Re: A woman's day at the gym

[Guest guest]

haha, that is tooo funny.. thanks

A woman's day at the gym

A WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYMIf you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.Dear Diary,For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.________________________________MONDAY:Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!________________________________TUESDAY:I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It's a whole new life for me._______________________________WEDNESDAY:The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other shit too._______________________________THURSDAY:Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late - it took me that long to tie my shoes.Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. She sent another skinny bitch to find me.Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank._______________________________FRIDAY:I hate that bitch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it.Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?________________________________SATURDAY:Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.________________________________SUNDAY:I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter (the little shit) will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape in the new year.

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[Guest guest]

That’s

good I’m impressed she made it pass day 2. everyday I tell myself I

need to get on the treadmill and the new AB lounge I got for Christmas, it’s

pretty easy and fun to do, but I still have trouble getting down that one

flight of stairs right here in my house to do itJ. Marla

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Subject: A

woman's day at the gym

A WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM

If you read

this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you. This is

dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.

Dear Diary,

For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of

personal training at the local health club for me.

Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football

cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and

give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named

Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model

for athletic clothing and swim wear.

My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club

encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

________________________________

MONDAY:

Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was

well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting

for me. She is something of a Greek goddess - with blond hair,

dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!

Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the

skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today.

Very inspiring!

Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching

from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a

FANTASTIC week-!!

________________________________

TUESDAY:

I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door.

Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air

then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but

I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel

GREAT-!! It's a whole new life for me.

_______________________________

WEDNESDAY:

The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the

counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a

hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or

stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.

Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club

members. Her voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when

she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.

My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair

monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity

rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape

and enjoy life. She said some other shit too.

_______________________________

THURSDAY:

Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her

thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being

a half an hour late - it took me that long to tie my shoes.

Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and

hid in the restroom. She sent another skinny bitch to find me.

Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.

_______________________________

FRIDAY:

I hate that bitch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any

other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic,

anorexic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move

without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it.

Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you

don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or anything that

weighs more than a sandwich.

The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why

couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir

director?

________________________________

SATURDAY:

Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly

voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her voice made

me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to

even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the

Weather Channel.

________________________________

SUNDAY:

I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and

thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my

daughter (the little shit) will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like

a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over,

he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

Start the year off right. Easy

ways to stay in shape in the new year.