Random Thoughts....

[Guest guest]

Everyday I think to myself I can do this. I've go to do this, I'm in

a fight for my life. I go to these classes and meetings and I think

to myself as I look around the room, ever one here but me is over

40years of age. In some instances over 50 and 60. god, I can't wait

to do something, I have to take amtters in my own hands and I better

do it now. I'm going to be 30 in 2006, and my hopes are for the

surgery to happen before then. 30 is going to be the first day of the

rest of my life. I can't stop now, it's been working, I'm up to 35lbs

and I'm going strong. It blows my mind when i go to the classes and

meetings and hear people say things negative about how they are

feeling or what they have been exposed to because of others who've

done the surgery. Gives me the impression they aren't doing it for

themselves, or they don't see all the positive that will come once

they've done it. I find myself saying, why are they here, why are

they going through with the program if they are so negative. Don't

get me wrong, I have doubts. I have fears, and I have insecurites

like the rest of the world. Those aren't going to change because I

now weight 150lbs or whatever my end weight is. I'm the same person,

everyday fighting that fight. I'm the person who lives with me, and

I'm the person whom walks in these shoes. I'm doing for my survival.

The positive you want to be, the better you will be at dealing with

all the life changes this surgery has to offer. I've got 10lbs till

goal, and I'm feeling great for what I have accomplished this far on

my own. I'm trying, and that's all I can do. It's more then I was

doing before. Why do I want it more then ever this time around?

Because something inside of me says I've wasted years not being happy

with my appearance and years being unhealthy. I've spent hours alone,

days sad and confused, and weeks thinking that I'm not worth the love

of any man. I know that's not all true, but doesn't mean that I

haven't fallen into the depths of dispare from time to time. But it's

different now, because I know I CAN DO THIS!! I don't care what

anyone else thinks or says, again, they aren't me. Most people who

will talk shit or poke fun are those who've never lived the life of a

heavy person. The things that run through our mind when faces with

stadium seats, group photo at the office, riding BART and hoping you

fit in the space next to someone else... thin people will never

understand how those things effect a person. They will never know

that there are million and one excuses I make up not to do something

all because of fear that my weight will be an issue. I'm at peace and

can proudly say how much I weight now, to anyone who's asked me. My

heaviest was 330. I started to loose weight before my orientation

because I said to myself, self what are you waiting for?? You waiting

to get healthier because of a class?? You waiting to eat more to then

start to loose?? I was ready then and started then. I'm down to

295lbs and I'm feeling great. I can proudly say I've lost 35lbs and

I'm doing awesome. So the negative ones, think about why your doing

it. For yourself to live another day free of worries that you will

not make it to tomorrow because you are fat. What doesn't kill us

only makes us stronger... and in this case.. if I make it through the

surgery, then I will be the best I've ever been. No matter what size!!

LISA now stepping down from her Soap Box. :-)

[Guest guest]

You can do this! It is for you, you come first! You are important! It will make your health so much better! You will feel so much better about yourself! You will have a new lease on life! But only you can make this decision for you and you need to know it is a great tool for you, so the decision is yours. Take care and Merry Christmas. Donnalisa_mae wrote: Everyday I think to myself I can do this. I've go to do this, I'm in a fight for my life. I go to these classes and meetings and I think to myself as I look around the room, ever one here but me is over 40years of age. In some instances over 50 and 60. god, I can't wait to do something, I have to take amtters in my own hands and I better do it now. I'm going to be 30 in 2006, and my

hopes are for the surgery to happen before then. 30 is going to be the first day of the rest of my life. I can't stop now, it's been working, I'm up to 35lbs and I'm going strong. It blows my mind when i go to the classes and meetings and hear people say things negative about how they are feeling or what they have been exposed to because of others who've done the surgery. Gives me the impression they aren't doing it for themselves, or they don't see all the positive that will come once they've done it. I find myself saying, why are they here, why are they going through with the program if they are so negative. Don't get me wrong, I have doubts. I have fears, and I have insecurites like the rest of the world. Those aren't going to change because I now weight 150lbs or whatever my end weight is. I'm the same person, everyday fighting that fight. I'm the person who lives with me, and I'm the person whom walks in these shoes. I'm

doing for my survival. The positive you want to be, the better you will be at dealing with all the life changes this surgery has to offer. I've got 10lbs till goal, and I'm feeling great for what I have accomplished this far on my own. I'm trying, and that's all I can do. It's more then I was doing before. Why do I want it more then ever this time around? Because something inside of me says I've wasted years not being happy with my appearance and years being unhealthy. I've spent hours alone, days sad and confused, and weeks thinking that I'm not worth the love of any man. I know that's not all true, but doesn't mean that I haven't fallen into the depths of dispare from time to time. But it's different now, because I know I CAN DO THIS!! I don't care what anyone else thinks or says, again, they aren't me. Most people who will talk shit or poke fun are those who've never lived the life of a heavy person. The things that run

through our mind when faces with stadium seats, group photo at the office, riding BART and hoping you fit in the space next to someone else... thin people will never understand how those things effect a person. They will never know that there are million and one excuses I make up not to do something all because of fear that my weight will be an issue. I'm at peace and can proudly say how much I weight now, to anyone who's asked me. My heaviest was 330. I started to loose weight before my orientation because I said to myself, self what are you waiting for?? You waiting to get healthier because of a class?? You waiting to eat more to then start to loose?? I was ready then and started then. I'm down to 295lbs and I'm feeling great. I can proudly say I've lost 35lbs and I'm doing awesome. So the negative ones, think about why your doing it. For yourself to live another day free of worries that you will not make it to tomorrow

because you are fat. What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger... and in this case.. if I make it through the surgery, then I will be the best I've ever been. No matter what size!!LISA now stepping down from her Soap Box. :-) Donna

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