it's my business and no one else's. I will not eat anything with > shame. For is no longer " good " and " bad. " But I must make choices > that are good for me and be accountable for ALL choices I make. > > I keep a running tally (via fitday.com) of all the calories I > consume. So I don't get freaked out by having a Reece's Peanut > Butter cup from time to time. And according to my marathon training, > I must eat more calories in order to maintain my weight and recover > from my hard workouts. > > Here's where the emotions come in. As Janet passed by me, she > witnessed me eating a protein bar (a planned snack). She said, " Is > that the way you eat Reese's Peanut Butter Cups? " I said > forcefully, " Yes. " > > There was a judgmental tone in her voice, and it pisses me off. I > feel like sending her an email saying, " Look. I have NEVER told you > what to eat so please respect me by NOT commenting on what I eat. " > This is a real pet peeve that I have. It really bothers me when > people comment on what I eat because I AM ALWAYS truthful and > accountable to myself. I don't need someone else, particularly > someone in her position, telling me what I should and should not eat > when I have NOT solicited that advice. > > It makes me want to withdraw my input from her regarding her process. > > Opinions please. I don't want to bite her head off, but I don't want > her comments about what I'm eating either. > > Francisco > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 22, 2006 Report Share Posted February 22, 2006 : More power to you! AND MAZELTOV! A miracle baby is growing inside you! (Hmmm... could it be " that " miracle baby?) That is sooooo wonderful! (As an aside, my last name is known as one of several Portuguese surnames of Jews who were converted to Catholicism by the Spanish Inquisition. My Mom's family also has Jewish roots. And my church has a partnership with a synagogue in San Francisco and the rabbi and our senior minister swap pulpits from time to time. So there is a keen interest in me for all things Jewish. I love the info about Jewish culture and pregnancy. Thanks for sharing it.) I love your way of dealing with this. Getting input like this really helps me, and I sincerely appreciate it. Best to you and baby! Francisco Hello everyone: > > I've got an issue that isn't sitting well with me. > > I'm at work, and as you know, there are 11 morbidly obese people > here, several of whom have betrayed my confidence and told others in > the office about my process. As a result, I've had to build up > strong boundaries (I don't tell anyone anything) where I won't talk > about my surgery at work, and I've simply told people that I don't > feel comfortable discussing it. > > I've been very supportive of one woman, and in order to help and > encourage her in her WLS process (she's pre-op) I've shared a lot > with her. > > Today, after running 4 miles, and exercising like a dog, I decided to > have a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. I don't hide what I eat because > it's my business and no one else's. I will not eat anything with > shame. For is no longer " good " and " bad. " But I must make choices > that are good for me and be accountable for ALL choices I make. > > I keep a running tally (via fitday.com) of all the calories I > consume. So I don't get freaked out by having a Reece's Peanut > Butter cup from time to time. And according to my marathon training, > I must eat more calories in order to maintain my weight and recover > from my hard workouts. > > Here's where the emotions come in. As Janet passed by me, she > witnessed me eating a protein bar (a planned snack). She said, " Is > that the way you eat Reese's Peanut Butter Cups? " I said > forcefully, " Yes. " > > There was a judgmental tone in her voice, and it pisses me off. I > feel like sending her an email saying, " Look. I have NEVER told you > what to eat so please respect me by NOT commenting on what I eat. " > This is a real pet peeve that I have. It really bothers me when > people comment on what I eat because I AM ALWAYS truthful and > accountable to myself. I don't need someone else, particularly > someone in her position, telling me what I should and should not eat > when I have NOT solicited that advice. > > It makes me want to withdraw my input from her regarding her process. > > Opinions please. I don't want to bite her head off, but I don't want > her comments about what I'm eating either. > > Francisco > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 22, 2006 Report Share Posted February 22, 2006 Francisco- You and I are a lot alike in the emmotional areas, I can say this because it is not myself in the situation and I agree with you if you turn it around and communicate that they change their behavior it becomes better for you ! good luck Colleenmanisodream wrote: Colleen:Thanks for your words. If it happens again, I'll use your words to help me.I really believe in mentally rehearsing how I'll react to a certain situation that makes me uncomfortable. It helps me realize that I can communicate my anger/discomfort/pain to people without getting overly emotional, and just simply communicating that I wish they would change their behavior and not cross my boundaries.I have found that when I communicate this stuff in a non-emotional way, people are more receptive to the message and don't get freaked out by the emotion.Thanks for your support.Francisco> Hello everyone:> > I've got an issue that isn't sitting well with me.> > I'm at work, and as you know, there are 11 morbidly obese people > here, several of whom have betrayed my confidence and told others in > the office about my process. As a result, I've had to build up > strong boundaries (I don't tell anyone anything) where I won't talk > about my surgery at work, and I've simply told people that I don't > feel comfortable discussing it.> > I've been very supportive of one woman, and in order to help and > encourage her in her WLS process (she's pre-op) I've shared a lot > with her.> > Today, after running 4 miles, and exercising like a dog, I decided to > have a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. I don't hide what I eat because > it's my business and no one else's. I will not eat anything with > shame. For is no longer "good" and "bad." But I must make choices > that are good for me and be accountable for ALL choices I make.> > I keep a running tally (via fitday.com) of all the calories I > consume. So I don't get freaked out by having a Reece's Peanut > Butter cup from time to time. And according to my marathon training, > I must eat more calories in order to maintain my weight and recover > from my hard workouts.> > Here's where the emotions come in. As Janet passed by me, she > witnessed me eating a protein bar (a planned snack). She said, "Is > that the way you eat Reese's Peanut Butter Cups?" I said > forcefully, "Yes."> > There was a judgmental tone in her voice, and it pisses me off. I > feel like sending her an email saying, "Look. I have NEVER told you > what to eat so please respect me by NOT commenting on what I eat." > This is a real pet peeve that I have. It really bothers me when > people comment on what I eat because I AM ALWAYS truthful and > accountable to myself. I don't need someone else, particularly > someone in her position, telling me what I should and should not eat > when I have NOT solicited that advice.> > It makes me want to withdraw my input from her regarding her process.> > Opinions please. I don't want to bite her head off, but I don't want > her comments about what I'm eating either.> > Francisco > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 22, 2006 Report Share Posted February 22, 2006 Francisco- You and I are a lot alike in the emmotional areas, I can say this because it is not myself in the situation and I agree with you if you turn it around and communicate that they change their behavior it becomes better for you ! good luck Colleenmanisodream wrote: Colleen:Thanks for your words. If it happens again, I'll use your words to help me.I really believe in mentally rehearsing how I'll react to a certain situation that makes me uncomfortable. It helps me realize that I can communicate my anger/discomfort/pain to people without getting overly emotional, and just simply communicating that I wish they would change their behavior and not cross my boundaries.I have found that when I communicate this stuff in a non-emotional way, people are more receptive to the message and don't get freaked out by the emotion.Thanks for your support.Francisco> Hello everyone:> > I've got an issue that isn't sitting well with me.> > I'm at work, and as you know, there are 11 morbidly obese people > here, several of whom have betrayed my confidence and told others in > the office about my process. As a result, I've had to build up > strong boundaries (I don't tell anyone anything) where I won't talk > about my surgery at work, and I've simply told people that I don't > feel comfortable discussing it.> > I've been very supportive of one woman, and in order to help and > encourage her in her WLS process (she's pre-op) I've shared a lot > with her.> > Today, after running 4 miles, and exercising like a dog, I decided to > have a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. I don't hide what I eat because > it's my business and no one else's. I will not eat anything with > shame. For is no longer "good" and "bad." But I must make choices > that are good for me and be accountable for ALL choices I make.> > I keep a running tally (via fitday.com) of all the calories I > consume. So I don't get freaked out by having a Reece's Peanut > Butter cup from time to time. And according to my marathon training, > I must eat more calories in order to maintain my weight and recover > from my hard workouts.> > Here's where the emotions come in. As Janet passed by me, she > witnessed me eating a protein bar (a planned snack). She said, "Is > that the way you eat Reese's Peanut Butter Cups?" I said > forcefully, "Yes."> > There was a judgmental tone in her voice, and it pisses me off. I > feel like sending her an email saying, "Look. I have NEVER told you > what to eat so please respect me by NOT commenting on what I eat." > This is a real pet peeve that I have. It really bothers me when > people comment on what I eat because I AM ALWAYS truthful and > accountable to myself. I don't need someone else, particularly > someone in her position, telling me what I should and should not eat > when I have NOT solicited that advice.> > It makes me want to withdraw my input from her regarding her process.> > Opinions please. I don't want to bite her head off, but I don't want > her comments about what I'm eating either.> > Francisco > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 22, 2006 Report Share Posted February 22, 2006 My pleasure! And who knows if it is "that baby" LOL!! But your mother's family has roots...is your mother herself Jewish? That is truly amazing that you know that about your family...people never cease to amaze me! And the Jews who survived the Inquisition, that is a most amazing period in Jewish history. Scary but amazing. According to what we are taught, Columbus himself was Jewish, and that G-d worked it out so that Columbus would sail to America instead of the East so that the Jews who were being persecuted would finally have a safe haven to be free. And the fact they tried SO hard. But I really appreciate always what you have to say. And the fact that what I say is heard and appreciated makes me feel that despite all I have gone through in terms of infertility, WLS, hernia repair, life experience, etc that if one person hears, then it is all worth it. I do not believe that anything happens " by coincidence" but that everything happens for a reason. Many blessings to you, and to all of us!manisodream wrote: :More power to you! AND MAZELTOV! A miracle baby is growing inside you! (Hmmm... could it be "that" miracle baby?) That is sooooo wonderful!(As an aside, my last name is known as one of several Portuguese surnames of Jews who were converted to Catholicism by the Spanish Inquisition. My Mom's family also has Jewish roots. And my church has a partnership with a synagogue in San Francisco and the rabbi and our senior minister swap pulpits from time to time. So there is a keen interest in me for all things Jewish. I love the info about Jewish culture and pregnancy. Thanks for sharing it.)I love your way of dealing with this. Getting input like this really helps me, and I sincerely appreciate it.Best to you and baby!Francisco Hello everyone:> > I've got an issue that isn't sitting well with me.> > I'm at work, and as you know, there are 11 morbidly obese people > here, several of whom have betrayed my confidence and told others in > the office about my process. As a result, I've had to build up > strong boundaries (I don't tell anyone anything) where I won't talk > about my surgery at work, and I've simply told people that I don't > feel comfortable discussing it.> > I've been very supportive of one woman, and in order to help and > encourage her in her WLS process (she's pre-op) I've shared a lot > with her.> > Today, after running 4 miles, and exercising like a dog, I decided to > have a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. I don't hide what I eat because > it's my business and no one else's. I will not eat anything with > shame. For is no longer "good" and "bad." But I must make choices > that are good for me and be accountable for ALL choices I make.> > I keep a running tally (via fitday.com) of all the calories I > consume. So I don't get freaked out by having a Reece's Peanut > Butter cup from time to time. And according to my marathon training, > I must eat more calories in order to maintain my weight and recover > from my hard workouts.> > Here's where the emotions come in. As Janet passed by me, she > witnessed me eating a protein bar (a planned snack). She said, "Is > that the way you eat Reese's Peanut Butter Cups?" I said > forcefully, "Yes."> > There was a judgmental tone in her voice, and it pisses me off. I > feel like sending her an email saying, "Look. I have NEVER told you > what to eat so please respect me by NOT commenting on what I eat." > This is a real pet peeve that I have. It really bothers me when > people comment on what I eat because I AM ALWAYS truthful and > accountable to myself. I don't need someone else, particularly > someone in her position, telling me what I should and should not eat > when I have NOT solicited that advice.> > It makes me want to withdraw my input from her regarding her process.> > Opinions please. I don't want to bite her head off, but I don't want > her comments about what I'm eating either.> > Francisco > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 22, 2006 Report Share Posted February 22, 2006 My pleasure! And who knows if it is "that baby" LOL!! But your mother's family has roots...is your mother herself Jewish? That is truly amazing that you know that about your family...people never cease to amaze me! And the Jews who survived the Inquisition, that is a most amazing period in Jewish history. Scary but amazing. According to what we are taught, Columbus himself was Jewish, and that G-d worked it out so that Columbus would sail to America instead of the East so that the Jews who were being persecuted would finally have a safe haven to be free. And the fact they tried SO hard. But I really appreciate always what you have to say. And the fact that what I say is heard and appreciated makes me feel that despite all I have gone through in terms of infertility, WLS, hernia repair, life experience, etc that if one person hears, then it is all worth it. I do not believe that anything happens " by coincidence" but that everything happens for a reason. Many blessings to you, and to all of us!manisodream wrote: :More power to you! AND MAZELTOV! A miracle baby is growing inside you! (Hmmm... could it be "that" miracle baby?) That is sooooo wonderful!(As an aside, my last name is known as one of several Portuguese surnames of Jews who were converted to Catholicism by the Spanish Inquisition. My Mom's family also has Jewish roots. And my church has a partnership with a synagogue in San Francisco and the rabbi and our senior minister swap pulpits from time to time. So there is a keen interest in me for all things Jewish. I love the info about Jewish culture and pregnancy. Thanks for sharing it.)I love your way of dealing with this. Getting input like this really helps me, and I sincerely appreciate it.Best to you and baby!Francisco Hello everyone:> > I've got an issue that isn't sitting well with me.> > I'm at work, and as you know, there are 11 morbidly obese people > here, several of whom have betrayed my confidence and told others in > the office about my process. As a result, I've had to build up > strong boundaries (I don't tell anyone anything) where I won't talk > about my surgery at work, and I've simply told people that I don't > feel comfortable discussing it.> > I've been very supportive of one woman, and in order to help and > encourage her in her WLS process (she's pre-op) I've shared a lot > with her.> > Today, after running 4 miles, and exercising like a dog, I decided to > have a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. I don't hide what I eat because > it's my business and no one else's. I will not eat anything with > shame. For is no longer "good" and "bad." But I must make choices > that are good for me and be accountable for ALL choices I make.> > I keep a running tally (via fitday.com) of all the calories I > consume. So I don't get freaked out by having a Reece's Peanut > Butter cup from time to time. And according to my marathon training, > I must eat more calories in order to maintain my weight and recover > from my hard workouts.> > Here's where the emotions come in. As Janet passed by me, she > witnessed me eating a protein bar (a planned snack). She said, "Is > that the way you eat Reese's Peanut Butter Cups?" I said > forcefully, "Yes."> > There was a judgmental tone in her voice, and it pisses me off. I > feel like sending her an email saying, "Look. I have NEVER told you > what to eat so please respect me by NOT commenting on what I eat." > This is a real pet peeve that I have. It really bothers me when > people comment on what I eat because I AM ALWAYS truthful and > accountable to myself. I don't need someone else, particularly > someone in her position, telling me what I should and should not eat > when I have NOT solicited that advice.> > It makes me want to withdraw my input from her regarding her process.> > Opinions please. I don't want to bite her head off, but I don't want > her comments about what I'm eating either.> > Francisco > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 22, 2006 Report Share Posted February 22, 2006 This is exactly why I haven't told and don't plan to tell ANYONE at my work place! > > Hello everyone: > > I've got an issue that isn't sitting well with me. > > I'm at work, and as you know, there are 11 morbidly obese people > here, several of whom have betrayed my confidence and told others in > the office about my process. As a result, I've had to build up > strong boundaries (I don't tell anyone anything) where I won't talk > about my surgery at work, and I've simply told people that I don't > feel comfortable discussing it. > > I've been very supportive of one woman, and in order to help and > encourage her in her WLS process (she's pre-op) I've shared a lot > with her. > > Today, after running 4 miles, and exercising like a dog, I decided to > have a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. I don't hide what I eat because > it's my business and no one else's. I will not eat anything with > shame. For is no longer " good " and " bad. " But I must make choices > that are good for me and be accountable for ALL choices I make. > > I keep a running tally (via fitday.com) of all the calories I > consume. So I don't get freaked out by having a Reece's Peanut > Butter cup from time to time. And according to my marathon training, > I must eat more calories in order to maintain my weight and recover > from my hard workouts. > > Here's where the emotions come in. As Janet passed by me, she > witnessed me eating a protein bar (a planned snack). She said, " Is > that the way you eat Reese's Peanut Butter Cups? " I said > forcefully, " Yes. " > > There was a judgmental tone in her voice, and it pisses me off. I > feel like sending her an email saying, " Look. I have NEVER told you > what to eat so please respect me by NOT commenting on what I eat. " > This is a real pet peeve that I have. It really bothers me when > people comment on what I eat because I AM ALWAYS truthful and > accountable to myself. I don't need someone else, particularly > someone in her position, telling me what I should and should not eat > when I have NOT solicited that advice. > > It makes me want to withdraw my input from her regarding her process. > > Opinions please. I don't want to bite her head off, but I don't want > her comments about what I'm eating either. > > Francisco > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 22, 2006 Report Share Posted February 22, 2006 This is exactly why I haven't told and don't plan to tell ANYONE at my work place! > > Hello everyone: > > I've got an issue that isn't sitting well with me. > > I'm at work, and as you know, there are 11 morbidly obese people > here, several of whom have betrayed my confidence and told others in > the office about my process. As a result, I've had to build up > strong boundaries (I don't tell anyone anything) where I won't talk > about my surgery at work, and I've simply told people that I don't > feel comfortable discussing it. > > I've been very supportive of one woman, and in order to help and > encourage her in her WLS process (she's pre-op) I've shared a lot > with her. > > Today, after running 4 miles, and exercising like a dog, I decided to > have a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. I don't hide what I eat because > it's my business and no one else's. I will not eat anything with > shame. For is no longer " good " and " bad. " But I must make choices > that are good for me and be accountable for ALL choices I make. > > I keep a running tally (via fitday.com) of all the calories I > consume. So I don't get freaked out by having a Reece's Peanut > Butter cup from time to time. And according to my marathon training, > I must eat more calories in order to maintain my weight and recover > from my hard workouts. > > Here's where the emotions come in. As Janet passed by me, she > witnessed me eating a protein bar (a planned snack). She said, " Is > that the way you eat Reese's Peanut Butter Cups? " I said > forcefully, " Yes. " > > There was a judgmental tone in her voice, and it pisses me off. I > feel like sending her an email saying, " Look. I have NEVER told you > what to eat so please respect me by NOT commenting on what I eat. " > This is a real pet peeve that I have. It really bothers me when > people comment on what I eat because I AM ALWAYS truthful and > accountable to myself. I don't need someone else, particularly > someone in her position, telling me what I should and should not eat > when I have NOT solicited that advice. > > It makes me want to withdraw my input from her regarding her process. > > Opinions please. I don't want to bite her head off, but I don't want > her comments about what I'm eating either. > > Francisco > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 22, 2006 Report Share Posted February 22, 2006 > > This is exactly why I haven't told and don't plan to tell ANYONE at > my work place! I've been thinking ever since Francisco's post yesterday about what happened with his co-worker, and about all the different responses we've given to it. Some threads that have been going through my head are kind of coalescing around the ideas of shame and food and weight loss and all of that. . . One thread has to do with guilt and food. See, I've pretty much always eaten what I felt like when I felt like it. If I was dieting, then I was dieting and that was fine, but if I decided I wanted a cheeseburger and fries, or a piece of chocolate, that was that and I got it. Didn't try to hide it, didn't worry if people saw me eating it, I just ate what I ate. I was really lucky as an overweight kid that my parents didn't try to guilt-trip me (much) about food - they showed me healthy choices, and they tried to get me to eat better foods, but they didn't lay on the guilt when I ate ice cream (although they didn't keep it around in the house much, either!) As a result, I don't have very much " food guilt " . There are LOTS of other things I'm sensitive on, but somehow I lucked out and escaped that particular one. Which brings me to another thread, secrecy. While there may not have been much food guilt in my family, there is what I call a " culture of secrecy " around other things that might possibly be considered shameful in some way. So if someone has a substance abuse problem, or if a cousin is pregnant but not married, well, somehow those facts just never get mentioned. My mother is the main one who carries this forward in our family; it's how she was raised. It doesn't matter if the person affected considers the situation shameful, either. . . she didn't tell me about my cousin's pregnancy when I went down to her wedding, although when I got there everyone assumed I knew already. It lead to some interesting conversations! But Mom simply didn't think she had any business telling me; that was " private " information. The third thread that's tangled into this is based on something someone brought up at a Santa Clara support group meeting a month or two ago, about research she'd heard that indicated that those who talked openly about their WLS were more successful at losing and keeping off weight than those who kept it secret. I'm not sure where I'm going with all this exactly. Shame is external - we're shamed by what other people think about us. Guilt is the internalization of those feelings - " I am ashamed of myself, even if no one else knows what I've done. " It just seems to me that it's really important to figure out what it is that shames us, because the shame is where the guilt comes in and that is where we're weakest. For me, the shame came eventually in feeling like I wasn't fighting back. . . I was giving in to my problem. I've mentioned my Dad and his various health problems recently. One of the things that I realized is that Dad was a fighter, in spite of all the problems he had. He didn't give up; that was one of the reasons he held on as long as he did in spite of heart attacks, stroke, and cancer. He did it partly because of his family. And I owe it to my family to fight just as hard for my health. Anyway, I'm kind of rambling. I don't know if this makes any sense, but I needed to put it in writing just for myself. Cathy C. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 22, 2006 Report Share Posted February 22, 2006 > > This is exactly why I haven't told and don't plan to tell ANYONE at > my work place! I've been thinking ever since Francisco's post yesterday about what happened with his co-worker, and about all the different responses we've given to it. Some threads that have been going through my head are kind of coalescing around the ideas of shame and food and weight loss and all of that. . . One thread has to do with guilt and food. See, I've pretty much always eaten what I felt like when I felt like it. If I was dieting, then I was dieting and that was fine, but if I decided I wanted a cheeseburger and fries, or a piece of chocolate, that was that and I got it. Didn't try to hide it, didn't worry if people saw me eating it, I just ate what I ate. I was really lucky as an overweight kid that my parents didn't try to guilt-trip me (much) about food - they showed me healthy choices, and they tried to get me to eat better foods, but they didn't lay on the guilt when I ate ice cream (although they didn't keep it around in the house much, either!) As a result, I don't have very much " food guilt " . There are LOTS of other things I'm sensitive on, but somehow I lucked out and escaped that particular one. Which brings me to another thread, secrecy. While there may not have been much food guilt in my family, there is what I call a " culture of secrecy " around other things that might possibly be considered shameful in some way. So if someone has a substance abuse problem, or if a cousin is pregnant but not married, well, somehow those facts just never get mentioned. My mother is the main one who carries this forward in our family; it's how she was raised. It doesn't matter if the person affected considers the situation shameful, either. . . she didn't tell me about my cousin's pregnancy when I went down to her wedding, although when I got there everyone assumed I knew already. It lead to some interesting conversations! But Mom simply didn't think she had any business telling me; that was " private " information. The third thread that's tangled into this is based on something someone brought up at a Santa Clara support group meeting a month or two ago, about research she'd heard that indicated that those who talked openly about their WLS were more successful at losing and keeping off weight than those who kept it secret. I'm not sure where I'm going with all this exactly. Shame is external - we're shamed by what other people think about us. Guilt is the internalization of those feelings - " I am ashamed of myself, even if no one else knows what I've done. " It just seems to me that it's really important to figure out what it is that shames us, because the shame is where the guilt comes in and that is where we're weakest. For me, the shame came eventually in feeling like I wasn't fighting back. . . I was giving in to my problem. I've mentioned my Dad and his various health problems recently. One of the things that I realized is that Dad was a fighter, in spite of all the problems he had. He didn't give up; that was one of the reasons he held on as long as he did in spite of heart attacks, stroke, and cancer. He did it partly because of his family. And I owe it to my family to fight just as hard for my health. Anyway, I'm kind of rambling. I don't know if this makes any sense, but I needed to put it in writing just for myself. Cathy C. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 23, 2006 Report Share Posted February 23, 2006 Robynn, What a great answer to Francisco's concerns. I so admire you. I wish I had written this but you do so well. Love, Lilka > Hello everyone: > > I've got an issue that isn't sitting well with me. > > I'm at work, and as you know, there are 11 morbidly obese people > here, several of whom have betrayed my confidence and told others in > the office about my process. As a result, I've had to build up > strong boundaries (I don't tell anyone anything) where I won't talk > about my surgery at work, and I've simply told people that I don't > feel comfortable discussing it. > > I've been very supportive of one woman, and in order to help and > encourage her in her WLS process (she's pre-op) I've shared a lot > with her. > > Today, after running 4 miles, and exercising like a dog, I decided to > have a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. I don't hide what I eat because > it's my business and no one else's. I will not eat anything with > shame. For is no longer " good " and " bad. " But I must make choices > that are good for me and be accountable for ALL choices I make. > > I keep a running tally (via fitday.com) of all the calories I > consume. So I don't get freaked out by having a Reece's Peanut > Butter cup from time to time. And according to my marathon training, > I must eat more calories in order to maintain my weight and recover > from my hard workouts. > > Here's where the emotions come in. As Janet passed by me, she > witnessed me eating a protein bar (a planned snack). She said, " Is > that the way you eat Reese's Peanut Butter Cups? " I said > forcefully, " Yes. " > > There was a judgmental tone in her voice, and it pisses me off. I > feel like sending her an email saying, " Look. I have NEVER told you > what to eat so please respect me by NOT commenting on what I eat. " > This is a real pet peeve that I have. It really bothers me when > people comment on what I eat because I AM ALWAYS truthful and > accountable to myself. I don't need someone else, particularly > someone in her position, telling me what I should and should not eat > when I have NOT solicited that advice. > > It makes me want to withdraw my input from her regarding her process. > > Opinions please. I don't want to bite her head off, but I don't want > her comments about what I'm eating either. > > Francisco > > > > > > > > Donna Jordon > > DSJordon@... > --------------------------------- > > What are the most popular cars? Find out at Yahoo! Autos > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 23, 2006 Report Share Posted February 23, 2006 Robynn, What a great answer to Francisco's concerns. I so admire you. I wish I had written this but you do so well. Love, Lilka > Hello everyone: > > I've got an issue that isn't sitting well with me. > > I'm at work, and as you know, there are 11 morbidly obese people > here, several of whom have betrayed my confidence and told others in > the office about my process. As a result, I've had to build up > strong boundaries (I don't tell anyone anything) where I won't talk > about my surgery at work, and I've simply told people that I don't > feel comfortable discussing it. > > I've been very supportive of one woman, and in order to help and > encourage her in her WLS process (she's pre-op) I've shared a lot > with her. > > Today, after running 4 miles, and exercising like a dog, I decided to > have a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. I don't hide what I eat because > it's my business and no one else's. I will not eat anything with > shame. For is no longer " good " and " bad. " But I must make choices > that are good for me and be accountable for ALL choices I make. > > I keep a running tally (via fitday.com) of all the calories I > consume. So I don't get freaked out by having a Reece's Peanut > Butter cup from time to time. And according to my marathon training, > I must eat more calories in order to maintain my weight and recover > from my hard workouts. > > Here's where the emotions come in. As Janet passed by me, she > witnessed me eating a protein bar (a planned snack). She said, " Is > that the way you eat Reese's Peanut Butter Cups? " I said > forcefully, " Yes. " > > There was a judgmental tone in her voice, and it pisses me off. I > feel like sending her an email saying, " Look. I have NEVER told you > what to eat so please respect me by NOT commenting on what I eat. " > This is a real pet peeve that I have. It really bothers me when > people comment on what I eat because I AM ALWAYS truthful and > accountable to myself. I don't need someone else, particularly > someone in her position, telling me what I should and should not eat > when I have NOT solicited that advice. > > It makes me want to withdraw my input from her regarding her process. > > Opinions please. I don't want to bite her head off, but I don't want > her comments about what I'm eating either. > > Francisco > > > > > > > > Donna Jordon > > DSJordon@... > --------------------------------- > > What are the most popular cars? Find out at Yahoo! Autos > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 23, 2006 Report Share Posted February 23, 2006 Thank you, Lilka...that's a big compliment coming from you....I love your posts. I haven't been able to write much lately, due to an incredibly busy work schedule (meetings meetings meetings) and a needy French man at home waiting for me at the end of the day (so I feel guilty going off and writing on the computer). but, I do manage to read, and keep up. You add a lot to this group, keep it up!! RobynnLilka wrote: Robynn, What a great answer to Francisco's concerns. I so admire you. I wish I had written this but you do so well. Love, Lilka> Hello everyone:> > I've got an issue that isn't sitting well with me.> > I'm at work, and as you know, there are 11 morbidly obese people > here, several of whom have betrayed my confidence and told others in > the office about my process. As a result, I've had to build up > strong boundaries (I don't tell anyone anything) where I won't talk > about my surgery at work, and I've simply told people that I don't > feel comfortable discussing it.> > I've been very supportive of one woman, and in order to help and > encourage her in her WLS process (she's pre-op) I've shared a lot > with her.> > Today, after running 4 miles, and exercising like a dog, I decided to > have a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. I don't hide what I eat because > it's my business and no one else's. I will not eat anything with > shame. For is no longer "good" and "bad." But I must make choices > that are good for me and be accountable for ALL choices I make.> > I keep a running tally (via fitday.com) of all the calories I > consume. So I don't get freaked out by having a Reece's Peanut > Butter cup from time to time. And according to my marathon training, > I must eat more calories in order to maintain my weight and recover > from my hard workouts.> > Here's where the emotions come in. As Janet passed by me, she > witnessed me eating a protein bar (a planned snack). She said, "Is > that the way you eat Reese's Peanut Butter Cups?" I said > forcefully, "Yes."> > There was a judgmental tone in her voice, and it pisses me off. I > feel like sending her an email saying, "Look. I have NEVER told you > what to eat so please respect me by NOT commenting on what I eat." > This is a real pet peeve that I have. It really bothers me when > people comment on what I eat because I AM ALWAYS truthful and > accountable to myself. I don't need someone else, particularly > someone in her position, telling me what I should and should not eat > when I have NOT solicited that advice.> > It makes me want to withdraw my input from her regarding her process.> > Opinions please. I don't want to bite her head off, but I don't want > her comments about what I'm eating either.> > Francisco > > > > > > > > Donna Jordon> > DSJordon@... > ---------------------------------> > What are the most popular cars? Find out at Yahoo! Autos > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 23, 2006 Report Share Posted February 23, 2006 Thank you, Lilka...that's a big compliment coming from you....I love your posts. I haven't been able to write much lately, due to an incredibly busy work schedule (meetings meetings meetings) and a needy French man at home waiting for me at the end of the day (so I feel guilty going off and writing on the computer). but, I do manage to read, and keep up. You add a lot to this group, keep it up!! RobynnLilka wrote: Robynn, What a great answer to Francisco's concerns. I so admire you. I wish I had written this but you do so well. Love, Lilka> Hello everyone:> > I've got an issue that isn't sitting well with me.> > I'm at work, and as you know, there are 11 morbidly obese people > here, several of whom have betrayed my confidence and told others in > the office about my process. As a result, I've had to build up > strong boundaries (I don't tell anyone anything) where I won't talk > about my surgery at work, and I've simply told people that I don't > feel comfortable discussing it.> > I've been very supportive of one woman, and in order to help and > encourage her in her WLS process (she's pre-op) I've shared a lot > with her.> > Today, after running 4 miles, and exercising like a dog, I decided to > have a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. I don't hide what I eat because > it's my business and no one else's. I will not eat anything with > shame. For is no longer "good" and "bad." But I must make choices > that are good for me and be accountable for ALL choices I make.> > I keep a running tally (via fitday.com) of all the calories I > consume. So I don't get freaked out by having a Reece's Peanut > Butter cup from time to time. And according to my marathon training, > I must eat more calories in order to maintain my weight and recover > from my hard workouts.> > Here's where the emotions come in. As Janet passed by me, she > witnessed me eating a protein bar (a planned snack). She said, "Is > that the way you eat Reese's Peanut Butter Cups?" I said > forcefully, "Yes."> > There was a judgmental tone in her voice, and it pisses me off. I > feel like sending her an email saying, "Look. I have NEVER told you > what to eat so please respect me by NOT commenting on what I eat." > This is a real pet peeve that I have. It really bothers me when > people comment on what I eat because I AM ALWAYS truthful and > accountable to myself. I don't need someone else, particularly > someone in her position, telling me what I should and should not eat > when I have NOT solicited that advice.> > It makes me want to withdraw my input from her regarding her process.> > Opinions please. I don't want to bite her head off, but I don't want > her comments about what I'm eating either.> > Francisco > > > > > > > > Donna Jordon> > DSJordon@... > ---------------------------------> > What are the most popular cars? Find out at Yahoo! Autos > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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