Re: More on Grief

[Guest guest]

Tracie, Thanks for sharing this. You always say the right things to make me feel like I'm 'normal'...and not making too much out of my pain. I really appreciate that. There aren't too many people around me that do that. Sometimes I feel like I talk too much about it and draw inward so then, I suppose, they think everything is alright when it isn't. Being sick is so much work on so many levels. The past 9 years have been HELL in my marriage but things seem to have leveled off and we do talk more calmly as of late. It's like learning how to relate to each other on a more real level than we ever had to before and we had to do this in a accelerated time period and with much drama, sickness, doctor visits, financial concerns, kid concerns ...all at the same time. Yes, there were a few friends who thought this was all a

bit much for them and they dropped off seeing me and there were friends I had to put aside, too, because they were, in themselves, too much drama for me to deal with on top of everything else. But i have gained more sympathetic friends on line so I really feel blessed. ...As for me of lately, I have lost 50 lbs. and am taking very short walks down to the corner and back but hey you have to work with what you have, right?... The warmer weather, hopefully coming soon, will put more pep in my step. When people ask after me, hearing that i have lost weight, i just tell them i am still sick and in pain...I just have a little less weight to carry around and that helps a bit. It definately helps when I try to do my little walks. I am huffing and puffing a little less than normal. Think WARM and SUNNY!!! ...and send it my way.tracie feldhaus

wrote: So very many times I open up the emails and read where one or several > of us > are going thru tough times with spouses, friends family that don't > understand > what is happening to us. > > They see small changes in us, and most would like to believe that our > physical weakness is brought about by deconditioning or weight gain or > depression. > In our frustration, we pull back, then they pull back, and then we find > ourselves feeling very much like we are out

here alone-- with no one > to turn to. > > We go thru a period of guilt, anger, frustration, denial, bargaining > (looking > at the choices we might have to get better), and then we go back into > this > cycle and sometimes we even experience some acceptance of where we are > at. This > cycle is the FIVE STAGES OF GRIEVING. > > Sometimes when we're feeling especially alone, or feeling like no one > cares, > or that we're the only one in pain, or we feel panic because we want > an answer > and we want it now-- we forget that the person we're asking is > everybit as > sick as we are. > > We forget to ask each other what is going on. We get used to people > answering and filling our every need, and take for granted that this > is just how it > is. > > We also go around and tell ourselves that we're not

gonna post because > my > "life" is better than everyone elses "life", so I don't have a right > to bitch and > complain. > > I want to share this with you, because we are all on the same path. > We all > hurt, we all have been hurt, been scared that we won't get better, > we've all > lost friends and loved ones and jobs, and financial security, and > hobbies, and > had to change our lives to fit our "Sarcoidosis." > > What if we were to open up and share our pains? What if we were to > open up > and share our joys and our sorrows? What if we were to open up and > share our > laughter and our tears? What would happen? > > Would we be told that we can't tell everyone that because if we do, > then > they'll think- shit- I wish my life was as good as xxx. In the 2 > years I've been > part of this

group, no one has ever been told that their pain, > physical or > emotional isn't real. It has never happened and will never happen. > > What does happen is that someone will reach out and tell you they > understand > what you're going thru. They may have a book that helped them. They > may have > a story to share. They may even be able to "one-up" you on the > nightmare > that you're going thru--(we don't recommend this approach- lol). > Mostly, someone > will help you while you're struggling. > > We will celebrate you in your joys and hold you in your tears. > Support-- > > Compassionately, > Tracie 29:11, For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. "If anyone would come after Me, he must deny himself" ( 16:24 NIV). __________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Tracie, Thanks for sharing this. You always say the right things to make me feel like I'm 'normal'...and not making too much out of my pain. I really appreciate that. There aren't too many people around me that do that. Sometimes I feel like I talk too much about it and draw inward so then, I suppose, they think everything is alright when it isn't. Being sick is so much work on so many levels. The past 9 years have been HELL in my marriage but things seem to have leveled off and we do talk more calmly as of late. It's like learning how to relate to each other on a more real level than we ever had to before and we had to do this in a accelerated time period and with much drama, sickness, doctor visits, financial concerns, kid concerns ...all at the same time. Yes, there were a few friends who thought this was all a

bit much for them and they dropped off seeing me and there were friends I had to put aside, too, because they were, in themselves, too much drama for me to deal with on top of everything else. But i have gained more sympathetic friends on line so I really feel blessed. ...As for me of lately, I have lost 50 lbs. and am taking very short walks down to the corner and back but hey you have to work with what you have, right?... The warmer weather, hopefully coming soon, will put more pep in my step. When people ask after me, hearing that i have lost weight, i just tell them i am still sick and in pain...I just have a little less weight to carry around and that helps a bit. It definately helps when I try to do my little walks. I am huffing and puffing a little less than normal. Think WARM and SUNNY!!! ...and send it my way.tracie feldhaus

wrote: So very many times I open up the emails and read where one or several > of us > are going thru tough times with spouses, friends family that don't > understand > what is happening to us. > > They see small changes in us, and most would like to believe that our > physical weakness is brought about by deconditioning or weight gain or > depression. > In our frustration, we pull back, then they pull back, and then we find > ourselves feeling very much like we are out

here alone-- with no one > to turn to. > > We go thru a period of guilt, anger, frustration, denial, bargaining > (looking > at the choices we might have to get better), and then we go back into > this > cycle and sometimes we even experience some acceptance of where we are > at. This > cycle is the FIVE STAGES OF GRIEVING. > > Sometimes when we're feeling especially alone, or feeling like no one > cares, > or that we're the only one in pain, or we feel panic because we want > an answer > and we want it now-- we forget that the person we're asking is > everybit as > sick as we are. > > We forget to ask each other what is going on. We get used to people > answering and filling our every need, and take for granted that this > is just how it > is. > > We also go around and tell ourselves that we're not

gonna post because > my > "life" is better than everyone elses "life", so I don't have a right > to bitch and > complain. > > I want to share this with you, because we are all on the same path. > We all > hurt, we all have been hurt, been scared that we won't get better, > we've all > lost friends and loved ones and jobs, and financial security, and > hobbies, and > had to change our lives to fit our "Sarcoidosis." > > What if we were to open up and share our pains? What if we were to > open up > and share our joys and our sorrows? What if we were to open up and > share our > laughter and our tears? What would happen? > > Would we be told that we can't tell everyone that because if we do, > then > they'll think- shit- I wish my life was as good as xxx. In the 2 > years I've been > part of this

group, no one has ever been told that their pain, > physical or > emotional isn't real. It has never happened and will never happen. > > What does happen is that someone will reach out and tell you they > understand > what you're going thru. They may have a book that helped them. They > may have > a story to share. They may even be able to "one-up" you on the > nightmare > that you're going thru--(we don't recommend this approach- lol). > Mostly, someone > will help you while you're struggling. > > We will celebrate you in your joys and hold you in your tears. > Support-- > > Compassionately, > Tracie 29:11, For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. "If anyone would come after Me, he must deny himself" ( 16:24 NIV). __________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

,

You are normal-- sick, but normal. Ya know, it takes more courage to live the way we do than it does to never face this adversity. I wish we didn't have to learn that....

Re: More on Grief

Tracie, Thanks for sharing this. You always say the right things to make me feel like I'm 'normal'...and not making too much out of my pain. I really appreciate that. There aren't too many people around me that do that. Sometimes I feel like I talk too much about it and draw inward so then, I suppose, they think everything is alright when it isn't. Being sick is so much work on so many levels. The past 9 years have been HELL in my marriage but things seem to have leveled off and we do talk more calmly as of late. It's like learning how to relate to each other on a more real level than we ever had to before and we had to do this in a accelerated time period and with much drama, sickness, doctor visits, financial concerns, kid concerns ...all at the same time. Yes, there were a few friends who thought

this was all a bit much for them and they dropped off seeing me and there were friends I had to put aside, too, because they were, in themselves, too much drama for me to deal with on top of everything else. But i have gained more sympathetic friends on line so I really feel blessed. ...As for me of lately, I have lost 50 lbs. and am taking very short walks down to the corner and back but hey you have to work with what you have, right?... The warmer weather, hopefully coming soon, will put more pep in my step. When people ask after me, hearing that i have lost weight, i just tell them i am still sick and in pain...I just have a little less weight to carry around and that helps a bit. It definately helps when I try to do my little walks. I am huffing and puffing a little less than normal. Think WARM and SUNNY!!! ...and send it my way.tracie

feldhaus wrote:

So very many times I open up the emails and read where one or several> of us> are going thru tough times with spouses, friends family that don't> understand> what is happening to us.>> They see small changes in us, and most would like to believe that our> physical weakness is brought about by deconditioning or weight gain or> depression. > In our frustration, we pull back, then they pull back, and then we find> ourselves feeling very much like we are out here alone-- with no one> to turn to. >> We go thru a period of guilt, anger, frustration, denial, bargaining> (looking> at the choices we might have to get better), and then we go back into> this> cycle and sometimes we even experience some acceptance of where we are> at. This> cycle is the FIVE STAGES OF GRIEVING.>> Sometimes when we're feeling

especially alone, or feeling like no one> cares,> or that we're the only one in pain, or we feel panic because we want> an answer> and we want it now-- we forget that the person we're asking is> everybit as> sick as we are. >> We forget to ask each other what is going on. We get used to people> answering and filling our every need, and take for granted that this> is just how it> is.>> We also go around and tell ourselves that we're not gonna post because> my> "life" is better than everyone elses "life", so I don't have a right> to bitch and> complain. >> I want to share this with you, because we are all on the same path. > We all> hurt, we all have been hurt, been scared that we won't get better,> we've all> lost friends and loved ones and jobs, and financial security, and> hobbies,

and> had to change our lives to fit our "Sarcoidosis. " >> What if we were to open up and share our pains? What if we were to> open up> and share our joys and our sorrows? What if we were to open up and> share our> laughter and our tears? What would happen? >> Would we be told that we can't tell everyone that because if we do,> then> they'll think- shit- I wish my life was as good as xxx. In the 2> years I've been> part of this group, no one has ever been told that their pain,> physical or> emotional isn't real. It has never happened and will never happen. >> What does happen is that someone will reach out and tell you they> understand> what you're going thru. They may have a book that helped them. They> may have> a story to share. They may even be able to "one-up" you on the> nightmare> that

you're going thru--(we don't recommend this approach- lol). > Mostly, someone> will help you while you're struggling. >> We will celebrate you in your joys and hold you in your tears. > Support-->> Compassionately,> Tracie 29:11, For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. "If anyone would come after Me, he must deny himself" ( 16:24 NIV).

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

,

You are normal-- sick, but normal. Ya know, it takes more courage to live the way we do than it does to never face this adversity. I wish we didn't have to learn that....

Re: More on Grief

Tracie, Thanks for sharing this. You always say the right things to make me feel like I'm 'normal'...and not making too much out of my pain. I really appreciate that. There aren't too many people around me that do that. Sometimes I feel like I talk too much about it and draw inward so then, I suppose, they think everything is alright when it isn't. Being sick is so much work on so many levels. The past 9 years have been HELL in my marriage but things seem to have leveled off and we do talk more calmly as of late. It's like learning how to relate to each other on a more real level than we ever had to before and we had to do this in a accelerated time period and with much drama, sickness, doctor visits, financial concerns, kid concerns ...all at the same time. Yes, there were a few friends who thought

this was all a bit much for them and they dropped off seeing me and there were friends I had to put aside, too, because they were, in themselves, too much drama for me to deal with on top of everything else. But i have gained more sympathetic friends on line so I really feel blessed. ...As for me of lately, I have lost 50 lbs. and am taking very short walks down to the corner and back but hey you have to work with what you have, right?... The warmer weather, hopefully coming soon, will put more pep in my step. When people ask after me, hearing that i have lost weight, i just tell them i am still sick and in pain...I just have a little less weight to carry around and that helps a bit. It definately helps when I try to do my little walks. I am huffing and puffing a little less than normal. Think WARM and SUNNY!!! ...and send it my way.tracie

feldhaus wrote:

So very many times I open up the emails and read where one or several> of us> are going thru tough times with spouses, friends family that don't> understand> what is happening to us.>> They see small changes in us, and most would like to believe that our> physical weakness is brought about by deconditioning or weight gain or> depression. > In our frustration, we pull back, then they pull back, and then we find> ourselves feeling very much like we are out here alone-- with no one> to turn to. >> We go thru a period of guilt, anger, frustration, denial, bargaining> (looking> at the choices we might have to get better), and then we go back into> this> cycle and sometimes we even experience some acceptance of where we are> at. This> cycle is the FIVE STAGES OF GRIEVING.>> Sometimes when we're feeling

especially alone, or feeling like no one> cares,> or that we're the only one in pain, or we feel panic because we want> an answer> and we want it now-- we forget that the person we're asking is> everybit as> sick as we are. >> We forget to ask each other what is going on. We get used to people> answering and filling our every need, and take for granted that this> is just how it> is.>> We also go around and tell ourselves that we're not gonna post because> my> "life" is better than everyone elses "life", so I don't have a right> to bitch and> complain. >> I want to share this with you, because we are all on the same path. > We all> hurt, we all have been hurt, been scared that we won't get better,> we've all> lost friends and loved ones and jobs, and financial security, and> hobbies,

and> had to change our lives to fit our "Sarcoidosis. " >> What if we were to open up and share our pains? What if we were to> open up> and share our joys and our sorrows? What if we were to open up and> share our> laughter and our tears? What would happen? >> Would we be told that we can't tell everyone that because if we do,> then> they'll think- shit- I wish my life was as good as xxx. In the 2> years I've been> part of this group, no one has ever been told that their pain,> physical or> emotional isn't real. It has never happened and will never happen. >> What does happen is that someone will reach out and tell you they> understand> what you're going thru. They may have a book that helped them. They> may have> a story to share. They may even be able to "one-up" you on the> nightmare> that

you're going thru--(we don't recommend this approach- lol). > Mostly, someone> will help you while you're struggling. >> We will celebrate you in your joys and hold you in your tears. > Support-->> Compassionately,> Tracie 29:11, For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. "If anyone would come after Me, he must deny himself" ( 16:24 NIV).

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Tracie,

As usual, you so elegantly put into words such deep thoughts about the lives most of us face daily. I am seriously thinking that you my dear, should write for a living. You have a gift and although we all benefit from it, I think you should share it in a larger way. Perhaps, an article for like, a magazine or a newspaper. Newsweek has a column in the front-ish part, that is written about peoples lives, by ordinary people. You would be great!!!! Bonnie B.It's Tax Time! Get tips, forms and advice on AOL Money Finance.

[Guest guest]

Tracie,

As usual, you so elegantly put into words such deep thoughts about the lives most of us face daily. I am seriously thinking that you my dear, should write for a living. You have a gift and although we all benefit from it, I think you should share it in a larger way. Perhaps, an article for like, a magazine or a newspaper. Newsweek has a column in the front-ish part, that is written about peoples lives, by ordinary people. You would be great!!!! Bonnie B.It's Tax Time! Get tips, forms and advice on AOL Money Finance.

[Guest guest]

WELL SAID, Bonnie B --- and I agree with you completly!

Hugs,

Darlene

NS Co-Owner/Moderator

Re: More on Grief

Tracie,

As usual, you so elegantly put into words such deep thoughts about the lives most of us face daily. I am seriously thinking that you my dear, should write for a living. You have a gift and although we all benefit from it, I think you should share it in a larger way. Perhaps, an article for like, a magazine or a newspaper. Newsweek has a column in the front-ish part, that is written about peoples lives, by ordinary people. You would be great!!!! Bonnie B.

It's Tax Time! Get tips, forms and advice on AOL Money Finance.

[Guest guest]

WELL SAID, Bonnie B --- and I agree with you completly!

Hugs,

Darlene

NS Co-Owner/Moderator

Re: More on Grief

Tracie,

As usual, you so elegantly put into words such deep thoughts about the lives most of us face daily. I am seriously thinking that you my dear, should write for a living. You have a gift and although we all benefit from it, I think you should share it in a larger way. Perhaps, an article for like, a magazine or a newspaper. Newsweek has a column in the front-ish part, that is written about peoples lives, by ordinary people. You would be great!!!! Bonnie B.

It's Tax Time! Get tips, forms and advice on AOL Money Finance.