Re Off Track Rate...

[Guest guest]

I have been thinking a lot about how I got here and if I will be

able to maintain my future weight loss.I bought the book Taming the

Feast Beast and will read it. I went through years of deep therapy

and it helped me a great deal. I had always beaten up on myself so

fiercely, mostly but not entirely about my weight. After working

through those personal issues, the mean witch who bereted me so much

went away one day and I was left a much less angry person and much

kinder to myself. But I still was not a thin person. After my last

child was born when I was 44, I kept gaining another 50 pounds. I

was still not beating myself up over it but could not find a path to

help me lose the weight. I tried self-acceptance weight loss groups,

I tried opti-fast. I tried testing myself for fullness (1-10

approach), and finally I gave up.

I joined the National Association for the Advancement of Fat

Acceptance. I participated there and wrote my dissertation with the

help of large women from there and from other places. I came to a

great deal of peace about myself. My self-esteem was no longer

linked so much to my weight. For some three years or more, I did not

gain. I did not lose either. Even after writing my dissertation

about fat and sex, I was not at all convinced that we are fat

because of our bad childhoods. Today I believe that we don't really

know why we are fat. Unfortunately, my body began to experience pain

from the fat. My diabetes began to get worse and worse. My feet

began to burn. That is when I asked my physician if I should get

this surgery. She had been reluctant until the big study came out

and so she finally gave her permission.

Today I wonder how I lost the 10%. It certainly was due to

discipline. It was due to having a big prize at the end of the time.

It was something else bigger than the pain of losing weight that

pushed me on and on. This, however, will not keep me thin after

surgery. I know I can not rely on discipline which is good as far as

it goes but does not go far enough. I search for serenity and many

times I find it when I swim or in the arms of my husband, but I know

how fleeting it can be. I know how vulnerable I am. Will fear of

regaining the weight keep me disciplined? Now I don't eat any

starches or any sugars. How long will that last? What will happen

when I break that contract not to eat that stuff? No one can give me

the answer I want, that this small stomach will keep me from

nibbling. So I worry all the time. Right now I am at peace. Not

breaking too many rules. What can I do today to insure a healthy

life ahead? . I don't really want to cross that bridge when I get to

it. I want to know now. Thanks for listening. Lilka

[Guest guest]

Lilka All the worries are normal, but if you keep a journal of how you eat, exercise, do water, calories and emotional triggers, you'll help yourself stay on track. If you don't try things early on you won't crave them. Stay in touch with every one here through your journey and you will be fine. Take care. DonnaLilka wrote: I have been thinking a lot about how I got here and if I will be able to maintain my future weight loss.I bought the book Taming the Feast Beast and will read it. I went through years of deep therapy and it helped me a great deal. I had always beaten up on myself so fiercely, mostly but not entirely about my weight. After working through those personal issues, the mean witch who bereted me so much went away one day and I was left a much less

angry person and much kinder to myself. But I still was not a thin person. After my last child was born when I was 44, I kept gaining another 50 pounds. I was still not beating myself up over it but could not find a path to help me lose the weight. I tried self-acceptance weight loss groups, I tried opti-fast. I tried testing myself for fullness (1-10 approach), and finally I gave up. I joined the National Association for the Advancement of Fat Acceptance. I participated there and wrote my dissertation with the help of large women from there and from other places. I came to a great deal of peace about myself. My self-esteem was no longer linked so much to my weight. For some three years or more, I did not gain. I did not lose either. Even after writing my dissertation about fat and sex, I was not at all convinced that we are fat because of our bad childhoods. Today I believe that we don't really know why we are

fat. Unfortunately, my body began to experience pain from the fat. My diabetes began to get worse and worse. My feet began to burn. That is when I asked my physician if I should get this surgery. She had been reluctant until the big study came out and so she finally gave her permission.Today I wonder how I lost the 10%. It certainly was due to discipline. It was due to having a big prize at the end of the time. It was something else bigger than the pain of losing weight that pushed me on and on. This, however, will not keep me thin after surgery. I know I can not rely on discipline which is good as far as it goes but does not go far enough. I search for serenity and many times I find it when I swim or in the arms of my husband, but I know how fleeting it can be. I know how vulnerable I am. Will fear of regaining the weight keep me disciplined? Now I don't eat any starches or any sugars. How long will that last? What will happen

when I break that contract not to eat that stuff? No one can give me the answer I want, that this small stomach will keep me from nibbling. So I worry all the time. Right now I am at peace. Not breaking too many rules. What can I do today to insure a healthy life ahead? . I don't really want to cross that bridge when I get to it. I want to know now. Thanks for listening. Lilka Donna

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