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Cathy,

So many of us have had to go through relationship chaos since we ended up sick. Between our spouses fear of losing us, the fear of not being able to provide for us, and the loss we suffer because we've lost our jobs and careers-- it all takes a toll.

One book that has helped me most and I refer everyone to is BEYOND CHAOS-- ONE MAN'S JOURNEY ALONGSIDE HIS CHRONICALLY ILL WIFE.

Order it-- and read it, get a second copy if you need to-- and give it to your husband. Share it with your boys.

Their fear is what drives them to leave-- and so many times we find that we are pushing them away. We tell ourself that we aren't the women they so righteously deserve. Years back I found myself in a place where I was seriously contemplating suicide. I had just been accepted to a Pain Control Program in Auburn CA and was going to need to go up there during the week for 3 1/2 weeks.

When we got there (my husband and I) for the Pre-admittance Interview-- the first question they asked me was if I planned on suicide, and did I have a plan on how I would kill myself. My answer was "yes."

The next phase of what would be an all day interview-- was done after we went out to lunch. On the way out of the building, grabbed my arm, swung me around and yelled "what the f** do you mean you are going to kill yourself!!" The tears in his eyes, his face red in anger- his heart broken-- blew me away.

He was seething, and in my mind, I thought he'd be better off without me. I had lost my identity as wife, mother, lover, caregiver, financial provider and friend. I had no idea who the person was that was inhabitting my body-- and mind. And I knew he deserved more.

What I learned is that he still wanted and needed me-- and needed to be needed by me. He was okay with having to take care of me-- but he was feeling that I no longer wanted him. So yes, we were both pushing each other away-- and wanting so badly to come together and find a way through this wall. My friend, that was 18 years ago last week. I had already been living with chronic pain for 7 years, and had just been told that I had sarcoidosis.

We have found our way through the jungle, and I won't tell you that it's been easy-- it hasn't. But it has been worth it. Sure, we still have our days when the gloves come off- and we take real "verbal" punches-- and then we take a deep breath. Back up, and look each other in the eye-- and say whoa-- I'm hurt, I'm hurting, I'm scared, I'm tired-- and I need you to hold me.

Give this some time-- and realize that what is happening is that you are both in a place of fear. When the tempers have cooled down, sit down-- even if it has to be in a public place-- (keeps you from yelling for the most part) and talk this through.

Sincerely, my heart goes out to you, and I know how hurt you are-- in no way do I mean to make you fill as though you are at fault. This is an issue that isn't about who is at fault-- it's an issue that requires we face this very real process- and I know that it doesn't get much tougher than this-- so know that you have a family here to bounce this stuff off of.

Blessings,

Tracie

NS Co-owner/moderator

Re: wheel chair exp

Dear Marla,

What an angel of hope you are to me today. Your message below really touched me. My husband left me today. He left for the first time on Thursday(4days ago), saying he was stressed out and couldn't take it any more (before that I thought he was coping amazingly well-guess he was just keeping it all inside and exploded). Friday he came back and briefly apologized, saying he is just stressed out and afraid he's going to lose me. Today (Monday) he blew up again (he is usually very calm and quiet) and he packed his stuff again and left. I told him not to come back. I have no idea what's going to happen. I just can't take "I love you" one minute and ".........." the next. My oldest son (17) is irrate at my husband. The two younger ones (11 and 13) seem worried about me. God's in control, I just have to trust Him.

Thanks for your message. It lifted me on a very low day!

God bless you!!!

CathyMarla Bramer <mebramer (AT) gmail (DOT) com> wrote:

I just wanted to share with everyone the awesome time I had at my Kay convention, as you know I bought a wheelchair on my 50th birthday, and this past Fri. and Sat. I spent in Denver, a MK friend drove me, there fore she took on the responsibility of pushing my chair, I had many volunteer, but she did the job, I think there were some who were disappointed that she did not share this with others:) what a blessing. I am so glad I did NOT give up! The conference did not get over until late and then up again early that was the hardest part, so I just took a couple letter cat naps when they turned the lights low to show a video,lol. and the only walking I did was in my room, easy there all walls there, and to get in and out of the wheelchair, I came home just a little tired, but did sleep in today. I will not give up on this Dream, to stay as active as I can with my Kay business what a blessing it was when it came into

my life, just as I had to give up a Dream I was living as a Labor and delivery RN, so my Dreams changed but they still go on, Never give up, life might change but that doesn't mean we can't just change our Dream a little and go on. always have a dream in your heart, even if it's small. love to all, Marla--

You rock. That's why Blockbuster' s offering you one month of Blockbuster Total Access, No Cost.

No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG. Version: 7.5.519 / Virus Database: 269.22.8/1362 - Release Date: 4/6/2008 11:12 AM

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Cathy,

So many of us have had to go through relationship chaos since we ended up sick. Between our spouses fear of losing us, the fear of not being able to provide for us, and the loss we suffer because we've lost our jobs and careers-- it all takes a toll.

One book that has helped me most and I refer everyone to is BEYOND CHAOS-- ONE MAN'S JOURNEY ALONGSIDE HIS CHRONICALLY ILL WIFE.

Order it-- and read it, get a second copy if you need to-- and give it to your husband. Share it with your boys.

Their fear is what drives them to leave-- and so many times we find that we are pushing them away. We tell ourself that we aren't the women they so righteously deserve. Years back I found myself in a place where I was seriously contemplating suicide. I had just been accepted to a Pain Control Program in Auburn CA and was going to need to go up there during the week for 3 1/2 weeks.

When we got there (my husband and I) for the Pre-admittance Interview-- the first question they asked me was if I planned on suicide, and did I have a plan on how I would kill myself. My answer was "yes."

The next phase of what would be an all day interview-- was done after we went out to lunch. On the way out of the building, grabbed my arm, swung me around and yelled "what the f** do you mean you are going to kill yourself!!" The tears in his eyes, his face red in anger- his heart broken-- blew me away.

He was seething, and in my mind, I thought he'd be better off without me. I had lost my identity as wife, mother, lover, caregiver, financial provider and friend. I had no idea who the person was that was inhabitting my body-- and mind. And I knew he deserved more.

What I learned is that he still wanted and needed me-- and needed to be needed by me. He was okay with having to take care of me-- but he was feeling that I no longer wanted him. So yes, we were both pushing each other away-- and wanting so badly to come together and find a way through this wall. My friend, that was 18 years ago last week. I had already been living with chronic pain for 7 years, and had just been told that I had sarcoidosis.

We have found our way through the jungle, and I won't tell you that it's been easy-- it hasn't. But it has been worth it. Sure, we still have our days when the gloves come off- and we take real "verbal" punches-- and then we take a deep breath. Back up, and look each other in the eye-- and say whoa-- I'm hurt, I'm hurting, I'm scared, I'm tired-- and I need you to hold me.

Give this some time-- and realize that what is happening is that you are both in a place of fear. When the tempers have cooled down, sit down-- even if it has to be in a public place-- (keeps you from yelling for the most part) and talk this through.

Sincerely, my heart goes out to you, and I know how hurt you are-- in no way do I mean to make you fill as though you are at fault. This is an issue that isn't about who is at fault-- it's an issue that requires we face this very real process- and I know that it doesn't get much tougher than this-- so know that you have a family here to bounce this stuff off of.

Blessings,

Tracie

NS Co-owner/moderator

Re: wheel chair exp

Dear Marla,

What an angel of hope you are to me today. Your message below really touched me. My husband left me today. He left for the first time on Thursday(4days ago), saying he was stressed out and couldn't take it any more (before that I thought he was coping amazingly well-guess he was just keeping it all inside and exploded). Friday he came back and briefly apologized, saying he is just stressed out and afraid he's going to lose me. Today (Monday) he blew up again (he is usually very calm and quiet) and he packed his stuff again and left. I told him not to come back. I have no idea what's going to happen. I just can't take "I love you" one minute and ".........." the next. My oldest son (17) is irrate at my husband. The two younger ones (11 and 13) seem worried about me. God's in control, I just have to trust Him.

Thanks for your message. It lifted me on a very low day!

God bless you!!!

CathyMarla Bramer <mebramer (AT) gmail (DOT) com> wrote:

I just wanted to share with everyone the awesome time I had at my Kay convention, as you know I bought a wheelchair on my 50th birthday, and this past Fri. and Sat. I spent in Denver, a MK friend drove me, there fore she took on the responsibility of pushing my chair, I had many volunteer, but she did the job, I think there were some who were disappointed that she did not share this with others:) what a blessing. I am so glad I did NOT give up! The conference did not get over until late and then up again early that was the hardest part, so I just took a couple letter cat naps when they turned the lights low to show a video,lol. and the only walking I did was in my room, easy there all walls there, and to get in and out of the wheelchair, I came home just a little tired, but did sleep in today. I will not give up on this Dream, to stay as active as I can with my Kay business what a blessing it was when it came into

my life, just as I had to give up a Dream I was living as a Labor and delivery RN, so my Dreams changed but they still go on, Never give up, life might change but that doesn't mean we can't just change our Dream a little and go on. always have a dream in your heart, even if it's small. love to all, Marla--

You rock. That's why Blockbuster' s offering you one month of Blockbuster Total Access, No Cost.

No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG. Version: 7.5.519 / Virus Database: 269.22.8/1362 - Release Date: 4/6/2008 11:12 AM

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Dear Tracie, Your description below that starts with "I thought he'd be better off without me....." and ends with "All I knew was he deserved more." describes me perfectly. I guess as a nurse and caregiver at heart, I never never never want to be the one who needs taken care of. I am a caregiver at heart and so if I can't be who God created me to be what's the point? I made most of the money, now my husband is working 2 full time jobs to try to make ends meet. I don't remember the stages of grief from nursing school and don't have the energy to look them up, but I think I have moved past denial and now am angry. What the heck is the point? Yesterday as I talked to my oldest son (17) --he was really really ticked off at my husband for leaving--I said "I have a lot of support and it still stinks. Dad doesn't really have any support-noone to go to and say 'this sucks sometimes'" and my son interrupted me and said "Mom it doesn't suck sometimes, it sucks all

the time". That made me realize how much pain I am causing my kids too. For what? I have no purpose in life, nothing to offer. My kids are my life and if all i have to offer them is grief and pain and needing to be helped I don't want to live. THis sucks and i hate it! I don't have any money to get that book, but I will call the library and see if they have it. Thanks for the kind and loving support. Cathytracie feldhaus wrote: Cathy, So many of us have had to go through relationship chaos since we ended up sick. Between our spouses fear of losing us, the fear of not being able to provide for us, and the loss we suffer because we've lost our jobs and careers-- it all takes a toll. One book that has helped me most and I refer everyone to is BEYOND CHAOS-- ONE MAN'S JOURNEY ALONGSIDE HIS CHRONICALLY ILL WIFE. Order it-- and read it, get a second copy if you need to-- and give it to your husband. Share it with your boys.

Their fear is what drives them to leave-- and so many times we find that we are pushing them away. We tell ourself that we aren't the women they so righteously deserve. Years back I found myself in a place where I was seriously contemplating suicide. I had just been accepted to a Pain Control Program in Auburn CA and was going to need to go up there during the week for 3 1/2 weeks. When we got there (my husband and I) for the Pre-admittance Interview-- the first question they asked me was if I planned on suicide, and did I have a plan on how I would kill myself. My answer was "yes." The next phase of what would be an all day interview-- was done after we went

out to lunch. On the way out of the building, grabbed my arm, swung me around and yelled "what the f** do you mean you are going to kill yourself!!" The tears in his eyes, his face red in anger- his heart broken-- blew me away. He was seething, and in my mind, I thought he'd be better off without me. I had lost my identity as wife, mother, lover, caregiver, financial provider and friend. I had no idea who the person was that was inhabitting my body-- and mind. And I knew he deserved more. What I learned is that he still wanted and needed me-- and needed to be needed by me. He was okay with having to take care of me-- but he was feeling that I no longer wanted him. So yes, we were both pushing each other away-- and wanting so badly

to come together and find a way through this wall. My friend, that was 18 years ago last week. I had already been living with chronic pain for 7 years, and had just been told that I had sarcoidosis. We have found our way through the jungle, and I won't tell you that it's been easy-- it hasn't. But it has been worth it. Sure, we still have our days when the gloves come off- and we take real "verbal" punches-- and then we take a deep breath. Back up, and look each other in the eye-- and say whoa-- I'm hurt, I'm hurting, I'm scared, I'm tired-- and I need you to hold me. Give this some time-- and realize that what is happening is that you are both in a place of fear. When the tempers have cooled down, sit down-- even if it has to be in a public

place-- (keeps you from yelling for the most part) and talk this through. Sincerely, my heart goes out to you, and I know how hurt you are-- in no way do I mean to make you fill as though you are at fault. This is an issue that isn't about who is at fault-- it's an issue that requires we face this very real process- and I know that it doesn't get much tougher than this-- so know that you have a family here to bounce this stuff off of. Blessings, Tracie NS Co-owner/moderator Re: wheel chair exp Dear Marla, What an angel of hope you are to me today. Your message below really touched me. My husband left me today. He left for the first time on Thursday(4days ago), saying he was stressed out and couldn't take it any more (before that I thought he was coping amazingly well-guess he was just keeping it all inside and exploded). Friday he came back and briefly apologized, saying he is just stressed out and afraid he's going to lose me. Today (Monday) he blew up again (he is usually very calm and quiet) and he packed his stuff again and left. I told him not to come back. I have no idea what's going to happen. I just can't take "I love you" one minute and ".........." the next. My oldest son (17) is irrate at my husband. The two younger ones (11 and 13) seem worried about me. God's in control, I just have

to trust Him. Thanks for your message. It lifted me on a very low day! God bless you!!! CathyMarla Bramer <mebramer (AT) gmail (DOT) com> wrote: I just wanted to share with everyone the awesome time I had at my Kay convention, as you know I bought a wheelchair on my 50th birthday, and this past Fri. and Sat. I spent in Denver, a MK friend drove me, there fore she took on the responsibility of pushing my chair, I had many volunteer, but she did the job, I think there were some who were disappointed that she did not share this with others:) what a blessing. I am so glad I did NOT give up! The conference did not get over until late and then up again early that was the hardest part, so I just took a couple letter cat naps when they turned the lights low to show a video,lol. and the only walking I did was

in my room, easy there all walls there, and to get in and out of the wheelchair, I came home just a little tired, but did sleep in today. I will not give up on this Dream, to stay as active as I can with my Kay business what a blessing it was when it came into my life, just as I had to give up a Dream I was living as a Labor and delivery RN, so my Dreams changed but they still go on, Never give up, life might change but that doesn't mean we can't just change our Dream a little and go on. always have a dream in your heart, even if it's small. love to all, Marla-- You rock. That's why Blockbuster' s offering you one month of Blockbuster Total Access, No Cost. No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG. Version: 7.5.519 / Virus Database: 269.22.8/1362 - Release Date: 4/6/2008 11:12 AM

You rock. That's why Blockbuster's offering you one month of Blockbuster Total Access, No Cost.

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Dear Tracie, Your description below that starts with "I thought he'd be better off without me....." and ends with "All I knew was he deserved more." describes me perfectly. I guess as a nurse and caregiver at heart, I never never never want to be the one who needs taken care of. I am a caregiver at heart and so if I can't be who God created me to be what's the point? I made most of the money, now my husband is working 2 full time jobs to try to make ends meet. I don't remember the stages of grief from nursing school and don't have the energy to look them up, but I think I have moved past denial and now am angry. What the heck is the point? Yesterday as I talked to my oldest son (17) --he was really really ticked off at my husband for leaving--I said "I have a lot of support and it still stinks. Dad doesn't really have any support-noone to go to and say 'this sucks sometimes'" and my son interrupted me and said "Mom it doesn't suck sometimes, it sucks all

the time". That made me realize how much pain I am causing my kids too. For what? I have no purpose in life, nothing to offer. My kids are my life and if all i have to offer them is grief and pain and needing to be helped I don't want to live. THis sucks and i hate it! I don't have any money to get that book, but I will call the library and see if they have it. Thanks for the kind and loving support. Cathytracie feldhaus wrote: Cathy, So many of us have had to go through relationship chaos since we ended up sick. Between our spouses fear of losing us, the fear of not being able to provide for us, and the loss we suffer because we've lost our jobs and careers-- it all takes a toll. One book that has helped me most and I refer everyone to is BEYOND CHAOS-- ONE MAN'S JOURNEY ALONGSIDE HIS CHRONICALLY ILL WIFE. Order it-- and read it, get a second copy if you need to-- and give it to your husband. Share it with your boys.

Their fear is what drives them to leave-- and so many times we find that we are pushing them away. We tell ourself that we aren't the women they so righteously deserve. Years back I found myself in a place where I was seriously contemplating suicide. I had just been accepted to a Pain Control Program in Auburn CA and was going to need to go up there during the week for 3 1/2 weeks. When we got there (my husband and I) for the Pre-admittance Interview-- the first question they asked me was if I planned on suicide, and did I have a plan on how I would kill myself. My answer was "yes." The next phase of what would be an all day interview-- was done after we went

out to lunch. On the way out of the building, grabbed my arm, swung me around and yelled "what the f** do you mean you are going to kill yourself!!" The tears in his eyes, his face red in anger- his heart broken-- blew me away. He was seething, and in my mind, I thought he'd be better off without me. I had lost my identity as wife, mother, lover, caregiver, financial provider and friend. I had no idea who the person was that was inhabitting my body-- and mind. And I knew he deserved more. What I learned is that he still wanted and needed me-- and needed to be needed by me. He was okay with having to take care of me-- but he was feeling that I no longer wanted him. So yes, we were both pushing each other away-- and wanting so badly

to come together and find a way through this wall. My friend, that was 18 years ago last week. I had already been living with chronic pain for 7 years, and had just been told that I had sarcoidosis. We have found our way through the jungle, and I won't tell you that it's been easy-- it hasn't. But it has been worth it. Sure, we still have our days when the gloves come off- and we take real "verbal" punches-- and then we take a deep breath. Back up, and look each other in the eye-- and say whoa-- I'm hurt, I'm hurting, I'm scared, I'm tired-- and I need you to hold me. Give this some time-- and realize that what is happening is that you are both in a place of fear. When the tempers have cooled down, sit down-- even if it has to be in a public

place-- (keeps you from yelling for the most part) and talk this through. Sincerely, my heart goes out to you, and I know how hurt you are-- in no way do I mean to make you fill as though you are at fault. This is an issue that isn't about who is at fault-- it's an issue that requires we face this very real process- and I know that it doesn't get much tougher than this-- so know that you have a family here to bounce this stuff off of. Blessings, Tracie NS Co-owner/moderator Re: wheel chair exp Dear Marla, What an angel of hope you are to me today. Your message below really touched me. My husband left me today. He left for the first time on Thursday(4days ago), saying he was stressed out and couldn't take it any more (before that I thought he was coping amazingly well-guess he was just keeping it all inside and exploded). Friday he came back and briefly apologized, saying he is just stressed out and afraid he's going to lose me. Today (Monday) he blew up again (he is usually very calm and quiet) and he packed his stuff again and left. I told him not to come back. I have no idea what's going to happen. I just can't take "I love you" one minute and ".........." the next. My oldest son (17) is irrate at my husband. The two younger ones (11 and 13) seem worried about me. God's in control, I just have

to trust Him. Thanks for your message. It lifted me on a very low day! God bless you!!! CathyMarla Bramer <mebramer (AT) gmail (DOT) com> wrote: I just wanted to share with everyone the awesome time I had at my Kay convention, as you know I bought a wheelchair on my 50th birthday, and this past Fri. and Sat. I spent in Denver, a MK friend drove me, there fore she took on the responsibility of pushing my chair, I had many volunteer, but she did the job, I think there were some who were disappointed that she did not share this with others:) what a blessing. I am so glad I did NOT give up! The conference did not get over until late and then up again early that was the hardest part, so I just took a couple letter cat naps when they turned the lights low to show a video,lol. and the only walking I did was

in my room, easy there all walls there, and to get in and out of the wheelchair, I came home just a little tired, but did sleep in today. I will not give up on this Dream, to stay as active as I can with my Kay business what a blessing it was when it came into my life, just as I had to give up a Dream I was living as a Labor and delivery RN, so my Dreams changed but they still go on, Never give up, life might change but that doesn't mean we can't just change our Dream a little and go on. always have a dream in your heart, even if it's small. love to all, Marla-- You rock. That's why Blockbuster' s offering you one month of Blockbuster Total Access, No Cost. No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG. Version: 7.5.519 / Virus Database: 269.22.8/1362 - Release Date: 4/6/2008 11:12 AM

You rock. That's why Blockbuster's offering you one month of Blockbuster Total Access, No Cost.

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Cathy, When I was first diagnosed my husband wasn't on board either, in fact it took him years and me getting really sick to figure it out, and those were tough years. I was dx 13 years ago, and about a year later I had to quit a job I truly loved, I was a Labor and delivery nurse, but I was having too much trouble breathing, and he said I was working too much, my doc asked that i bring my husband in to a visit, and he told my husband I think your wife has a death wish,, and he was totally surprised, he told my husband that I had to quit my job, my husband of course thought I was making a mountain out of a mole hill, so after this visit he said well I guess you better quit your job. I stayed home for the summer, but am not the stay home type, so in the fall I went back to work for a clinic I worked for before, they knew about my illness and didn't care. I worked there for about 5 years and was feeling good, and a day opening came up at L & D so I went back, ( I did have some flares still but treating with Pred, seemed to take care of them, but after 2 years back on L & D even days, 12 hour days, that is when the neuro kicked in, I was falling all over the place, trouble thinking, etc....

have not been back into nursing since, and that was 5 years ago. I was in the medical world for 30 years, so I really miss it, but at least my Kay business keeps me going, I have things to look forward to. However it was until the Sarc came back Neuro before he understood how sick I was, and things got better for us, we did go to counseling which I highly recommend for anyone, but especially when you are dealing with a chronic, sometimes acute illness, hang in there, you might suggest counseling, like I said it really helped me.

you are in my prayers, Marla

Cathy,

So many of us have had to go through relationship chaos since we ended up sick. Between our spouses fear of losing us, the fear of not being able to provide for us, and the loss we suffer because we've lost our jobs and careers-- it all takes a toll.

One book that has helped me most and I refer everyone to is BEYOND CHAOS-- ONE MAN'S JOURNEY ALONGSIDE HIS CHRONICALLY ILL WIFE.

Order it-- and read it, get a second copy if you need to-- and give it to your husband. Share it with your boys.

Their fear is what drives them to leave-- and so many times we find that we are pushing them away. We tell ourself that we aren't the women they so righteously deserve. Years back I found myself in a place where I was seriously contemplating suicide. I had just been accepted to a Pain Control Program in Auburn CA and was going to need to go up there during the week for 3 1/2 weeks.

When we got there (my husband and I) for the Pre-admittance Interview-- the first question they asked me was if I planned on suicide, and did I have a plan on how I would kill myself. My answer was " yes. "

The next phase of what would be an all day interview-- was done after we went out to lunch. On the way out of the building, grabbed my arm, swung me around and yelled " what the f** do you mean you are going to kill yourself!! " The tears in his eyes, his face red in anger- his heart broken-- blew me away.

He was seething, and in my mind, I thought he'd be better off without me. I had lost my identity as wife, mother, lover, caregiver, financial provider and friend. I had no idea who the person was that was inhabitting my body-- and mind. And I knew he deserved more.

What I learned is that he still wanted and needed me-- and needed to be needed by me. He was okay with having to take care of me-- but he was feeling that I no longer wanted him. So yes, we were both pushing each other away-- and wanting so badly to come together and find a way through this wall. My friend, that was 18 years ago last week. I had already been living with chronic pain for 7 years, and had just been told that I had sarcoidosis.

We have found our way through the jungle, and I won't tell you that it's been easy-- it hasn't. But it has been worth it. Sure, we still have our days when the gloves come off- and we take real " verbal " punches-- and then we take a deep breath. Back up, and look each other in the eye-- and say whoa-- I'm hurt, I'm hurting, I'm scared, I'm tired-- and I need you to hold me.

Give this some time-- and realize that what is happening is that you are both in a place of fear. When the tempers have cooled down, sit down-- even if it has to be in a public place-- (keeps you from yelling for the most part) and talk this through.

Sincerely, my heart goes out to you, and I know how hurt you are-- in no way do I mean to make you fill as though you are at fault. This is an issue that isn't about who is at fault-- it's an issue that requires we face this very real process- and I know that it doesn't get much tougher than this-- so know that you have a family here to bounce this stuff off of.

Blessings,

Tracie

NS Co-owner/moderator

Re: wheel chair exp

Dear Marla,

What an angel of hope you are to me today. Your message below really touched me. My husband left me today. He left for the first time on Thursday(4days ago), saying he was stressed out and couldn't take it any more (before that I thought he was coping amazingly well-guess he was just keeping it all inside and exploded). Friday he came back and briefly apologized, saying he is just stressed out and afraid he's going to lose me. Today (Monday) he blew up again (he is usually very calm and quiet) and he packed his stuff again and left. I told him not to come back. I have no idea what's going to happen. I just can't take " I love you " one minute and " .......... " the next. My oldest son (17) is irrate at my husband. The two younger ones (11 and 13) seem worried about me. God's in control, I just have to trust Him.

Thanks for your message. It lifted me on a very low day!

God bless you!!!

CathyMarla Bramer <mebramer (AT) gmail (DOT) com> wrote:

I just wanted to share with everyone the awesome time I had at my Kay convention, as you know I bought a wheelchair on my 50th birthday, and this past Fri. and Sat. I spent in Denver, a MK friend drove me, there fore she took on the responsibility of pushing my chair, I had many volunteer, but she did the job, I think there were some who were disappointed that she did not share this with others:) what a blessing. I am so glad I did NOT give up! The conference did not get over until late and then up again early that was the hardest part, so I just took a couple letter cat naps when they turned the lights low to show a video,lol. and the only walking I did was in my room, easy there all walls there, and to get in and out of the wheelchair, I came home just a little tired, but did sleep in today. I will not give up on this Dream, to stay as active as I can with my Kay business what a blessing it was when it came into

my life, just as I had to give up a Dream I was living as a Labor and delivery RN, so my Dreams changed but they still go on, Never give up, life might change but that doesn't mean we can't just change our Dream a little and go on. always have a dream in your heart, even if it's small. love to all, Marla

--

You rock. That's why Blockbuster' s offering you one month of Blockbuster Total Access, No Cost.

No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG. Version: 7.5.519 / Virus Database: 269.22.8/1362 - Release Date: 4/6/2008 11:12 AM

-- Marla BramerIndependent Beauty Consultant Kay mbramer@...www.marykay.com/mbramer

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Cathy, When I was first diagnosed my husband wasn't on board either, in fact it took him years and me getting really sick to figure it out, and those were tough years. I was dx 13 years ago, and about a year later I had to quit a job I truly loved, I was a Labor and delivery nurse, but I was having too much trouble breathing, and he said I was working too much, my doc asked that i bring my husband in to a visit, and he told my husband I think your wife has a death wish,, and he was totally surprised, he told my husband that I had to quit my job, my husband of course thought I was making a mountain out of a mole hill, so after this visit he said well I guess you better quit your job. I stayed home for the summer, but am not the stay home type, so in the fall I went back to work for a clinic I worked for before, they knew about my illness and didn't care. I worked there for about 5 years and was feeling good, and a day opening came up at L & D so I went back, ( I did have some flares still but treating with Pred, seemed to take care of them, but after 2 years back on L & D even days, 12 hour days, that is when the neuro kicked in, I was falling all over the place, trouble thinking, etc....

have not been back into nursing since, and that was 5 years ago. I was in the medical world for 30 years, so I really miss it, but at least my Kay business keeps me going, I have things to look forward to. However it was until the Sarc came back Neuro before he understood how sick I was, and things got better for us, we did go to counseling which I highly recommend for anyone, but especially when you are dealing with a chronic, sometimes acute illness, hang in there, you might suggest counseling, like I said it really helped me.

you are in my prayers, Marla

Cathy,

So many of us have had to go through relationship chaos since we ended up sick. Between our spouses fear of losing us, the fear of not being able to provide for us, and the loss we suffer because we've lost our jobs and careers-- it all takes a toll.

One book that has helped me most and I refer everyone to is BEYOND CHAOS-- ONE MAN'S JOURNEY ALONGSIDE HIS CHRONICALLY ILL WIFE.

Order it-- and read it, get a second copy if you need to-- and give it to your husband. Share it with your boys.

Their fear is what drives them to leave-- and so many times we find that we are pushing them away. We tell ourself that we aren't the women they so righteously deserve. Years back I found myself in a place where I was seriously contemplating suicide. I had just been accepted to a Pain Control Program in Auburn CA and was going to need to go up there during the week for 3 1/2 weeks.

When we got there (my husband and I) for the Pre-admittance Interview-- the first question they asked me was if I planned on suicide, and did I have a plan on how I would kill myself. My answer was " yes. "

The next phase of what would be an all day interview-- was done after we went out to lunch. On the way out of the building, grabbed my arm, swung me around and yelled " what the f** do you mean you are going to kill yourself!! " The tears in his eyes, his face red in anger- his heart broken-- blew me away.

He was seething, and in my mind, I thought he'd be better off without me. I had lost my identity as wife, mother, lover, caregiver, financial provider and friend. I had no idea who the person was that was inhabitting my body-- and mind. And I knew he deserved more.

What I learned is that he still wanted and needed me-- and needed to be needed by me. He was okay with having to take care of me-- but he was feeling that I no longer wanted him. So yes, we were both pushing each other away-- and wanting so badly to come together and find a way through this wall. My friend, that was 18 years ago last week. I had already been living with chronic pain for 7 years, and had just been told that I had sarcoidosis.

We have found our way through the jungle, and I won't tell you that it's been easy-- it hasn't. But it has been worth it. Sure, we still have our days when the gloves come off- and we take real " verbal " punches-- and then we take a deep breath. Back up, and look each other in the eye-- and say whoa-- I'm hurt, I'm hurting, I'm scared, I'm tired-- and I need you to hold me.

Give this some time-- and realize that what is happening is that you are both in a place of fear. When the tempers have cooled down, sit down-- even if it has to be in a public place-- (keeps you from yelling for the most part) and talk this through.

Sincerely, my heart goes out to you, and I know how hurt you are-- in no way do I mean to make you fill as though you are at fault. This is an issue that isn't about who is at fault-- it's an issue that requires we face this very real process- and I know that it doesn't get much tougher than this-- so know that you have a family here to bounce this stuff off of.

Blessings,

Tracie

NS Co-owner/moderator

Re: wheel chair exp

Dear Marla,

What an angel of hope you are to me today. Your message below really touched me. My husband left me today. He left for the first time on Thursday(4days ago), saying he was stressed out and couldn't take it any more (before that I thought he was coping amazingly well-guess he was just keeping it all inside and exploded). Friday he came back and briefly apologized, saying he is just stressed out and afraid he's going to lose me. Today (Monday) he blew up again (he is usually very calm and quiet) and he packed his stuff again and left. I told him not to come back. I have no idea what's going to happen. I just can't take " I love you " one minute and " .......... " the next. My oldest son (17) is irrate at my husband. The two younger ones (11 and 13) seem worried about me. God's in control, I just have to trust Him.

Thanks for your message. It lifted me on a very low day!

God bless you!!!

CathyMarla Bramer <mebramer (AT) gmail (DOT) com> wrote:

I just wanted to share with everyone the awesome time I had at my Kay convention, as you know I bought a wheelchair on my 50th birthday, and this past Fri. and Sat. I spent in Denver, a MK friend drove me, there fore she took on the responsibility of pushing my chair, I had many volunteer, but she did the job, I think there were some who were disappointed that she did not share this with others:) what a blessing. I am so glad I did NOT give up! The conference did not get over until late and then up again early that was the hardest part, so I just took a couple letter cat naps when they turned the lights low to show a video,lol. and the only walking I did was in my room, easy there all walls there, and to get in and out of the wheelchair, I came home just a little tired, but did sleep in today. I will not give up on this Dream, to stay as active as I can with my Kay business what a blessing it was when it came into

my life, just as I had to give up a Dream I was living as a Labor and delivery RN, so my Dreams changed but they still go on, Never give up, life might change but that doesn't mean we can't just change our Dream a little and go on. always have a dream in your heart, even if it's small. love to all, Marla

--

You rock. That's why Blockbuster' s offering you one month of Blockbuster Total Access, No Cost.

No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG. Version: 7.5.519 / Virus Database: 269.22.8/1362 - Release Date: 4/6/2008 11:12 AM

-- Marla BramerIndependent Beauty Consultant Kay mbramer@...www.marykay.com/mbramer

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Cathy,

I think we can all identify with the loss of self you describe. I too

was the caretake type. While not a nurse, I had worked in the medical

field the majority of my adult life and did not want to be anything

else.

Your children need you so much. Be open and honest with them (as much

as you can depending on their age). Remember, they are going through

this with you. Have you thought of counseling for all of you? If not,

I would suggest it. I go 2 times a month. Sometimes just to bs and

sometimes to pour my guts our for missing out of what I think my life

should be. Take care and remember that if you take yourself out, your

children will see it as a way out when they face tough times in life.

Get someone to help all of you.

Terri G.

> I just wanted to share with everyone the awesome time I had at my

Kay convention, as you know I bought a wheelchair on my 50th birthday,

and this past Fri. and Sat. I spent in Denver, a MK friend drove me,

there fore she took on the responsibility of pushing my chair, I had

many volunteer, but she did the job, I think there were some who were

disappointed that she did not share this with others:) what a blessing.

I am so glad I did NOT give up! The conference did not get over until

late and then up again early that was the hardest part, so I just took a

couple letter cat naps when they turned the lights low to show a

video,lol. and the only walking I did was in my room, easy there all

walls there, and to get in and out of the wheelchair, I came home just a

little tired, but did sleep in today. I will not give up on this Dream,

to stay as active as I can with my Kay business what a blessing it

was when it came into my life, just as I had to give up a

> Dream I was living as a Labor and delivery RN, so my Dreams changed

but they still go on, Never give up, life might change but that doesn't

mean we can't just change our Dream a little and go on. always have a

dream in your heart, even if it's small. love to all, Marla

>

> --

>

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> You rock. That's why Blockbuster' s offering you one month of

Blockbuster Total Access, No Cost.

>

>

> No virus found in this incoming message.

> Checked by AVG.

> Version: 7.5.519 / Virus Database: 269.22.8/1362 - Release Date:

4/6/2008 11:12 AM

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> You rock. That's why Blockbuster's offering you one month of

Blockbuster Total Access, No Cost.

>

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Guest guest

Guest guest

Posted
Posted

Cathy,

I think we can all identify with the loss of self you describe. I too

was the caretake type. While not a nurse, I had worked in the medical

field the majority of my adult life and did not want to be anything

else.

Your children need you so much. Be open and honest with them (as much

as you can depending on their age). Remember, they are going through

this with you. Have you thought of counseling for all of you? If not,

I would suggest it. I go 2 times a month. Sometimes just to bs and

sometimes to pour my guts our for missing out of what I think my life

should be. Take care and remember that if you take yourself out, your

children will see it as a way out when they face tough times in life.

Get someone to help all of you.

Terri G.

> I just wanted to share with everyone the awesome time I had at my

Kay convention, as you know I bought a wheelchair on my 50th birthday,

and this past Fri. and Sat. I spent in Denver, a MK friend drove me,

there fore she took on the responsibility of pushing my chair, I had

many volunteer, but she did the job, I think there were some who were

disappointed that she did not share this with others:) what a blessing.

I am so glad I did NOT give up! The conference did not get over until

late and then up again early that was the hardest part, so I just took a

couple letter cat naps when they turned the lights low to show a

video,lol. and the only walking I did was in my room, easy there all

walls there, and to get in and out of the wheelchair, I came home just a

little tired, but did sleep in today. I will not give up on this Dream,

to stay as active as I can with my Kay business what a blessing it

was when it came into my life, just as I had to give up a

> Dream I was living as a Labor and delivery RN, so my Dreams changed

but they still go on, Never give up, life might change but that doesn't

mean we can't just change our Dream a little and go on. always have a

dream in your heart, even if it's small. love to all, Marla

>

> --

>

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> You rock. That's why Blockbuster' s offering you one month of

Blockbuster Total Access, No Cost.

>

>

> No virus found in this incoming message.

> Checked by AVG.

> Version: 7.5.519 / Virus Database: 269.22.8/1362 - Release Date:

4/6/2008 11:12 AM

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> You rock. That's why Blockbuster's offering you one month of

Blockbuster Total Access, No Cost.

>

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Guest guest

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Posted
Posted

Thanks very much Marla. You guys are so awesome. When I think I can't do it any more I come to the computer and realize that I can. It's lifesaving to have a safe place to really be me and not be judged or criticized. Seems like people outside of this group ask "how are you" but really don't want to know. They want me to smile and say fine. I learned I might as well do that for most people because they don't really care anyway. My son went through a life threatening disease for the first 3 1/2 yrs of his life and we found out who our real friends were. we didn't have as many friends as we thought. We're going through the same thing again. The upsetting one is my sister. She acts like I am not really sick, just whining. My brother is into all this new age stuff and says I will be well if I just think positive enough. I was always the strong one in our marraige and made most of the money. Now roles have to be reversed and he's not coping well. He doesn't mind working

extra -- I think because it's an escape and he doesn't have to deal with reality at home. He's not a bad guy, he just doesn't want to step up to the plate and be the leader and strong one. Well I should say he's willing to step up there for a while, but doesn't want to stay up there because it's too hard. He's a really quiet passive person by nature and taking charge doesn't come easy. I know what you mean about giving up a job you loved. I loved being a nurse and had a job from heaven. Then when one of the doctors couldn't find out what with me a year or so ago, she said I was just trying to get her to sign for disability so I didn't have to work. It just seems like there's battles every direction--family, doctors, ins., etc etc.etc etc. Im too tired to fight any more. I have only been diagnosed for a little over a year, but I think I have had it for many many years because I had "pneumonia" many times a year that wouldn't go away without prednisone for about the last 6

years and neuro symptoms off and on. I wondered frequently if I had ms. It was just Feb 07 that they found the 40 some nodules in my lungs and began pursuing a dx. Wow I am rambling. I guess I am just really frustrated because also, I am a fixer. I don't back down from a challenge easily. Im pretty much not scared of anything. BUT, NS seems to have kicked my butt and Im too tired and sad to fight. Thanks for listening! I love all you guys. You are the kindest most caring people I have ever met. I hope some day soon I get my act together so I can support others better. CathyMarla Bramer wrote: Cathy, When I was first diagnosed my husband wasn't on board either, in fact it took him years and me getting really sick to figure it out, and those were tough years. I was dx 13 years ago, and about a year later I had to quit a job I truly loved, I was a Labor and delivery nurse, but I was having too much trouble breathing, and he said I was working too much, my doc asked that i bring my husband in to a visit, and he told my husband I think your wife has a death wish,, and he was totally surprised, he told my husband that I had to quit my job, my husband of course thought I was making a mountain out of a mole hill, so after this visit he said well I guess you better quit your job. I stayed home for the summer, but am not the stay home type, so in the fall I went back to work for a clinic I worked for before, they knew about

my illness and didn't care. I worked there for about 5 years and was feeling good, and a day opening came up at L & D so I went back, ( I did have some flares still but treating with Pred, seemed to take care of them, but after 2 years back on L & D even days, 12 hour days, that is when the neuro kicked in, I was falling all over the place, trouble thinking, etc.... have not been back into nursing since, and that was 5 years ago. I was in the medical world for 30 years, so I really miss it, but at least my Kay business keeps me going, I have things to look forward to. However it was until the Sarc came back Neuro before he understood how sick I was, and things got better for us, we did go to counseling which I highly recommend for anyone, but especially when you are dealing with a chronic, sometimes acute illness, hang in there, you might suggest counseling, like I said it really helped me. you are in my prayers, Marla

On Tue, Apr 8, 2008 at 8:37 AM, tracie feldhaus <tiodaat2001 (AT) yahoo (DOT) com> wrote: Cathy, So many of us have had to go through relationship chaos since we ended up sick. Between our spouses fear of losing us, the fear of not being able to provide for us, and the loss we suffer because we've lost our jobs and careers-- it all takes a toll. One book that has helped me most and I refer everyone to is BEYOND CHAOS-- ONE MAN'S JOURNEY ALONGSIDE HIS CHRONICALLY ILL WIFE. Order it-- and read it, get a second copy if you need to-- and give it to your husband. Share it with your boys. Their fear is what drives them to leave-- and so many times we find that we are pushing them away. We tell ourself that we aren't the women they so righteously deserve. Years back I found myself in a place where I was seriously contemplating suicide. I had just been accepted to a Pain Control Program in Auburn CA and was going to need to go up there during the week for 3 1/2 weeks. When

we got there (my husband and I) for the Pre-admittance Interview-- the first question they asked me was if I planned on suicide, and did I have a plan on how I would kill myself. My answer was "yes." The next phase of what would be an all day interview-- was done after we went out to lunch. On the way out of the building, grabbed my arm, swung me around and yelled "what the f** do you mean you are going to kill yourself!!" The tears in his eyes, his face red in anger- his heart broken-- blew me away. He was seething, and in my mind, I thought he'd be better off without me. I had lost my identity as wife, mother, lover, caregiver, financial provider and friend. I had no idea who the person was that was inhabitting my body-- and mind. And I knew he

deserved more. What I learned is that he still wanted and needed me-- and needed to be needed by me. He was okay with having to take care of me-- but he was feeling that I no longer wanted him. So yes, we were both pushing each other away-- and wanting so badly to come together and find a way through this wall. My friend, that was 18 years ago last week. I had already been living with chronic pain for 7 years, and had just been told that I had sarcoidosis. We have found our way through the jungle, and I won't tell you that it's been easy-- it hasn't. But it has been worth it. Sure, we still have our days when the gloves come off- and we take real "verbal" punches-- and then we take a deep breath. Back up, and look each other in the eye-- and say

whoa-- I'm hurt, I'm hurting, I'm scared, I'm tired-- and I need you to hold me. Give this some time-- and realize that what is happening is that you are both in a place of fear. When the tempers have cooled down, sit down-- even if it has to be in a public place-- (keeps you from yelling for the most part) and talk this through. Sincerely, my heart goes out to you, and I know how hurt you are-- in no way do I mean to make you fill as though you are at fault. This is an issue that isn't about who is at fault-- it's an issue that requires we face this very real process- and I know that it doesn't get much tougher than this-- so know that you have a family here to bounce this stuff off of. Blessings, Tracie NS Co-owner/moderator Re: wheel chair exp Dear Marla, What an angel of hope you are to me today. Your message below really touched me. My husband left me today. He left for the first time on Thursday(4days ago), saying he was stressed out and couldn't take it any more (before that I thought he was coping amazingly well-guess he was just keeping it all inside and exploded). Friday he came back and briefly apologized, saying he is just stressed out and afraid he's going to lose me. Today (Monday) he blew up again (he is usually very calm and quiet) and he packed his stuff again and left. I told him not to come back. I have no idea what's going to happen. I just can't take "I love you" one minute and ".........." the next. My oldest son (17) is irrate at my husband.

The two younger ones (11 and 13) seem worried about me. God's in control, I just have to trust Him. Thanks for your message. It lifted me on a very low day! God bless you!!! CathyMarla Bramer <mebramer (AT) gmail (DOT) com> wrote: I just wanted to share with everyone the awesome time I had at my Kay convention, as you know I bought a wheelchair on my 50th birthday, and this past Fri. and Sat. I spent in Denver, a MK friend drove me, there fore she took on the responsibility of pushing my chair, I had many volunteer, but she did the job, I think there were some who were disappointed that she did not share this with others:) what a blessing. I am so glad I did NOT give up! The conference did not get over until late and then up again early that was the hardest part, so I just took a couple letter cat naps when they turned the

lights low to show a video,lol. and the only walking I did was in my room, easy there all walls there, and to get in and out of the wheelchair, I came home just a little tired, but did sleep in today. I will not give up on this Dream, to stay as active as I can with my Kay business what a blessing it was when it came into my life, just as I had to give up a Dream I was living as a Labor and delivery RN, so my Dreams changed but they still go on, Never give up, life might change but that doesn't mean we can't just change our Dream a little and go on. always have a dream in your heart, even if it's small. love to all, Marla-- You rock. That's why Blockbuster' s offering you one month of Blockbuster Total Access, No Cost. No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG. Version: 7.5.519 / Virus Database: 269.22.8/1362 - Release Date: 4/6/2008 11:12 AM -- Marla BramerIndependent Beauty Consultant Kay mbramer (AT) marykay (DOT) comwww.marykay.com/mbramer

You rock. That's why Blockbuster's offering you one month of Blockbuster Total Access, No Cost.

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Thanks very much Marla. You guys are so awesome. When I think I can't do it any more I come to the computer and realize that I can. It's lifesaving to have a safe place to really be me and not be judged or criticized. Seems like people outside of this group ask "how are you" but really don't want to know. They want me to smile and say fine. I learned I might as well do that for most people because they don't really care anyway. My son went through a life threatening disease for the first 3 1/2 yrs of his life and we found out who our real friends were. we didn't have as many friends as we thought. We're going through the same thing again. The upsetting one is my sister. She acts like I am not really sick, just whining. My brother is into all this new age stuff and says I will be well if I just think positive enough. I was always the strong one in our marraige and made most of the money. Now roles have to be reversed and he's not coping well. He doesn't mind working

extra -- I think because it's an escape and he doesn't have to deal with reality at home. He's not a bad guy, he just doesn't want to step up to the plate and be the leader and strong one. Well I should say he's willing to step up there for a while, but doesn't want to stay up there because it's too hard. He's a really quiet passive person by nature and taking charge doesn't come easy. I know what you mean about giving up a job you loved. I loved being a nurse and had a job from heaven. Then when one of the doctors couldn't find out what with me a year or so ago, she said I was just trying to get her to sign for disability so I didn't have to work. It just seems like there's battles every direction--family, doctors, ins., etc etc.etc etc. Im too tired to fight any more. I have only been diagnosed for a little over a year, but I think I have had it for many many years because I had "pneumonia" many times a year that wouldn't go away without prednisone for about the last 6

years and neuro symptoms off and on. I wondered frequently if I had ms. It was just Feb 07 that they found the 40 some nodules in my lungs and began pursuing a dx. Wow I am rambling. I guess I am just really frustrated because also, I am a fixer. I don't back down from a challenge easily. Im pretty much not scared of anything. BUT, NS seems to have kicked my butt and Im too tired and sad to fight. Thanks for listening! I love all you guys. You are the kindest most caring people I have ever met. I hope some day soon I get my act together so I can support others better. CathyMarla Bramer wrote: Cathy, When I was first diagnosed my husband wasn't on board either, in fact it took him years and me getting really sick to figure it out, and those were tough years. I was dx 13 years ago, and about a year later I had to quit a job I truly loved, I was a Labor and delivery nurse, but I was having too much trouble breathing, and he said I was working too much, my doc asked that i bring my husband in to a visit, and he told my husband I think your wife has a death wish,, and he was totally surprised, he told my husband that I had to quit my job, my husband of course thought I was making a mountain out of a mole hill, so after this visit he said well I guess you better quit your job. I stayed home for the summer, but am not the stay home type, so in the fall I went back to work for a clinic I worked for before, they knew about

my illness and didn't care. I worked there for about 5 years and was feeling good, and a day opening came up at L & D so I went back, ( I did have some flares still but treating with Pred, seemed to take care of them, but after 2 years back on L & D even days, 12 hour days, that is when the neuro kicked in, I was falling all over the place, trouble thinking, etc.... have not been back into nursing since, and that was 5 years ago. I was in the medical world for 30 years, so I really miss it, but at least my Kay business keeps me going, I have things to look forward to. However it was until the Sarc came back Neuro before he understood how sick I was, and things got better for us, we did go to counseling which I highly recommend for anyone, but especially when you are dealing with a chronic, sometimes acute illness, hang in there, you might suggest counseling, like I said it really helped me. you are in my prayers, Marla

On Tue, Apr 8, 2008 at 8:37 AM, tracie feldhaus <tiodaat2001 (AT) yahoo (DOT) com> wrote: Cathy, So many of us have had to go through relationship chaos since we ended up sick. Between our spouses fear of losing us, the fear of not being able to provide for us, and the loss we suffer because we've lost our jobs and careers-- it all takes a toll. One book that has helped me most and I refer everyone to is BEYOND CHAOS-- ONE MAN'S JOURNEY ALONGSIDE HIS CHRONICALLY ILL WIFE. Order it-- and read it, get a second copy if you need to-- and give it to your husband. Share it with your boys. Their fear is what drives them to leave-- and so many times we find that we are pushing them away. We tell ourself that we aren't the women they so righteously deserve. Years back I found myself in a place where I was seriously contemplating suicide. I had just been accepted to a Pain Control Program in Auburn CA and was going to need to go up there during the week for 3 1/2 weeks. When

we got there (my husband and I) for the Pre-admittance Interview-- the first question they asked me was if I planned on suicide, and did I have a plan on how I would kill myself. My answer was "yes." The next phase of what would be an all day interview-- was done after we went out to lunch. On the way out of the building, grabbed my arm, swung me around and yelled "what the f** do you mean you are going to kill yourself!!" The tears in his eyes, his face red in anger- his heart broken-- blew me away. He was seething, and in my mind, I thought he'd be better off without me. I had lost my identity as wife, mother, lover, caregiver, financial provider and friend. I had no idea who the person was that was inhabitting my body-- and mind. And I knew he

deserved more. What I learned is that he still wanted and needed me-- and needed to be needed by me. He was okay with having to take care of me-- but he was feeling that I no longer wanted him. So yes, we were both pushing each other away-- and wanting so badly to come together and find a way through this wall. My friend, that was 18 years ago last week. I had already been living with chronic pain for 7 years, and had just been told that I had sarcoidosis. We have found our way through the jungle, and I won't tell you that it's been easy-- it hasn't. But it has been worth it. Sure, we still have our days when the gloves come off- and we take real "verbal" punches-- and then we take a deep breath. Back up, and look each other in the eye-- and say

whoa-- I'm hurt, I'm hurting, I'm scared, I'm tired-- and I need you to hold me. Give this some time-- and realize that what is happening is that you are both in a place of fear. When the tempers have cooled down, sit down-- even if it has to be in a public place-- (keeps you from yelling for the most part) and talk this through. Sincerely, my heart goes out to you, and I know how hurt you are-- in no way do I mean to make you fill as though you are at fault. This is an issue that isn't about who is at fault-- it's an issue that requires we face this very real process- and I know that it doesn't get much tougher than this-- so know that you have a family here to bounce this stuff off of. Blessings, Tracie NS Co-owner/moderator Re: wheel chair exp Dear Marla, What an angel of hope you are to me today. Your message below really touched me. My husband left me today. He left for the first time on Thursday(4days ago), saying he was stressed out and couldn't take it any more (before that I thought he was coping amazingly well-guess he was just keeping it all inside and exploded). Friday he came back and briefly apologized, saying he is just stressed out and afraid he's going to lose me. Today (Monday) he blew up again (he is usually very calm and quiet) and he packed his stuff again and left. I told him not to come back. I have no idea what's going to happen. I just can't take "I love you" one minute and ".........." the next. My oldest son (17) is irrate at my husband.

The two younger ones (11 and 13) seem worried about me. God's in control, I just have to trust Him. Thanks for your message. It lifted me on a very low day! God bless you!!! CathyMarla Bramer <mebramer (AT) gmail (DOT) com> wrote: I just wanted to share with everyone the awesome time I had at my Kay convention, as you know I bought a wheelchair on my 50th birthday, and this past Fri. and Sat. I spent in Denver, a MK friend drove me, there fore she took on the responsibility of pushing my chair, I had many volunteer, but she did the job, I think there were some who were disappointed that she did not share this with others:) what a blessing. I am so glad I did NOT give up! The conference did not get over until late and then up again early that was the hardest part, so I just took a couple letter cat naps when they turned the

lights low to show a video,lol. and the only walking I did was in my room, easy there all walls there, and to get in and out of the wheelchair, I came home just a little tired, but did sleep in today. I will not give up on this Dream, to stay as active as I can with my Kay business what a blessing it was when it came into my life, just as I had to give up a Dream I was living as a Labor and delivery RN, so my Dreams changed but they still go on, Never give up, life might change but that doesn't mean we can't just change our Dream a little and go on. always have a dream in your heart, even if it's small. love to all, Marla-- You rock. That's why Blockbuster' s offering you one month of Blockbuster Total Access, No Cost. No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG. Version: 7.5.519 / Virus Database: 269.22.8/1362 - Release Date: 4/6/2008 11:12 AM -- Marla BramerIndependent Beauty Consultant Kay mbramer (AT) marykay (DOT) comwww.marykay.com/mbramer

You rock. That's why Blockbuster's offering you one month of Blockbuster Total Access, No Cost.

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Terri, Lots of really good points. Thanks! This is one I will read again. Thanks! Cathymosaicgirl1 wrote: Cathy,I think we can all identify with the loss of self you describe. I toowas the caretake type. While not a nurse, I had worked in the medicalfield the majority of my adult life and did not want to be anythingelse.Your children need you so much. Be open and honest with them (as muchas you can depending on their age). Remember,

they are going throughthis with you. Have you thought of counseling for all of you? If not,I would suggest it. I go 2 times a month. Sometimes just to bs andsometimes to pour my guts our for missing out of what I think my lifeshould be. Take care and remember that if you take yourself out, yourchildren will see it as a way out when they face tough times in life. Get someone to help all of you.Terri G.> I just wanted to share with everyone the awesome time I had at

my Kay convention, as you know I bought a wheelchair on my 50th birthday,and this past Fri. and Sat. I spent in Denver, a MK friend drove me,there fore she took on the responsibility of pushing my chair, I hadmany volunteer, but she did the job, I think there were some who weredisappointed that she did not share this with others:) what a blessing.I am so glad I did NOT give up! The conference did not get over untillate and then up again early that was the hardest part, so I just took acouple letter cat naps when they turned the lights low to show avideo,lol. and the only walking I did was in my room, easy there allwalls there, and to get in and out of the wheelchair, I came home just alittle tired, but did sleep in today. I will not give up on this Dream,to stay as active as I can with my Kay business what a blessing itwas when it came into my life, just as I had to give up a> Dream I was living as a Labor

and delivery RN, so my Dreams changedbut they still go on, Never give up, life might change but that doesn'tmean we can't just change our Dream a little and go on. always have adream in your heart, even if it's small. love to all, Marla>> -->>>>>> ---------------------------------> You rock. That's why Blockbuster' s offering you one month ofBlockbuster Total Access, No Cost.>>> No virus found in this incoming message.> Checked by AVG.> Version: 7.5.519 / Virus Database: 269.22.8/1362 - Release Date:4/6/2008 11:12 AM>>>>>>>>>>> ---------------------------------> You rock. That's why Blockbuster's offering you one month ofBlockbuster Total Access, No Cost.>

You rock. That's why Blockbuster's offering you one month of Blockbuster Total Access, No Cost.

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Terri, Lots of really good points. Thanks! This is one I will read again. Thanks! Cathymosaicgirl1 wrote: Cathy,I think we can all identify with the loss of self you describe. I toowas the caretake type. While not a nurse, I had worked in the medicalfield the majority of my adult life and did not want to be anythingelse.Your children need you so much. Be open and honest with them (as muchas you can depending on their age). Remember,

they are going throughthis with you. Have you thought of counseling for all of you? If not,I would suggest it. I go 2 times a month. Sometimes just to bs andsometimes to pour my guts our for missing out of what I think my lifeshould be. Take care and remember that if you take yourself out, yourchildren will see it as a way out when they face tough times in life. Get someone to help all of you.Terri G.> I just wanted to share with everyone the awesome time I had at

my Kay convention, as you know I bought a wheelchair on my 50th birthday,and this past Fri. and Sat. I spent in Denver, a MK friend drove me,there fore she took on the responsibility of pushing my chair, I hadmany volunteer, but she did the job, I think there were some who weredisappointed that she did not share this with others:) what a blessing.I am so glad I did NOT give up! The conference did not get over untillate and then up again early that was the hardest part, so I just took acouple letter cat naps when they turned the lights low to show avideo,lol. and the only walking I did was in my room, easy there allwalls there, and to get in and out of the wheelchair, I came home just alittle tired, but did sleep in today. I will not give up on this Dream,to stay as active as I can with my Kay business what a blessing itwas when it came into my life, just as I had to give up a> Dream I was living as a Labor

and delivery RN, so my Dreams changedbut they still go on, Never give up, life might change but that doesn'tmean we can't just change our Dream a little and go on. always have adream in your heart, even if it's small. love to all, Marla>> -->>>>>> ---------------------------------> You rock. That's why Blockbuster' s offering you one month ofBlockbuster Total Access, No Cost.>>> No virus found in this incoming message.> Checked by AVG.> Version: 7.5.519 / Virus Database: 269.22.8/1362 - Release Date:4/6/2008 11:12 AM>>>>>>>>>>> ---------------------------------> You rock. That's why Blockbuster's offering you one month ofBlockbuster Total Access, No Cost.>

You rock. That's why Blockbuster's offering you one month of Blockbuster Total Access, No Cost.

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Oh ladies this all sounds so familiar. I just finished a

conversation with my husband about the situation. He is completely

stressed due to money. Of course SS is fighting all the way. My

doctors are telling me that I will have to live with chronic pain. I

have MS along with Sarcoidosis and my arthritis has gone completely

haywire with the sarc and I can hardly walk. Yet I fight thru it

every day so my husband doesn't see it, so my kids don't see it, so

it doesn't disrupt anyone elses life. I am tired, mentally

exhausted. My husband admitted he no longer found me attractive due

to the weight I gained from 60 mg of Prednisone a day. I cannot get

him to read ANY literature on either MS or Sarcoid so the odds of him

understanding are slim to none. He just told me I was right, he

didn't understand because he could not feel the physical pain I was

in. It is something that we never discuss, even if I try he just

doesn't say anything.

It all hurts so bad in my heart. I have no support, no family and no

friends here being that I cannot work and it is a very small town. I

too have thought about suicide. I cannot take one more doctor

telling me I will have to live with the pain when you read any

literature on the web that says " it is a self-limiting disease that

affects the lungs, it usually goes away after 2-3 years " , no wonder

SS won't approve any of us. With the doctors you say SS and they

run...

It is just hard that the only conversations we have are regarding

money, there is nothing else we talk about and no physical or

emotional connection whatsoever. I feel he is only here because he

doesn't want to leave me and my two kids on the street...

Anyway, that is my rant and rave...this is the first post I have ever

done and I guess it is a whopper. It is nice to know that there are

other people out there. If we could only get the doctors to realize

that it is more than just a simple disease.

Thanks for listening,

Devrin

" Laughter through tears, my favorite emotion "

> I just wanted to share with everyone the awesome time I had at my

Kay convention, as you know I bought a wheelchair on my 50th

birthday, and this past Fri. and Sat. I spent in Denver, a MK friend

drove me, there fore she took on the responsibility of pushing my

chair, I had many volunteer, but she did the job, I think there were

some who were disappointed that she did not share this with others:)

what a blessing. I am so glad I did NOT give up! The conference did

not get over until late and then up again early that was the hardest

part, so I just took a couple letter cat naps when they turned the

lights low to show a video,lol. and the only walking I did was in my

room, easy there all walls there, and to get in and out of the

wheelchair, I came home just a little tired, but did sleep in today.

I will not give up on this Dream, to stay as active as I can with my

Kay business what a blessing it was when it came into my life,

just as I had to

> give up a Dream I was living as a Labor and delivery RN, so my

Dreams changed but they still go on, Never give up, life might change

but that doesn't mean we can't just change our Dream a little and go

on. always have a dream in your heart, even if it's small. love to

all, Marla

>

> --

>

>

>

>

>

>

> You rock. That's why Blockbuster' s offering you one month of

Blockbuster Total Access, No Cost.

> No virus found in this incoming message.

> Checked by AVG.

> Version: 7.5.519 / Virus Database: 269.22.8/1362 - Release Date:

4/6/2008 11:12 AM

>

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Posted
Posted

Oh ladies this all sounds so familiar. I just finished a

conversation with my husband about the situation. He is completely

stressed due to money. Of course SS is fighting all the way. My

doctors are telling me that I will have to live with chronic pain. I

have MS along with Sarcoidosis and my arthritis has gone completely

haywire with the sarc and I can hardly walk. Yet I fight thru it

every day so my husband doesn't see it, so my kids don't see it, so

it doesn't disrupt anyone elses life. I am tired, mentally

exhausted. My husband admitted he no longer found me attractive due

to the weight I gained from 60 mg of Prednisone a day. I cannot get

him to read ANY literature on either MS or Sarcoid so the odds of him

understanding are slim to none. He just told me I was right, he

didn't understand because he could not feel the physical pain I was

in. It is something that we never discuss, even if I try he just

doesn't say anything.

It all hurts so bad in my heart. I have no support, no family and no

friends here being that I cannot work and it is a very small town. I

too have thought about suicide. I cannot take one more doctor

telling me I will have to live with the pain when you read any

literature on the web that says " it is a self-limiting disease that

affects the lungs, it usually goes away after 2-3 years " , no wonder

SS won't approve any of us. With the doctors you say SS and they

run...

It is just hard that the only conversations we have are regarding

money, there is nothing else we talk about and no physical or

emotional connection whatsoever. I feel he is only here because he

doesn't want to leave me and my two kids on the street...

Anyway, that is my rant and rave...this is the first post I have ever

done and I guess it is a whopper. It is nice to know that there are

other people out there. If we could only get the doctors to realize

that it is more than just a simple disease.

Thanks for listening,

Devrin

" Laughter through tears, my favorite emotion "

> I just wanted to share with everyone the awesome time I had at my

Kay convention, as you know I bought a wheelchair on my 50th

birthday, and this past Fri. and Sat. I spent in Denver, a MK friend

drove me, there fore she took on the responsibility of pushing my

chair, I had many volunteer, but she did the job, I think there were

some who were disappointed that she did not share this with others:)

what a blessing. I am so glad I did NOT give up! The conference did

not get over until late and then up again early that was the hardest

part, so I just took a couple letter cat naps when they turned the

lights low to show a video,lol. and the only walking I did was in my

room, easy there all walls there, and to get in and out of the

wheelchair, I came home just a little tired, but did sleep in today.

I will not give up on this Dream, to stay as active as I can with my

Kay business what a blessing it was when it came into my life,

just as I had to

> give up a Dream I was living as a Labor and delivery RN, so my

Dreams changed but they still go on, Never give up, life might change

but that doesn't mean we can't just change our Dream a little and go

on. always have a dream in your heart, even if it's small. love to

all, Marla

>

> --

>

>

>

>

>

>

> You rock. That's why Blockbuster' s offering you one month of

Blockbuster Total Access, No Cost.

> No virus found in this incoming message.

> Checked by AVG.

> Version: 7.5.519 / Virus Database: 269.22.8/1362 - Release Date:

4/6/2008 11:12 AM

>

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Posted

Dear Devrin, I am sorry I am so late in responding. I haven't felt good and haven't looked at email for a long time. I am glad you shared. Together we will make it through! Just knowing we are going through similar things and that we are not alone, somehow gives us strength. Hang in there. You can do it!! Your kids need you! You are in my prayers! Cathydevrin_mendenhall wrote: Oh ladies this all sounds so familiar. I just finished a conversation with my

husband about the situation. He is completely stressed due to money. Of course SS is fighting all the way. My doctors are telling me that I will have to live with chronic pain. I have MS along with Sarcoidosis and my arthritis has gone completely haywire with the sarc and I can hardly walk. Yet I fight thru it every day so my husband doesn't see it, so my kids don't see it, so it doesn't disrupt anyone elses life. I am tired, mentally exhausted. My husband admitted he no longer found me attractive due to the weight I gained from 60 mg of Prednisone a day. I cannot get him to read ANY literature on either MS or Sarcoid so the odds of him understanding are slim to none. He just told me I was right, he didn't understand because he could not feel the physical pain I was in. It is something that we never discuss, even if I try he just doesn't say anything.It all hurts so bad in my heart. I have no support, no family

and no friends here being that I cannot work and it is a very small town. I too have thought about suicide. I cannot take one more doctor telling me I will have to live with the pain when you read any literature on the web that says "it is a self-limiting disease that affects the lungs, it usually goes away after 2-3 years", no wonder SS won't approve any of us. With the doctors you say SS and they run...It is just hard that the only conversations we have are regarding money, there is nothing else we talk about and no physical or emotional connection whatsoever. I feel he is only here because he doesn't want to leave me and my two kids on the street...Anyway, that is my rant and rave...this is the first post I have ever done and I guess it is a whopper. It is nice to know that there are other people out there. If we could only get the doctors to realize that it is more than just a simple

disease.Thanks for listening,Devrin"Laughter through tears, my favorite emotion"> I just wanted to share with everyone the awesome time I had at my Kay convention, as you know I bought a wheelchair on my 50th birthday, and this past Fri. and Sat. I spent in Denver, a MK friend drove me, there fore she took on the responsibility of pushing my chair, I had many volunteer, but she did the job, I think there were some who were disappointed that she did not share this with others:) what a blessing. I am so glad I did NOT give up! The conference did not get over until late and then up again early that was the hardest part, so I just took a couple letter cat naps when they turned the lights low to show a video,lol. and the only walking I did was in my room, easy there all walls there, and to get in and out of the wheelchair, I came home just a

little tired, but did sleep in today. I will not give up on this Dream, to stay as active as I can with my Kay business what a blessing it was when it came into my life, just as I had to> give up a Dream I was living as a Labor and delivery RN, so my Dreams changed but they still go on, Never give up, life might change but that doesn't mean we can't just change our Dream a little and go on. always have a dream in your heart, even if it's small. love to all, Marla> > -- > > > > > > > You rock. That's why Blockbuster' s offering you one month of Blockbuster Total Access, No Cost. > No virus found in this incoming message.> Checked by AVG. > Version: 7.5.519 / Virus Database: 269.22.8/1362 - Release Date: 4/6/2008 11:12 AM>

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Dear Devrin, I am sorry I am so late in responding. I haven't felt good and haven't looked at email for a long time. I am glad you shared. Together we will make it through! Just knowing we are going through similar things and that we are not alone, somehow gives us strength. Hang in there. You can do it!! Your kids need you! You are in my prayers! Cathydevrin_mendenhall wrote: Oh ladies this all sounds so familiar. I just finished a conversation with my

husband about the situation. He is completely stressed due to money. Of course SS is fighting all the way. My doctors are telling me that I will have to live with chronic pain. I have MS along with Sarcoidosis and my arthritis has gone completely haywire with the sarc and I can hardly walk. Yet I fight thru it every day so my husband doesn't see it, so my kids don't see it, so it doesn't disrupt anyone elses life. I am tired, mentally exhausted. My husband admitted he no longer found me attractive due to the weight I gained from 60 mg of Prednisone a day. I cannot get him to read ANY literature on either MS or Sarcoid so the odds of him understanding are slim to none. He just told me I was right, he didn't understand because he could not feel the physical pain I was in. It is something that we never discuss, even if I try he just doesn't say anything.It all hurts so bad in my heart. I have no support, no family

and no friends here being that I cannot work and it is a very small town. I too have thought about suicide. I cannot take one more doctor telling me I will have to live with the pain when you read any literature on the web that says "it is a self-limiting disease that affects the lungs, it usually goes away after 2-3 years", no wonder SS won't approve any of us. With the doctors you say SS and they run...It is just hard that the only conversations we have are regarding money, there is nothing else we talk about and no physical or emotional connection whatsoever. I feel he is only here because he doesn't want to leave me and my two kids on the street...Anyway, that is my rant and rave...this is the first post I have ever done and I guess it is a whopper. It is nice to know that there are other people out there. If we could only get the doctors to realize that it is more than just a simple

disease.Thanks for listening,Devrin"Laughter through tears, my favorite emotion"> I just wanted to share with everyone the awesome time I had at my Kay convention, as you know I bought a wheelchair on my 50th birthday, and this past Fri. and Sat. I spent in Denver, a MK friend drove me, there fore she took on the responsibility of pushing my chair, I had many volunteer, but she did the job, I think there were some who were disappointed that she did not share this with others:) what a blessing. I am so glad I did NOT give up! The conference did not get over until late and then up again early that was the hardest part, so I just took a couple letter cat naps when they turned the lights low to show a video,lol. and the only walking I did was in my room, easy there all walls there, and to get in and out of the wheelchair, I came home just a

little tired, but did sleep in today. I will not give up on this Dream, to stay as active as I can with my Kay business what a blessing it was when it came into my life, just as I had to> give up a Dream I was living as a Labor and delivery RN, so my Dreams changed but they still go on, Never give up, life might change but that doesn't mean we can't just change our Dream a little and go on. always have a dream in your heart, even if it's small. love to all, Marla> > -- > > > > > > > You rock. That's why Blockbuster' s offering you one month of Blockbuster Total Access, No Cost. > No virus found in this incoming message.> Checked by AVG. > Version: 7.5.519 / Virus Database: 269.22.8/1362 - Release Date: 4/6/2008 11:12 AM>

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