Re: Another Dilemna

[Guest guest]

Tina:

I don't know what the dynamic is between you and your husband, but

between me and my ex, there were unresolved issues. I had a lot of

built up resentment because he wouldn't touch me for years--sexually

or otherwise. I felt like I had to beg to be hugged for years.

Then I turned into a swan, and the touches increased, but still only

in a sexual context. I don't mean to bash my ex. He was having a

hard time with the changes, but he wasn't willing to address the

problems and get help with me.

I didn't feel like having sex with my ex because of the unresolved

issues. My sex drive, however, did increase.

I'm wondering what others will think about this subject.

Francisco

>

> Okay, so I've heard about how your sex drive INCREASES after you

start

> losing weight but I haven't heard anyone say that there sex drive

has

> gone to non-existent. That's my problem. I have absolutely no

interest

> in sex anymore. I'd just rather not (much to my husbands

displeasure).

> It's not that I'm too tired (I have tons of energy).

>

> Thoughts?

>

> Tina

>

[Guest guest]

I actually thought my husband would be more interested in me as I

was losing weight but it actually seems to have had the opposite

affect on him. He didn't really even acknowledge the dramatic weight

loss for the longest time and then I only heard him mention it to

someone else. Today he complained that I was in better shape than he

was and that I weighed 60 pounds less than him (first time ever

thank you!). I said i was not in better shape...that the years of

abuse/neglect that I did to my body was not an easy thing to undue

but I was definitely working on it.

I don't know of any unresolved issues with my husband. We've been

married for 15 years and I love him dearly. He's my soul mate. He's

a great Dad and we are great partners. We balance each other out

nicely and have fun whenever we are together. Hmmmmm.....

I'm not sure what the issue is but I sure welcome everyone's

thoughts and comments.

Tina

> >

> > Okay, so I've heard about how your sex drive INCREASES after you

> start

> > losing weight but I haven't heard anyone say that there sex

drive

> has

> > gone to non-existent. That's my problem. I have absolutely no

> interest

> > in sex anymore. I'd just rather not (much to my husbands

> displeasure).

> > It's not that I'm too tired (I have tons of energy).

> >

> > Thoughts?

> >

> > Tina

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Tina Have you become so busy with different things you didn't do before WLS like kickboxing? You work, have children, have so many new desires and just don't put this as a priority? We need to fill our needs and am excited about being able to try all the things we've missed out on, but don't forget the importants in sex in your marriage. It's not any thing but great because I love it and it just got better after WLS, but this was just a thought to think about. Take care. DonnaTina wrote: Okay, so I've heard about how your sex drive INCREASES after you start losing weight but I haven't heard anyone say that there sex drive has gone to non-existent. That's my problem. I have absolutely no interest in sex anymore. I'd just rather not (much to my husbands displeasure).

It's not that I'm too tired (I have tons of energy).Thoughts?Tina Donna JordonDSJordon@...

Yahoo! Photos Ring in the New Year with Photo Calendars. Add photos, events, holidays, whatever.

[Guest guest]

Tina, I've lost 110, and hubby says I still look the

same. So I hear ya on that one! Then the next day

he'll say something like, he looked at my picture, and

doesn't remember me being that large. I like to think

that he has always just seen me through his little

rose colored glasses. LOL

Laurie

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Tina, I will try to make this as short as possible.

My husband and I have been together for 18 years;

married 16 years. My husband during the 14 years of

being fat/over weight or whatever topic you want to

use. My husband never complained. When I met him I

was 130 pounds but after kids, my weight just was out

of control. He never would say you need to lose

weight and when I did get depressed behind it he would

say, I love you for you and I know what you looked

like prior to children so don't beat yourself up about

it. Sex was great and frequent. I have a coworker

who still to this day calls me nasty because we would

make dates and telephone calls for this (not because

we had to but to keep things spicy. You know say

those naughty things..verbal foreplay I call it).

Well, when I had the surgery and the weight came off,

I began to feel smothered by all his affection. I got

angry behind it because I said to him why didn't you

act like this before when in your words you did not

have a problem. What he told me was that before when

he tried to be like this, I would push him away (which

thinking back, I did because I did not want him to

touch my body and feel the fat and I did not like the

way I looked). So I learned to allow him to explore

me and it has gotten so much better. I learned to

relax. I am saying all this to say, I did not have

the problems that you are having. I think that you

are a wonderful person and I am not sure of what

advice I can give except I know that you love him and

value your marriage. Its been a long haul. Find a

way to get this situation fixed/taken care of. I

think that your husband is so very proud of you but

just might not be able to express it in words. He has

acknowledged your weight loss but in his own way.

Sometimes post surgery, husbands and wives can get a

bit insecure. I know my husband did but I reassured

him that I was in this for the long haul and that he

had to deal with his insecurities but I would help him

as much as I could. He did not want me to have this

surgery because and I quote " he thought I would get

too skinny " . We are at the stage where he absolutely

does not want me to lose anymore weight and I am

starting to think like him. I am in a size 8 petite

(smaller than I could ever remember and smaller than

when I met him) and this size feels good. If the

other 10 pounds comes off then wonderful but I am not

going out of my way to make it happen because for the

first time in years...I am HAPPY and SATISFIED with

me.

I wish you well with this situation. I wish you peace

because you are going to need that. Just pray about

your situation and DON'T ever stop talking. Keep the

channels open and either he will come around or he

won't. The important thing to remember here is that

you are not responsible for his thoughts and actions

but you do play a role as his wife/soul mate in to

working with him on this. No matter what happens as a

result, do what you know is best for you because YOU

DO matter.

Be encouraged hon and I wish I was there to give you a

hug but since I can't just know wrap your arms around

yourself and that will be my hug to you.

Pam Marsh

--- Donna Jordon wrote:

> Tina

> I think if there's no unresolved issues, then it

> wouldn't be bothering you that he doesn't comment on

> your weight lose, this is an issue. WLS is a hard

> journey and that's why we have people support us.

> If he acknowledged how well your doing, how much

> weight you've lost, and didn't make it a comparison

> to himself you would feel great about that. Then

> maybe you or him could put the first step forward to

> hugging, kissing more and I believe this would build

> your relationship up to the sex more often and

> loving it. I believe sometimes when we've been

> married for a long time (or with a partner) that we

> settle in and the bond is there, we know we love

> each other, but what it took to build this bond

> isn't there. Then pretty soon there are issues.

> Rebuild what you have to make it even stronger, if

> you're both willing it will work. If one partner

> isn't eventually there will be issues and trouble.

> In my marriage there's lots of issues due to my

> husband mental illness, some can be

> worked on, others won't get better, and some he's

> just not willing to change. This is when you do all

> you can, we have attended counseling, couples

> communication classes, he's been in many mental

> illness classes, we've both seen psychologist, he's

> on medicine and in all he is as best as he gets and

> that makes me give up a lot in life to keep him

> happy, then that makes me not happy. So we have

> decided that we will divorce, we've tried very hard

> not to do this, but I gave up every thing, not

> having friends, not going places, not having people

> come over and more just to make it better for him.

> After WLS I feel good, I want to go places and do

> things (with him) and others. He just wants to move

> up to Shingletown up in the mountains, where it is

> beautiful, not many people and enjoy nature. I

> could do this I love nature, I love to ride

> motorcycles, I love to ride 4 runners, I love to

> fish, but I also want to see my boys, parents and

> friends who are here in the Bay Area. He might

> come to see them once a year, that's not enough for

> me, I am close to my family. He doesn't want me to

> work, I'm not ready to stop working. He doesn't

> want me to volunteer any time to any thing or one.

> He wants me to move, be there just for him, and go

> only where he wants. This is due to his depression

> and co dependency from his depression and anxiety.

> The psychologist and doctors believe this life style

> will suit him better, and I believe I would of done

> it and not been happy when I was heavier and won't

> stick up for my boundaries. Now after all the

> counseling and all, I said I'd move if he could

> handle me coming down to visit when he didn't want

> to, I did want to work or volunteer somewhere I'm

> just not a do nothing person, I've ran daycare for

> almost 19 years now and have always been busy even

> if it's been in my home so I was here for him. I

> want to do a trip overseas, he can't handle that. I

> want my plastic surgeries, he doesn't understand

> spending the money when only he

> will see me. These doctors and classes have made

> him not get agree like he use to, he doesn't mind if

> I go places now with friends sometimes, he's better.

> Then I think it's just to get me to move, I hear it

> in things he says. I'm not willing to move and life

> only his life and not be a person myself. So you

> see sometimes issues are there and we have to come

> to face them. I love this man, married 24 years

> with two wonderful young men, but I have to give

> myself life. Hope you will take to your husband,

> and you two can work on things and enjoy the sex and

> love you have and keep the wonderful bond of

> marriage. Take care. Donna

>

> Tina wrote:

> I actually thought my husband would be more

> interested in me as I

> was losing weight but it actually seems to have had

> the opposite

> affect on him. He didn't really even acknowledge the

> dramatic weight

> loss for the longest time and then I only heard him

> mention it to

> someone else. Today he complained that I was in

> better shape than he

> was and that I weighed 60 pounds less than him

> (first time ever

> thank you!). I said i was not in better shape...that

> the years of

> abuse/neglect that I did to my body was not an easy

> thing to undue

> but I was definitely working on it.

>

> I don't know of any unresolved issues with my

> husband. We've been

> married for 15 years and I love him dearly. He's my

> soul mate. He's

> a great Dad and we are great partners. We balance

> each other out

> nicely and have fun whenever we are together.

> Hmmmmm.....

>

> I'm not sure what the issue is but I sure welcome

> everyone's

> thoughts and comments.

>

> Tina

>

>

> > >

> > > Okay, so I've heard about how your sex drive

> INCREASES after you

> > start

> > > losing weight but I haven't heard anyone say

> that there sex

> drive

> > has

> > > gone to non-existent. That's my problem. I have

> absolutely no

> > interest

> > > in sex anymore. I'd just rather not (much to my

> husbands

> > displeasure).

> > > It's not that I'm too tired (I have tons of

> energy).

> > >

> > > Thoughts?

> > >

> > > Tina

> > >

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Donna that is absolutely true. There are usually

problems that existed prior to surgery and they have

nothing to really do with the surgery. I goes back to

something that Francisco always say and no matter how

painful it is, its true. Something was broken or

wrong before the surgery and since surgery, this has

been an opening of the door to expose it.

Either you do what you can to fix it and althought I

don't advocate divorce, I would rather be well by

myself than sick with someone else because we can do

bad by ourselves. I am not saying anything bad about

anyone spouse here so please don't take it that way.

I believe that BOTH partners have a right and are

entitled to being happy and we can't rely on anyone to

give us that except ourselves. Its either there or

not.

Hugs and love...

Pam Marsh

--- Donna Jordon wrote:

> Francisco

> You are right, my husband and me don't have a

> problem with the sex if things are good. Then on

> the other hand with so many issues it gets in the

> way of even wanting to have sex, and now with WLS we

> are more willing to stick up for the issues we

> believe in and that need to be worked out to make

> things better. The person who hasn't had the WLS

> thinks your just getting a bad attitude, or thinking

> your better, sometimes they don't really see the

> issues because all they are watching is all the

> changes physical and mentally in the WLS person. So

> like I've said before people split and divorce is

> high with WLS, but I believe most the problems were

> there they just come out more after the surgery and

> it sometimes make people slit, rather than putting

> up with the unresolved issues like we would of when

> we were heavy even if it was hurting us. Take care.

> Donna

>

> manisodream wrote:

> Tina:

>

> I don't know what the dynamic is between you and

> your husband, but

> between me and my ex, there were unresolved issues.

> I had a lot of

> built up resentment because he wouldn't touch me for

> years--sexually

> or otherwise. I felt like I had to beg to be hugged

> for years.

>

> Then I turned into a swan, and the touches

> increased, but still only

> in a sexual context. I don't mean to bash my ex.

> He was having a

> hard time with the changes, but he wasn't willing to

> address the

> problems and get help with me.

>

> I didn't feel like having sex with my ex because of

> the unresolved

> issues. My sex drive, however, did increase.

>

> I'm wondering what others will think about this

> subject.

>

> Francisco

>

>

> >

> > Okay, so I've heard about how your sex drive

> INCREASES after you

> start

> > losing weight but I haven't heard anyone say that

> there sex drive

> has

> > gone to non-existent. That's my problem. I have

> absolutely no

> interest

> > in sex anymore. I'd just rather not (much to my

> husbands

> displeasure).

> > It's not that I'm too tired (I have tons of

> energy).

> >

> > Thoughts?

> >

> > Tina

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Pam I love you, I already knew this, but I saw a psychologist just to make sure I'm not doing something wrong or just giving up on a 24 year marriage. He pretty much just said what you did and told me I've been only thinking and taking care of my family, and husband and forgetting about me. I know sometimes as wives or husbands we tend to think of the family and other partner and then there's no time, no money or we want it to be for the partner to make them happy, what ever. I think you know what I trying to say, and we do build more self esteem with the WLS and we stick up for our self and I have tried all I can, and I hope every one gives it there best with counseling what ever to make it a good relationship, but sometimes the problems are fixable and we do have to realize I worth it too. I don't advocate divorce, but both partners need to be people and be happy so I really tell every one to try hard, but do think of yourself. I

just never keep my boundaries and needs straight due to my husband illness, before he became sick the first 4 years of marriage was great and we both were happy had boundaries and needs, did many things together, apart, had many friends and family close, then the panic attacks, anxiety, depression and co dependencies. All along the way I was trying to keep things right, but when your not sure if a partner will end his life if you go somewhere you do have the fear of going, that's how bad it has been before. Things are a lot better for him, but he still needs me so he is co dependent and the doctors say no, he will keep going back to depression. They tell me to think of myself get out have fun. Also to be there together at times. He doesn't like this even with all the classes and counseling has taught him. He does want to move to Shingletown and I will help him make his wish come true, and I will make sure if I can help I will, but this time I'm

not giving up on me. Only God knows how things will turn out, so it's one day at a time. I will not mess up my WLS do to life, and that is for me. Thank you for your kind words. Take care. DonnaPamela A Marsh wrote: Donna that is absolutely true. There are usuallyproblems that existed prior to surgery and they havenothing to really do with the surgery. I goes back tosomething that Francisco always say and no matter howpainful it is, its true. Something was broken orwrong before the surgery and since surgery, this hasbeen an opening of the door to expose it. Either you do what you can to fix it and althought Idon't advocate divorce, I would rather be well bymyself than sick with someone else because we can dobad by

ourselves. I am not saying anything bad aboutanyone spouse here so please don't take it that way. I believe that BOTH partners have a right and areentitled to being happy and we can't rely on anyone togive us that except ourselves. Its either there ornot. Hugs and love...Pam Marsh--- Donna Jordon wrote:> Francisco> You are right, my husband and me don't have a> problem with the sex if things are good. Then on> the other hand with so many issues it gets in the> way of even wanting to have sex, and now with WLS we> are more willing to stick up for the issues we> believe in and that need to be worked out to make> things better. The person who hasn't had the WLS> thinks your just getting a bad attitude, or thinking> your better, sometimes they don't really see the> issues because all they are watching

is all the> changes physical and mentally in the WLS person. So> like I've said before people split and divorce is> high with WLS, but I believe most the problems were> there they just come out more after the surgery and> it sometimes make people slit, rather than putting> up with the unresolved issues like we would of when> we were heavy even if it was hurting us. Take care.> Donna> > manisodream wrote:> Tina:> > I don't know what the dynamic is between you and> your husband, but > between me and my ex, there were unresolved issues. > I had a lot of > built up resentment because he wouldn't touch me for> years--sexually > or otherwise. I felt like I had to beg to be hugged> for years.> > Then I turned into a swan, and the touches> increased, but still only

> in a sexual context. I don't mean to bash my ex. > He was having a > hard time with the changes, but he wasn't willing to> address the > problems and get help with me.> > I didn't feel like having sex with my ex because of> the unresolved > issues. My sex drive, however, did increase.> > I'm wondering what others will think about this> subject.> > Francisco> > > >> > Okay, so I've heard about how your sex drive> INCREASES after you > start > > losing weight but I haven't heard anyone say that> there sex drive > has > > gone to non-existent. That's my problem. I have> absolutely no > interest > > in sex anymore. I'd just rather not (much to

my> husbands > displeasure). > > It's not that I'm too tired (I have tons of> energy).> > > > Thoughts?> > > > Tina> >> > > > > > >

[Guest guest]

Donna, you are going to make me cry. I love you to

dear...and I feel for you because I can never imagine

what you are going through and to be completely

honest, I never would want to. Not sure I would be

sain if I had to endure what you have. Its sort of

like me and my two autistic kids. People say I don't

know how you do it and my response is always the

same....by the grace of God because honestly and truly

I can do NOTHING without Him. Girl when I can't do

nothing, I just throw my hands in the air and say Lord

remember me, strength me for the journey ahead and by

all means give me peace and keep me.

Its like yesterday, it had been pouring down hard all

day long. Just before I left, I said Lord, hold the

rain...at least until I get to the bus (I take a bus

from Fairfield to El Cerrito Del Norte and then take

the Bart to 19th Street in Oakland). Well the rain

stopped and the sun came out and just as I got off

Bart and the bus pulled up and I got to the doors of

the bus, the rain began to fall. He hears us but we

just have to remember to call upon Him.

You be encouraged darlin and know that you are being

prayed for and thought about and NO you are NEVER

alone and NEVER will be.

Take care!

Pam Marsh

--- Donna Jordon wrote:

> Pam

> I love you, I already knew this, but I saw a

> psychologist just to make sure I'm not doing

> something wrong or just giving up on a 24 year

> marriage. He pretty much just said what you did and

> told me I've been only thinking and taking care of

> my family, and husband and forgetting about me. I

> know sometimes as wives or husbands we tend to think

> of the family and other partner and then there's no

> time, no money or we want it to be for the partner

> to make them happy, what ever. I think you know

> what I trying to say, and we do build more self

> esteem with the WLS and we stick up for our self and

> I have tried all I can, and I hope every one gives

> it there best with counseling what ever to make it a

> good relationship, but sometimes the problems are

> fixable and we do have to realize I worth it too.

> I don't advocate divorce, but both partners need to

> be people and be happy so I really tell every one to

> try hard, but do think of yourself. I just never

> keep my boundaries and needs straight

> due to my husband illness, before he became sick

> the first 4 years of marriage was great and we both

> were happy had boundaries and needs, did many things

> together, apart, had many friends and family close,

> then the panic attacks, anxiety, depression and co

> dependencies. All along the way I was trying to

> keep things right, but when your not sure if a

> partner will end his life if you go somewhere you do

> have the fear of going, that's how bad it has been

> before. Things are a lot better for him, but he

> still needs me so he is co dependent and the doctors

> say no, he will keep going back to depression. They

> tell me to think of myself get out have fun. Also

> to be there together at times. He doesn't like this

> even with all the classes and counseling has taught

> him. He does want to move to Shingletown and I will

> help him make his wish come true, and I will make

> sure if I can help I will, but this time I'm not

> giving up on me. Only God knows how things will

> turn out, so it's one day at

> a time. I will not mess up my WLS do to life, and

> that is for me. Thank you for your kind words.

> Take care. Donna

>

> Pamela A Marsh wrote:

> Donna that is absolutely true. There are usually

> problems that existed prior to surgery and they have

> nothing to really do with the surgery. I goes back

> to

> something that Francisco always say and no matter

> how

> painful it is, its true. Something was broken or

> wrong before the surgery and since surgery, this has

> been an opening of the door to expose it.

>

> Either you do what you can to fix it and althought I

> don't advocate divorce, I would rather be well by

> myself than sick with someone else because we can do

> bad by ourselves. I am not saying anything bad

> about

> anyone spouse here so please don't take it that way.

>

> I believe that BOTH partners have a right and are

> entitled to being happy and we can't rely on anyone

> to

> give us that except ourselves. Its either there or

> not.

>

> Hugs and love...

>

> Pam Marsh

>

> --- Donna Jordon wrote:

>

> > Francisco

> > You are right, my husband and me don't have a

> > problem with the sex if things are good. Then on

> > the other hand with so many issues it gets in the

> > way of even wanting to have sex, and now with WLS

> we

> > are more willing to stick up for the issues we

> > believe in and that need to be worked out to make

> > things better. The person who hasn't had the WLS

> > thinks your just getting a bad attitude, or

> thinking

> > your better, sometimes they don't really see the

> > issues because all they are watching is all the

> > changes physical and mentally in the WLS person.

> So

> > like I've said before people split and divorce is

> > high with WLS, but I believe most the problems

> were

> > there they just come out more after the surgery

> and

> > it sometimes make people slit, rather than putting

> > up with the unresolved issues like we would of

> when

> > we were heavy even if it was hurting us. Take

> care.

> > Donna

> >

> > manisodream wrote:

> > Tina:

> >

> > I don't know what the dynamic is between you and

> > your husband, but

> > between me and my ex, there were unresolved

> issues.

> > I had a lot of

> > built up resentment because he wouldn't touch me

> for

> > years--sexually

> > or otherwise. I felt like I had to beg to be

> hugged

> > for years.

> >

> > Then I turned into a swan, and the touches

> > increased, but still only

> > in a sexual context. I don't mean to bash my ex.

> > He was having a

> > hard time with the changes, but he wasn't willing

> to

> > address the

> > problems and get help with me.

> >

> > I didn't feel like having sex with my ex because

> of

> > the unresolved

> > issues. My sex drive, however, did increase.

> >

> > I'm wondering what others will think about this

> > subject.

> >

> > Francisco

> >

> >

> > >

> > > Okay, so I've heard about how your sex drive

> > INCREASES after you

> > start

> > > losing weight but I haven't heard anyone say

> that

> > there sex drive

> > has

> > > gone to non-existent. That's my problem. I have

> > absolutely no

> > interest

> > > in sex anymore. I'd just rather not (much to my

> > husbands

> > displeasure).

> > > It's not that I'm too tired (I have tons of

> > energy).

> > >

> > > Thoughts?

> > >

> > > Tina

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

It's hard for me to comment on this, since I have a new love who is incredible in the sack. When we see each other (he just flew in last night, and will be here for three months) we have sex alot. And I frequently feel frisky...but at the same time, sometimes I'm just going for it because I can, you know? With my ex, he just wasn't interested, and that was frustrating. But now, I must confess, that sometimes I can tell that my hormones are at a different place and I don't feel quite so turned on, or it's a bit more difficult for me to orgasm than it was when I was more in my prime (thinner) the last go around. It could be age, I guess...or it could be that I'm out of practice since I didn't get it very often. is a spectacularly good lover...terrific kisser, very sensitive to the responses of my body, lots of stamina, and we were "made" for each other when it comes to size. SO, it's not him, and it's not my

reaction to him. I've decided it's just screwy hormones for the moment, and once my body settles down a bit, things will be back on track. That being said, there are other times when he has to scrape me off the ceiling afterwards, I'm so, er..."exhaulted." So, go figure. RobynnTina wrote: I actually thought my husband would be more interested in me as I was losing weight but it actually seems to have had the opposite affect on him. He didn't really even acknowledge the dramatic weight loss for the longest time and then I only heard him mention it to someone else. Today he complained that I was in better shape than he was and that I weighed 60 pounds less than him (first time ever thank you!). I said i was not in better

shape...that the years of abuse/neglect that I did to my body was not an easy thing to undue but I was definitely working on it. I don't know of any unresolved issues with my husband. We've been married for 15 years and I love him dearly. He's my soul mate. He's a great Dad and we are great partners. We balance each other out nicely and have fun whenever we are together. Hmmmmm.....I'm not sure what the issue is but I sure welcome everyone's thoughts and comments. Tina> >> > Okay, so I've heard about how your sex drive INCREASES after you > start > > losing weight but I haven't heard anyone say that there sex drive > has > > gone to non-existent. That's my problem. I have absolutely no > interest > > in sex anymore.

I'd just rather not (much to my husbands > displeasure). > > It's not that I'm too tired (I have tons of energy).> > > > Thoughts?> > > > Tina> >>

[Guest guest]

Thanks Pam, Strength is what we have to ask God for to make the journey of life, especially when times get hard. You're always in my thoughts and prayers too. Take care. DonnaPamela A Marsh wrote: Donna, you are going to make me cry. I love you todear...and I feel for you because I can never imaginewhat you are going through and to be completelyhonest, I never would want to. Not sure I would besain if I had to endure what you have. Its sort oflike me and my two autistic kids. People say I don'tknow how you do it and my response is always thesame....by the grace of God because honestly and trulyI can do NOTHING without Him. Girl when I can't donothing, I just throw my hands in the air and say Lordremember me,

strength me for the journey ahead and byall means give me peace and keep me.Its like yesterday, it had been pouring down hard allday long. Just before I left, I said Lord, hold therain...at least until I get to the bus (I take a busfrom Fairfield to El Cerrito Del Norte and then takethe Bart to 19th Street in Oakland). Well the rainstopped and the sun came out and just as I got offBart and the bus pulled up and I got to the doors ofthe bus, the rain began to fall. He hears us but wejust have to remember to call upon Him.You be encouraged darlin and know that you are beingprayed for and thought about and NO you are NEVERalone and NEVER will be. Take care!Pam Marsh--- Donna Jordon wrote:> Pam> I love you, I already knew this, but I saw a> psychologist just to make sure I'm not doing> something wrong or just

giving up on a 24 year> marriage. He pretty much just said what you did and> told me I've been only thinking and taking care of> my family, and husband and forgetting about me. I> know sometimes as wives or husbands we tend to think> of the family and other partner and then there's no> time, no money or we want it to be for the partner> to make them happy, what ever. I think you know> what I trying to say, and we do build more self> esteem with the WLS and we stick up for our self and> I have tried all I can, and I hope every one gives> it there best with counseling what ever to make it a> good relationship, but sometimes the problems are> fixable and we do have to realize I worth it too. > I don't advocate divorce, but both partners need to> be people and be happy so I really tell every one to> try hard, but do think of yourself. I just

never> keep my boundaries and needs straight> due to my husband illness, before he became sick> the first 4 years of marriage was great and we both> were happy had boundaries and needs, did many things> together, apart, had many friends and family close,> then the panic attacks, anxiety, depression and co> dependencies. All along the way I was trying to> keep things right, but when your not sure if a> partner will end his life if you go somewhere you do> have the fear of going, that's how bad it has been> before. Things are a lot better for him, but he> still needs me so he is co dependent and the doctors> say no, he will keep going back to depression. They> tell me to think of myself get out have fun. Also> to be there together at times. He doesn't like this> even with all the classes and counseling has taught> him. He does

want to move to Shingletown and I will> help him make his wish come true, and I will make> sure if I can help I will, but this time I'm not> giving up on me. Only God knows how things will> turn out, so it's one day at> a time. I will not mess up my WLS do to life, and> that is for me. Thank you for your kind words. > Take care. Donna> > Pamela A Marsh wrote:> Donna that is absolutely true. There are usually> problems that existed prior to surgery and they have> nothing to really do with the surgery. I goes back> to> something that Francisco always say and no matter> how> painful it is, its true. Something was broken or> wrong before the surgery and since surgery, this has> been an opening of the door to expose it. > > Either you do what

you can to fix it and althought I> don't advocate divorce, I would rather be well by> myself than sick with someone else because we can do> bad by ourselves. I am not saying anything bad> about> anyone spouse here so please don't take it that way.> > I believe that BOTH partners have a right and are> entitled to being happy and we can't rely on anyone> to> give us that except ourselves. Its either there or> not. > > Hugs and love...> > Pam Marsh> > --- Donna Jordon wrote:> > > Francisco> > You are right, my husband and me don't have a> > problem with the sex if things are good. Then on> > the other hand with so many issues it gets in the> > way of even wanting to have sex, and now with WLS> we> > are more willing to stick up for the

issues we> > believe in and that need to be worked out to make> > things better. The person who hasn't had the WLS> > thinks your just getting a bad attitude, or> thinking> > your better, sometimes they don't really see the> > issues because all they are watching is all the> > changes physical and mentally in the WLS person. > So> > like I've said before people split and divorce is> > high with WLS, but I believe most the problems> were> > there they just come out more after the surgery> and> > it sometimes make people slit, rather than putting> > up with the unresolved issues like we would of> when> > we were heavy even if it was hurting us. Take> care.> > Donna> > > > manisodream wrote:> > Tina:> > > > I

don't know what the dynamic is between you and> > your husband, but > > between me and my ex, there were unresolved> issues. > > I had a lot of > > built up resentment because he wouldn't touch me> for> > years--sexually > > or otherwise. I felt like I had to beg to be> hugged> > for years.> > > > Then I turned into a swan, and the touches> > increased, but still only > > in a sexual context. I don't mean to bash my ex. > > He was having a > > hard time with the changes, but he wasn't willing> to> > address the > > problems and get help with me.> > > > I didn't feel like having sex with my ex because> of> > the unresolved > > issues. My sex drive, however, did increase.> > > > I'm wondering what others will think about

this> > subject.> > > > Francisco> > > > > > >> > > Okay, so I've heard about how your sex drive> > INCREASES after you > > start > > > losing weight but I haven't heard anyone say> that> > there sex drive > > has > > > gone to non-existent. That's my problem. I have> > absolutely no > > interest > > > in sex anymore. I'd just rather not (much to my> > husbands > > displeasure). > > > It's not that I'm too tired (I have tons of> > energy).> > > > > > Thoughts?> > > > > > Tina> > >> > > > > > > > > >

> > > >