another problem

[Guest guest]

Hi. this is the question for me. I am a Ph.D in sexology. My

dissertation was on the sexuality of large women so I have a few

thoughts that might be of help.

No one knows why you have lost your sex drive except you but I

have some ideas. The first is that you are thin at last after years

of being fat. I have no idea how your sexual life was before you

lost the weight but it might not have been that successful and you

might have built up some mighty resentments which are now surfacing.

If this is true, you need to talk to someone about this with your

husband too. Women are often affected by emotional concerns. We need

to feel appreciated and desired in order to turn on. I don't know

how he is acting but if those things are missing, you can have big

problems. If he is angry, he will get no where with you. Maybe you

never liked sex with him. Now you are feeling that and don't want to

have to do it anymore. I do not believe that your body is just

lacking a sexual drive. It is your mind that lacks the sexual drive.

Doing my dissertation I found that the most important ingredient for

good sex is that the couple talk and communicate about sexual

feeling, sexual things that they like, etc. This is true for fat and

thin people. Fairly good body image is the next thing that indicates

good sex and a belief that the partner desires you and wants you and

appreciates you is the third most important thing. If you start

talking about this together or with a therapist, you may heal old

wounds. I hope you will look deeply because as so many have written

here, as we lose weight, we can start to stand up for ourselves and

this is your way of doing so. I hope I was of some help. Lilka