Re: Gaunt--to Pam

[Guest guest]

Pam:

You make a great point! I never know when it's right to let the cat

out of the bag.

Chip (business developer) is still in the picture.

(psychologist) is not, based on the 'gaunt' comment. With

, I really wanted to be upfront about the weight issue because

I wanted to test him early. I wanted to see how he would react to my

issues with food and weight. I should have listened to my instinct

and not gone out with him in the first place because I was already

uncomfortable with his over-eating, but I didn't want to judge him

too harshly based on weight. Afterall, I didn't want to reject him

because of his weight as it had happened to me so many times.

So, I guess it's not a rejection of him because of his weight per se,

but more about his relationship to food and how I need to have a VERY

DIFFERENT relationship to food.

One other side note, I wanted to walk a lot on our date, so I walked

him around the Castro for 1.5 hours. At one point, he said, " I've

got to sit down. " I was so full of energy that I didn't realize that

he was getting tired and out of breath.

Chip, however, was told on the second date.

You always help me see a different perspective and I REALLY

appreciate it.

Thanks for your kind and wise words!

Francisco

> > >

> > > Hello everyone:

> > >

> > > I went out on a date tonight with who is a

> > bit overweight.

> > > He's a nice man who is handsome, articulate and

> > has a nice career

> > as a

> > > psychologist.

> > >

> > > However, over dinner, he said that I was " gaunt. "

> > I know that it

> > is a

> > > reflection of his own issues with being

> > overweight, but being

> > > called " gaunt " took me aback.

> > >

> > > Kay (in San Leandro) and , you saw me on

> > Saturday. Did I

> > > appear " gaunt " ?

> > >

> > > Why is this playing on my mind so much? Why do I

> > care what this

> > man

> > > thinks of my weight/appearance?

> > >

> > > It's bizarre, but I hesitate going on a second

> > date with

> > > because his lifestyle doesn't seem to fit into

> > mine. And it has

> > > nothing to do with his appearance. It's a

> > reflection of the fact

> > that

> > > I want to be with someone who is by nature active

> > and healthy. I

> > don't

> > > want to have to change that part of anyone or

> > struggle with HIS

> > issues

> > > around food.

> > >

> > > OK, I'll stop babbling...

> > >

> > > Francisco

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

> __________________________________________________

>

[Guest guest]

Lol (not at this situation of course), rather because

I got the people (names-what a mixed up). I am glad

that you did not get mad or upset. I do this because

(the sitting back thing) as a reminder for me. I used

to just jump right on a situation (attacking it was

for me) without thinking. I suppose you can call me

or used to could call me a reactor because I would

just react to a situation without thinking. It was

very easy for me to blow my stack (hot head of sorts).

One day someone sat me down and said look. You are

too beautiful of a person to be so ugly. My inital

thoughts were " you have a lot of nerve " . They said

just hear me out and I did. I had to learn that in

order for me to remain in my right mind without having

my feelings hurt or ego bruised all the time, I had to

learn to hear what was being said. You know like you

would always say " don't give anyone your power " . That

is what I had been doing. I would blow up and lose it

and they would walk away and be on their merry way

leaving me steamed and when it is all said and done, I

did not even have to go there (getting my pressure up,

getting a headache and being stressed about nothing).

I guess I am saying all of this to say, I try and stop

and listen/read and then go from there with what I

want or feel I need to say and I thank you for hearing

me.

I really do wish you well Francisco. Its there and

you will find it but in the mean time, I am enjoying

your stories and hearing about your journey. Stay

sweet - lol. Everytime I say that about you or to you,

I have to chuckle because I know there is a lady on

here that always refers to you as a tasty morsel (and

she aint lying) - lol.

Okay, forgive me...blushing now. Have a great day!

Pam Marsh

--- manisodream wrote:

> Pam:

>

> You make a great point! I never know when it's

> right to let the cat

> out of the bag.

>

> Chip (business developer) is still in the picture.

>

> (psychologist) is not, based on the 'gaunt'

> comment. With

> , I really wanted to be upfront about the

> weight issue because

> I wanted to test him early. I wanted to see how he

> would react to my

> issues with food and weight. I should have listened

> to my instinct

> and not gone out with him in the first place because

> I was already

> uncomfortable with his over-eating, but I didn't

> want to judge him

> too harshly based on weight. Afterall, I didn't

> want to reject him

> because of his weight as it had happened to me so

> many times.

>

> So, I guess it's not a rejection of him because of

> his weight per se,

> but more about his relationship to food and how I

> need to have a VERY

> DIFFERENT relationship to food.

>

> One other side note, I wanted to walk a lot on our

> date, so I walked

> him around the Castro for 1.5 hours. At one point,

> he said, " I've

> got to sit down. " I was so full of energy that I

> didn't realize that

> he was getting tired and out of breath.

>

> Chip, however, was told on the second date.

>

> You always help me see a different perspective and I

> REALLY

> appreciate it.

>

> Thanks for your kind and wise words!

>

> Francisco

>

>

>

>

>

> > > >

> > > > Hello everyone:

> > > >

>

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