RE: Daily life is difficult as you all know. venting/LONG

[Guest guest]

Dear Ann,

I do not believe that myth about couples splitting up after the loss of a

child. I strongly believe that if your relationship was strong before (and

it sounds like your is), it even gets stronger after the loss of a child.

The ones that split up probably had a weak relationship to begin with and

the when the child is gone, they feel their duty is done and want to leave.

I, personally, lost my daughter Samya at age 8 and have another terminal

child, leanna who is now 7. With Samya, we never knew that she had a

terminal illness (like with her precious Aspyn) , but we did have a

child with a lot of problems and that caused us lots of stress. Our love for

each other had always been very " special " before we even had children.

Friends used to tell me they wished they had a marriage like ours. We were

and still are soul mates. As Samya got sick and Leanna was born, and went

the same road, we became stronger because we did not have much family

support. We only had each other. Of course, when Samya died, the stress was

so much that there were times I wondered what would become of us. It has

been over 2 days, and we are closer now than then. We chose to be best

friends and still (and I feel that is the key) invest in " us " as a couple.

It took us a very long time to get there because it felt like our " marriage "

was so unimportant at this point after losing a child. I felt guilty going

on a " date " with my hubby when we would talk about our dead child. The point

is not what we chose to talk about but that we " TALKED " about everything we

felt and were there for each other. There are times I break down and lose it

and cry on his shoulders and there are times he does it on mine. Now we are

faced with the reality that we will likely only have each other one day when

Leanna is gone. WE talk a lot about that but try not to obsess with it. We

try to enjoy Leanna now, but we have vowed to each other that if we become

childless, that we will never forget that what we have is worth keeping. We

were wonderful together before we had kids, and we will continue to do so.

WE still love each other and love being together and will continue to do so

regardless of what we are given in life. We joke a lot about how life cannot

be perfect and if we had " normal " healthy children, we would be too " brady

bunch " and so God had to give us a curve ball somewhere, right? We look at

other couples and how even when they have healthy children, they destroy

their marriage with stupid things that they can control like adultery ,

abuse, or just plain old taking it for granted and not appreciated it and do

not invest in it. It makes us sick to our stomach an yet it helps us

real;ize how precious our love is. My sister in law has 2 beautiful,healthy

children and her husband constantly cheats on her. My husband gets so sick

from what this man does, it turns his stomach. That is life. The only person

that knows how you feel when you lose a child is your spouse.

Please do not waste energy worrying about what will happen. Spend your

energy investing in your " relationship " and keep all lines of communication

open and always remember that you are still important to each other and

still deserve to love each other and your love will endure and maybe even

become stronger. I know what I am saying sounds so simple and is not but it

is the honest truth from my experience. INVEST in your relationship, it

still matters. We decided that if we lose Leanna, we will not lose our faith

and that we do not want children. We decided that we will live that rest of

our life enjoying each other and trying to make up for all the things we

could not do with disabled children because that is what our girls would

want until we die and will be together a family in heaven.

There are times I think that without Leanna I will have nothing left to

wake up for in the morning and will sin k into a deep depression, but I do

not WANT to. I want to make a difference somehow and channel my energy in a

good way. Only time will tell and I will deal with it when it happens.

I will pray for you. Enjoy your son while you have him and leave the rest

to God.

God bless you,

 

 

Suhad Haddad  --  Mom to Samya (Died 12-10-02 of Leigh's Synd.) & Leanna

with same disease.

Samya's Memorial Site: www.samyahaddad.com/.org/.net

Email: Suhad1970@...

Alt Email: Suhad@...

AiM Chat: Suhad1970

Daily life is difficult as you all know. venting

I think what I am having problems with has nothing to do with the

medial, feeding cleaning and tending to my very handicapped son.

Eli was born feb 15 2003 most people don't know that he was a day

late. He should have been born on The 14th. I think he wanted a day

all his own. well there is never any confution between loving my

child and caring for him. My mind starts to waver when I think of on

down the road and say this is after he is gone. 1s will I be able to

go on with out my preacious Eli and the husband wife thing.

When we were frist given the news about Eli. We cried and through

those tears we made an agreement not to ever leave our son. He needs

us now and we will be there. I guess we should have spent more about

us how all this has affected our family now and in the future. I

have been told to find some interests so I wont feel such a loss

when Eli dies. I waited a whole year before i dragged the idea out

again. Chad and I work so well as a team taking care of everything.

I am worried when there isn't anything to tend to what will happen

to us. Only God know. People just keep telling have many couples

split up after the death of their child. I pray that we will be

differant. I want so much more in life with my husband and yet I

still have time with my Eli snuggling and kissing.

Ann (Eli's Mommy) Leigh's disease will be 2 Feb 15

Elijah's Page

" http://www.caringbridge.org/co/elijahkurtz "

Please contact mito-owner with any problems or questions.

[Guest guest]

Dear Ann,

I do not believe that myth about couples splitting up after the loss of a

child. I strongly believe that if your relationship was strong before (and

it sounds like your is), it even gets stronger after the loss of a child.

The ones that split up probably had a weak relationship to begin with and

the when the child is gone, they feel their duty is done and want to leave.

I, personally, lost my daughter Samya at age 8 and have another terminal

child, leanna who is now 7. With Samya, we never knew that she had a

terminal illness (like with her precious Aspyn) , but we did have a

child with a lot of problems and that caused us lots of stress. Our love for

each other had always been very " special " before we even had children.

Friends used to tell me they wished they had a marriage like ours. We were

and still are soul mates. As Samya got sick and Leanna was born, and went

the same road, we became stronger because we did not have much family

support. We only had each other. Of course, when Samya died, the stress was

so much that there were times I wondered what would become of us. It has

been over 2 days, and we are closer now than then. We chose to be best

friends and still (and I feel that is the key) invest in " us " as a couple.

It took us a very long time to get there because it felt like our " marriage "

was so unimportant at this point after losing a child. I felt guilty going

on a " date " with my hubby when we would talk about our dead child. The point

is not what we chose to talk about but that we " TALKED " about everything we

felt and were there for each other. There are times I break down and lose it

and cry on his shoulders and there are times he does it on mine. Now we are

faced with the reality that we will likely only have each other one day when

Leanna is gone. WE talk a lot about that but try not to obsess with it. We

try to enjoy Leanna now, but we have vowed to each other that if we become

childless, that we will never forget that what we have is worth keeping. We

were wonderful together before we had kids, and we will continue to do so.

WE still love each other and love being together and will continue to do so

regardless of what we are given in life. We joke a lot about how life cannot

be perfect and if we had " normal " healthy children, we would be too " brady

bunch " and so God had to give us a curve ball somewhere, right? We look at

other couples and how even when they have healthy children, they destroy

their marriage with stupid things that they can control like adultery ,

abuse, or just plain old taking it for granted and not appreciated it and do

not invest in it. It makes us sick to our stomach an yet it helps us

real;ize how precious our love is. My sister in law has 2 beautiful,healthy

children and her husband constantly cheats on her. My husband gets so sick

from what this man does, it turns his stomach. That is life. The only person

that knows how you feel when you lose a child is your spouse.

Please do not waste energy worrying about what will happen. Spend your

energy investing in your " relationship " and keep all lines of communication

open and always remember that you are still important to each other and

still deserve to love each other and your love will endure and maybe even

become stronger. I know what I am saying sounds so simple and is not but it

is the honest truth from my experience. INVEST in your relationship, it

still matters. We decided that if we lose Leanna, we will not lose our faith

and that we do not want children. We decided that we will live that rest of

our life enjoying each other and trying to make up for all the things we

could not do with disabled children because that is what our girls would

want until we die and will be together a family in heaven.

There are times I think that without Leanna I will have nothing left to

wake up for in the morning and will sin k into a deep depression, but I do

not WANT to. I want to make a difference somehow and channel my energy in a

good way. Only time will tell and I will deal with it when it happens.

I will pray for you. Enjoy your son while you have him and leave the rest

to God.

God bless you,

 

 

Suhad Haddad  --  Mom to Samya (Died 12-10-02 of Leigh's Synd.) & Leanna

with same disease.

Samya's Memorial Site: www.samyahaddad.com/.org/.net

Email: Suhad1970@...

Alt Email: Suhad@...

AiM Chat: Suhad1970

Daily life is difficult as you all know. venting

I think what I am having problems with has nothing to do with the

medial, feeding cleaning and tending to my very handicapped son.

Eli was born feb 15 2003 most people don't know that he was a day

late. He should have been born on The 14th. I think he wanted a day

all his own. well there is never any confution between loving my

child and caring for him. My mind starts to waver when I think of on

down the road and say this is after he is gone. 1s will I be able to

go on with out my preacious Eli and the husband wife thing.

When we were frist given the news about Eli. We cried and through

those tears we made an agreement not to ever leave our son. He needs

us now and we will be there. I guess we should have spent more about

us how all this has affected our family now and in the future. I

have been told to find some interests so I wont feel such a loss

when Eli dies. I waited a whole year before i dragged the idea out

again. Chad and I work so well as a team taking care of everything.

I am worried when there isn't anything to tend to what will happen

to us. Only God know. People just keep telling have many couples

split up after the death of their child. I pray that we will be

differant. I want so much more in life with my husband and yet I

still have time with my Eli snuggling and kissing.

Ann (Eli's Mommy) Leigh's disease will be 2 Feb 15

Elijah's Page

" http://www.caringbridge.org/co/elijahkurtz "

Please contact mito-owner with any problems or questions.